Fortunate Journey Season 2
by ShaViva
Summary: Did the Ancients have a plan to defeat the Wraith? What was the prophecy of the Great Awakening and does it mean Shep should stop feeling guilty for waking the Wraith? It'll take Sabina's special skills and Shep's penchance for trouble to find the answers
1. I don’t think that’s such a good idea

**Fortunate Journey Season 2**

Author: ShaViva

Rating: T

Content Warning: Some adult themes, minor language, minor violence

Season: 2

Summary: The Wraith weapon is burned out ... can Sabina find another way to defend Atlantis against the Wraith? How will she handle the trouble Sheppard always seems to get in to? OC 1st person perspective story, established ShepOC relationship.

Classifications: Drama, Romance

Pairings: John Sheppard & Original Character

Spoilers for: Everything in Season 2 but especially Intruder, Trinity, Conversion, Aurora, Epiphany, The Tower, The Long Goodbye, Coup D'etat, Inferno, and Allies. Also spoilers for the beginning of Season 3 – No Man's Land and Misbegotten.

Acknowledgements: I used transcripts from Gateworld dot com to back up my own viewing as I worked through each episode. Christopher Marlowe's poem has been reproduced in its entirety and accurately to the best of my knowledge.

Disclaimer: The Stargate characters, storylines, etc aren't mine – I took them for a test drive and decided I really liked them so now we're going on a cross country journey together. I am unfortunately not associated in any way with the creators, owners, or producers of Stargate or any of its media franchises. All publicly recognizable characters, dialogue, settings, equipment, etc are the property of whoever owns them. The original characters and plot and anything else I made up are the property of me, the author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Copyright (c) 2008 ShaViva

**Authors NOTE 1:** This story continues straight on from Chapter 37 of Fortunate Journey. Sabina is my OC - all you really need to know is that she has the ATA gene as strong as Shep, as well as Wraith DNA which she used at the end of Season 1 to activate a weapon very similar to the one on Dakara (SG1 Season 8). Sabina also learnt ancient during season 1, and managed to get it on quite nicely with Shep at the end of Fortunate Journey. So you don't have to read that one ... but it would probably help!

**Authors NOTE 2**: Thank you to **PinkBug**, **EmSyd**, **chevron7** and **coral86** for reviews of Fortunate Journey with the encouragement to continue. I have completely written the whole story - it's fifty chapters (!!) and my plan is to post one a day or there abouts. And now, on with chapter 1 - pure fluff really!

**Chapter 1: I don't think that's such a good idea**

I was happy to snuggle down in John's bed the next morning while he went to report in to the SGC – now that we had the ZPM regular contact with Earth was possible and I worried about how things would change as a consequence.

I had thought we'd dealt with all the issues between us the day before, until John came to tell me he had to go back to Earth. Stupidly until that point it hadn't occured to me that the ZPM meant we could go back to Earth, so I was completely surprised when John brought it up.

"I want you to come with me," he said, already starting to pack the few items he would need while away. "It'll probably be a couple of weeks on Earth and then another eighteen to twenty days on the Daedalus to get back to Atlantis."

"I don't think that's such a good idea," I was glad John was looking away when he dropped that bombshell because I was sure my face would have given away my distress.

"Why not?" John stopped packing and looked at me in puzzlement.

"There are other people here who'd benefit more from a visit home than me," I pointed out. "Rodney will be keen to minimise the power used by the Stargate with the quickest wormhole we can manage so the less people the better – plus I'm sure space on the Daedalus will be limited with all the supplies and new personnel they'll be sending back."

"Don't you _want_ to go home for a few days?" John asked with a frown. "Isn't there something you've missed, being away for a year?"

"Not really," I said lightly. "No, wait – there is one thing ... driving ... I wonder what they did with my car?"

"_Driving_ is the only thing you miss about Earth?" John asked incredulously. "Are you serious?"

"Well, maybe not entirely," I admitted. "I just don't see the point in me going back to Earth – there's nothing there for me."

"How about me?" John asked quietly. "We just got things back together – a month is a long time to be away from each other."

"But won't me getting to go to Earth look like favouritism because of my relationship with you?" I tried a different tack.

"Of course not!" John denied hotly. "You took out two hive ships practically by yourself – I think everyone would agree you've earnt a trip back to Earth on your own merits!"

"Did you mention to Dr Weir that you wanted me to come?" I asked.

"I didn't _have_ to," John said, still sounding slightly peeved at my reluctance. "She assumed you'd want to go home – said that people at the SGC would be keen to meet you."

"Oh," I swallowed nervously, starting to feel panicked that I might not be able to get out of this. I didn't _want_ to be away from John for a whole month, but I wanted even less to leave Atlantis.

"What's this really about?" John asked suspiciously, finally noticing my unusual reluctance and the fact that I was carefully not making eye contact. "Sabina?" I felt the bed dip as he sat down beside me.

"All right," I said grumpily. "Can't a girl have any secrets around here?!" John just raised an eyebrow and waited for me to continue. "I don't want to go back to Earth because ... I'm worried they'll tell me I can't come back here." I said the last bit very quickly, looking everywhere but at John.

"That's not gonna happen," John denied the possibility.

"How can you be sure?" I quizzed him. "You haven't been there for a year either – things could have changed at the SGC since you were there last."

"Nothing is certain," John pointed out, covering the hands I was twisting together in agitation with one of his own. "They could reassign me too."

"Crap," I breathed out in shock. "I never thought of that – they could reassign you! Would they do that?"

"Now that half the people here have or can get the ATA gene it's more possible than it would have been," John admitted.

"Then I have to come back with you," I said sickly. "If I don't and they reassign you then ... would they dial the gate back to Earth just for me? They wouldn't, would they? I have to come with you ..." my voice trailed off as I looked at him worriedly.

"It won't be that bad," John reassured me. "Besides, Carson said you still have a long way to go to be fully recovered. Think of this as a holiday!"

"You say that now," I muttered under my breath before asking the question I was really worried about. "What about the whole jail thing?"

"_What_?" John looked at me incredulously. "What jail thing?"

"The last thing I did on Earth was to trespass on military property and impersonate uniformed personnel," I reminded him. "Do you think they've just _forgotten_ about that?"

"This is ridiculous," John grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to face him. "You risked your life to save Atlantis. Elizabeth's not gonna let them discipline you for something that happened over a year ago that wasn't even entirely your fault!"

"Are you sure?" I asked. "Because I really _really_ don't want to go to jail."

"_Yes_, I'm sure," John promised. "I won't let them send you to jail!"

"So we either both come back to Atlantis, or ... if you get reassigned, do I get to go with you?" I frowned in worry.

"Depends on where it is," John admitted. "It's not gonna happen so don't worry about it."

"Easy for you to say," I said, not giving in so easily. "Do you _really_ have to do this?"

"_Yes_, I really have to do this," John put an arm around me, "and if I have to do this, then so do you."

"Okay," I agreed quickly before I could think up another excuse for why it was a bad idea.

"Cool," John grinned, pulling me into a hug that quickly turned into something more. It was only the beeping of John's radio that reminded him we were supposed to be packing.

"Give me 5 minutes Elizabeth," John said into his earpiece, hurriedly straightening his clothes and motioning for me to get moving. "We'll see you in the Gateroom."

I'm glad it ended up being such a rush to get ourselves ready because it didn't give me a chance to worry any more about what we were doing.

"Nice of you to join us Major," Dr Weir chided him when we arrived half running. I flushed in embarrassment as I realised we'd kept all the department heads as well as Dr Weir waiting.

"Sorry," John grinned not very apologetically. "I had to convince Sabina she'd get to come back here once our trip was finished."

"Of course you will Sabina," Dr Weir reassured me, before turning to look up at the control room. "Dial it up Rodney," she ordered.

The Stargate did its thing and before I knew it John was pulling me by the hand up the ramp. He stopped at the event horizon, turning to look at me.

"Ready?" he asked, meaning more than just was I ready to step through the Stargate.

"Yes," I nodded firmly. "Let's do it."

**Authors note:** Not much I know ... but there's much more to come. Also, if anyone has a suggestion for a better title I'd love to hear it.


	2. You are gonna follow the speed limit?

**Chapter 2: You **_**are**_** gonna follow the speed limit?**

It was very disorientating to step through the wormhole back into the Gateroom at the SCG. I couldn't help but tighten my hold on John's hand as I caught sight of the guards stationed around the room. My heartbeat actually accelerated in fear or nervousness ... I'm not really sure what. All I knew was that I felt insecure at the most basic level – a feeling I hadn't experienced for many months.

"Why was this a good idea again?" I quipped to John in a shaky whisper.

"Relax," John said, almost dragging me down the ramp behind Doctor Weir.

"Doctor Weir," a middle aged man in uniform greeted us. "I'm General Hank Landry. General O'Neill sends his greetings and said to tell you he'll try to get down from the Pentagon while you're here."

"Thank you General," Doctor Weir replied in a confident voice. "It's good to be home."

Their conversation continued as we all walked from the Gateroom into a familiar corridor heading down to one of the conference rooms. I barely registered the pleasantries as I contemplated what Doctor Weir had said. 'Home' ... did I even know what that was anymore? We had all referred to Earth as home the whole time we'd been on Atlantis but now I was there I just didn't get that rush of familiarity and comfort a real home should evoke. I was drawn from my internal pondering by Doctor Weir's introductions of everyone who'd made the trip from Atlantis.

"And this is Sabina Scott," she finished with my introduction last.

"Ah, yes," the General looked at me closely. "I've heard a lot about you young lady."

"And some of it was probably even true," I quipped with a nervous smile, wondering how soon I could find a way to disappear into the background again.

"I'll be meeting with all of you individually while you're here," the General said, still looking at me. "We can work out the truth or otherwise of what I've heard about the Atlantis mission then."

I could almost feel the headache coming on as I registered what he'd said. I was going to have to talk to the General by _myself_? Casting a panicked look John's way, I wasn't reassured by the surprised and somewhat worried look on his face.

"For now," General Landry continued, "I'd like all of you to report to the infirmary for the standard medical checks. You can make yourselves at home here ... cars and escorts have been arranged for anyone wanting to leave the mountain. Private Evans will escort you all to the infirmary and then on to your assigned quarters."

My head snapped up as soon as I heard Greg's name mentioned. I glanced across and saw that he was carefully maintaining a disinterested face almost as though he hadn't recognised me. Since I was trying to put the whole 'stowing away on an intergalactic trip through the gate' thing behind me I decided right then that I would ignore him too. Besides, I'd never actually told John the name of the person who'd gotten me onto the base and I wasn't exactly sure what he'd do to Greg if he found out it was him.

The infirmary at the SCG was quite similar to the one on Atlantis apart from the absence of all the cool Atlantis toys. John was whisked away to one side of the room while I had the dubious pleasure of being the centre of attention for two doctors – oh joy! To be fair, Doctor Lam was both personable and professional as she conferred with Doctor Beckett about my recovery from using the Wraith weapon.

"We don't know for sure," Carson said, not really even looking at me "but we think Sabina was technically dead for at least a few minutes. To be honest I don't know how the lass survived without any permanent damage ... apart from some lingering tiredness she's suffered no ill effects at all."

"We'll do some detailed blood work here," Doctor Lam frowned as she wrote some things down in my chart, "but I don't expect we'll find anything the Atlantis systems haven't already picked up."

One of the nurses came over and took some blood, as well as doing blood pressure, temperature and all the other usual measurements they do for a general check up.

"I wouldn't mind your opinion on some aspects of Sabina's blood results," Carson continued.

"DNA based?" Doctor Lam asked

"Aye," Carson nodded. "Some rogue strands ... plus some blood proteins I've never come across."

"Hey," I spoke up for the first time. "You never mentioned proteins before!"

"It's just a medical curiosity," Doctor Beckett dismissed my concerns lightly. "Nothing for you to worry about."

"You _said_ that about my mutant DNA and look how _that_ turned out!" I glared at him in annoyance.

"It's _not_ mutant DNA lass," Carson protested.

"Mutant ... rogue" I waved a hand in the air, "it sounds like the same thing to me ... bad!"

Before I could get worked up Major Sheppard appeared at my side. "Ready to head out?" he asked, apparently oblivious to the tension between the doctors and myself.

"More than ready," I jumped from the bed quickly, careful not to look at Doctor Beckett as I smiled up at John.

"Can I go now?" I hesitated to just leave without getting cleared by Carson.

"Yes lass," he said, still frowning slightly. "Just remember you're still recovering from a huge shock to your system. Make sure she doesn't overdo it Major," Carson directed that one at John.

"No problem Doc," John agreed easily, before grabbing my hand and whisking me away from the infirmary.

It was a strange feeling to head for the lifts and make that slow journey up 28 floors to the surface. We cleared all the security points until we were finally stepping out into the open air ... I felt the tension leave me almost immediately. Breathing in the crisp fresh air and turning my face up to the sun I felt a smile coming on that started down in my toes and travelled all the way up to my lips.

_Finally_ I felt a rush of happiness to be back on Earth – I turned to look at John and saw a similar look on his face.

"Where're we going?" I asked, looking around the parking lot curiously.

"Does it matter?" John asked with a smile.

"I guess not," I replied thoughtfully. "I wouldn't mind going somewhere where everyone doesn't know who I am."

"That we can do," John agreed. He guided me through the parking lot until we reached a shiny red 1968 Corvette. "I borrowed this from one of the guys - wanna drive?" he asked, dangling a set of keys in front of me.

"Do I!" I laughed, pleased that he'd remembered the one thing I'd said I missed about Earth. Quickly nabbing the keys before he could change his mind I jumped into the driver's side and started it up.

"Ready?" I turned to look at John who was now sitting somewhat nervously in the passenger seat.

"You _are_ gonna follow the speed limit?" he asked, buckling his seat belt.

"Occasionally," I replied gleefully as I revved the engine before screaming out of the parking lot. It really was nice to be home!


	3. Who helped you get onto this base?

**Chapter 3: Who helped you get onto this base?**

John was right when he said driving couldn't be the only thing I missed about Earth. Over the next couple of days we went out for meals, saw a movie in a real cinema, and just generally existed in the midst of people who had no idea of the threats we'd faced on a daily basis. We were just another couple out on a date without fear that something or someone was going to come along and rip it all away from us.

Of course we couldn't get away from the things that did remind us of where we'd come from and where we'd be going back to. The first was when we went to visit Aiden's family. I accompanied John as far as Aiden's cousins' house but John insisted I wait in the car as he went in to tell them as much as he could of Aiden's fate. I've never had to share such bad news with anyone but I could fully appreciate how hard it was for John to do that by how subdued he was when he came back to the car. I knew John hadn't given up hope of finding Aiden and bringing him back to Atlantis but we both knew the chances of that happening were slim.

Three days into our visit we each got separate requests from General Landry for a 'chat' at the SCG. They'd been nice enough to slot us both in on the same day but it was pretty clear that even for me it was an order to appear, not a request. That certainly killed all the holiday spirit I'd managed to build up in three days. I was second so I spent a stressful hour sitting in the commissary waiting for John to get done before it was my turn.

"Hey," I looked up to see John approaching my table.

"Finished?" I asked nonchalantly while trying to detect any hints of his mood from the expression on his face. "How'd it go?"

"I'll tell you later," John promised. "He's waiting for you."

"Did I mention that I don't want to do this?" I asked, walking reluctantly by his side as he led me towards Landry's office.

"Only about fifty times since we got here," John acknowledged. "You'll be fine," he knocked on Landry's door, waiting for a response before opening it and urging me inside.

"Sir," John nodded respectfully.

"You can leave Ms Scott with me, Major," General Landry's tone was just slightly mocking. "I won't bite."

"Of course not Sir," John gave me a quick encouraging smile before turning and leaving the room, closing the door quietly behind him.

"Have a seat Ms Scott," General Landry invited.

"Sabina," I said, pulling out the chair across from him and sitting down nervously.

"Sabina," General Landry acknowledged my request he call me by my first name. "Doctor Weir has filled me in on your background as well as much of what you've been doing since you've been on Atlantis," he continued. "The first thing that needs to be cleared up is who helped you get onto this base in the first place!"

You know how if you swallow wrong you can end up choking yourself into a coughing fit? That's exactly what I did after that abrupt question ... the General said nothing as he waited for me to get myself back under control.

"You're not much for small talk General," I said lightly, trying to give myself time to decide what my best course of action would be.

"The Air Force tends to frown on trespassing," General Landry said dryly.

"Before I set foot on this base I had no experience of the military in any capacity," I began, hoping he'd be patient enough to hear me out before insisting again I give him a name. "I had no appreciation for the role of the military and no understanding of the importance of things like the chain of command in emergency scenarios. Then I spent a year on Atlantis, sometimes right in the midst of situations so stressful I still find myself wondering how we survived."

"I'm not sure what this has to do with my original question," General Landry broke in to remind me that I wasn't going to get around him that easily.

"I appreciate you wanting to know how I got on the base General," I said seriously, "_because_ of the experience I've gained this past year. But I can't participate in potentially ruining someone's career because of my irresponsibility."

"I don't think you understand the severity of your actions," General Landry said forcefully, leaning forward intimidatingly. "Not telling me what I want to know is _not_ an option ... at least not one that doesn't come with some pretty severe consequences."

"I'm sorry General," I swallowed nervously. "All I can tell you is that I believe the security of this base is not at risk and that the circumstances that led to my being on the base are extremely unlikely to ever occur again. If you feel that some action should be taken then that action will have to be taken against me and me alone." I looked down at my hands as I finished, wondering if I'd just signed my own "go to jail, go directly to jail" card.

"Major Sheppard said you wouldn't divulge your accomplice," General Landry smiled slightly as he sat back in his chair. "I'm pleased to see he was right."

"Huh?" I said, looking dumb founded as I sat there trying to understand what he was telling me.

"We already know that Private Evans signed you in that day Sabina," General Landry seemed amused that I would think otherwise. "He's already been disciplined. Major Sheppard informed me of the discipline he applied for your case on Atlantis and I'm satisfied that the matter has been resolved. Doctor Weir has been given clearance to formally register you as a member of the Atlantis expedition."

"Thank you General Landry," I said shakily, feeling a whole host of emotions rising up within me. I tried desperately to reign them all in but the news that I was now officially an Atlantis employee was more than I'd ever expected. I could feel my chin almost trembling with repressed tears and I had to turn my head away and take a few deep breaths before I felt able to continue with the conversation. "You won't regret this," I promised fervently.

"Doctor Weir and Major Sheppard both have a lot of faith in your abilities," General Landry gave no acknowledgement of my overly emotional state, for which I was very grateful. "I had some concerns that you deliberately disobeyed a direct order during a military situation but the Major explained the extenuating circumstances and convinced me that something similar wouldn't happen in the future." He gave me a stern look that clearly said I would seriously regret it if anything like that _did_ happen in the future.

"No Sir," I promised, still hardly able to believe that I was finally off the hook and able to start back on Atlantis with a clean slate.

"Now, tell me more about the Wraith weapon," General Landry steered the conversation in a new direction. "I've read the mission reports and I've seen the weapon on Dakara but there seem to be some differences."

I answered the General's questions as best I could, acknowledging my mistake in using the weapon too soon and consequently burning it out. The General had already spoken with Doctor McKay and reiterated what John had told me – that it was a miracle I'd gotten the Atlantis weapon to work even once in its untested state. Overall I walked away from General Landry's office understanding the respect and admiration I'd sensed the General was held in by all the staff at the SGC.

"You okay?" John's question roused me from the daydream state I'd been sitting in as I'd again waited in the commissary for him to be finished for the day.

"Better than okay," I jumped up, unable to resist the urge to hug him. "Thank you," I said softly, pressing my face into his chest.

"You deserve it," John didn't try to pretend ignorance of what I was thanking him for. He hugged me tight before releasing me. "Ready to get out of here?" he asked.

"If you are," I replied. "You still haven't told me how your talk went."

"It was okay," John said. "General Landry reamed me out for undermining Doctor Weir's authority during the medical quarantine, told me he's court marshal if I ever did that again, and then told me they're promoting me and officially putting me in command of the military on Atlantis."

"What?" I stopped in the hallway to look at him incredulously. "They're promoting you and you didn't tell me straight away?" I whacked his upper arm in frustration.

"I'm not sure if you're allowed to assault a Lt Colonel," John protested, rubbing his arm even though I knew I hadn't hurt him.

"Wow ... Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard ... has a nice ring to it," I teased, feeling so proud of him.

"It'll take a little getting used to," John admitted. "See now I really am the man ... before I was just keeping the chair warm until they found somebody else to take command."

"You're a natural," I said. "Besides, Doctor Weir will be there to tell you when you screw up." I ducked out of his range as I said that last bit, laughing at the insulted expression on his face.

"Nice," John smiled to let me know he wasn't offended. "See if I let you in on all the big secret meetings after _that_ comment!"

"Do you get a ceremony?" I asked as we continued walking down the corridor.

"Kind of," John said uncomfortably. "Tomorrow morning they're gonna do a quick ... thing ... in the Gateroom."

"Do I get to go?" I wasn't sure if non military personnel would be allowed.

"Hey, if I have to go then you have to go too," John replied. "Enough of that ... let's get something to eat."

It was a real buzz to watch John get promoted officially. I especially liked the words that were spoken before they pinned the new insignia on John's uniform.

"The President of the United States has placed special trust and confidence in the patriotism, integrity and abilities of Major John Sheppard. Major John Sheppard is promoted to the grade of Lieutenant Colonel, United States Air Force."

It was the first time I'd seen John in his dress blues too – I didn't think it was possible that he could appear any more attractive but the uniform leant John an air of something indefinable that was very appealing. I now appreciated the whole 'man in uniform' allure and wondered if I'd ever be able to get John to wear his uniform back on Atlantis.

"Don't even think about it," he almost growled when I tried to bring it up after his ceremony had finished. "I hate this thing – it's ... stifling and the tie is cutting into my neck."

"Too bad," I whispered into his ear. "Seeing you in that uniform is making me seriously ... hot."

John raised an eyebrow as he tried to pull his collar away from his neck. "Maybe we can ... negotiate," he said with a sly grin, pulling me into his side and nuzzling my neck.

John was pretty busy from then on, vetting new personnel to return with us to Atlantis. Turns out the expedition had been granted extra funding which meant extra staff as well as extra military to protect the larger contingent that would now be residing on Atlantis.

While John was doing all of that I found myself with nothing pressing to do – for the first time in almost a year. Everyone else from Atlantis was also busy selecting new staff so I didn't even have someone to hang with. I'd already resolved the very few loose ends I'd left behind the day I went to Atlantis – my car had been towed and sold when no one came to claim it and the hotel had donated my few personal possessions to charity. I don't know what it said about me that my previous life could have been resolved so easily without me even being there.

When I got a message that Doctor Beckett was looking for me I almost ran to the infirmary in the hopes he'd have something to keep me occupied.

"Sabina," Carson greeted me with a delighted smile. "You're looking well lass – are you enjoying your holiday?

"I was until John got promoted," I admitted. "The promotion bit was good but now he's busy choosing new staff for his teams."

"Aye," Carson agreed. "I've been doing some of that myself. Still, I did find time to delve into your blood results a bit further. Doctor Lam also referred your case to a geneticist she knows."

"Find out anything interesting?" I asked, trying to project the image of not really caring one way or the other.

"Nothing we didn't already know," Doctor Beckett admitted. "I can't tell you any more about your DNA, nor about the protein I mentioned except to say we're in agreement that there's nothing harmful there."

"Well that's something," I acknowledged.

"Doctor Lam ran a match against all the DNA records she had access to – as far as we can tell you're the only person on record possessing both the ATA and Wraith genes," Carson seemed almost intrigued by that. "Is it possible a family member could be tested for a comparative analysis?"

"That'd be a little hard," I admitted. "I have no idea who my family actually are ... one of the nurses at the hospital where I was ... abandoned ... named me. I checked a few years back but there's just no way to trace my parents."

"I'm sorry lass," Doctor Beckett looked at me sympathetically.

"I'm used to it," I denied the need for anyone to feel sorry for me. "I know it would have helped your research but there's no one I can ask to help you with it."

"There _is_ something else you can do to help me," Doctor Beckett said somewhat reluctantly. "You could help me identify if any of the candidates for new Atlantis positions have the ATA gene."

"You want me to be a human ATA gene detector?" I looked at him in surprise. 'Won't that be a little hard to explain?"

"From my experience you're just as accurate as a DNA test," Doctor Beckett pointed out. "Plus you're quicker and nowhere near as expensive. I thought I could just introduce you to each person ... you shake hands and then after you tell me what you think. If it wouldn't make you uncomfortable?"

"Sure Doctor Beckett," I agreed readily. I spent the next three days being introduced to more than fifty people who were all scarily over qualified. I was able to identity only a couple of people who had the gene, neither of them very strongly. After we were done I informed Carson that I if I ever had to shake someone's hand again it would be too soon.

After that diversion I was happy to solve my imminent boredom the way I usually did – by searching out something to read. One of the marines directed me to a sort of library where I found some truly impressive books on Earth cultures and history. I briefly considered picking one of them but was drawn instead to a heavy tomb about the Ancient language. Taking it with me to the commissary I settled down to lose myself in the language and its similarities to our Latin.

"Learning Ancient?" I looked up to see a tall, fair haired man with glasses hiding bright blue eyes, and a friendly smile standing beside my table.

"Trying," I said modestly.

"Doctor Daniel Jackson," he introduced himself, holding out a hand.

"Sabina Scott," I replied, distractedly shaking his hand. This was Daniel Jackson? The guy who'd written the training program on the Ancient language I'd practically memorised over the past 9 months.

"Ah," Daniel said almost enviously. "You're part of the Atlantis expedition." He'd heard of me – this was _the_ Daniel Jackson and he'd actually heard of me!

"Yes," I replied awkwardly. Great conservationist that I was, I couldn't think of anything else to say ... at all.

"Need any help?" Daniel gestured towards the book I'd been wading through.

"From you – absolutely!" I smiled excitedly. Thinking of all the questions I'd stored up that no one on Atlantis had known the answer to was enough to loosen my tongue and chase away my shy nervousness.

We had been talking and laughing together like old friends for some time when I felt an awareness shift through me. Glancing quickly at the doors to the commissary I spotted John standing stock still. He was looking across at me with a narrowed gaze and an expression on his face that said very clearly that he did not like what he was seeing.

"John," I smiled in welcome as he made his way over to our table. "This is Doctor Daniel Jackson. Daniel, this is Lt Colonel John Sheppard – the military commander of the Atlantis base."

Daniel got up from his chair to greet John and the two men shook hands.

"It was nice to meet you Sabina," Daniel said, turning to me to make his farewells. "Perhaps we'll get the chance to talk again before you return to Atlantis."

"Thanks for your help with Ancient," I replied. "It was great to meet you too."

John's whole demeanour was less than friendly as he seemed to suffer through our goodbye impatiently.

"Nice to meet you too Colonel," Daniel turned to John and said amiably. "Good luck with your command."

"Thanks," John said abruptly. Daniel frowned in confusion at his less than friendly reception but then shrugged, smiled at me again, and left the room.

As I watched Daniel walk away I couldn't help but see the differences between the two men. In appearance there were few similarities – John was taller and leaner than Daniel (since when did an archaeologist have to have that many muscles?!), as well as being much darker in colouring. John had that aura of command tempered by his humour and liking for being a bit of a smart arse – Daniel looked like the intellectual he was, despite the muscles, and gave me the impression that he wasn't the wisecracking sort. Not that John wasn't intellectual – he just didn't want anyone to look at him and _see_ that he had quite a decent brain hidden under that sexy head of very messy hair! From my completely unbiased viewpoint John was easily the more attractive of the two so I was completely flabbergasted when I realised a short time later that John was actually jealous that I'd spent time with Daniel.

"You seemed to be ... enjoying yourself with Doctor Jackson," John commented somewhat sullenly, throwing himself into the chair across from me.

"Are you kidding?" I replied excitedly, missing the early evidence that John was not happy with me. "Daniel wrote the book on the Ancient language – I learnt more from talking to him for half an hour than I could plugging away for days by myself."

"You two got chummy pretty fast," John frowned in annoyance. "Calling him Daniel and all."

"He was very ... hang on a minute," I looked at John in astonishment as I finally got it. "Are you actually ... _jealous_?"

"_No_," John denied vehemently. "I just think you should be more ... cautious before you go making friends with everyone you meet here. Look what happened the last time you made a friend at the SCG!"

"Oh, you had to bring that up didn't you?" my voice shook with the sudden anger I was feeling. "I've been given a clean slate by General Landry _Colonel Sheppard_, and I don't need you reminding me of my mistakes every time I do something you don't like!"

"Sabina," John protested. "I didn't mean it like that!"

"I don't see how else you could have meant it," I didn't let him off the hook. "For the first time since we got here I was actually enjoying myself rather than worrying about fitting in with all the extremely overqualified people coming back with us to Atlantis. Thanks for ruining that!" Before he could say anything else I jumped up and strode rapidly from the room.

"_What an insensitive jerk!_" I thought as I angrily paced in my quarters a few minutes later. How could he remind me of the mistakes that had led me to Atlantis when he _knew_ how hard I'd been trying to put all that behind me? When a knock sounded at the door I knew it was him – if I'd thought that John might actually go away I'd have ignored him, but I knew he'd just persist until I gave in.

"I'm still angry with you," I said by way of greeting as I let him in.

"I know," John said apologetically. "And I totally deserve it. I was a jerk." That was a nice strategy – it's a little hard to maintain your anger at someone who freely admits you have every right to be angry.

"Yes you were," I agreed readily. "A big jerk!"

"Hey, you didn't have to agree so easily," John protested half seriously. "Look ... ah ... you were right and I'm sorry I said what I said."

"How was I right?" my anger had already started to melt and him admitting I was right took the carpet right out from under me. Another good strategy – you can't argue if the other person agrees with everything you say. I was beginning to see how John being military was going to affect my relationship with him on a personal level.

"I was ... ah ... I didn't like seeing you so chummy with a strange guy and I ah ... _was_ ... jealous," John admitted uneasily.

"I'm not flattered," I said pointedly. "Especially since I'd just finished thinking about how different the two of you were and how much more attractive you are!"

"Really?" John smiled at my compliment.

"Really," I confirmed. "If you agree to never bring up the whole accidental trip through the gate thing again then I'll forgive you ... this time."

"Sounds fair," John agreed, finally feeling safe enough to insinuate himself into my personal space. "Does this count as an actual argument?" he asked almost hopefully, sifting a few strands of my hair through his fingers.

"I suppose," I went along with him.

"So does that mean we get to _make up_ now?" God, could the guy get any more charming?

"If we must," I replied like it would be a huge hardship on my part. We smiled at each other gleefully, before getting on with making up. And deep inside I breathed a sigh of relief ... I'd discovered that being at odds with John was not a nice feeling.

**Authors Note:**

I borrowed the words for Sheppards promotion ceremony from SG1 Season 8 opening - I don't know if those are the real words that get used but I really liked them so here they are. Next chapter should be up tomorrow.

I would have liked to have had Sabina meet other members of SG1 (thanks for the suggestion **chevron7**) but from what I can work out Daniel was the only one actually there when Sheppard and the others made their first trip back from Atlantis. I like to be accurate re timelines as much as possible and anyway, out of all of the current SG1 Daniel's the one I'd most like to meet (obviously Jack O'Neill would be my first choice ... I do really like Cam as well though ... )


	4. Special rules should be applied

**Chapter 4: Special rules should be applied.**

There was a kind of going away party in the commissary just before we shipped out to the Daedalus. John was across the room laughing with his buddies and I smiled to see him so happy. I was just about to go and join him when I spied Doctor Jackson arriving. I glanced at John and noticed he too had seen Daniel arrive – when I raised an eyebrow to him in silent question he grinned and waved a hand vaguely in Daniel's direction. I didn't need John's permission to talk to Daniel but at the same time I didn't want our last few hours on Earth to be uncomfortable over something that wasn't really that important.

"Doctor Jackson," I waved as Daniel looked around the room, seeming to search for something. When he saw me waving he smiled and made his way straight over to me.

"Sabina," he greeted me. "Enjoying the party?"

"Not especially," I admitted. "I'm not really the party type – you?"

"I usually come to these things with the rest of SG1," Daniel said almost sadly. I'd heard lots of stories about the infamous team and wondered where the rest of them were. "Sam got transferred to Area 51, Jack got promoted to the Pentagon and Teal'c's off with the newly formed Free Jaffa nation," Daniel explained before I could ask.

"So you're left here by yourself?" I asked.

"Yeah, but not for long," Daniel said. "I finally got Jack – General O'Neill – to agree to my transfer to Atlantis. The next time the Daedalus makes it back to Earth I'll be joining the trip back to Atlantis."

"That's great!" I said delightedly. Before I could say anything else I heard my name mentioned from somewhere behind me. I glanced around and saw a shortish, balding, middle aged man with glasses talkng to Doctor Weir – neither of them noticed me standing within hearing distance.

"It's unprofessional," the man insisted. "Colonel Sheppard's motives need to be above reproach."

I shook my head silently when Daniel looked like he was going to intervene. I wanted to hear what Doctor Weir was going to say about the little man's comment.

"Are you saying you don't think the Colonel should be allowed to have any relationships?" Doctor Weirs tone was incredulous.

"Non fraternisation regulations are there to ensure that military leaders don't play favourites or let personal feelings cloud their judgement," the man persisted.

"The military does allow their personnel to have families Mr Woolsey," Doctor Weir pointed out. "Sabina has no connection to the military – the fraternisation regulations clearly don't apply to the Colonel's relationship with her."

"The military doesn't usually let families live with their officers right in the middle of a war zone!" Woolsey pointed out. "This situation is unique and special rules should be applied to it."

"I think the Colonel and Sabina have both already demonstrated that they'll put the good of Atlantis ahead of their own concerns," Doctor Weir stated strongly. "And the powers that be – both military and civilian oversight – agreed with my assessment that additional regulations were not required specifically for Atlantis. We're a long way from Earth," Doctor Weir tried to appeal to Woolsey's compassionate side. "Atlantis is as much a home as it is a military base and the connections staff feel for each other are what keep them going."

"Maybe," Woolsey conceded. "But the IOC will be monitoring this situation closely to ensure it doesn't become a problem in the future."

They moved away, taking their conversation with them. I stood beside Daniel, trying to understand the implications of what we'd overheard.

"Are you okay?" Daniel asked softly.

"Yeah," I nodded distractedly. "Doesn't even surprise me."

"Don't let Woolsey spoil what you have with the Colonel," Daniel advised. "Life's is too short – believe me I know."

"Thanks Daniel," I smiled. I glanced across at John and noticed he was looking at me too – he tapped his watch to show me he hadn't forgotten that I'd only wanted to spend a short time at the party. I nodded gratefully and turned back to make my farewells to Daniel. "I'll look forward to you arriving on Atlantis," I said. "Look me up when you get there." Shaking the hand he held out, I then gratefully made my way back to John and our escape from the SGC for our last night on Earth.

Once in bed that night I couldn't put what I'd overheard out of my mind. I knew that John _had_ questioned his decisions in the past because of me – now that he'd been promoted and sanctioned to officially be in charge on Atlantis he needed even more to be sure of his motivations. I resolved that I wouldn't put him in that kind of position again, nor give the IOC any cause to reprimand him on my account. I also decided there was no point in telling John what I'd overheard – it was bad enough that the military would be able to look over his shoulder now we had a ZPM; he didn't need to feel like the IOC were monitoring him too.

Even though I'd been so reluctant to leave Atlantis, by the time our visit was over I was glad John had talked me into it. Aside from the fact that I'd been made an official member of the expedition and John had been promoted, the time together on Earth had made us realise that although we missed it, Earth was no longer our home.

Although I'd decided not to tell John about the comments made by Woolsey, they did prompt me to have another, difficult conversation with him just before we left for the Daedalus.

"I think we should be discrete while we're on the ship," I dropped that comment out of the blue when John was helping me pack up my temporary quarters at the SCG early the next morning.

"Discrete how?" John didn't give me his full attention, distracted by the large number of books I wanted to take with me that were clearly not all going to fit within my allocated space allowance.

"You know," I said uncomfortably. "Not make it obvious that we're ... together."

"Why would we want to do that?" John pinned me with a sharp gaze. I definitely had his attention now.

"It's a small ship and people will talk." Pretty lame as a starting argument, but it was all I could come up with.

"People _always_ talk," John pointed out. "Whether it starts on the Daedalus or back on Atlantis is immaterial."

"Yeah but all the new staff will have had almost three weeks to get to know you as the military commander before we get to Atlantis," I replied. "It they only see you in a professional capacity then they'll respect you _before_ they find out anything else that's worth gossiping about."

"Wait a minute," John dropped the book he'd been packing and strode over to where I was kneeling beside the bed covered with the things I'd bought while there to take back to Atlantis. "Are you suggesting that if people know I'm involved with you _before_ they know me as the military commander they won't respect me? That makes no sense at all."

"Yes it does," I insisted. "People need to know that you'll make military decisions without prejudice or favouritism. They'll see that more easily if they aren't confronted with a big reason why you might _not_ do that!"

"You do realise that some of the new people will have already been filled in on every piece of juicy Atlantis gossip before they even set foot on the Daedalus?" John sat on the bed to bring himself down to my level, not caring that he was squashing the clothes I'd carefully folded.

"Maybe," I conceded. "But I don't think that would necessarily include us – we didn't spend much public time together during our stay here and the only people who know about our relationship enough to spread the news aren't the type to gossip."

"You didn't seem to think it was a problem the whole time we've been here at the SCG," John pointed out the illogical nature of what I was asking.

"Because I didn't really think about it before," I admitted. "Most of the Daedalus crew and new personnel have been busy getting ready for the trip back to Atlantis – I only thought of it at the party when I saw everyone together in the same room."

"So let me get this straight," John put a hand on my shoulder to draw my eyes to his. "You want to _pretend_ that we're nothing to each other for twenty days while we're stuck on a tiny ship together?"

"Not nothing," I denied. "We're friends and I don't think we could pretend otherwise."

"We're much more than friends," John ran his hand from my shoulder down my arm in a slow caress, making me shudder despite my attempt to not react. "I don't think either of us is capable of pretending otherwise."

"Do you think people will take me seriously if they see me sneaking out of your quarters in the early hours of the morning?" I redirected the conversation. I had been trying to get John to see that the first days of his new command were important and that he needed to set the right first impression with his staff. Since my concern for him wasn't getting me anywhere I decided that getting him to think I was concerned for myself might work better.

"As soon as they work with you they'll take you seriously," John said with absolute faith in my abilities. "And they wouldn't have to see you sneaking anywhere if we shared quarters," John smiled at the surprised look on my face.

"Do they have double quarters on the Daedalus?" I asked, momentarily distracted by the thought.

"Probably not," John admitted. "But I could request something that would suit the two of us."

"And that wouldn't be favouritism at all would it?" I pointed out. "Besides, I know we did the whole ... sharing our feelings thing but I don't think that makes either of us ready to live together for a month."

"So you don't want to move in with me?" John frowned, absently drawing circular patterns on the top of my hand.

"I didn't _say_ that," my frustration was apparent in the tone of my voice. "We haven't been together that long and I think we need to get to know each other better before we get subjected to each other's annoying habits."

"_Annoying_ habits?" John raised an eyebrow in mock surprise. "I don't have any annoying habits!"

"Okay, _you're_ perfect," I said snidely. "I want more time together before you find out about _my_ annoying habits! Now stop trying to distract me – I want you to agree that we'll down play our relationship while we're on the Daedalus."

"This is important to you?" John asked in all seriousness.

"_Yes_ it's important to me," I held eye contact with him, watching silently as he seemed to think on the options.

"Okay," he agreed reluctantly. "We'll refrain from doing anything we'd need private quarters for while we're on the Daedalus. But I'm not gonna pretend you're unimportant to me, and I can't promise I won't give something away in the heat of the moment. And as soon as we're back on Atlantis the agreement is off."

"Okay," I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him close. I'd never really seen the allure of hugging just for the sake of it before, but hugging John was a whole different experience. He seemed to exude a comforting heat that warmed me through and made me feel safe.

"If I'm not getting any for the next month I need to stock up now," John had me stretched out under him before I could blink.

"Hey, you're messing up the stuff I was packing," I made the pretence of protesting because we both knew he hardly had to lay a hand on me before I wanted a whole lot more.

"We'll pack later," John growled, kissing me deeply. He ran his hands down my body, pushing things off the bed as he went.

"Bu..." I tried to say something but forgot completely what it was when John used the hands he'd insinuated into my pants to pull me against him just where I wanted him the most.

"Stop talking," John ordered sternly, breaking our kiss so he could look properly into my eyes. He moved his whole body against mine, setting off a host of electric jolts throughout my body. I know my eyes went all dazed and soft by the smug predatory look I saw in his. I lifted my hips and wrapped a leg around his, twisting suddenly to flip our positions. I laughed in delight at the dazed look in John's eyes when I straddled him, pinning his arms at his sides.

"Now I've got you just where I want you," I teased, both of us knowing he could break my hold whenever he wanted.

"And what are you going to do with me?" he drawled the challenge, clearly enjoying our role reversal.

It took so long to answer that we were almost late heading out to the Daedalus!


	5. I’m just full of surprises!

**Chapter 5: I'm just full of surprises!**

Can I just say that spending twenty days cooped up on the Daedalus was seriously no fun at all? I was determined to save the few books and games I'd squeezed into my personal allotment for when I got back to Atlantis. Most of the time the ship was in hyper space so there wasn't even anything interesting to look at out the windows!

Even though it had been my idea to play down my relationship with John that didn't mean I found it easy. I was seriously missing him only a couple of days into the journey and it only got worse the longer I was confined on the ship. He'd begun training the new recruits which took up most of his days. I was so frustrated by the lack of anything real to do that I ended up approaching Rodney in Engineering.

"Anything I can help you with?" I asked him, watching as he tapped away at his laptop.

"Huh?" Rodney didn't even look up as he barely registered my question.

"_Give me something to do_," my tone was just short of desperate, and managed to snag his attention.

"Bored with Sheppard already?" Rodney smirked, knowing full well that wasn't the case.

"Yes Rodney – we're sick of each other already!" I smiled. "Look, he's busy with the new recruits and I've run through every training program on my laptop ... twice. I need something new – have you got anything?"

"As a matter of fact I do," Rodney swung his chair around and pushed off to move himself to the opposite console. He plugged in a flash drive and typed a few commands before unplugging it and handing it to me.

"What is it?" I looked at the drive curiously.

"Wraith language," Rodney's attention was already partially back on whatever he was working on. "Elizabeth said it's derived from Ancient so you should be able to learn how to translate it. I've got a translation program but it's only good for the simple things." He pointed at the drive I held and added "that's got all the stuff I pulled off the machines on that Wraith research planet plus what we got from the Wraith data device we appropriated from the Genii."

"Okay," I felt a tingle of excitement at the prospect of learning something new and just a little bit dangerous. "I'll see what I can do."

Things got a little easier to bear after that – I'd decided the best approach was to construct something similar to what Daniel had created for the Ancient language so that others could use it to translate Wraith too. It was easier than I'd thought because Wraith was so closely linked to Ancient and I found myself enjoying the process of describing the language constructs and setting up a dictionary with English – Ancient – Wraith translations.

John still set aside time in the mornings for us to run around the ship as best we could and we also did some stick sparring so Teyla wouldn't get mad at us for not practising. And of course we had meals together in the mess. But it was all so ... _public. _I missed the private John terribly and was all set to storm his quarters and damn our agreement when a situation erupted on the Daedalus.

I was ready to meet John for our run when we were a couple of days from Atlantis. When I realised he was dressed for duty instead I knew something was wrong. "What's up?" I asked.

"Doctor Monroe was killed last night," John admitted. "At first Rodney thought it was a random power surge but now it's starting to look like someone did it deliberately."

"What?" I protested. "How can we be on a tiny ship between galaxies and _still_ have something bad happen?!"

"Rodney and Hermiod are working on it," John reassured me. "For the time being I want you to stay in your quarters – don't go wandering around the ship until I tell you it's safe."

"Maybe I could help Rodney," I offered.

"We'll see," John didn't promise anything. "For now, go back inside – I'll keep you up to date," he put a hand on my shoulder and gently urged me back into my room.

It seemed like hardly any time had passed before I noticed that the Daedalus had dropped out of hyperspace. I really wanted to know what was going on and it took all of my willpower to sit quietly and wait as John had asked. I'd vowed I'd do the right thing so as not to cause John any trouble with his command – what hope did we have if I broke that vow at the first sign of trouble? Luckily I only had to wait a couple of hours before John turned up at my door again.

"Rodney asked if you could come help him with a translation," John gestured for me to walk with him down the hall.

"Did something else happen?" I asked apprehensively.

"Yeah," John admitted. "Doctor Lindstrom found something but before he could tell Rodney what it was he was jettisoned out the airlock."

"Is Rodney alright," I felt sick at the thought of what happened to a body in the vacuum of space and how horrible it must have been for Rodney to witness that.

"He's fine," John reassured me. "Hermiod discovered a computer virus in the navigational systems and Rodney says it's Wraith. Colonel Caldwell has ordered all the new personnel to be confined to quarters because he doesn't trust that one of them isn't responsible. He was happy for you to help though."

"Nice," I said sarcastically. "My status has gone up because of the Wraith ... again!"

John dropped me off in Engineering before heading back to the Bridge. Hermiod and Rodney were tracking the Wraith virus through the systems – it freaked me out a little to see the Asgard for the first time and I found it hard not to laugh as I recalled John's comment about the wrongness of him being naked.

With the similarity between the Wraith and Ancient languages I had already made significant progress in understanding it. I only had to watch the symbols scrolling across the screen for a few moments before I realised what I was looking at.

"Its metamorphic code," I said in discovery.

"Yes," Rodney looked at me in surprise. "Being able to translate Wraith wouldn't have told you that though."

"No," I admitted. "One of the jobs I did a while back was ethical hacking – my favourite method was to try to get a virus into a system undetected. I liked the metamorphic ones best – when that kind of virus multiplies by infecting new files the resulting child virus never looks like its parent."

"You know about viruses?" Rodney asked dumbfounded.

"Oh I'm just full of surprises!" I laughed to see the great Rodney McKay momentarily rendered speechless. "Look, I can probably knock up a quick anti-viral program to help find this thing within the non Asgard systems – the metamorphic nature of the virus means that the usual pattern recognition process won't work but I know a few tricks to get around that."

"By all means," Rodney waved a hand towards a vacant console. "I'll just go and ... ah ... report to Caldwell on the Bridge."

I remained in Engineering for a few hours working with Hermiod to better understand which systems were affected by the virus. My anti viral program did help find the virus but it was much more sophisticated that I'd ever seen and the usual methods for containing and eradicating a virus just weren't effective. If I'd had more time I might have been able to get around that, but the rate at which the virus was taking over the key systems meant we just didn't have that kind of time.

Being there in Engineering meant of course I heard about the transmitter coming on line. John's solution of physically taking out the transmitter was inspired but, as was typical with most of his outside the box plans, something went wrong. John ended up stranded in the F302, having to be beamed back from a great distance using just his radio frequency. I was relieved when John arrived down in Engineering with Rodney and Doctor Weir, looking none the worse for wear.

"You okay?" I asked discretely

"As far as I can tell," John joked. "I haven't checked that all the parts are there ... maybe you could help me with that later."

"Ha ha," I glanced at Doctor Weir to see if she'd overheard that and breathed easier when I saw she was concentrating on what Rodney was doing.

I stood back with John and Doctor Weir as we all watched Rodney bouncing from one console to the next making preparations for a complete shutdown of all the systems.

"This is what I do when I have problems with my laptop," John commented in a low tone to Doctor Weir and me. "I turn it off, and then I turn it on again."

"I think this is a little bit more complicated than that," Doctor Weir pointed out.

"I'm just saying that if we're taking a page from the John Sheppard Book of Computer Repair, we're really desperate," John persisted.

"That might be true if it were say a car and you had to pull over, switch off the engine and then switch it on again," I commented. "But for a computer it's not as stupid as it sounds."

"Alright, Colonel," Rodney's announcement interrupted our conversation. "We're ready."

"All personnel, this is Colonel Caldwell. Prepare for a full system shutdown."

"Alright, Doctor," Colonel Caldwell instructed. "Go ahead."

"And ...," Rodney pointed at Hermiod, who activated some controls on his console.

Around us all the lights on the consoles went off as power to the ship was cut off, plunging us into darkness. I held my breath for the few seconds it took for Hermiod to be satisfied it was safe to reboot the systems. All the lights came back on, followed quickly by Colonel Caldwell's voice over the Comms system asking for a status report.

"All systems are functioning normally," Rodney reported in relief. "No sign of the virus. Looks like it worked, Colonel."

"May I suggest we vacate this system?" Hermiod said. "Our current position may well have been compromised."

"Can you give me hyperdrive?" Caldwell asked.

"That will take longer to get back online," Hermiod admitted.

"I can get you sublight," Rodney offered, with a smug half grin.

Of course it wasn't that easy. Within seconds of the Daedalus engaging sublight engines the virus was back, taking over navigation and putting us on course for a close pass of the nearest star. Rodney quickly realised the F302s were an ideal hiding spot for the virus during the shutdown and he and John headed off to pull all the memory units.

"Hermiod, this is Caldwell. Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay are cut off. Can the beaming technology transport them inside the fighter bay?" Colonel Caldwell's question came through only minutes after John and Rodney had left.

"I will need to make some adjustments," Hermiod replied. "Stand by."

"Is that safe?" I asked nervously.

"The system was not designed to perform a site-to-site transport within the ship," Hermiod said in his emotionless little voice. "However, the principle is the same as conventional transportation using beaming technology."

"So that's a yes?" I muttered under my breath.

"In theory," Hermiod replied – he had much better hearing than I would have suspected with those tiny ears! Hermiod activated the beam and I looked across at Doctor Weir in relief when Doctor McKay reported that it had worked successfully.

My relief was short lived when I witnessed Hermiod rapidly shifting controls on his console. "Colonel Sheppard, Doctor McKay," Hermiod tried to get through to John and Rodney. "Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, we're reading you." John's voice came through loud and clear.

"I have raised the fighter bay shield in order to prevent the atmosphere from escaping," Hermiod reported. "However, the virus has invaded the system and it is only a matter of time before it gains control. Therefore, I suggest you complete your task as quickly as possible."

Why was it always John who got into these situations? I paced back and forth in front of Hermiod as I waited for John and Rodney to complete their task.

My feeling of dread only increased when Hermiod reported that not only could he no longer stop the virus from gaining control of the shield but that he could also no longer beam them out because that system was compromised too. I nervously chewed my bottom lip as I waited for John to report back in.

"Come on John," I prayed under my breath. "Hurry it up!"

"Colonel Sheppard, come in," Colonel Caldwell asked for a status report. "Colonel Sheppard, do you read me? ... Colonel Sheppard, do you read?" What was taking John so _long_?

"This is Sheppard," the wonderful sound of his voice echoed through the Engineering. "We're OK. We managed to get into the last F-302 before we lost atmosphere. Any chance you can beam us out?"

"Sorry, John," Doctor Weir replied. "We lost the transport beam. You're gonna have to sit still for a while."

"We pulled all the memory units," Rodney reported. "Another shutdown should work."

"Understood," Doctor Weir acknowledged.

Hermiod made a few adjustments to the setup that was already in place and reported that everything was ready for the second shutdown attempt.

"All hands, this is Colonel Caldwell. We're gonna give this another shot. We're initiating total systems shutdown now."

Once again we were plunged into total darkness, save the few torches some of the ships personnel carried. After a few moments Hermiod reinitialised the systems and the lights came back on again.

"Did it work?" Doctor Weir's voice broke the silence that had descended on the Engine Room.

"We will know momentarily," Hermiod said without emotion.

"This is Sheppard. What just happened?"

"Stand by," Colonel Caldwell instructed. "We're trying to figure that out." Only a few seconds later the Colonel said in disappointment "It didn't work. We're still on course for the corona sphere."

I couldn't help the nervous chuckle that escaped me when I heard Hermiod engaging in what could only be described as Asgard swearing. When even an Asgard didn't know what to do to fix a problem you knew things were getting pretty desperate. I don't know if it was my imagination but I started to feel the heat of the sun we were fast approaching.

"Engine Room, this is Sheppard. Prepare to initiate another shutdown on my command."

"John," Doctor Weir frowned. "What are you doing?" Good question! What the hell was John thinking of doing _this_ time?

"Getting rid of the last place the virus can hide," John replied in a relaxed tone – the one he usually used just before he went off and did something dangerous or crazy.

"The other F302," I said quietly. "He's going to go take out the F302 we abandoned – it must be tracking us."

"I have them on my screens," Hermiod pressed a few controls and a computer image of the two gliders came up on the screen. "The computer-controlled ship is preparing to fire."

"_Crap, crap, crap!_" I thought. My heart was racing as I watched the screen in the same sick way someone might watch a car wreck - dreading what I might see but unable to look away. I had just realised I was holding my breath when the ships suddenly switched positions.

"Nice move!" Doctor Weir said, impressed.

"Indeed" Hermiod acknowledged.

John and Rodney were chasing the computer-controlled ship towards the corona sphere now ... much closer than could possibly be safe. My heart jumped when our screen suddenly went grey.

"What happened?" Doctor Weir turned to Hermiod in concern, while I stood frozen in shock still staring at the screen.

"They are approaching the corona sphere," Hermiod said. "There is too much interference."

Right - too much interference. So they were too close to the star for the computers to work properly – did that mean they were too close for John and Rodney to ... work properly?

"How long can they survive those radiation levels?" Doctor Weir asked the question I couldn't bring myself to ask.

"I believe it has already been too long," Hermiod said almost sadly – well for an Asgard anyway.

I couldn't restrain myself any further – tapping my ear piece I said in as controlled a voice as I could manage. "Colonel Sheppard, do you read?" When there was nothing but silence I said a bit more desperately "John, please respond ... Rodney, do you read?"

"Daedalus, this is Sheppard," John finally responded just when I was starting to feel on the edge of a panic attack. "Target is destroyed. I repeat target is destroyed. If you try one more shutdown, I think it might just work."

"Well done, both of you," Doctor Weir shared a relieved smile with me as she congratulated them. "You had us a little worried there for a minute."

"Sorry about that," John responded apologetically. I could feel my knees weaken in relief that John was actually all right. Not waiting to hear anything else, I quickly turned and left the room.

**Authors note:**

Doctor Weir said in The Gift that the Wraith language had its base in the Ancient language – Elizabeth translates something in a night after only just learning this fact! Given that I think it quite believable that Sabina, who is at least as good with Ancient as Doctor Weir, would be able to make a lot of progress on understanding the Wraith language over 18 days with not much else to do.

I tried to stick as much to Intruder while putting Sabina into the mix - apologies if it seems like there's a lot of conversation reproduced from the episode.


	6. I suppose you do deserve a reward

**Chapter 6: I suppose you do deserve some kind of ... reward**

I'm not sure how long I'd been sitting in my quarters in the darkness lessened somewhat by the purplish glow of our travel through hyperspace. When I heard my door chime beep I got up to let John in before returning to my seat on the bed.

"Bit dark in here," John commented, turning toward the light controls.

"Don't," I spoke in a quiet but firm voice before he could turn on the light.

"_O-kay_," John walked towards me, stopping to squat in front of me. "Wanna tell me what's going on?"

"I'm sorry," I kept my eyes fixed firmly on my hands as I spoke. "I should never have spoken to you while you were up in the 302. It was too personal and unprofessional and ..."

"It doesn't matter," John dismissed my apology as unnecessary. "Is that why you're sitting here in the dark?"

"I'm not used to it," I admitted softly, finally looking at him directly.

"Not used to what?" John frowned in confusion.

"Caring about someone ... having someone care about me," I said. "It's more difficult than I would have expected."

"I ... ah," John clearly had no idea what to say to me.

"You don't have to say anything," I reassured him. "I always knew that what you do is dangerous ... this is just the first time I was actually present right in the middle of it."

"I'm sor-," John began to apologise.

"Don't," I interrupted him. "Don't say sorry when we both know you're not and that you'll be putting yourself right back in the middle of it the next time some crisis occurs." I smiled to take the sharp edge off my words. "I'll be okay – I just need time to accustom myself to feeling ... concerned for you from time to time."

"So we're still good?" John rose from his crouched position and sat next to me on the bed.

"Yeah, we're still good." I bumped shoulders with him before resting my head against him.

"Have you changed your min-" John started to ask with a hopeful tone.

"Don't even think about it," I interrupted him again. "Our agreement stands."

"Fine," John grumbled. "But the minute we're back on Atlantis ..." he left the sentence unfinished.

"You'd better get back to work," I stood up and escorted him to the door.

"Colonel?" John was a few steps down the corridor before I called out to him. John turned back to me with a raised eyebrow. "Nice sunburn!" I said, laughing at his pained expression. It was probably petty to take delight in teasing him – since I knew the sunburn wasn't exactly painful and John had only gotten burnt doing something on the edge of crazy, I decided he deserved a little ribbing about it.

I felt like a child in the back seat forever asking "Are we there yet" for the remainder of the journey until finally we broke out of hyperspace and returned to Atlantis. I beamed down with John's group but stayed near the gate to assist with organising the new arrivals and supplies. I was vaguely aware that he had accompanied Doctor Weir and Rodney up the stairs to the Control Room to meet with Teyla. John came bounding back down the stairs a few minutes later with one of those computerised files in his hands.

"Ready" he said.

"Doctor Beckett still needs a hand with these medical supplies," I replied, gesturing to the large number of storage containers being beamed down from the Daedalus.

"That wasn't a question," John said intently. Then before I knew what was happening I'd been whisked away from the Gateroom, down familiar corridors until we arrived at John's quarters.

"Aren't you on duty?" I asked breathlessly, as he urged me inside.

"Nah," John replied. "I've got stuff to catch up on but I'm not gonna be able to concentrate on anything until we've blown that stupid agreement out of the water." He drew me against his body and kissed his way up my neck towards my lips.

"It wasn't stupid," I denied, turning my head away before he could completely distract me.

"Yeah it _was_," John insisted, almost dancing me across the room towards his bed. "I only agreed because you said it was important to you."

"That's big of you. I suppose you deserve some kind of ... reward," I ran a hand down his chest, toying with his belt. "What do you want?"

"You," John captured my gaze with the strength of his regard.

You would think that after almost two months of being together I would be used to his impact on me but I wasn't. Having John Sheppard look at me with those fascinating hazel eyes sent a jolt of awareness straight down the centre of my body. I was hardly aware of our passage from standing fully dressed beside the bed to being naked and tangled together on top of it. The feelings and sensations were at once unfamiliar and yet well known. My heart lightened as we reconnected with each other on the most basic level ... with intimacy came the feeling of being home again.

"I still think it was a good idea," I said sleepily some time later.

"You know what they say about abstinence," John replied. "Neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy."

I was too sleepy to do anything more than wonder idly how a Colonel in the US Air Force was able to quote Voltaire with such familiarity. There was more to John Sheppard than met the eye and I was determined to learn him much as he had begun to learn me.

It only took a week to settle in and start feeling like I'd never left Atlantis. I had a recognised job on Atlantis now – research and translation of Ancient artefacts - and there was plenty to do to keep my brain occupied. Since I'd been made an official member of the Atlantis expedition I even had my own lab to work in – mostly because we had to have somewhere to put all the gadgets Rodney wanted tested but I still thought of that little room as mine.

I happily spent hours there, searching the Ancient database for references to interesting planets or research. I'd been at it for a few hours a couple of days after we'd returned to Atlantis when John turned up at my door.

"You ready for a break?" he asked casually. I nodded eagerly, shutting down my computer before jumping up to join him.

We got a few looks from the new staff when we walked in to the commissary together. John, ever contrary, decided to hammer home any doubts the gossips might have had about our relationship by putting his arm around my shoulders and escorting me to a table. He even went so far as to get drinks and such for the both of us, making a big show of 'looking after me' when he returned to our table.

"Was that necessary?" I raised an eyebrow when John took a seat next to me, sitting much closer than he needed to.

"Was _what_ necessary?" John quizzed me with an innocent expression, appearing unusually interested in his coffee.

"_John_," I said in a warning tone.

"All right," he turned his body towards me so he could look at me directly. "I just wanted to make it clear to all the newbie's that you're with me – to avoid any ... misunderstandings that might crop up."

"What kind of misunderstandings?" I wondered what he thought could possibly happen to me.

"A few of the younger marines were talking about which of the civilian women they'd like to ... get to know better," John's expression made me realise that he'd probably toned down what had actually been said. "Your name came up which made me realise that thanks to your 'be discrete' policy on the Daedalus they didn't know you were off limits. I just made sure they'll know it now." John seemed quite satisfied with himself.

"So you thought you'd stake your claim, put your ...mark on me, that sort of thing?" I asked in a dangerous tone.

"Huh?" John suddenly realised that perhaps I wasn't as happy with his actions as he clearly was. "I didn't think of it like that," he admitted with a puzzled look. "I thought you'd appreciate not being bothered with any unwanted advances!"

"I'm quite capable of taking care of myself _Colonel_," I made to rise from the table but was pulled back into my seat as John grabbed my arm to keep me there.

"Stay where you are," John did the whole 'I'm in command' voice I could never resist obeying. "You can't run away every time a conversation gets a little heated." When I slumped back in my chair with my arms crossed stubbornly over my chest and said nothing, John sighed before looking away with a frown. "I don't understand why you're angry," he admitted.

"Do you think I need you to look after me?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"_No_," John answered immediately. "I thought you might _appreciate_ me doing it though. Don't you get tired of taking care of everything yourself all the time?"

"Oh," I looked at him in surprise. "I, ah ... I'm actually a little touched by that!" I admitted, nudging his shoulder with a shy smile.

"Yeah, well, it didn't go according to plan so maybe next time I won't bother," John grumbled. From the twinkle I spotted in his eyes I knew he was just teasing me.

"I'm not used to someone else looking out for me," I admitted reluctantly. "I guess that's something else I have to get used to huh?"

"You will," John put his arm around me again and I leaned into his chest with a sigh.

"I can't believe I'm gonna admit this but you were partly right when you said I was staking my claim," John said after a few minutes silence. "I _like_ people knowing you're mine – and before you protest I know you don't _belong_ to me. And it's a two way street - I'm happy for you to feel the same way about me. If you've got a problem with that you better speak now because I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna keep doing the same sort of stuff given half the chance."

"As long as we're talking mutual ownership here I don't have a problem with it," I looked at him in complete seriousness. We did the whole staring into each other's eyes thing for a few moments before we each seemed to find what we needed there.

"Just so you know," I gave a semi serious warning; "if you ever go out looking to ... purchase ... from someone else I _will_ hurt you ... badly. You've sparred with me so you know I'm capable."

Rather than be offended by my comment John grinned in delight, squeezing my shoulders tightly. "Back at you," he said still with a slight laugh in his voice. That laugh disappeared when he added "except I'll hurt the other guy and then find some more ... creative ways to make you regret it."

It all sounded macho and aggressive but it wasn't – it was just our way of making our relationship an exclusive one. Even though we'd each admitted our feelings to the other we'd never discussed what that actually meant for our relationship.

John had given me the right to feel possessive of his time, to expect that he'd consider me when making decisions, to expect some accounting for his actions – within the boundaries of his role as military commander of the base. And I had given him the same rights in return.

**Authors Note:**

The quote about astinence that I really wanted to use just didn't fit into the story as well as the one I ended up using. It was "Abstinence sows sand all over the ruddy limbs & flaming hair, but desire gratified plants fruits of life & beauty there." William Blake. Thanks for reading.


	7. You know how to use these?

**Chapter 7: You know how to use these?**

"I can't believe that guy," John complained as he readied himself for a mission to P3M-736 in the hopes of finding Lieutenant Ford.

"What guy?" I asked in confusion.

"_Caldwell_," John said hotly. "He thinks there's nothing Beckett can do for Ford – said Aiden's a security risk and insinuated I should have no trouble with a mercy kill since I'd already done the same for Colonel Sumner."

I knew that John often thought about what he'd done to Colonel Sumner and that inevitably that led him to thoughts of guilt over waking the Wraith. There was nothing any of us could say to excuse him from feeling that way when he'd yet to reconcile the situation within himself. John wasn't exactly an introspective person and I held little hope that he'd ever fully deal with the emotions he felt over what happened his first week on Atlantis. His motto seemed to be "what doesn't kill you only gives you more stuff to bury at the back of your mind". As a consequence there were very few people on Atlantis who knew that John was even bothered by indirectly being responsible for the mass cullings that were now a common event.

"Did Doctor Beckett say Lieutenant Ford was beyond cure?" I cut to the heart of John's current frustrations.

"Not exactly," John admitted. "But he said it would be difficult and that maybe Ford was too far gone on the enzyme to go through withdrawal." John checked his watch, getting up quickly when he saw it was almost time for him to leave. "I've gotta go," he pointed out the obvious. "Stay out of trouble while I'm gone."

"Too easy," I smiled as he approached me for the usual goodbye hug and kiss. "Good luck," I said softly as he walked away.

It had always been hard to be the one left behind, even before we got our act together as a couple. I always tried to stick to the normal routine when John was on a mission, which meant a morning run by myself followed by a sparring session with whoever was around and willing. Stopping off at my quarters to grab my fighting sticks I made my way silently to the sparring room. Just before I got to the door I overheard a conversation going on inside.

"She's only here because she's _doing_ the boss," a snide voice remarked cruelly.

"I heard General Landry was gonna throw her in the brig back on Earth before Colonel Sheppard intervened," another voice replied gleefully.

"But she took out two Hive ships with the Dakara weapon," a third voice remarked, sounding almost a defence against the other two.

"So she _says_," the first voice returned. "No one saw her activating that machine ... could've been accidental – she might not have had anything to do with it at all."

The conversation paused as the sounds of sparring issued from the room. I leant numbly against the wall sickly thinking how it was true – you never did hear anything good about yourself while eavesdropping. The only question now was what should I do about it? I could just walk away, ignore it ... I was sure that's what John would have advised. But I didn't want to. Taking a deep calming breath I turned and strode briskly into the room.

"Anyone interested in sparring?" I asked amicably, glancing at each occupant in the room. I didn't recognise any of them apart from the vague knowledge that they were all new recruits to Atlantis.

"I'll take you on," one of the men smiled smugly at the other two, no doubt looking forward to proving how useless I was.

Deciding he must have been the one who'd cast the first doubt on my abilities, I dubbed him Mr Smug. His mate was Sheep because he was clearly just a follower. I decided to reserve judgement on the third guy until I'd seen how he reacted to my being there.

"You know how to use these?" I pulled a spare set of sticks from my bag and held them out.

"I'll work it out," he replied, taking the sticks and swinging them quickly in each hand to get a feel for their weight. Mr Smug had clearly had some experience with that type of weapon before – rather than worry me that knowledge made me smile in anticipation. It was always more fun to beat someone who had some skill, after all. I did a very quick warm up and then made my way to the centre of the room.

"Ready?" I asked casually.

"Yeah," Mr Smug replied, looking ... well smug!

Before I'd even taken up a fighting stance he leapt at me, swinging one stick towards my neck and the other at shoulder height. I blocked him easily, stepping into his space and taking advantage of his forward momentum to propel him rapidly toward the wall. He stumbled but didn't fall ... regaining a steady footing he made his way back towards me with narrowed eyes.

"Come on Brett," Sheep urged, while his companion remained silent.

Mr Smug attacked again, being much more careful with his defensive moves. I let him take the offensive, rapidly blocking each attempted hit as I assessed his skill level. He was good but overconfident and too inclined to rely on his superior bulk. Deciding on the best way to use that against him I shifted the mood of the fight, upping the speed and taking any opportunity to get in a hit if it was there.

Mr Smug held his own, blocking most of my hits – the ones that did get through had enough force to hurt but he didn't let on that he felt anything. I was moving around him rapidly now, working him hard hoping to tire him.

We battled silently for twenty minutes - I could see Mr Smug was getting impatient to finish me off, even though he'd yet to lay a single blow on me. He rushed me suddenly, trying to back me into the wall. I ducked low and swung a stick at his ankles, sending him crashing into the wall, fighting sticks flying across the room to land near our audience.

Almost growling in anger he turned quickly and rushed me again – this time I stepped to the side at the last moment, grabbing his arm and using his momentum to flip him. He landed heavily on his stomach – I leapt forward, putting a stick across his throat from behind and pulling up hard. With my knee pressed firmly into his back there was no way he could move.

"Do you yield?" I asked quietly. He was panting with exertion while I gave no indication I'd been fighting.

He turned his head and glared at me mutinously, trying to lever himself away. I increased the force of my stick at his throat, watching calmly as he struggled to breathe.

"I can do this all day," I commented cheerfully, leaning down hard with my knee. He groaned in pain but still held out for a few moments more before slumping down in defeat.

"I yield," he mumbled. I let go of him immediately, stepping back and giving him room to get up.

"Watch out," the third and so far silent member of the group called out. My back had been to Sheep so I didn't sense his movement towards me until he'd gotten close enough to take a swing at me. I turned just in time to get one of Mr Smug's discarded sticks in the face. I took the hit silently, turning my head with the blow to lessen the impact. Launching an angry kick straight at Sheep's stomach I took great delight in watching silently as he doubled over, moaning and gasping for breath.

"Do you want a go?" I asked the third guy aggressively.

"Hey, I warned you, remember?" he protested, holding up a hand to placate me.

"Sorry," I mumbled, turning away from the three of them, putting a hand to my cheek as the pain of that hit finally registered.

"You okay?" the third guy asked.

"Yeah," I said grumpily. "Who _are_ you guys anyway?"

"I'm Josh Smart," the third guy introduced himself. "Those two are Brett Stokes," he pointed to Mr Smug, "and Dave Cornish," he gestured to Sheep. "We're all Marine Privates - shipped in on the Daedalus with you and Colonel Sheppard."

"Thanks for the warning," I told Josh. Turning I watched calmly as Stokes and Cornish got to their feet.

"I suppose you're gonna go run to your boyfriend and report us now," Stokes almost sulked at me.

"Well I _could_ do that," I acknowledged. "Talking about people behind their backs isn't a nice thing to do. Maybe I could just mention how ... hurt ... I was about what you said. If I mentioned it to Colonel Sheppard though he'd probably just give you clean up duty and what's the fun in that? Now Teyla on the other hand ... " I left it to their imaginations, knowing that Teyla's reputation for fighting was legendary in Atlantis.

"I'm ... ah ... I'm sorry about what I said," Stokes looked at the floor before looking back at me. I maintained my glance with him for a few moments and when he didn't look away I nodded silently.

"It's cool – you don't know me so ..." I let him off. "You were a worthy opponent so if you wanted to spar again sometime ..." He nodded silently.

"As for you," I looked at Cornish. "Attacking someone when their back is turned is dishonourable and unworthy of a Marine."

"I'm sorry too," Cornish muttered, looking ashamed.

"I let my guard down," I admitted. "The Wraith have no honour – they wouldn't hesitate to shoot someone in the back. This," I gestured up to my aching cheek, "will remind me to pay attention next time."

"Colonel Sheppard's gonna want to know how you got the bruise," Josh pointed out helpfully.

"Probably," I acknowledged reluctantly. "This kind of thing happens in training all the time though so don't worry about it. While I'd love to stay and chat," I said, gathering up my gear, "I need some ice. It was ... _nice_ ... meeting you all."

With that I turned and left the room, vowing I'd never try to eavesdrop again.

John's team wasn't due back for a while yet so after icing my cheek I finally made it to my lab to begin my days work.

It really was hard to be the one going about the normal routine instead of going off doing something exciting on another planet. That was never more the case than when team Sheppard failed to check in or turn up on time (which was practically _all_ the time!). John's current mission proved no different – this time it was one of the new military team leaders, Major Lorne, who reported in that they'd lost contact with John and Teyla. I did the usual pacing, worrying and waiting to hear something.

John had been missing overnight and into the next morning before he finally checked in to request Doctor Beckett come and operate on someone they'd met on the planet.

I could easily have 'just happened to be' in the infirmary so I could find out what was going on but I decided not to. I had to start trusting that John would be okay and anyway ... what good was knowing he was in trouble if I was stuck on Atlantis with no way to help him?

Eventually, as always seemed to be the case (please God let their good luck continue!) John, Teyla and Rodney returned through the gate. As part of my new 'nonchalance' with John's off world missions I didn't go running to the Gateroom - I knew they came through okay and John didn't need to see how worried I got while he was away from Atlantis. John ended up dropping by the lab to find me instead ... which was kind of nice.

"You're back!" I said like I didn't already know that before he'd turned up at my door.

"Yeah," John absently picked up a gadget and then hastily put it down when it lit up at his touch.

"You okay?" I turned away from my laptop to give John my full attention. I noticed straight away the troubled expression on his face. "Did you find Lieutenant Ford?

"Yes and yes," John responded. He walked over to the window and looked out across the ocean. I waited patiently for him to continue. "I tried to get him to trust me ... told him I wasn't letting him off that planet unless he came back to Atlantis. Hell, I even shot him for real this time!"

"Did you ...?" I couldn't finish the sentence but he knew what I was asking.

"Didn't even make a dent," John said grimly. "He ran into a Wraith culling beam deliberately to get away from me!"

"He's not himself," I reminded John what Doctor Beckett had said – that Aiden was driven by the same impulses as any drug addict. "You had no way of knowing what lengths he'd go to avoid capture."

"Tell that to Colonel Caldwell," John muttered half under his breath.

"I take it he's not impressed that Aiden is still at large?" I was really starting to dislike that man! I didn't make the mistake of asking if it mattered what Colonel Caldwell thought – even though John didn't have to report to him, Caldwell would no doubt be voicing his concerns whenever he returned to the SCG.

"Hardly," John turned back to me, looking at me closely for the first time. "What happened to your cheek?"

"Oh," I put a hand up like I'd forgotten the bruise was even there. "Training accident yesterday – didn't duck fast enough."

"You okay?" John put a hand lightly against the injury.

"Yeah," I replied. "My ego's more bruised than my cheek ... no permanent damage done."

"Okay," John let the matter drop with no further questions. "Wanna grab some lunch?" Knowing he needed some time away from his troubling thoughts I agreed immediately.

I put the whole eavesdropping sparring thing at the back of my mind and tried not to let it worry me that at least some people on Atlantis were thinking I didn't belong there on my own merits. It wasn't like there was anything I could do about it and the last thing I wanted was John to feel like he had to fix it somehow.

"I heard some interesting gossip today," John said from the doorway of my lab a few days later.

"Since when were you interested in gossip?" I asked in surprise.

"Since it was about you," John replied. I looked up and saw that he was quite serious.

"Whatever it was," I pointedly looked away disinterestedly, "I don't want to know."

"That's too bad," John walked into the room and stood looking down at me as I studiously continued tapping away at my computer. "The rumour going around is that you wiped the sparring room floor with two of the new recruits while we were on P3M-736 looking for Ford."

"That certainly is an interesting rumour," I said in a bored tone.

"Sabina," John's voice commanded me to look at him.

"_What_?" I said grumpily. "You want to know if it's true?"

"I already know it's true," John countered. "I spoke to the _three_ marines concerned and got _all_ the details."

"Then what are you talking to me for?" I turned back to my computer again. John grabbed my arm and swung my chair around so that I was facing him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" John demanded.

"Because I didn't want you to feel like you had to fix it," I looked up at him earnestly. "It was a minor incident – no one got hurt."

Putting a hand under my chin he turned my face up to the light. "No one got hurt?" he trailed a finger over the bruise that was still visible on my cheek. "What about this?"

"My stupidity did that – let my guard down when I shouldn't have," I said quietly.

"Private Smart told me Private Cornish came at you with a fighting stick when your back was turned," John pointed out.

"Yes and the Wraith always announce they're gonna attack before they do it," I replied sarcastically. "I hope you didn't reprimand your marines for what happened – I handled it."

"So Smart said," John pulled me from the chair and into his arms. "He also told me what started the whole thing. I'm sorry you had to hear that."

"Not your fault," I said, resting my forehead against John's chest. "I wasn't even that surprised - I did tell you some people would think that once they knew I was involved with you."

"Do you mind?" John asked, pulling back slightly to look at me.

"Not enough that I'd change anything about you and me," I replied firmly. "It'll die down eventually ... when something more interesting comes along."

"Well, you won a fan," John said with an amused smile. "Smart seemed to be delighted with the chance to tell me what really happened ... he said I was a lucky man."

"You could be," I raised an eyebrow at him suggestively.

"How can I refuse an offer like that," John laughed, hugging me tight before turning and towing me out the room.

I'm sure there were others who thought I'd only gotten to Atlantis because of my connection to John but I never heard anything about it again. That made me suspicious that John had said something to his men ... but there was no point in taking it further because I knew he'd never admit it.

**Authors Note:**

I don't know much about military ranks - I wanted the three marines to be the same rank and not too high up so I hope 'Private' is appropriate.

Thanks to **chevron7** for the idea of Sabina having some trouble with the new recruits – I hadn't thought of it in quite that way and ended up adding the extra scenes in this chapter. Don't worry **Allie108** – Sabina _will_ be getting into the thick of it as the story progresses – thanks for your comments. And finally **EmSyd** – thanks for sticking with my story – hope you keep enjoying it.

I originally mentioned Ronan as the 'threat' to keep those Marines in line ... before I smacked my head with my hand realising that _Sabina hasn't met Ronan yet_! Derrr ... Hence substituting Teyla. I'm happy with that though because a big scary guy _is_ scary but a woman who can kick even Sheppards butt without hardly breaking a sweat is _seriously_ scary!


	8. He’s convinced I’m a threat to the city

**Authors Note:**

For those who read Chapter 7 before I added the extra note at the bottom - I amended that chapter to take the reference to Ronan out of it because Sabina hadn't met him as of the end of that chapter. Apologies for the error which is now corrected.

**Chapter 8: He's now convinced I'm a threat to the city.**

You know, weird crap seemed to happen a lot on Atlantis. That was never truer than the day Doctor McKay came back with the consciousness of Lieutenant Laura Cadman in his head. I was called in by Doctor Zelenka to assist in interfacing with the Wraith Dart – we'd made modifications to Rodney's translation program but there were still many aspects of the Wraith language that required ad hoc translations. I'd never witnessed anything quite as disturbing as Rodney apparently arguing with himself – an opinion obviously shared by John, Doctor Weir and Doctor Zelenka if the looks on their faces were any indication.

Over the next day or so I continued to assist Doctor Zelenka as best I could with the Wraith Dart, learning a lot about Wraith technology in the process. I'd done all the translating I could long before any real solutions to Rodney's problem had been found. Even though it would have been nice to hang around and help in some other capacity I knew I'd just be in the way and so returned to my usual duties, hopeful that Doctor Zelenka would come through for Rodney.

John was busy assessing the skills of Ronan Dex, the man they'd brought back from P3M-736. I hadn't actually met Ronan myself at that stage but Teyla regaled me with the story of how he'd insisted Doctor Beckett operate on him without the benefit of an anaesthetic. John was pretty impressed with Ronan's fighting and shooting skills and wanted to put Ronan on his off world team right there and then. I had to remind him that Doctor Weir would have to approve that assignment herself and that she'd probably not be impressed John had already offered a spot to Ronan without asking her first.

While John went off to convince Doctor Weir he'd made the right call with Ronan, I made my way to the gym for my usual practice session with Teyla. When I got there she was already sparring with a very tall, imposing man who could only be Ronan Dex. A poker faced Marine stood off to one side of the room, impassively watching their display. They traded blows almost faster than I could follow before coming to an impasse, sticks held to each other's throats. I decided that was as good a time as any, and cleared my throat to announce my presence.

"Sabina," Teyla greeted with me with pleasure, stepping back from Ronan and bowing slightly. I watched as he returned the gesture before turning to look at me without expression. As I took a few steps into the room I realised that this guy was seriously big – I wasn't short myself but I'd guess he was almost twenty centimetres taller than me. To go with that height he had the build of a warrior, coupled with long dreadlocked hair and a serious, intimidating demeanour. The beard and moustache he sported gave him an almost piratical appearance.

"Sabina, this is Specialist Ronan Dex," Teyla introduced us. "Ronan, this is Sabina Scott. Sabina works with the Ancient artefacts and language."

"You're joining Colonel Sheppard's team," I decided up front that this guy was not the small talk kind.

"Haven't decided yet," Ronan admitted.

"Well, for when you do decide," I continued. "Welcome to Atlantis." Ronan made no reply but I could tell he was faintly surprised by my response. "Are you ready for our practice?" I turned and directed my question to Teyla.

"I am ready," Teyla agreed.

"Mind if I stay?" Ronan surprised us by asking.

Teyla looked across at me in query and I shrugged to indicate that it was up to her. "Not at all," Teyla agreed graciously.

We took up our positions in the centre of the room, bowing respectfully before assuming defensive postures. Although I had demonstrated some skill against those three Marines I wasn't in Teyla's league. After almost a year of practice I could now hold my own in defence against her and sometimes even produce attacking moves that surprised her. John and I were more evenly matched – the result of a sparring match between us was by no means a foregone conclusion like it was when I sparred with Teyla.

I drowned out all distractions surrounding us and focussed my full attention on Teyla. We traded moves, with Teyla instructing me each time she managed to get through my defences. Towards the end of our session I almost got a hit aimed at Teyla's knees past her defences. She grinned in delight and congratulated me on my near success. We ended our session with the usual bow of respect before I again thanked her for her time in training me.

"You're good," I'd forgotten Ronan was even there until he spoke.

"It's all relative," I dismissed the compliment. I took my leave of Teyla and was surprised when Ronan did likewise before following me from the room. We walked down the corridor in mutual silence, accompanied by Ronan's Marine escort.

"Does that bother you?" I asked, gesturing back at his escort.

"I understand the reason," Ronan deflected my question. "You a scientist?" he asked curiously.

"_God no_," I laughed. "I leave the big brain stuff to the likes of Doctor McKay and Doctor Zelenka."

"But you're not military?" Ronan persisted.

"Nope," I agreed, volunteering no further information.

"Then what are you?" Ronan asked rather rudely.

"Late for lunch," I quipped, glancing down at my watch. "I'll see you around," I added, before turning and jogging off down the corridor. I wasn't sure what that had all been about but resolved to not let his apparent suspicion bother me. John had told me Ronan had spent the last seven years running from the Wraith – maybe he was that suspicious of everyone.

Since I was joining John for lunch I took the time to stop off at my quarters to shower and change. We were into the third day of Rodney being possessed by the presence of Lieutenant Cadman and I was eager to hear if any progress had been made. Spotting John immediately I hurried over and threw myself into the chair next to him.

"Sorry I'm late," I apologised. "I met your new team member – Ronan. I think he's now convinced I'm a threat to the city."

"Elizabeth wants to talk to Ronan herself first, so it's still not official," John admitted. "What'd you say to make him suspicious?"

"Nothing much," I insisted. "Ronan was trying to label me as either scientist or military and I refused to go along with either of those tags."

"Well he's coming this way so maybe you could think up another label you are comfortable with," John said in a low tone. "Ronan," he called out in a louder voice.

"Sheppard," Ronan responded, frowning when he realised he knew the person sitting with the Colonel.

"Ronan," I greeted in a friendly tone. "Long time no see." John gave me a pointed look, wordlessly instructing me not to be so flippant.

"Join us," he invited, pointing to the chair across from him. Ronan slumped in the chair, stretching his long legs out to the side.

"I hear you already met Sabina," John put an arm around my shoulders and drew me in close to his side. I looked at him in surprise and found him pointedly looking at Ronan instead of at me.

"Yeah," Ronan looked from me to John and then back at me again. "Is he your mate?"

"Mate?" I almost choked on the coffee I'd just taken a sip of.

"Sabina doesn't like ... labels," John drawled, helpfully slapping me on the back as I coughed. "If by mate you mean are we a couple, then yes."

"Mate," Ronan slouched back in his chair, glancing at John to judge his reaction. "As in pledged, betrothed, joined ... whatever word you guys use for that."

"The word is married," I answered. "And although it's really none of your business the answer is no."

"You're available then?" Ronan continued, still looking more at John than me.

"_No_," John glared at Ronan before adding "where we come from two people can be committed to each other without being married – that's what Sabina and I are."

"So you don't believe in marriage?" Ronan asked. I frowned as I tried to work out why he was persisting with this line of questioning. Before John could answer I stepped in, thinking that perhaps I knew what Ronan was really asking.

"We take our commitments very seriously," I told him calmly. "We have to be sure that we can live up to them before we take that step. Once we make a commitment we stick to it, defend it at all costs, and fight for it if we have to."

Ronan nodded as he registered what I was really trying to say – that John would not have made the offer for him to join team Sheppard unless he meant it. That John was offering Ronan more than just a job or a place to live – he was offering him the chance to belong somewhere, as well as our protection and our loyalty in the fight against the Wraith.

"If Doctor Weir agrees," Ronan glanced at John briefly before looking down at the table, "I accept your offer."

"Cool," John had that look that said he was well pleased with his world. We both knew that John would get around Doctor Weir with no effort at all so Ronan joining his team was now a done deal.

"How's Rodney?" I'd almost forgotten to ask in my confusion over Ronan's seemingly personal questions.

"He came up with the idea to tie in the Wraith dematerialiser with the Stargate – worked like a charm," John said, still smiling. "He's recovering in the infirmary, with Lieutenant Cadman in the next bed."

"That's great," I was relieved that both of them were okay. "I'll leave you guys to talk about ... whatever it is guys talk about when we women aren't around,"

I rose from the table and stood beside John's chair. When he looked up at me curiously I couldn't resist the temptation to lean down and lay a steaming kiss on him. Just before I was in danger of losing myself in him I reluctantly pulled away, running one hand regretfully through his hair before straightening up.

"I'll see you later," I said huskily, leaving the table and walking slowly towards the doors. I couldn't help but overhear part of their conversation as I walked away.

"Dangerous woman," Ronan commented.

"You have _no_ idea," John replied.

Grinning gleefully, I continued on my way.

**Authors Note: **

I always liked that scene in SG1 Children of the Gods - when Sha're lays that kiss on Daniel before he goes off to show O'Neill the gate address room – hence putting a similar one in this chapter.


	9. You went over my head!

**Chapter 9: ****You went over my head!**

"I want to go on an off world mission," I dropped that comment into the middle of the conversation one night when I was sharing dinner with team Sheppard (John hated it when I called them that but the description just seemed to fit!).

"Absolutely not," John reacted without seeming to even think about it.

"Not a front line mission," I clarified my request. "Just a research mission – something nice and safe."

"Why?" John asked.

"There is no such thing as nice and safe," Teyla pointed out before I could answer.

"She's right," Rodney admitted. "I've lost count of the number of missions we've been on that were supposed to be a cake walk that turned into a disaster."

"I've got plenty of interesting stuff to go through here," I admitted. "The Ancient database is immense and it'll take years to fully explore everything. I found references to another planet the Ancients were interested in the other day – Doranda. From what was in the database they sound like a fascinating race ... I'm just not sure I want to be the person who finds all the interesting mission material and then hands it over to someone else. I want to see it for myself."

"The Wraith don't care about interesting," Ronan said almost harshly. "Can you defend yourself against an attack?"

"A lot better than Rodney could," I pointed out confidently, "and he goes off world all the time - no offense Rodney."

"Rodney's the genius," John explained, getting a pleased grin from Rodney for the compliment. "He'd got the rest of us to protect him."

"So if I were _smarter_ I wouldn't need to be able to defend myself and I'd get to go on a mission?" I asked incredulously.

"You're both smart enough and tough enough," John acknowledged, confusing me completely.

"Then why can't I go on a mission?" I frowned as I tried to understand what he was telling me.

"Because I won't put you in danger unless it's absolutely necessary," John admitted. "I knew you'd ask eventually and I've thought about it – unless there's a genuine need for your skills you'll stay on Atlantis."

"Are you basing this on _personal_ considerations?" I asked incredulously, hardly aware of the uncomfortable expressions on Teyla and Rodney's faces. Ronon looked on impassively, like he was watching a movie instead of real people.

"Yes I am," John said freely. "The military implications support my decision though – you possess both the ATA and the Wraith genes which makes you a valuable target. We can't afford for someone with your talents to fall into enemy hands."

"I'm now the most proficient translator of the Ancient language," I pointed out, forgetting my natural modesty in my desire to get my way. "I'm also pretty handy with the ATA gene – there might come a mission where you need those skills."

"Like I said," John held my glance with the intensity in his eyes. "_If_ a situation arises that requires those skills then you'll get to go, with the rest of us along to protect you. That's the best I can promise you right now."

"Okay," I gave up for the moment. "I'll just have to accept that."

Dinner broke up soon after– as the others got up to leave John raised an eyebrow at me in query. We had taken to spending many of our evenings together in John's quarters – sometimes we'd listen to music or read but more often than not at least one of us would have work to do. I nodded silently, holding out a hand for John to pull me from my chair.

"Stay," John mumbled a few hours later. Usually I managed to sneak out when John was sleeping but every now and then he'd wake up before I could escape.

"I can't," I said, pulling myself out of his arms and searching around for my clothes.

"Yes you can," John drawled. He raised his head from the pillow and looked over at me sleepily. "It's easy – you just get back in the bed and fall asleep ... next thing you know it'll be morning."

"You have a mission tomorrow," I reminded him. "I'd feel guilty if something happened because you were tired."

"If I'm _tired_ it'll be because you woke me up leaving," John pointed out.

"Go back to sleep," I returned to the bedside fully dressed and leant down to kiss him, dodging quickly when he tried to pull me back into bed.

"Don't want to," John almost pouted. "You could just move in you know – then you wouldn't need to sneak out." It wasn't the first time John had mentioned the idea but since he usually said it with a hint of teasing humour I'd decided up front not to take him seriously.

"Where would be the fun in that?" I teased in return. "Besides, remember ... annoying habits and all that."

"Fine," John mumbled into his pillow. "G'night."

"Night," I murmured softly, lingering for a moment just to look at him. In sleep his face seemed less the face of a military commander and more the face of an innocent boy dreaming.

"You're staring," John complained, still giving the appearance of being asleep.

"I'm going," I laughed, turning and quietly walking out of his room. There was no one around at that time of the night and I made it back to my quarters, falling tiredly into bed.

I'm not sure if it was my mentioning the Ancient database reference to the Dorandans or if it was just a coincidence, but only a few weeks later John's team went on a mission to that very planet. The initial mission went according to plan (that alone should have clued us in that something bad was bound to happen!), leaving both John and Rodney excited about the existence of a ground-based version of the satellite weapon we had used to destroy a Hive ship some months ago. Rodney was especially excited by the fact that the weapon on Doranda appeared to be much more powerful than the satellite had been.

When I found out a research team was going back to the planet I immediately approached Doctor Weir in her office.

"Do you have a minute?" I asked from her doorway.

"Of course Sabina," Doctor Weir invited me in. "I haven't caught up with you in a while – how are you settling in to your new lab?"

"It's great," I said enthusiastically. "I've found a lot of interesting references in the Ancient database which is partly why I wanted to talk to you. With your permission I'd like to accompany the research team back to Doranda. The chance to study the outpost first hand would advance my studies immensely and I think the risk is minimal."

"Did you speak to Colonel Sheppard about this?" Doctor Weir asked with a thoughtful expression.

"Is it his decision?" I asked, without answering her question. Whether or not Ronon joined John's team had been her call and I was hoping my participation would be the same.

"That depends on the perceived level of military risk," Doctor Weir admitted. "And that is the Colonel's call."

"I haven't spoken to him about this specific mission," I admitted reluctantly. "But I did speak to him about the concept of me going on an off world mission and he agreed that if my specific skills were genuinely needed then I'd get to go. I think this mission to Doranda fits within that agreement."

"I'll speak to Colonel Sheppard," Doctor Weir conceded. "Be prepared to leave first thing tomorrow morning."

"Thank you Doctor Weir," I said excitedly, almost bouncing my way out of her office.

"_You went over my head_?" John was pacing angrily in front of me later that night. I'd been hiding out in my room, expecting some kind of reaction once Doctor Weir had spoken to him.

"_I had t_o_!_" I didn't back down nor admit that it was wrong of me to talk to Doctor Weir before talking to him. "This mission needs my skills and we both know you were never going to agree to let me go unless I brought in an outsider. Doctor Weir is completely impartial and if she thinks the mission needs me _and_ that it's safe for me to go there should be no reason for you to object."

"I don't care whether Doctor Weir thinks it's safe," John dismissed my argument harshly. "What I do care about is your safety and whether I can provide the level of protection necessary to ensure it."

"You can trust me," I said softly. "I'll follow all your orders without question and the minute you say leave, I'll come back here without protest."

I watched as John rubbed a hand over his brow, looking at me intently as if trying to judge the validity of what I'd said.

"Promise?" he asked ruefully.

"Promise," I said firmly. "Does this mean I can go?"

"You can go," John agreed, quickly bracing himself as I launched myself into his arms for an excited hug. I covered his face with happy kisses as I chanted thankyous in an exuberant voice.

"Just don't make me regret it," John said before letting himself get captured by my enthusiasm.


	10. Did you get something off the database?

**Authors Note:**

Thanks to my loyal reviewers **PinkBug**, **EmSyd**, **chevron7** and **Allie108**. I laughed when I read your comment, chevron7, re who's availability Ronan was asking about. I was thinking Ronan would try to judge John and perhaps intimidate him a bit as well since he was the one who'd offered Ronan a place on Atlantis - so even though I meant Sabina it would actually work either way!

**Chapter 10: ****Did you at least get something interesting off the database?**

My job on Doranda was going to be similar to what I imagined Daniel had done in the early days of SG1. I wasn't going to be involved in anything to do with the weapon – instead I'd be searching the database there attempting to find out more about the Dorandans, their connection to the Ancients, and whether there were any other weapons or technologies mentioned that could be useful for Atlantis.

I was so excited that first day, almost bouncing in my anticipation of riding a Jumper through the gate for my first real mission.

"You're like a kid at Christmas," John teased, grinning at my antics.

"At least I'm not jaded like you," I retorted.

"When you've been through the gate as many times as I have," John drawled, "all the planets start blurring into each other."

"I can't imagine ever getting to that stage," I said, making myself comfortable in the back section of the Puddle Jumper along with the rest of the research team.

The trip was short and before I knew it we were flying over the devastation that was Doranda. My face fell as I realised there was little chance that anything of the Dorandan culture had survived beyond what was at the Ancient outpost. We had to climb down into the facility via a metal ladder which led straight into the main lab. The entire building seemed to be dominated by the central lab containing various consoles and a window showing a cylindrical room with some kind of device inside. Just off from the main lab was another smaller room that contained a single console – this was where I set myself up to access the Dorandan database.

"Stay in this room," John instructed me. "I'll be close by but keep your radio on," he checked to make sure my ear piece was in place. "Call me if you need me."

"I'll be fine," I said confidently. "Go – help Rodney." John nodded reluctantly before leaving me to my work.

I didn't get much done in the whole scheme of things that first day ... just enough to know the database was big enough that I wouldn't be able to copy the whole thing to my laptop like I'd hoped. I'd have to come up with some criteria to narrow my search or risk being distracted by the variety and colour of the information stored there.

Rodney and Doctor Zelenka had much more success. They discovered that the outpost was, as Rodney put it, the greatest discovery of all time. It appeared that the weapon was powered by a power source of such magnitude that it would make ZPMs obsolete. It had come too late for the Ancients to win the war but Rodney was confident he could complete their work and perfect the technique.

We returned home for Rodney and his team to do the necessary analysis of the command code. I was impatient to get back to Doranda but had to wait a few days before Rodney was ready to return. As before, I headed off to the smaller lab while the rest of the team converged on the main lab. That became our pattern over the course of the next week as research and simulations were conducted to determine if the system could be powered up safely.

"This place is amazing," I commented to John a few days later when he came to check on me.

"I know - Rodney's practically jumping up and down in excitement out there," John said, gesturing vaguely out the door.

"No - not just space-time vacuum energy, although that is pretty cool," I said. 'This place was prototype city for the Ancients. There's reference to a whole bunch of failed projects here. I think this is where the Ancients concentrated their efforts towards the end of the war - they were desperately trying to find ways to defeat the Wraith. I've linked the weapons research inventory device to the database here and I'm streamlining my search parameters ..." I broke off when I noticed John was grinning at me delightedly. "What?" I demanded.

"Nothing," he said. "It's just that you're so ... cute when you get all scientific. Are you sure you don't wanna join Rodney's Mensa chapter?"

"Very funny," I turned away so he couldn't see that I was amused by his comments. "Did you come in here for some reason other than to annoy me?"

"Yeah," John turned serious. "Rodney and Zelenka are about to try a controlled power-up of the system. Do you want to come watch?"

"Nah," I said. "You go ... I want to keep searching the database."

"Okay," John turned to leave the room. "Keep your radio on, just in case," John added before disappearing out the door.

Shaking my head fondly I turned back to my work. I was trying to find references to 'defensive' weapons as a priority - given the way the Wraith tended to punish with force of numbers any planet that attacked them I had decided that an effective defence against that kind of tactic would serve us better in the long run. I'd been at it for a few days and was starting to think there wasn't going to be anything other than the reams of stuff I'd found on shields (all requiring a ZPM to power them so probably useless to us for the moment). When my laptop started beeping I tapped at the keys not really expecting anything. The computer had stopped on something called project Imperium. As the Ancient text scrolled across my screen the words 'powered control' and 'telepathy' jumped out at me. Feeling a tingle of discovery I realised that I was finally on to something.

"Attention all personnel," Rodney's voice coming through my earpiece jolted me to awareness. "Stand by for power-up on my mark. Three, two, one, mark ..."

Ignoring the weapons test, I punched in some commands to transfer all the data on the project I'd just discovered from the Dorandan database to my laptop. There was a fair bit of data there and I couldn't help shifting from one foot to the other nervously as I waited for the transfer to complete.

"Sabina," John's voice came through my earpiece a few minutes later. "We're evacuating to the Jumper - get moving."

"I'll be there in a minute," I replied, watching the copy bar that indicated I still had about a tenth of the file left to copy.

"Now Sabina," John ordered sternly.

"On my way," I acknowledged, almost bouncing up and down as I waited impatiently. The copy bar hit the edge and my transfer completed. Quickly unplugging my laptop and unhooking the Ancient weapons inventory device I grabbed both and juggling them awkwardly, ran to the door.

John was pacing at the top of the ladder leading down to the outpost when I climbed up breathlessly a few minutes later. Grabbing the Ancient device impatiently from my arms he motioned for me to precede him towards the Jumper.

"What happened," I asked as I threw myself into one of the passenger seats next to Rodney. The other researchers were standing in the back section, strangely quiet compared to the buzz of noise that had accompanied our arrival. Rodney was sitting there with a shaky hand pressed to his face.

"Collins," he mumbled sickly. "The power levels were overloading and then ... something happened ... Collins was in the access tube ..." Rodney drew to a halt, leaving it to my imagination as to what had happened to Doctor Collins.

I raised an eyebrow at John as he turned from the pilot's chair to check on Rodney's condition. "Dead," he confirmed quietly.

I put a comforting hand on Rodney's shoulder but otherwise made no acknowledgement of the news. We made it back to Atlantis safely; John and Rodney disappeared immediately for an emergency meeting with Doctor Weir and the others. I spent the remainder of the day transferring and organising all the data I'd gotten from the Dorandan database so far.

"You broke your promise," John accused. It was later that night and I'd just arrived at his quarters for the evening.

"When?" I asked in confusion.

"On the planet," John persisted. "You said before I agreed to let you go on the mission 'the minute you say leave, I'll come back here without protest' but you didn't."

"But I _did_ leave when you said," I insisted, surprised he was quoting me - did the guy memorise everything I said?

"No - you finished your download, unplugged your machines, and then left with a heap of equipment weighing you down," John clarified.

"But that only took a few minutes," I protested. "Was I supposed to leave everything behind?" I had thought I'd done exactly what he'd asked and now I was confused that he saw it differently.

"_Yes_ you were," John said sternly. "When I said evacuate, you should have dropped everything and left."

"But it was only a few minutes," I pointed that out again.

"Even a few seconds could be the difference between escaping and being trapped somewhere," John pointed out. "In any evacuation the first rule is always to save yourself first - everything else can be replaced."

"I didn't know I was supposed to do that," I complained. "When did we make that rule?"

"Its standard operating practice," John pointed out. "It was part of the theory you studied during basic training."

"Oh," I said in surprise. The boring stuff ... that I'd skimmed through just enough to pass my tests. "Well how was I supposed to remember something I read once almost a year ago?"

"You really didn't remember?" John asked in a more reasonable tone.

"No," I insisted. "I thought I was doing the right thing - that weapon's inventory device plus what I copied off the Dorandan database probably isn't replaceable. I thought it was my responsibility to ensure we didn't lose them."

"Okay," John said reluctantly. "I'll let you off this time ... but if I ever order you to evacuate in the future you'll drop everything and run to the evac point the second I tell you to."

"Of course," I agreed easily.

"Did you at least get something interesting off the database?" John asked.

"Yes!" I'd almost forgotten my discovery in the horror of what had happened to Doctor Collins. "I found details of a project called Imperium – that means 'Control'. I don't know for sure but my first thought is that they were looking at defensive methods to stop the Wraith from using their greater numbers against the settled planets."

"Sounds interesting," John commented. "You should probably fill Doctor Weir in before you pursue it any further."

"Will we be able to go back to the planet?" I asked curiously, sitting down at the desk John had positioned in an alcove to the side of his bed. "There might still be something useful in the database."

"Not for a while, if ever," John said. "We might be able to send someone to copy the rest of the database though."

"There's lots of good stuff on shields in there," I pointed out. "Even without additional ZPMs we might be able to do more with the city's shield."

"Interesting," John commented, clearly no longer paying full attention to what I was saying. He made a move towards me but was halted when his door alarm beeped. "What now?" he muttered as he went to answer it.

"Harry K Daghilian," I heard Rodney's voice from the doorway. Luckily my position at the desk was mostly hidden from view behind the floor to ceiling column that sat in the middle of the room for no particular reason that I could see.

"Who?" John questioned.

"He was a scientist," Rodney said. "Worked on the Manhattan Project at Los Alamos. He was only twenty-six years old. Accidentally irradiated himself while performing a critical mass experiment on two half-spheres of plutonium. Took him a month to die. While his body was slowly shutting down from radiation poisoning, you know what he did with his last thirty days, hmm?" Rodney waited a few seconds for John to respond. When John said nothing, Rodney continued. "He worked. He tried until his last breath to understand what had happened to him so that others could learn from the tragedy, so that his work, his death, wouldn't be rendered meaningless. Now, have you considered what would have happened if they'd just shut the Project down after that."

"This is different," John replied when it seemed that Rodney had finished his long spiel.

"Is it?" Rodney's voice rose slightly in volume. "Collin's death is a pointless waste of life unless something comes of this, and I am not sure that I can ... " Rodney's voice shook as if he were swallowing tears. "I think I know what happened," he said more confidently.

"Let's hear it," John invited seriously.

"Can I come in?" Rodney asked.

"No," John refused, obviously remembering at that point that I was waiting for him. He didn't tell Rodney I was there and I agreed with the sentiment, knowing that Rodney wouldn't be pleased to learn how much of the conversation I'd already overheard.

Deciding Rodney deserved some privacy I plugged my IPod earphones into my ears and leant back to listen to some music while I waited for John to finish his conversation. After a few minutes, John moved away from the door, rubbing a hand over his hair as he frowned in deep thought.

"Is Rodney okay?" I asked, shutting off the IPod.

"He's struggling with guilt over Collins," John admitted. "Rodney's not military, despite the experience he's gained here. He's not used to ordering people to do things that end up getting them killed."

"It hasn't been that long since Doctor Lindstrom either," I pointed out.

"No ... I think Rodney feels that he should be able to put this sort of thing behind him ... it'll take him a while to accept that you never put it behind you," John's face was troubled with memories he'd probably never share with me. He blinked before focussing back on me "He wants me to speak to Doctor Weir for him."

"Are you going to?" I asked.

"He asked me to trust him ... said he'd earned it," John seemed to be still considering his options. "He _has_ come through for us in the past," John admitted.

"So you'll talk to Doctor Weir tomorrow," I deduced that John would go into bat for Rodney, despite his misgivings.

"Yeah," John agreed, moving towards me again. "Now where were we?"


	11. Do you think Sheppard will forgive me?

**Chapter 11: ****Do you think Sheppard will forgive me?**

The next day, John spoke with Doctor Weir and obviously convinced her that Rodney knew what he was doing. He was in the Jumper bay preparing to head back to Doranda when I caught up with him.

"You're going back to Doranda?" I asked from the open Jumper door.

"Don't _do_ that!" John protested, pretending to be startled at my abrupt arrival.

"You're going back," I commented again, ignoring his antics.

"Yeah," John admitted. "Doctor Weir agreed but only on the condition that someone go to protect Rodney from himself."

"And that someone has to be you?" I questioned seriously.

"It'll be fine," John glossed over the seriousness of the mission.

"Do you have some deep seated need to put yourself in harm's way?" I asked somewhat angrily.

"My job requires -" John began.

"_Don't_ put this down to the job!" I cut him off before he could excuse his choice as duty. "Your _job_ is to be in command of the military here - you should be the _last_ person risking your life on a mission anyone could do."

"Stop right there," the dangerous edge in John's voice cut through my righteous indignation. We stood staring at each other for a few seconds before John looked away, running an agitated hand through his hair.

"Look,' he turned back to me and said in a more reasonable time. "I know where this is coming from ... you'll just have to trust that I wouldn't let _anyone_ go back to that planet if I thought it was too risky. If it's safe for anyone to go then it's safe for _me_ to go."

"You're right," I nodded, understanding the logic behind that. Even though I knew he wasn't above sacrificing himself for the greater good I realised that he wouldn't put Rodney in danger like that. "I'm sorry ... it's just that you always seem to volunteer yourself for these crazy missions ... I had no right to question your decision ..."

"No," John broke in. "I gave you the right to question me when we made this an exclusive deal, ' he gestured a hand to indicate the bond between us. "I don't wanna put restrictions on what is or isn't included in that." He closed the distance between us and pulled me into his side. "Are we good?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're good," I agreed, leaning in to him. To be honest I was a bit startled at the power he was giving me - if I'd thought about it for more than a second when I first heard he was going back to Doranda I never would have brought it up in the first place.

"Good, then you can help me with my pre flight checks," John pulled me to the front of the Jumper.

"Just promise me you'll pull the plug if the weapon begins to overload again," I asked quietly.

"Could have been Mensa, remember?" John quipped. I didn't need the reminder that he was smarter than he presented himself to be. We continued to prepare the Jumper for his mission in silence, and before I was ready John and Rodney were off through the gate to Doranda.

Knowing I needed something to take my mind off John and Rodney, I headed down to my lab to begin working through the data I'd copied from the Dorandan database. I knew that I could have headed up to the Control Room to wait it out until John and Rodney returned. I was seriously tempted to do just that but I didn't for two reasons. My temperament was not suited to sitting around doing nothing, especially if things started to go downhill. If I had to sit there listening to John getting himself into trouble it would drive me nuts to be powerless to help him. The second reason was that I knew everyone else would be in the Control Room during the mission - of course they all knew John and me were a couple but that didn't mean I wanted them to witness the depth of my feelings for him. I'd discovered on the Daedalus that it was hard to contain intense emotions during a crisis situation - I'd rather sit it out in my lab with my radio linked in to the Control Room so I could suffer in private!

I was glad to be by myself when I heard the entire conversation between Doctor Zelenka and Rodney. The fact that Doctor Zelenka believed the weapon had killed the Ancients who designed it filled me with dread, especially when Rodney just completely discounted the seriousness of what that meant. Did he really believe that he could solve a problem the Ancients had been unable to?

"_Come on_ John," I whispered to myself. "Pull the plug!"

"I'll call you back after the test," John told Doctor Weir instead. "How does that sound?"

_"How does that sound? How about idiotic!_" I said aloud, glad that no one else could hear me. I could only assume that Rodney had said something to convince John he really did know what he was doing.

Pretending I was fully engaged with my research, despite no one being there to witness my diligence, I waited out the next hour in tense anticipation. When I heard the Jumper was returning I couldn't resist running down to the Jumper bay to check they were all right. The Jumper had been parked in its usual spot by the time I got there. I stood at the door watching as first John and then Rodney exited the Jumper, apparently unharmed. I raised an eyebrow when John turned without acknowledging Rodney and headed at a brisk pace towards the door.

"Colonel," Rodney called out in an almost pleading voice, hurrying after him.

John kept walking, ignoring Rodney completely. I looked at John questioningly when he reached me but he just shook his head, putting a hand under my elbow to draw me along with him. I glanced back over my shoulder and saw Rodney standing there, looking dejected. Although both were physically unhurt, something had been broken on that planet and I feared it would be some time before it could be mended.

The gossip doing the rounds by evening was that Doctor Weir had chewed Rodney out but good over destroying five sixths of a solar system and putting people's lives at risk. Doctor Weir believed that Rodney had known there was a question about what he was doing, even though Rodney had denied it.

"You've got to talk to Sheppard for me," Rodney cornered me in my lab early the next day.

"Why would I do that?" I asked Rodney. John had filled me in on what had happened on Doranda the previous day and I was feeling a fair bit of anger towards Rodney on my own account.

"Because I've been looking all over for him and I can't find him," Rodney said in agitation. "I've already apologised to Elizabeth and Radek and I just ..."

"If John's avoiding you it's because he's not ready to talk Rodney," I tried to put myself in his shoes and knew I'd be pretty desperate to mend things if I thought I'd damaged John's trust in me.

"Couldn't you just ... you know, put in a good word for me?" Rodney begged.

"I'd like to help you," I began before stopping myself. "You know what? That's a lie. I don't want to help you Rodney - you risked John's life yesterday as well as your own because you _wouldn't_ listen to anyone else ... a habit you _really_ need to break."

"You weren't there," Rodney began to protest. "You don't have the right to criticise my-"

"No," I agreed, cutting him off. "I _wasn't_ there - but I did hear your conversation with Doctor Zelenka. You asked me to help - as far as I'm concerned that _gives_ me the right to comment." I looked at him, noticing that he was looking down at the floor miserably. It was a saddening site to see the great Doctor Rodney McKay reduced to the indecisive person I saw before me and I felt my heart soften despite my anger.

"Look Rodney," I said more gently. "No one doubts your brilliance, nor your ability to come up with solutions in the midst of a crisis." Rodney looked up with a pleased smile at my words. "But you really suck at dealing with people," I added. "You need to allow for the possibility that someone else can be equally brilliant and that a solution can be made better by considering _everyone's_ input." I smiled as Rodney looked away with a grimace.

"Do you think Sheppard will forgive me?" he asked hesitantly.

"I don't know why sometimes, but John likes you Rodney," I said in a teasing tone, pleased when Rodney laughed instead of taking offense. "You used the trust between you to do something that deep down you couldn't have been that sure of," my expression turned serious. "John knows that and it'll take a while for him to forget it. You'll need to earn his trust back."

"Are you sure you can't ...?" Rodney broke off with a hopeful look.

"Nice try, but no," I said firmly. "I'll tell him you're looking for him though."

Rodney did eventually catch up with John - John gave him an opening to eventually gaining back the trust he'd damaged. On the surface it seemed that everything was back to normal between them ... speaking to John privately I knew that wasn't quite the case but that in time it would be.

**Authors Note:**

Conversion is coming up in the next three chapters ... I'm doing some final editing and will post them tomorrow.


	12. What's wrong with you?

**Chapter 12: What's wrong with you?**

"It was really weird," John said, holding out his right arm and showing me where the feeding mark should have been. "I had blood dripping on the ground but now ... nothing."

John was back from the infirmary where Doctor Beckett had given him the all clear to return to his usual activities. He'd come down to the lab to tell me what had happened on the mission he'd just returned from. I ran a hand down his arm, looking closely at where he'd said Ellia had grabbed him.

"Are you completely sure it was all your blood?" I asked even though I knew it'd be unlikely John would make a mistake like that.

"Yeah," John pulled his sleeve down over his arm, looking at me with a strangely intent gaze. "It hurt like a son of a bitch - can't make a mistake with that."

"What did Doctor Beckett say?" I could feel that horrible sense of foreboding you get when you just know something bad is about to happen ... a feeling which I studiously ignored it.

"He's running my blood work now," John seemed to be almost brimming with repressed energy. "Said it'd take half a day to get the results." Before I could say anything else John changed the subject. 'Wanna do some sparring a bit later?"

"Sure," I agreed easily. It had been a few days since our last session.

"Great," John said, heading for the door. "I'm gonna go for a run with Ronan first - I'll give you a call when I'm done."

"O-kay," I said the last part of that word to myself - John had already left.

About an hour later I walked into the gym, carrying my fighting sticks with me. John was already there, swinging his sticks in a circular motion. He was alternating in a pattern of crossed arms with sticks at shoulder height and arms outstretched at hip level much more rapidly than I'd ever seen him do before.

"Looking good," I complimented him. When he didn't acknowledge my comment I grabbed my own sticks and worked through my usual warm up routine in silence.

"Ready?" John asked intently, watching me closely.

"If you are," I agreed.

We took up fighting stances and before I could even register that the fight had begun John had leapt forward in attack, swinging his left stick toward my arm while swiping the other at hip height. I jumped back to avoid a hit to the waist but couldn't completely get clear and received a hard hit to my shoulder.

"That's gonna leave a bruise," I complained as I rubbed the spot with a grimace.

"Sorry," John said somewhat insincerely, waiting for me to resume my fighting stance.

"Have you been practising?" I asked puzzled that his skills seemed so much more ... advanced than the last time we'd sparred.

"Not really," John admitted, raising his sticks for us to begin again.

This time I was more prepared for his speed and managed to hold off his rapid attack by giving up ground. Just before I hit the wall I ducked low, running around him back to the centre of the room.

John grinned at me, throwing one of his sticks to the floor and facing me with just the one stick held out towards me. When he put his other hand behind his back I could feel my anger starting to surface. That had been just plain condescending and that wasn't like John.

"What's with the ... aggression?" I asked hotly.

"Just spar," John almost growled.

I put the full force and control I had at my disposal into my next attack - John deflected every blow with ease, again making me give ground to avoid getting hit. He feinted left when I attempted the same ducking manoeuvre and instead of escaping I found myself pinned to the wall with John's fighting stick pressed to my throat.

"John?" I was panting at the exertion while he seemed to have hardly broken a sweat. "Do you want to go again?"

John didn't back away or answer - just stared at me with an intense expression I was hard pressed to meet. I began to feel nervous at his uncharacteristic behaviour and struggled not to let him see it. "You're hurting me," I said softly, feeling the stick pressing into my neck to the point of cutting off some of my air.

John frowned slightly before lowering the stick and throwing it across the room. I put a hand to my neck, watching him closely. When he grabbed my head in both hands and started kissing me fiercely I initially thought nothing of it - it wasn't the first sparring session we'd had where we'd gotten just a little too ... passionate and resorted to a different sort of physical contest.

Only a few seconds into the kiss I realised this time was completely different. John had never treated me as though I was fragile but he'd also never been as rough as he was being then. He ground his lips against mine, starving me for air as he pinned me hard to the wall. I struggled to pull away, finally resorting to jabbing him in the stomach to break his hold.

We stood frozen a step away from each other, both breathing hard as we stared into each other's eyes.

"I'm not really sure what just happened," John said in a more normal voice. He made a move towards me and I couldn't help but flinch away from his touch. "Sabina?" his expression became pained when he realised I was struggling to hold back tears.

"What's wrong with you?" I almost whispered, still breathing hard.

"Look," John began, also panting slightly.

"Colonel Sheppard, please report to the infirmary!" Doctor Beckett's voice from the radio interrupted him.

"You okay?" John asked, making no move to leave.

"Doctor Beckett will be expecting you," I ignored his question, trying to put on a calm face.

"Yeah," John admitted. He looked at me for a few seconds, obviously torn between the desire to stay and fix things and the knowledge that whatever Carson wanted to tell him was probably urgent. Finally he turned to leave, giving me a regretful look before he disappeared out the door.

As soon as he was gone I dropped to the floor. Resting my hands over my raised knees I leant back against the wall, breathing deeply to control the desire I still had to burst into tears. My mind was racing over the contradiction of John's behaviour today with what I was used to. It was hardly a surprise therefore when Doctor Beckett called me down to the infirmary a short time later.

"Colonel Sheppard has been infected with the iratus bug retrovirus," Doctor Beckett told me.

"Retrovirus?" I looked questioningly at Carson.

"We've been working on a way to strip out the iratus bug elements from a Wraith and leave only the human elements behind," Carson revealed. "Unfortunately our first strain had the opposite effect to what we intended. When Ellia tried to feed on the Colonel she passed the virus to him."

"What does that mean? I asked in concern.

"Maybe nothing,' Carson said hopefully. "The retrovirus could just break down in his system."

"And if it doesn't?" my voice was barely above a whisper as I asked the question I wasn't sure I wanted to hear the answer to.

"Then the virus will start rewriting the Colonel's DNA,' Doctor Beckett admitted reluctantly.

"Would it alter his mood?" I asked reluctantly. "When we sparred earlier John was behaving ... strangely."

"I don't know what the effects are likely to be," Doctor Beckett said in frustration. "The virus was never designed to be given to a human."

"What can I do?" I met Carson's eyes with a pleading look.

"The Colonel's due to check in a couple of hours from now," Doctor Beckett said. "He won't show it but he'd probably pretty worried right now ... maybe he'll open up a bit more with you, let loose some of the stress he's under."

"Okay," I said. "I'll just go and ... check on him myself then."

Deciding the most likely place for John to go under the circumstances would be his quarters, I headed there straight from the infirmary. John was sitting on his bed prodding his right arm in sick fascination when I opened the door. As I got closer I realised there was a patch of scaly skin surrounded by a blue discolouration right where John said Ellia had tried to feed on him. His unguarded expression at my unexpected arrival clued me in that Carson was right - John _was_ on the edge of freaking out. The shutters closed over his eyes immediately, leaving the usual 'John Sheppard care free wise guy' expression behind.

I raised an eyebrow at him, looking pointedly at the affected arm. Tapping his ear piece John spoke reluctantly into the radio.

"Hey, Doc? This is Sheppard."

"Yes, Colonel," Carson's voice replied straight away.

"We may have to bump up our first check-in." John admitted.

"Come on," I said, reaching for his other arm. He let me pull him up from the bed and walked quietly by my side as I escorted him back to the infirmary.

**Authors Note:**

Thanks for the review **chevron7** - I did briefly consider leaving the Teyla kiss in as is but then I wondered how much different that aggressive dynamic would be if it took place in an established relationship ... hence this chapter. Hope it worked okay!


	13. This is bad, isn't it?

**Chapter 13: This is bad, isn't it?**

I stood over with Doctor Weir as John was scanned with Doctor Beckett and one of his staff in attendance. As soon as they were finished Doctor Beckett made his way over to us.

"The retrovirus isn't breaking down in his system like we hoped it would," Doctor Beckett said softly.

"You're positive?" Doctor Weir spoke while I stood frozen, gazing at John lying on the infirmary bed.

"Yes," Doctor Beckett confirmed. "In fact, it's beginning to alter his DNA. If this is allowed to continue, he'll devolve into a creature similar to what Ellia became."

Doctor Beckett sat down at his desk, rubbing a tired hand over his face. I tore my glance away from John and asked "How long does he have?"

"I'm not sure exactly," Carson admitted.

"Ballpark! Months, weeks?," I demanded in a low, sharp voice.

"Days," Carson said very softly. "We have days." My insides clenched at the news and I hastily looked back at John. He appeared to be oblivious to our presence but I wondered if he could hear any of what we were saying.

"OK," Doctor Weir said briskly. "What's the plan?"

"I've injected him with a viral inhibitor," Doctor Beckett offered. "It should slow down the retrovirus as far as his cognitive abilities are concerned, but I'm afraid that's it so far. We're exploring various treatments that may or may not be effective, so ..."

"John doesn't have time for you to explore!" I said heatedly. "Isn't there something in the Ancient database that can help you find a treatment," I demanded impatiently.

"We're doing our best!" Doctor Beckett pointed out. "Anything we do is going to take time."

"I'm sorry, I know," I said apologetically, trying to calm down. "Of course you are." I watched John lying there, apparently starring up at the ceiling.

"You should talk to him," Doctor Beckett said to me. "He's hiding it very well, but if I was him? I'd be scared to death."

Before I could respond John sat up suddenly on the bed, looking toward us with that strange intent expression I'd already seen that day.

"How'm I doin'?" he asked from across the room.

I exchanged an apprehensive glance with Doctor Beckett before walking slowly over to John's bed. I stood there frozen as he looked me up and down, clearly waiting for me to say something.

"Anything that has you speechless has me concerned," John quipped in a voice that lacked that intense edge he'd had earlier.

"You'll be fine," I said bracingly, trying for a reassuring smile.

"Wow," John exclaimed. "That's dead man talk."

"It is not!" I denied hotly.

"Remember this?" John turned his right arm so that I could see the scaly patch had grown and changed to a disgusting spiky looking thing.

"Doctor Beckett will work something out," I insisted.

"I think I already have," John said lightly. "You know who I'm starting to feel like?" He paused for a moment before answering his own question. "Ford."

"What happened to Aiden was completely different," I said firmly.

"I know, I know," John agreed. "Still, I can feel it. I mean, I can feel it changing me inside ... like he did."

"It's just that you're worried,' I offered that as a reason he'd be feeling that way.

"No, no. No, it's ... .uh ...," John paused to think for a moment before continuing. "One of the best weeks of my life was when I got my wisdom teeth out. I was on codeine for a full seven days. This is kinda the same. I know I should be in pain, or at the very least freaked out by this, but hey! I'm not ... and that freaks me out more than anything."

"We're gonna get through this," I sat on the side of his bed and put a hand on his shoulder.

"We're gonna get through this? Doctor Beckett will work something out? _You'll be fine?_" John repeated all the lame phrases I'd already used in our short conversation. "You really suck at the whole bedside manner thing."

"I do," I agreed in embarrassment.

"But I appreciate the effort," John put a hand over mine and squeezed gently. I smiled genuinely for the first time that day. Settling down at his bedside I resigned myself to letting the experts do their jobs, praying silently that they'd find a solution before it was too late.

Things only got tenser as the day wore on. It hadn't take John long to get frustrated at lying around in an infirmary bed and I had not improved my performance as bedside cheerer upper. Doctor Beckett's nursing staff continually monitored John, checking to see how lucid he was. I wasn't heartened by the realisation that they were continually upping his dose of the inhibitor to keep him at the same level of awareness.

My mind became just slightly easier when Doctor Beckett came back to the infirmary some hours later and hurriedly began packing some things into his kit.

"What's happening?" I moved away from John's bedside to quiz Carson.

"Major Lorne is leading the rest of the Colonel's team to the iratus bug planet,' Carson glanced over at John before speaking very quietly to me. "If we can get some iratus bug stem cells from their eggs we can trick his system into repairing his mutated cells."

"Aren't these bugs really dangerous?" I frowned worriedly.

"Aye," Carson admitted. "We're taking extra backup ... don't worry lass, it's be fine." He patted me on the shoulder before heading to the store room for more supplies.

"Did I hear right?" John asked when I returned to his bed. "Carson's got an idea for how to fix this," he gestured with distaste to his right side.

John kept insisting that physically he was fine ... if you discounted the fact that his appearance was gradually taking on more and more iratus bug characteristics. His right arm was especially obvious - it was completely covered in wrinkly, pimpled bluey coloured scaly skin – even his nails had transformed. The effect now covered his whole right arm, shoulder and up the side of his neck.

"They need to harvest some iratus bug eggs," I couldn't see the point in keeping him in the dark. "Major Lorne is leading the mission."

John nodded thoughtfully but didn't say anything else. When Carson returned to the room John motioned him over.

"Can I get out of here for a while Doc?" he asked in a reasonable tone. "You can assign me an escort ... I've got all this energy pent up and I really need to stretch my legs for a bit."

"I don't see why not,' Doctor Beckett agreed readily. "As long as you take it easy and come back here as soon as you're done."

"Thanks Doc," John sprang up from the bed, motioning for a passing Marine to accompany him out of the infirmary.

He was gone before I realised he hadn't even acknowledged my presence, let alone said goodbye. That set off alarms in my head and after wishing Doctor Beckett good luck for the mission I hurriedly followed John out the door.

It took me just long enough to work out John was headed for Doctor Weir's office to miss the main event. The sound of breaking glass resounded down the corridor and I broke into a run, bursting into the corridor outside Doctor Weir's door in time to see John's Marine escort pointing his weapon straight at John.

"It's OK!," Doctor Weir held up a hand toward the Marine. "Put it down."

The Marine lowered his sidearm as everyone from the Control Room reluctantly went back to their work.

"I'm betting that didn't sell you?" John said softly, unaware that I was standing just outside the door.

"No. No, not really." Doctor Weir agreed.

"I should go back to the infirmary," John put his affected hand back into his pocket.

"Yes," Doctor Weir nodded firmly.

John turned back to the door and noticed me standing there. He looked at the ground shamefully before walking around me and heading off down the corridor, Marine guard still in attendance.

"This is bad, isn't it?" I said to Doctor Weir softly.

"Yes it is," Doctor Weir agreed. "John wanted to go on the mission."

"I thought as much," I replied. "Maybe you should have let him. Physically he's stronger, faster - maybe they'd have a better chance of succeeding if ..."

"He could compromise the mission if his condition changes too rapidly," Dr Weir stated firmly. "It would be irresponsible of me to let him go."

"It's gonna frustrate the hell out of him to sit around waiting while someone else takes all the risks," I pointed out.

"I know," Dr Weir admitted. "We'll just have to make the best out of a bad situation. How're _you_ doing - are you okay?"

"Don't," I held up a hand to stop her, feeling myself skating the edge of tears at her concern. "I don't think I can take any sympathy right now ... gotta be strong for John."

"I understand," Doctor Weir acknowledged. "I hope you know you can talk to me ... if you need to."

I thanked her before turning and quietly leaving the room. I returned to the infirmary only to find that John wasn't there. When I asked one of the nurses where he was she said he'd decided to wait it out in his quarters - under guard of course. Sure that John probably wanted some time alone but worried that he might feel we were abandoning him I left it only an hour or so before heading down to his quarters. I was surprised to find two armed guards outside his door when I arrived.

"Doctor Weir has ordered that no one gets in there," one of the guards informed me.

"But," I thought about arguing but decided instead to talk to Doctor Weir directly.

"Doctor Weir,' I requested her acknowledgement after tapping my earpiece. "This is Sabina."

"Yes Sabina," Doctor Weir replied immediately.

"The guards outside John's room won't let me in," I said. "Can you tell them it's okay for me to go in there?"

"I'm not sure that's wise," Doctor Weir hesitated. "Colonel Sheppard himself ordered the extra guard."

"John needs to know I haven't abandoned him," I pleaded. "The guards are here ... John won't hurt me."

"Okay," Doctor Weir agreed reluctantly. "But only for a few minutes."

"Thank you," I looked over at the guards to make sure they'd heard Doctor Weir. One of them nodded and stepped back so I could go inside.

The room was in darkness and at first I couldn't work out where John was. I moved over to the light.

"Leave it," John's voice echoed harshly in the darkness.

"John?" I called out softly, turning to look for him again. Finally I noticed him sitting on the floor beside his desk.

"It's not safe for you to be here," John had his head turned away from me.

"You wouldn't hurt me," I insisted, walking over to his position.

"I already did," John reminded me of what had happened in the gym earlier that day.

"No you didn't," I denied. I knelt on the floor in front of him and put a hesitant hand on his knee. "How bad is it?"

"I'm turning into a bug!" John jumped up suddenly, knocking me backwards as he strode away. "What do you think?!"

"Are you in pain?" I ignored his outburst. "Do you need anything?"

"You should leave," John insisted again. I got up off the floor and slowly walked towards him. He turned away again and I realised he didn't want me to see him like that.

"I'm not going anywhere," I vowed, trying to pull him to face me.

He jerked away from my hand before rounding on me and getting right up into my face. I didn't flinch, calmly facing him down as I finally got a good look at his appearance. The transformation had travelled as far as his cheekbone and taken on a more Wraith like appearance. His right eye was also now transformed, looking yellow and catlike, again similar to the Wraith.

"It's not that bad,' I lied shamelessly.

"Ha,' John laughed harshly. "You never were very good at lying."

"I know," I agreed. We looked at each other in silence for a few moments.

"Is Beckett back yet?" John finally broke the silence to ask.

"No," I admitted. "The cave is a fair way from the gate so it might take a while."

"If they're not successful I need you to promise me something," John was suddenly much more lucid and I knew he was exerting tremendous control on himself.

"What?" I asked reluctantly, sickly suspecting I knew where this was going.

"I don't want to be a Wraith," John stated the obvious. "If this gets to the stage where Beckett can't find any of the old John Sheppard left, I want you to do the mercy kill." He said it calmly, like he was asking me to go to the shops for some bread.

"NO!" I turned away, feeling the tears I'd been holding at bay brimming in my eyes. "John," I turned back to plead with him. "Don't make me do this ... I don't think I can do this!"

"I don't want you to do it yourself," John put his still somewhat human left hand on my shoulder. "Ronan will do it if you ask ... but you gotta make him understand if the time comes that it's what I want ... _promise me_!"

I looked at him in torment, stubbornly refusing to answer.

"PROMISE ME!" John yelled, shaking me slightly.

"_I promise_," I cried, tears streaming down my face. John pulled me into his arms and squeezed me tight. Before I was ready to let go he pushed me away from him.

"Go," he growled.

"I want to stay with you," I sniffed, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

"DON'T ARGUE WITH ME!" John yelled. "I can't control this for much longer - DO WHAT I SAY!"

"ALL RIGHT!" I yelled back. He was still my John so I walked up to him, put my hands on either side of his head and pulled him down for a kiss. He kissed me back fiercely and then pushed me away again, urging me to leave before he lost it.

On the other side of the door I paused, at a loss for what to do next. Hardly aware of the guards I stumbled off towards my quarters to wait for John's team to return.


	14. You're okay with that?

**Chapter 14: You're **_**okay**_** with that?**

I threw myself fully dressed onto my bed and lay staring up at the ceiling. My mind was racing with an ever more frightening array of scenarios for how this could end. I felt numb and at a loss, wanting to do something but unable to even keep John company, let alone go out and find him a cure.

Jerked awake only a short time later by the sound of my radio beeping I squinted in the darkness, momentarily wondering where I was. It all came back to me in a sickening rush and I jumped up quickly. Grabbing my earpiece I hastily put it on before tapping it to make contact with Doctor Beckett.

"You're back!" I exclaimed.

"Sabina," Carson said in a serious tone. "You need to get down to the infirmary."

"Okay," I didn't ask why, running as fast as I was able down the corridor.

"Doctor Beckett?" I called as I burst through the infirmary doors.

"Over here," he replied, gesturing me towards a bed that was closed off from the rest of the infirmary. John was lying there completely still, his wrists both covered with the restraints holding him to the bed. His transformation had progressed rapidly since my last sight of him, covering his whole face up to his forehead. When I glanced in question at Doctor Beckett he nodded his permission for me to go in.

"Oh God, John," my hand shook as I hesitantly touched the hair that was still classic John Sheppard. "You didn't get the eggs?" I turned back to Carson with dread.

"No lass," Carson admitted. "The nest was too heavily guarded. And we lost two men in the attempt."

"Oh No," I muttered sickly, knowing that if ... no _when_ ... John came through this the knowledge that his illness had cost two of his men their lives would sit very heavily on his heart.

"I've put the Colonel into a medically induced coma," Dr Beckett continued. "He escaped from his room and Ronan had to stun him to bring him down."

"How long?" I whispered, gazing down at John as I stroked his hair absently.

"Less than 24 hours," Doctor Beckett admitted. "If we don't do something by then, the John Sheppard we know will be gone."

I nodded, unable to bring myself to say anything. Feeling my control slipping and knowing John would hate for me to break down in front of Carson, I turned my face away.

"I ah ... need a moment," I said faintly. "I'm gonna ... walk for a bit. I'll be back soon but call me if ..." I walked away from that unfinished sentence.

Hardly knowing where I was going I ended up at the gym where John and I worked out. I walked inside and spotting the punching bag hanging from the ceiling, decided some physical exertion was exactly what I needed. I slammed that bag so hard I broke the skin on my knuckles but I still kept going. The litany of "no no no" in my head was accompanied by the fast rhythm of punches I dealt out. I was punching erratically in tiredness before I finally gave up. Putting my head against the bag and holding on tight I let loose, harsh wails of despair coupled with a flood of tears. God it was so unfair! My whole life I'd had no one and now, when I'd finally found a place in someone's heart, they were being ripped away from me. My tears were almost spent before I realised I was no longer alone.

"Sheppard wouldn't want you to do this," Ronan said quietly, standing just inside the doorway.

"How long have you been there?" my voice was rough and gravelly from my extended bout of crying.

"Long enough," Ronan stated simply. He moved into the room silently, putting himself just behind me as I stubbornly clung to the punching bag. When he placed a hand on my shoulder I flinched.

"Don't," I ordered, letting go of the bag and putting some distance between us. Ronan stood in the middle of the room, watching me absently touching the equipment as I paced around.

"He wants me to do the mercy kill," I slammed that one into the silence. "Well, actually he wants you to - he wants me to make sure you do it."

"I wondered," Ronan admitted.

"You're _okay_ with that?" I turned to look at him incredulously.

"No," Ronan said simply. "But he's a friend ... he'd do the same for me."

"I don't think I can do this," I finally admitted my weakness. "I don't think I can watch him die like this."

"You can," Ronan contradicted me. "Sheppard loves you ... he needs you to be there."

I started to cry again, leaning my head tiredly against the wall. Ronan approached me slowly, again putting a hand on my shoulder. When I didn't flinch away like before he gently pulled me toward him – slowly my head dropped until I was crying into his chest.

"You're really good at this," I muttered into his shirt when my tears had finally run out.

"Melina, my wife I guess you'd call her, was a nurse," Ronan said softly. "It upset her to lose patients."

"She's the reason you're so driven to defeat the Wraith?" I looked at him in time to see the anguish before he put in back behind his mask.

"Partly," Ronan admitted.

"Then her death wasn't in vain," I leant my head against his shoulder and we remained in companionable silence for a while.

"This is so unfair," my voice echoed harshly in the quiet room.

"It is," Ronan agreed simply. I stepped away from him and dried my face. "Ready?" he asked.

"No," I said, "but I'll do it just the same."

"McKay and Teyla are waiting in the commissary," Ronan put a hand on my elbow to guide me in the right direction. Not sure I really wanted company but feeling too weak to make an issue of it I let Ronan drag me along with him.

Teyla and Rodney were sitting at one of the tables on the balcony surrounding the commissary. Wordlessly I sat next to Teyla, hardly listening as she greeted Ronan and me.

"What did you do to your hands?" Rodney asked in a slightly horrified tone.

I looked down and realised my knuckles were a mess of bruises and drying blood. "Nothing," I said, quickly putting them on my lap under the table.

"You should have Doctor Beckett look at them," Teyla said calmly.

"Of course," I exclaimed angrily, "because a couple of bleeding knuckles are my biggest problem right now!"

Teyla and Rodney exchanged worried glances at my outburst. Before they could say anything else I got up - I'd only been there a few minutes but I just couldn't stand to be around them. "_Sorry_," I apologised. "I'm not fit company right now ... I'll just -" I broke off and strode from the table before anyone could stop me. I passed Doctor Weir on my way down the corridor but I didn't stop or even acknowledge her.

Realising there was only one place for me to be I made my way back to the infirmary. Doctor Beckett wasn't there so I took my place next to John's bed. I put a hand on his chest, comforted by the feel of his heart beating strongly.

"Sabina," Doctor Beckett ran into the room a few minutes later, followed closely by Doctor Weir. "We've got a plan."

"What is it?" I asked, still keeping one hand on John.

"The Colonel's sweat glands are producing trace amounts of the iratus bug signature pheromone," Carson said. "He should be able to walk right into the cave and collect the eggs we need himself."

"He's not exactly ... up to it anymore," I pointed out.

"True," Beckett agreed. "But I believe if we give him a massive dose of the viral inhibitor, he may be clear-headed enough to complete the mission before we lose him completely."

"Is that safe?" I asked worriedly.

"It's a definite possibility that such a massive dose could kill him," Doctor Beckett admitted. "Even if I knew it would for certain, I'd still be tempted to offer him one last hour of lucidity."

"Do you need my agreement?" I asked Doctor Beckett calmly.

"Not exactly," Doctor Beckett replied. "But you are the closest thing to the Colonel's family and you know better than anyone what he'd want to do."

"He'd want the chance to go out fighting," I was confident that John would have agreed if Doctor Beckett could have asked him directly. "Do it."

Doctor Beckett nodded and went off to get the inhibitor drug ready. He administered it and then stepped back to await John's reaction. John's eyes snapped open suddenly. He looked around him with an expression that made me think he was horrified to find himself still alive and still half Wraith.

"John?" I called for him to look at me. "You're in the infirmary."

"Sorry about the headache," Doctor Beckett said ruefully. "It's a side effect of the inhibitor."

"Did I hurt anyone?" John asked in concern.

"No, not seriously," Doctor Weir reassured him.

"Did Ronon _shoot_ me?" John looked at me in disbelief.

"You had it coming!" I smiled to see that he appeared to be like the John Sheppard we knew.

"Look, we don't have a lot of time," Doctor Weir explained. "This dose of the inhibitor drug will only last about an hour. How would you like to go on a mission?"

John nodded and Doctor Beckett quickly explained about the pheromones protecting him from the bugs in the egg cave. Within minutes John was draped in a hooded cloak ready to be escorted down to the Gateroom. I made to follow but John stopped short and looked at me intently.

"I'm coming with you," I said firmly.

"You're not," John disagreed.

"Please?" I almost begged. "I need to be there ... if ..." I broke off and looked away.

"The drug will wear off," John's voice pleaded for me to understand what he needed. "There's every chance Ronan will have to ... I don't want you ... seeing that." Before I could respond John turned and continued walking down the corridor.

I just stood there watching him walk away from me, wondering if I'd ever see him again. Turning back to see Doctor Weir standing nearby I completely lost it.

"This is insane!" I said harshly, glaring at her. "John is almost beyond help and _now_ you think it's safe for him to go on a mission? If you'd just let him go in the first place when he wanted to he'd be on his way to getting better instead of ..." I trailed off, panting as though I'd sprinted the 100 metres.

"Sabina!" Doctor Weir protested.

"Forget I said that," I mumbled tiredly. "I'll just ..." I gestured vaguely down the corridor.

"I'll let you know as soon as they get back" Doctor Weir promised. I nodded slowly, before turning and walking away. Not knowing where else to go I found myself standing outside John's door. Letting myself in, I walked slowly around the room, lightly touching the things that John held most dear – his surfboard, his skateboard, his Johnny Cash poster – I laughed softly at the thought of what a big kid John was inside. Finally I stretched out on John's bed, rubbing my face into his pillow. But I didn't sleep.

The inhibitor Doctor Beckett had given John was only going to last for around an hour. That hour came and went with no word ... I was just about to storm down to Doctor Weir's office to demand she send another team when John's door chime rang. Jumping off the bed I almost ran to answer the door – standing on the other side was Ronan Dex. I looked at him questioningly, sighing with relief at his silent nod.

"Doctor Beckett said you should come down," Ronan said. I followed him down to the infirmary – it was a bit crowded in there with Colonel Caldwell and Doctor Weir, as well as the rest of team Sheppard in attendance.

"It's not gonna happen overnight -- you can bet on that," Doctor Beckett came out of the screened off area where John was lying unconscious, "but the transformation has begun to reverse itself."

My relief was overwhelming – I caught Carson's eye and smiled my thanks. He put a hand on my shoulder and nodded happily.

"So eventually he'll be back in uniform?" Caldwell asked.

"Eventually," Doctor Beckett confirmed.

"Well done, Carson," Rodney complemented, "for once again elevating medicine to actual science."

"Well, thank you, Rodney!" Carson said with a hint of sarcasm.

"We'll all finally be able to get some sleep," Doctor Weir said in relief. "Keep me posted."

"Aye," Carson agreed, as Doctor Weir and Colonel Caldwell left the room.

"Can I sit with him?" I asked Carson hopefully. I looked over at the others and realised they didn't want to leave either.

"We might, uh ...," Ronan began.

"... stay a while too," Teyla finished.

"Well, if that's alright," Rodney asked, looking at Doctor Beckett hopefully.

"Of course," Carson said easily, before walking away.

It was two weeks before John was cleared to leave the infirmary, although he would have to wait a bit longer before he could return to duty. I had spent plenty of time with him in the infirmary, just sitting quietly in the early days of his recovery and later trying my best to entertain him when boredom threatened to drive him nuts. Both of us had studiously avoided talking about anything that had happened while he'd been sick with the retrovirus.

Once John was released I returned to my usual daily routine. The information about project Imperium was still waiting for me and I was keen to finish translating and analysing the files I'd copied over. I was happily tapping away one afternoon when I sensed his presence. Looking up I saw John leaning in the doorway, watching me.

"You okay?" I asked in greeting.

"Yeah," John said distractedly. "Listen, I spent a lot of time thinking about what happened while I was sick ... I don't remember everything but there are a couple of things I should apologise for."

"There's no need," I said quickly, not wanting to talk about it.

"Sabina, please," John took a few steps until he was standing in front of my chair. Crouching down beside me, he spun my chair around and put a hand on each of the chair arms, boxing me in.

"I'm sorry for what happened in the gym," John said softly.

"You weren't yourself," I excused his uncharacteristic behaviour. "As soon as I knew you were infected by the retrovirus I knew that ... I wouldn't have come to see you in your room if I'd believed that it was really you."

"Thank you," John said. He reached out a hand and lightly traced across my knuckles where the evidence of my attack on the punching bag had all but faded. "Ronan told me what happened," John admitted.

"I would have done what you asked," I said, feeling the tears rising to the surface again – it seemed I had not yet done quite enough crying over the incident. 'I would have cursed you the whole time and hated you forever for making me do it, but I would have followed through." I gave a watery laugh. I reached up to wipe the tears from my face but John beat me to it – putting his hands on either side of my face in a parody of how he'd held me during that aggressive kiss he drew his thumbs under my eyes softly, before leaning in and kissing me tenderly.

"I'm sorry I asked so much of you," John apologised, leaning his forehead against my own. "It was unfair ... I don't know if I'd been in my right mind under similar circumstances whether I would have asked you to go that far."

"No," I disagreed. "It wasn't unfair. I would have done _anything_ to save you ... but I couldn't have stood by and watched you suffer. You have to know that I would _always_ respect your wishes even if it meant ... you know ..." I trailed off, looking away as I tried to reign in my emotions again.

"I do love you," John's voice rang with sincerity. "You're smart and honest, not to mention pretty damn sexy," John smiled before adding "... but most of all you're strong, deep down where it counts."

"Yeah, well I'd expect you to do the same for me," I shifted uneasily, not exactly comfortable with the highly emotional tone of the conversation.

"You wanna go for a walk," John asked, rising and holding his hand out to me.

"Sure," I put my hand in his and let him draw me from my chair. John put an arm around me as we walked to the door – just before we stepped through the doorway I pulled him to a halt. "I ... ah ... love you too," I said, realising that it was the first time I'd said those words since I'd yelled them at him after the Wraith siege.

"I know," John grinned smugly. He drew me back to his side, hugging me close as we continued our walk. That was when I relaxed inside, when I finally believed that John really was back.

**Authors Note:**

Phew! Glad that's over ... hope I did what was an excellent dramatic episode justice. Next up is Aurora ... another great episode! I'll edit and post the next chapter tomorrow.


	15. Just let me grab my stuff

**Authors Note: **

Thanks **chevron7** and **Allie108** for the cool reviews. Happy Birthday **chevron7** - just for you I'm gonna do a couple of extra chapters today - hope you have a great day! BTW glad you liked the Star Wars ref from the last chapter - I watched 'No Mans Land' a few days ago with the "I saw it in a movie" line. I love that and just couldn't resist doing my own!

**Chapter 15: Just let me grab my ... stuff.**

"John, wait up," I'd caught sight of him heading down the corridor and took off after him.

"Sabina," John looked over his shoulder with a smile. "I've gotta go get ready for a mission," John said, walking rapidly with me running to keep up.

"Is it true?" I asked breathlessly.

"Is what true?" John looked down at me, slowing his pace just slightly as I almost jogged to keep up with him.

"That Rodney found an Ancient warship - is it true?" I answered excitedly.

"Yeah, it's true," John drawled nonchalantly. He couldn't fool me though - he was seriously stoked at the find.

"Can I come?" I asked hopefully. "It's an Ancient ship - you could really use my skills ... please?"

"We have no way of knowing what condition the ship's gonna be in," John explained. "It may not be safe for any of us to board her."

"I understand that," I agreed. "But if I were on the Daedalus and the Ancient ship does prove to be safe then I'll be around if you _do_ need me."

We'd arrived at John's quarters and I followed him in, watching as he grabbed his jacket and a couple of items for his pack. Not wanting to push him too much I waited silently for him to comment. When it seemed he was just going to put on his jacket and leave I felt my hopes dwindling. Since we were talking about a 'warship' I didn't think Doctor Weir would overrule him so if I couldn't get John to agree then I'd miss the opportunity.

"Aren't you gonna ... you know ... fix your hair?" I teased.

"Very funny," John came over and ruffled my hair instead. I squirmed away and looked at him expectantly.

"Well?" I asked hopefully, trying to put on my best pleading face.

"If Rodney has any say in it we'll be bringing the Aurora back to Atlantis," John said. "You'll get to look at her then."

"You and I both know there's little chance that ship will make it back here," I contradicted him hotly. "Will you please just think about this for a minute? The Daedalus will be right there - I'll only get to go over to the ship if it's perfectly safe and I promise I'll abide by whatever decision you make at the time."

When John remained silent, looking out his window as he thought about what I'd said, I walked over and hesitantly put my hand on his arm.

"Please John," I said simply.

John turned back to me with apparent reluctance. "Okay," he agreed. "You can come with us on the Daedalus - any decisions beyond that will be made once my team has assessed the situation."

"Thank you!" I went to hug him, looking up to catch a glimpse of amusement in his eyes. "Wait a minute," I said suspiciously. I narrowed my eyes at him, raising an eyebrow when he refused to look me in the eye. "You ... bastard! You were gonna let me come on the Daedalus the whole time weren't you?!"

"Maybe," John admitted. "But I really enjoyed the whole pleading act."

"Ooohh!" I almost stomped my foot in frustration before giving in to the urge to whack his shoulder.

"Ouch," John held up a hand to hold off another assault. "You don't get to hit your commanding officer," he grinned, reminding me that I'd have to take orders from him for the entire mission. Not that I minded - I trusted his judgement and I was going to see an _Ancient_ warship!

It was very exciting to break out of hyperspace and see the Aurora floating in space, even severely damaged as she was. My enthusiasm was only dimmed slightly by the presence of a Wraith scout ship, easily destroyed by two missiles from the Daedalus. It was hard to be patient as I watched team Sheppard gear up in their evac suits ... crossing my fingers that Rodney would actually get the life support systems on line, I remained on the Bridge trying not to draw attention to myself.

"Sabina ... this is Sheppard," John's voice issued from my radio, startling me from a daydream where I singlehandedly flew the Aurora back to Atlantis – very unlikely I know but that's what daydreams are for!.

"John?" I jumped up, praying that he was about to tell me I could beam over.

"Rodney's just fixed the life support system," John said. "There's not a lot of power over here so it's a bit dark, but otherwise I can see no reason why you can't beam over now."

"I'll just go grab my gear and then I'll be right there," I said eagerly.

"See you when you get here ... Sheppard out."

I grabbed my laptop and my pack, making sure my torch was still there, before running down to Engineering.

"I will beam you over to Colonel Sheppard's position," Hermiod said. I waited a few seconds as he moved his controls, closing my eyes and opening them a moment later to the sight of John standing in front of me.

"Hi," I said with a huge grin. I looked around eagerly, taking in the familiar Ancient decor – based on what I'd seen of Ancient designs in the database I deduced that we were standing in Engineering. "This is amazing!"

"It is," John agreed. "Rodney's checking out the stasis pods more closely - he said the terminal here in Engineering would be the best place for you to access the ships database."

"Okay," I pulled out my laptop and knelt down in front of the terminal, looking for the right place to connect it. Looking up I realised John was still standing there. "You don't have to stay," I pointed out. "I'll be fine here ... Hermiod can beam me out at the first sign of trouble ... besides Rodney needs you down with the stasis pods."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," John frowned sternly down at me.

"That gives me plenty of leeway,' I said cheekily. "If it's something crazy, you're usually the first person lining up to do it!"

John laughed reluctantly before reaching down and stroking my hair fondly. "Be careful," he ordered. "And keep your radio on."

"Yes Sir," I snapped a cocky salute

"Sabina," John scolded. "Be serious!"

"I am," I said seriously. "I'll be careful."

"Good," John turned to leave me to it.

"Hey, you be careful too!" I called out. The only response I got was a wave as he disappeared out the door.

The database on the Aurora was structured in a similar fashion to the one at the Ancient outpost on Doranda. I'd come prepared this time with some generic search programs I could use to target specific information. I tried to find something on Project Imperium first , not really exepecting to find anything and therefore not surprised when my search program returned no results.

Turning instead to general weapons information I was disheartened by what I found. The Aurora was an older vessel, not even equipped with intergalactic hyperdrive engines. According to the database the crew had been attempting to upgrade the engines but the ship was too heavily damaged and the decision had been made to put everyone in stasis in the hopes that Atlantis would send rescue. Disappointed that my first mission as an "Ancient" expert might end up with nothing useful, I expanded my search parameters to include any mention of Wraith defences or technologies. Realising the search would take some time I decided to take a break.

Standing up to stretch my back I glanced at my watch and frowned in concern. I'd been there in Engineering for a couple of hours without hearing a word from the rest of the team. Usually John would have checked in with me at least every hour.

"Colonel Sheppard?" I tapped my earpiece, waiting a few seconds for a response. When none came I tried again. "John, do you read?" Starting to get worried now I tapped my earpiece again "Doctor McKay, do you read?"

"Sabina?" Rodney's voice echoed in the emptiness of the bridge.

"What's going on?" I asked. "I tried to contact John but didn't get a response."

"I discovered that the Ancients on board are connected through a neural feedback loop. Sheppard linked into the virtual environment to try and communicate with them."

"What?" I exclaimed.

"It's perfectly safe - Sheppard can get out any time he wants," Rodney insisted. "I was even going to do it myself."

"Oh," I sat back in relief. "So everything's all right?"

"Yes," Rodney insisted impatiently. "Have you found anything useful?"

"Not really," I admitted. "The Aurora was an older ship - the systems and records on Atlantis are more advanced."

"Well, look for anything to do with a secret communiqué about a weakness in Wraith technology," Rodney instructed. "Sheppard said the Captain was carrying it back to Atlantis when the ship fell under attack."

"All right," I agreed, before signing off.

Once my previous search was completed I copied over all the resulting documents to my laptop without looking at them further. Moving on to Rodney's request, after a thorough search I discovered that if there had been a secret communiqué it was no longer in the main database. That puzzled me ... presumably the Captain in the virtual environment was an accurate representation of the real Captain. Why would he tell John there was a secret communiqué if there wasn't? And if there _was_ a secret communiqué then why was it no longer there? All the crew were in stasis so who could have deleted it? Thinking back to the Wraith ship we'd destroyed when we arrived a sick feeling came over me.

"Rodney," I said quietly into my radio.

"What?" Rodney responded impatiently.

"Are you sure there's no one else on board?" I asked reluctantly.

"Oh course I'm sure," Rodney answered immediately. "Why?"

"The secret communiqué was deleted Rodney," I told him. "All the crew are in stasis ... so who deleted it?"

"Maybe they deleted it before they went into stasis," Rodney's tone said he didn't really believe that. "Look Caldwell just let me know we have two Hive ships inbound. You better finish up there and make your way to my position."

"Doctor McKay?" Teyla's voice issued from the radio.

"Still here," Rodney responded sarcastically.

"There is something you need to see," the tone in Teyla's voice made me immediately nervous. "We are two decks directly below you."

"Can't it wait?" Rodney complained impatiently.

"No," Teyla responded harshly.

"I'm on my way," Rodney voice huffed slightly as though he were already moving. "Sabina, you should stay in Engineering for now."

Sitting back on my heels I thought for a moment about where else I might search for the communiqué. If the Aurora was like the Daedalus then there'd be back ups and systems that were separate to avoid a complete failure.

If this were Star Trek then the Captain would have a small room just off the Bridge where he'd hang out when not in active command. Since the Bridge was inaccessible I sincerely hoped that wasn't the case here as that would have been the most likely place to look for copies of the communiqué. Pulling up the ships schematics I scanned through the layout maps, looking for some inspiration. Stopping the scroll abruptly I looked more closely at the screen. "_Yes_," I thought, "_the Captains quarters_." Tracing out the route I'd have to take from Engineering to get there, I quickly unplugged my equipment and closed off all my programs. Tucking my laptop under my arm I raced out of the room.

The Captains quarters were one level down - Rodney hadn't been able to increase the power levels in the ship so it was a dim journey down an access ladder and through creepily deserted corridors to get there. Swiping my hand over the controls I wasn't surprised that the door remained closed. Concentrating hard I tried to tap into the Aurora systems much as I was able to do on Atlantis ... still nothing. Obviously the power levels were just too low in this section of the ship. Luckily Rodney had shown me how to override the door controls - pulling out my knife I went to work and a few seconds later was rewarded with the grating sound of a door opening that had been closed for 10,000 years.

It was very dark in the room and it remained so even after I entered. I pulled out my torch and shone it around the room. The Captain's quarters were much as I would have expected, with a spacious living room and a separate doorway that presumably led to his sleeping area. I felt a bit like a thief as I walked around, looking for any signs of separate database access – something similar to what Doctor Weir had in her office on Atlantis.

Finally noticing a glass-like screen mounted on the wall in front of a small sitting area I went over to investigate. Connecting my laptop again I tapped a few keys - yes! The Captains system _was_ separate from the main database. There'd be periodic updates to synchronise his system with the ships but with any luck that hadn't happened since the communiqué was deleted.

I was just about to search the database when I was contacted by the Daedalus.

"What's your status Sabina?" Colonel Caldwell asked briskly.

"I'm searching the Captain's personnel database for the secret communiqué," I said distractedly.

"Two Wraith Hive ships are on their way," Colonel Caldwell informed me. "We need to beam you out of there right now."

"Where's Colonel Sheppard?" I asked.

"He and Doctor McKay are still in the stasis pods," Caldwell said impatiently. "Ronan and Teyla are with them, ready to get them out on my command."

"That communiqué could be the most important thing we've found since we got to this galaxy - I need a few more minutes," I insisted. "Can you beam me out with everyone else?" I requested.

"You have ten minutes,' Caldwell conceded grudgingly. "When that's up, regardless of whether you're finished, I'm beaming you out."

"Acknowledged," I agreed, thinking quickly. The search of the main database had taken more than ten minutes ... I raked my brain trying to think of a way around that. "_What would John do in this situation?_" I thought. Remembering how he'd physically taken out the transmitter on the Daedalus when it began broadcasting the distress signal on our way back from Earth I smiled. Yes - I could physically remove the database unit and hopefully Rodney would be able to reconnect it back on Atlantis.

As quickly as I could I pulled the access panels from the wall surrounding the screen, looking for the equivalent of an Ancient hard drive. There! Praying that Rodney would forgive me for the lack of finesse I unplugged what I could, and cut with my knife what I couldn't before carefully lifting the unit from the wall. There were also a multitude of crystal control modules ... looking around desperately for something to transport them in I found a carved box on the Captain's desk. After so many years whatever it had contained had turned to dusk – I cleaned it out as best I could and then carefully pulled modules from the wall, placing them gently in the box. I'd done about thirty of them when my radio beeped again.

"Colonel Sheppard," Caldwell said. "We're reading two life signs. I hope that means what I think it means."

"Give me one more minute," John requested.

"We're out of time, Sheppard," Caldwell protested. "The Wraith ships are almost here."

"One damned minute and I can take care of that problem," John insisted abruptly. "Is Sabina off the ship?"

"I'm in the Captain's quarters," I reported directly to John.

"Colonel Caldwell, beam Sabina off the ship right now," John ordered.

"Wait," I yelled. "Just let me grab my ... stuff." I ripped the remaining modules from the wall and hastily packed them into the box, loading my arms up with hard drive, box and laptop. "Okay ... ready!"

I was beamed straight to the Bridge of the Daedalus, clutching my treasures from the Aurora tightly to my chest.

"Wraith cruisers just dropped out of hyperspace, sir," the weapons officer reported. "They're aware of us."

"Battle stations!" Caldwell commanded. "Looks like we're gonna have to fight these guys ... bring main rail guns online.

"Daedalus, this is Sheppard. We're ready."

"Beam them directly onto the Bridge," Caldwell ordered the pilot.

A moment later John and Rodney appeared on the Bridge, looking unharmed.

"Targets are in range," the weapons officer called.

"Sir," John looked towards Colonel Caldwell. 'We need to get outta here."

"No, we need to eliminate those cruisers," Caldwell insisted. "The information ..."

"No-no-no," Rodney interrupted, using his 'something bad is about to happen' voice. "We need to get far away."

"What?" Colonel Caldwell demanded impatiently.

"The Captain gave me the Aurora's self destruct code," John spoke quickly. "He assures me that it'll take care of the Wraith ships too, but we need to get clear."

"Bring sublight engines to military thrust," Caldwell ordered.

"Military thrust," the pilot acknowledged. The engines fired up and the Daedalus moved away from the Aurora and the approaching Hive ships. A few moments later the Aurora exploded in a blaze of fire ... the resulting shock wave quickly overcame the Hive ships and both were destroyed.

Once we were back in hyperspace John and Rodney turned to look at me.

"What did you do?" Rodney looked horrified at the mess of cables hanging out of my Ancient hard drive.

"I was a little short of time," I pointed out heatedly. "This is the Captain's personal database unit."

"And?" Rodney demanded impatiently.

"And he kept his system separate," I grinned triumphantly. "I don't know for sure but there's a chance that communiqué is on his unit."

"Nice!" John complimented me.

"Maybe," Rodney said sarcastically, looking at John. "That is if the Aurora butcher over there hasn't permanently damaged it by ripping it clumsily out of the wall!"

"You'll fix it," I said confidently. "You can fix anything!" I fluttered my eyelashes and looked at him adoringly.

"Of course I'll fix it," Rodney preened, before catching the look on my face. "Oh I see," he said in that complaining voice he used all too often. "You've been studying with Zelenka for over a year – you can try fixing it first!" Rodney gave every appearance of being insulted by my teasing. "You'll apologise when you inevitably need my help."

"Rodney," I protested, laughing slightly. "I was just joking!" Rodney walked off the Bridge, holding up his arm as if to stop me from saying anything else.

"Leave him be," John said when I made to follow. "He's just _given_ you a cool Ancient toy – when he realises that he's gonna be majorly pissed. If I were you I'd take that unit and run."

Like I always said, John was a lot smarter than he made out. I high tailed it out of there, making sure to avoid Rodney until after we were back on Atlantis and I'd gotten Doctor Weir's approval to work on the Ancient hard drive myself.


	16. Hardly noticed you were gone

**Chapter 16: Hardly noticed you were gone**

"No!" I argued with Doctor Zelenka. "We need to put that control module there," I pointed to the left of where he wanted to put it, "to compensate for the overload we introduced by using inadequate cabling for the main board."

We'd been working on the Ancient hard drive for a couple of days and were so close to getting it working. It turned out that I _had_ 'butchered' as Rodney put it a couple of connections that were pretty crucial to the hard drive being powered at an appropriate level. The control modules helped, but because we were using our own fibre optic cable as a replacement for Ancient cabling, there was a danger the power would overload the drive if we didn't get it exactly right.

"Yes, yes, I see what you are saying," Doctor Zelenka squinted into the hard drive, muttering a few more words in Czech under his breath – I'd worked with him many times and wasn't bothered because he did that _a lot_.

Zelenka made a few more adjustments and then sat back with a satisfied grin. "I think we're ready for a controlled test," he said.

"Okay," I agreed apprehensively. "You do the honours ... I'm too nervous."

"Powering up ... now," Zelenka pushed a couple of buttons on his laptop and we both leant forward in anticipation. The drive lit up for a few seconds before fading out.

"Perhaps if we ..." Zelenka made an adjustment to one of the connections. The drive lit up again but this time it held steady.

"You did it!" I exclaimed, clapping him on the shoulder in thanks.

"No," Doctor Zelenka denied, pushing his glasses back up on his face. "We _did_ it."

"Okay," I agreed. "_We_ did it ... let's download the files before these connections burn themselves out."

I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted once all the Aurora files were safely transferred to the Atlantis systems. Rubbing a hand tiredly at the back of my neck I looked over at Doctor Zelenka. "Thank you Radek," I said sincerely. "I really appreciate you helping me with this ... Rodney was being ... difficult and it would have been painful to have asked for his help."

"You know Rodney," Radek acknowledged. "He likes to be centre stage – plus he was not happy that you thought of something that he did not. You've learnt much about the Ancient systems – I would be happy to have your help in the future."

"Really?" I smiled delightedly - that was high praise from Radek. "Thanks! I guess I better start searching all those files ... I'd hate to have done all that work only to find the secret communiqué isn't there."

I got up to leave before realising I hadn't cleaned up the Ancient hard drive. "What should we do with this?" I asked, pointing at the mess of wires and control modules.

"Leave it here," Radek said. "We may need to access the drive again."

I nodded, hoping that wouldn't be the case, before leaving to head back to my own lab. Getting the search program started I leant back in my seat, realising this was going to take a while. John was due back from a mission following up a lead on a ZPM so I headed down to the Gateroom to meet him.

It was almost a surprise to find that team Sheppard hadn't returned and were three hours late already. Things had been going well since the retrovirus and I'd been lulled into a false sense of security. Doctor Weir sent Major Lorne to check on them and the news was not good. There was no sign of them on the planet and after Doctor Zelenka had been there to retrieve gate addresses we had a list of fifty addresses dialled from that gate. It could conceivably take months to search them all.

Several days had passed with still no word ... every off world team was being used to conduct the search but so far there had been no clues to point to John's location. Things were going dismally on all fronts because I hadn't been able to find the secret communiqué in the Aurora files and had resorted to going back to the hard drive itself looking for sections of deleted material that hadn't made it on to my download. Even the files on Wraith defences I'd downloaded from the Aurora had so far yielded nothing that seemed significant. There was quite a bit of information about Wraith telepathy but it was mostly information we already knew from Teyla's experiences.

I can't begin to describe how frustrating it was to wait for word of John, knowing there was literally nothing I could do. Doctor Weir wouldn't let me go with any of the search teams either – she said it wasn't worth John's anger when he got back for me to do something I wasn't especially skilled in. I didn't know whether to be insulted by that or happy that she was behaving as if it were only a matter of time before John's team turned up again.

I worked each day until I was exhausted but slept poorly ... at the back of my mind the constant litany of 'what if' was running at mega speed accompanied by my positive inner self repeatedly telling me that John would be all right. I didn't want to give voice to my concerns for fear that would somehow make them come true, and I refused to listen to anyone else even hinting that I should prepare for the worst. After two weeks of that I wasn't fit company for anyone – snappy and short and bad tempered with anyone who attempted to get near me.

Finally progress was made, although from an unlikely source and in a completely unbelievable way. I heard pretty quickly that Doctor McKay had made it back to Atlantis. I ran down to the gate room and got there just in time to see Rodney bouncing around as if he were on drugs.

"Rodney, focus," Doctor Weir was saying sternly. "Where is Colonel Sheppard?"

"No, no, no, I had to take the enzyme because, because I had to take out the guards!" Rodney was pacing back and forth, speaking rapidly. Clearly he actually _was_ on drugs! "But that's not the point -- the point is we don't have enough time. We need to stop the ship from getting to where the ship is going," Rodney ground to a halt, looking around in confusion.

"Come on," Doctor Weir urged, putting an arm around Rodney to guide him away from the gate. "Let's take a walk to the Infirmary, alright?"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are you doing?" Rodney glared at her suspiciously, pulling himself away from her hold. "No-no-no-no, I don't wanna go to the Infirmary. I wanna go to the, to the, uh ... the, um ..." Rodney gestured vaguely away from the Gateroom. Before he could complete his sentence his eyes rolled back and he fell to the floor. A couple of guards rushed to pick him up, dragging him towards the infirmary.

"Doctor Beckett," Doctor Weir spoke into her headset. "We have an emergency. We're headed to you."

I hung around near the Control Room until Doctor Weir returned from the infirmary, hoping she'd fill me in on what had happened. My face fell when she admitted Rodney was in no state to tell us anything and that we'd have to wait until he'd gone through withdrawal from the enzyme.

Once again I found myself needing to wait it out in John's quarters – there was something about being surrounded by his things that comforted me. I couldn't sleep and ended up working on the Aurora files through the night. Rodney was finally able to tell Doctor Weir what had happened ... I'd always liked Lieutenant Ford but when I heard that he was the one who'd abducted John and his team I wondered how much of the old Ford was left in the man he'd become. Rodney and Major Lorne left on the Daedalus to try to intercept the Hive ship where the rest of team Sheppard were believed to be and I returned to my lab to work and worry.

I didn't realise it had gotten so late ... it was almost 19:30 when Dr Weir radioed to tell me John, Teyla and Ronan were safely returned. They were all in the infirmary being checked out by Doctor Beckett – I ran down the corridors, skidding to a halt just inside the infirmary doors when I caught sight of John obviously completely unharmed.

"Hey," John noticed me right away and strode over to pick me up in a tight hug. I grinned madly, not caring how unprofessional I looked to the others. "I take it you missed me?" John said smugly.

"Hardly noticed you were gone," I quipped, contradicting those words by how tightly I was still holding on to him. Finally I released him and took a step back to get a good look at him. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"We're all okay," John gestured to the others. John looked over at Doctor Beckett and Doctor Weir and grinned when they both nodded that he was free to go. "Let's go," he said, pulling me towards the door. "I'll tell you all about it and you can tell me what you've been doing."

"You know what the most disturbing thing was?" John asked after filling me in on everything that had happened while he was gone. "Those Wraith worshippers ... going on about the 'Great Awakening' like it was a good thing there are too many Wraith and not enough humans to feed them."

"The Great Awakening?" I frowned, certain I'd heard that term somewhere before.

"Yeah," John looked across at me. "Don't ask me what it means though."

"I've heard that term before," I said, thinking hard. "No, not heard – read! In the Aurora files ... um ...," I made a move towards my laptop but John pulled me back.

"Zelenka said you've hardly slept for days," John shook his head. "There'll be plenty of time to look it up tomorrow."

I nodded reluctantly, content for the moment to just sit and enjoy John's presence.

"Do you think Aiden's alive?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I hope so," John admitted. "He set us up and almost got us all killed ... but he also sacrificed himself to save us."

"You still hold hope that you can save _him_," I stated it as a fact, not a question.

"Maybe," John admitted. "Now," he turned and looked at me suggestively. "How about you show me how much you missed me?"

"Did I say I missed you?" I teased, keeping my distance.

"Okay, then I'll show you how much I missed you!" John lunged forward and I let myself be captured. Another life threatening mission had been resolved successfully. Unable to sleep despite being beyond tired, I lay awake into the night, worrying about how long it would be before John's luck ran out.


	17. It doesn’t make it better

**Chapter 17: It doesn't make it better**

Two weeks later I found myself in the strange position of needing to call a meeting to report on my progress with the Dorandan and Aurora files. I looked around almost nervously as Doctor Weir, Carson, Major Lorne, Doctor Zelenka, John and the rest of team Sheppard sat down expectantly.

"At the moment I've got a lot of pieces of the puzzle," I started out. "It may be just wishful thinking but the pattern I see emerging suggests the Ancients were working on a way to neutralise the Wraith from within."

"How so?" Doctor Weir asked.

"The secret communiqué the Captain of the Aurora told Colonel Sheppard about was deleted from the Captain's data unit too," I said. "But Doctor Zelenka and I were able to access the deleted sectors on the hard drive and we found enough incomplete files to form an idea on what was in the communiqué."

"We can't be completely sure," Doctor Zelenka interjected, "but we think the communiqué contained information about the organic nature of the wraith Hive ships."

"The implication being that the weakness has something to do with the fact that their technology is a mixture of machine and biological components." I continued.

"Did you find out anything about why that was a weakness?" Doctor Beckett asked.

"No," I admitted. "The files were too badly damaged to rebuild them completely."

"You said there were other pieces to the puzzle," Doctor Weir reminded me. "Did you find something else?"

"I also copied a number of files off the Aurora database dealing with Wraith telepathy ... most of it was information we already know because of Teyla's skills and Colonel Sheppard's previous run ins with Wraith Queens, but it got me thinking." I said, knowing I was about to get into the realm of instinct and guess work. "The thing is there was a lot more information on Wraith Hive ship operations than I would have expected even a war ship to be carrying. That struck me as strange." I waited to see if anyone was going to comment – Doctor Weir gestured for me to continue.

"We know that the Wraith control their ships by using telepathy through their neural network," I looked at John to see him nodding. "And not just the initiation and main functions like we do with the Ancient technology. From what Colonel Sheppard said even minor functions like opening a cell door are all done via mental commands."

"We saw that on the Hive ship Ford wanted us to destroy," John gestured to himself, Teyla and Ronan. "The first time the guards came to take me for a chat with the Queen, one of them just looked at the door controls and they activated."

"That's all very interesting," Rodney said impatiently. "But we don't have anyone here competent in Wraith telepathy," Rodney glanced over at Teyla in apology but she just smiled her agreement of that statement.

"As you know," I looked across at Doctor Weir, ignoring for the moment Rodney's valid protest, "I found information in the Dorandan database about a project called Imperium. I've translated everything I got off the database. I don't know if there was more because I didn't get the chance to fine tune my search before the database was destroyed," I studiously avoided looking at Rodney as I said that. "Imperium was a project looking at Wraith telepathy – the Ancients on Doranda were exploring ways they could exploit Wraith mind control and use it against them."

"Yeah, but some of the Ancients _were_ telepathic," Rodney pointed out. "That still won't do us much good since none of _us_ are."

"I know that Rodney," I agreed. "But Project Imperium is also mentioned on the weapons research inventory device – in there the Ancients documented an actual device to be used ... somehow ... to overcome that."

"Where is this device?" John spoke for the first time, asking the question that cut to the heart of the situation.

"That's the problem,' I admitted. "There's a chance it was located somewhere on Doranda."

"And I destroyed not just the whole planet but most of the solar system too," Rodney said sickly.

"It might not mean anything," I reassured him. "If they'd actually perfected a device why did they move on to the space-time vacuum energy project? We all know the Ancients were poor at documenting things but I'm beginning to think there was a real reason for that."

"To protect it," John stated simply.

"Yeah," I agreed. "In the case of Project Imperium it seems that information was deliberately separated. The initial research and testing was done on Doranda, but they wiped the database of anything practical about the design of the device. Our weapons research inventory mentions the device but doesn't contain anything about where it is or how to use it. I believe the Aurora's last mission was also indirectly about the project too. Maybe whatever they planned to do that involved Wraith telepathy was only part of the plan – maybe they sent the Aurora to find out more. If so then the Aurora's last destination – the source of that secret communiqué - could be where the end result of the project was kept."

"So the project wasn't complete?" John interpreted all the connections I was trying to draw easily.

"I don't think so," I agreed. "I think the Ancients here on Atlantis had a suspicion about the weakness in the Wraith technology - they were just waiting for the Aurora to confirm it so they could complete their plan."

"That's a _lot_ of maybes and I thinks,' Doctor Weir pointed out sceptically. "While I agree that there seem to be some similarities in what you found from the Aurora and Dorandan data any number of conclusions could be drawn from that."

"True," I admitted freely. "There's one final thing I found that really struck me. Colonel Sheppard told me Neera said that the prophecy of The Great Awakening had come to pass. There was a reference to the Great Awakening in the Aurora database – only it wasn't a prophecy ... it was part of the plan. The Ancients planned to do deliberately what Colonel Sheppard did by accident."

"_What_?" John leant forward in his chair and looked at me intently.

"They planned to awaken all of the Wraith at once," I reiterated. "After all, you can't wipe them all out if they're in stasis pods – we know they don't appear on sensors as life signs when they're hibernating and I'm pretty sure they don't communicate telepathically either. Any plan that relies on telepathy would need _all_ the Wraith to be awake."

"Not bad," Doctor Weir acknowledged. "What do you want to do next?"

"That's just it," I said reluctantly. "I don't know what to do next. If the device was still on Doranda then none of this matters unless we can find an independent way to exploit what they learned." I looked across at Doctor Beckett. "That's where you come in," I said. "Is there any chance you could design a biotic virus – one that could hit the Wraith systems and spread through both the organic and mechanical components?"

"That's an intriguing question," Carson frowned as he thought it over. "I'd have to do a fair bit of research before I can even give you an answer, let alone design something that would be effective. Our resources are stretched with the ongoing work we're doing to perfect the iratus bug retrovirus."

"And then there's the additional problem of how we get it on the Hive ships," Rodney pointed out.

"Clearly that's a long term project," Doctor Weir stated. "Carson, can you assign some staff to work on that." Carson nodded and Doctor Weir turned back to me. "You said _if_ the device was still on Doranda – is there any chance it wasn't?"

"There's every chance," I said. "The outpost at Doranda was a major research site for the Ancients over many years – the database contained references to lots of projects they conducted there. We didn't do a thorough search of the whole facility but there wasn't any evidence that any other projects were active except the space-time vacuum energy project."

"They moved it somewhere else," John said.

"I think so," I agreed.

"But where?" Doctor Weir asked.

"That's the question," I acknowledged. "At this stage I don't have any answer ... but the fact remains that Neera's people knew about the Great Awakening. I'm betting there's a planet somewhere with more clues. Sometime in the last 10,000 years whatever was documented there has moved from fact and become prophesy. Neera's ancestors knew something – they just misinterpreted it to mean that they should serve the Wraith as the only way to salvation."

"And isn't that a revolting thought," Rodney muttered grimly.

"Probably should have saved her then," John admitted reluctantly. "Seeing as her world was culled to extinction and the only survivors were on the Hive ships that got destroyed."

"It's unlikely she would have known anything," I excused. "And I think it's also unlikely Neera would have volunteered the gate address for her home world just because you asked her nicely."

"I don't know," John put on his charming face. "I can be pretty ... persuasive."

"So what's the next step?" Doctor Weir cut in before I could respond to John's provocative statement.

"The database here is enormous," I reminded her, "and we've only just scratched the surface – I'll keep searching and maybe something will twig a clue."

"Okay," Doctor Weir agreed. "Make that your priority for the time being. Good work Sabina," Doctor Weir congratulated me, rising from her chair to bring the meeting to a close. I waited as everyone left the room, leaving only myself and John behind.

"Good deductive work," John said, looking somewhat subdued. We were both frozen in silence for a few moments before John spoke again. "It doesn't make it better," he looked at me intently. We both understood he was talking about being responsible for waking the Wraith ... leading to the mass culling going on all over the galaxy.

"I know," I stood and put a hand on his shoulder. "But can't you take some comfort from the fact that the Ancients were prepared to go at least that far to destroy the Wraith?"

"Maybe," John admitted. He seemed to shake himself out of the reflective mood he'd fallen into – looking at me he smiled. "I bet you were really good at jigsaw puzzles when you were a kid."

"I was a _master_," I smiled back, letting him get away with relegating the issue into the background once again. "All that talking has made me hungry – let's go get some lunch!" I grabbed his hand and dragged him reluctantly from the room.

**Authors Note:**

Thanks to everyone who's been reading my story ... I appreciate any comments so if you feel inspired, please leave a review. Next up is Epiphany ... editing and posting that one tomorrow.


	18. Never thought I'd see any of you again

**Chapter 18: Never thought I'd see any of you again**

It was chance that had me in the Control Room when Rodney flew the Jumper back alone only hours after he'd left with team Sheppard for a routine mission. If Rodney was flying the Jumper then that meant John was in trouble. Even though I usually tried not to impose myself on high level talks just because of my position with John, this time I felt the need to stick around and find out what was going on. Rodney was shooting out instructions and requests for supplies at a speed that was fast, even for him, as he gathered together a whole host of items to take back to the planet.

"Colonel Sheppard was pulled into the portal despite Ronan and Teyla's best efforts to hold him back," Rodney said abruptly. "I have no way of predicting what the effect on him might have been."

"What, you have no idea whether he's injured?" Doctor Beckett protested.

"The excruciating pain he was experiencing was a result of the temporal differential." Rodney spoke with that 'am I talking to an idiot?' tone that usually grated on the recipient.

"And what is that, exactly?" Carson ignored Rodney's impatience. I remained silent, willing Rodney to explain what had happened so that I could understand how bad the situation was.

"OK," Rodney conceded the need to explain in more detail. "The-the-the portal must somehow dampen the extreme tidal forces that would normally occur in the event horizon of a time dilation field, and we were keeping him from passing through it."

"So part of his body was experiencing time at a different pace than the other?" Doctor Beckett quizzed. "Who knows what that could do to him?"

"I have no idea," Rodney said sarcastically, "but I suspect he could use a doctor."

"So you don't know if he's even alive?" Doctor Weir frowned.

"The Ancient writing on the portal said something about welcome and ascension," Rodney said. "The most time-efficient approach was to assume that Sheppard was alive but stranded."

"And why not assume that he'll make his own way back through the portal?" Doctor Weir raised an eyebrow at Rodney.

"Because," Rodney was losing patience now, "Colonel Sheppard would have already had hours to try to make it back through the portal in the time I wasted explaining the situation to Conan and Xena!"

"Now, Rodney, that's not very ..." Doctor Beckett scolded.

"No. No, I suppose it isn't," Rodney admitted in a more reasonable tone. "Look, I need someone to translate the writing around the portal." He looked at Doctor Weir expectantly.

"I'll do it," Doctor Weir offered.

"Actually," Rodney said uncomfortably, "I was thinking Sabina – she's just as proficient in Ancient as you are Elizabeth. And with Sheppard on the other side of that portal Sabina's the strongest gene carrier we have ... that could be important."

"You're right," Doctor Weir nodded, smiling over at me. "I'm assuming I don't even have to ask," she said.

"I'm ready," I agreed, moving to Rodney's side to illustrate my desire to get moving as soon as possible.

"This is McKay," Rodney said into his radio. "Supplies been loaded aboard yet?"

"Almost there, sir," a voice I didn't recognise responded. "Just a few more cases."

"Alright," Rodney acknowledged. "When you're done with that, make sure you assist Zelenka in securing the descent probe into the launch compartment."

Rodney picked up a large bag and tossed it to Doctor Beckett. "Let's move," he ordered, briskly leaving the room. Doctor Beckett and I glanced at each other before running to catch up with him.

"We've loaded weeks of supplies and everything I could think of," Rodney said as we almost ran toward the Jumper bay, Doctor Weir accompanying us.

"What're we not thinking of?" Doctor Beckett demanded.

"Now take a minute, and be certain," Doctor Weir suggested intently. "If your theory is correct, you won't be able to make many of these trips."

"I am painfully aware of that." Rodney said sickly.

"I remind you only because from what you've told me, rushing is what got Sheppard into trouble in the first place." Doctor Weir put a hand on Rodney's arm to halt his mad dash to the Jumper.

"This was not his fault - it was mine," Rodney admitted sadly. "I should have looked more closely at the video. The clues were there before he even stepped through. Look, all I can hope to do now is fix this within his lifetime."

"His _lifetime_?" I asked in horror.

"If it takes us more than a couple of weeks to fix this, then it won't matter, because he will probably have died of old age," Rodney looked at me apologetically before quickly looking away.

"Crap!" I muttered angrily.

"Yeah, hence the rushing. Now, you ready?" Rodney looked at me and then across at Doctor Beckett. "You don't look ready."

"I'm ready," Carson said confidently.

"I need to pick up a couple of my books – just in case I need help with the translation," I said.

"Well, we'll pick 'em up on the way," Rodney offered. Turning to Doctor Weir he added "I hope you've got us a real Jumper pilot because I don't trust Carson and I can't fly the damned thing in a straight line."

Once on the planet, Rodney directed the Jumper towards a circulate mountain range surrounding a crater. Rodney had high hopes that the probe he and Zelenka had devised would give him evidence to support flying the Jumper through the dilation field. The probe's destruction proved the tidal forces at the event horizon were too strong for the Jumper, but Rodney did manage to get enough telemetry to determine the location of the power source inside the field. He was confident that once he'd found the generator he'd be able to turn the time dilation field off.

"You sure it was three seconds?" We had met up with Teyla and Ronan at the portal entrance and Rodney was checking in with Teyla about the rate of the time dilation.

"Yes," Teyla confirmed.

"And there's fifty minutes of video," Rodney asked.

"Yes," Teyla confirmed again.

"Alright,' Rodney said briskly. "So it's a ratio of about, uh ..."

"One thousand to one," Teyla said simply, smiling slightly when Rodney stared at her in surprise.

"I sent my watch through," Teyla explained, showing Rodney a branch with a watch taped to it, "along with a letter to Colonel Sheppard telling him we are doing our best to rescue him." Rodney just stood there staring at the branch, clearly flabbergasted that Teyla had come up with such a clever idea. "If you would like to check again, then ..." Teyla offered.

"No, that's good, that's good, that's good," Rodney stuttered. "Uh, good thinking."

"Just out of curiosity," Doctor Beckett asked the question I'd been thinking myself, "what does that mean for Colonel Sheppard in terms of, uh, days?"

"We're already talking months," Rodney said miserably.

"I can't _believe_ this," I muttered, rushing to my pack and grabbing my books before running back to the wall beside the portal. "Can anyone tell me why John is always the one this kind of thing happens to?"

"He volunteered!" Rodney protested. "Hopefully he's looking on this as a nice long ... vacation ..." Rodney's voice trailed off miserably at my heated glare.

"More likely he's wondering why the hell we've abandoned him," I retorted. I turned to the inscribed wall and set to work translating as quickly as I could, always aware at the back of my mind that every minute I took was over 16 hours for John. But no pressure!

"Okay," I announced a few minutes later. "The time dilation field was designed to provide the Ancients with a sanctuary from the Wraith - a place they could travel to and hopefully ascend without fear of attack."

"Oh, of course," Rodney explained. "They could potentially spend entire lifetimes inside the field before the Wraith even discovered the place."

"And if they ever attacked," Doctor Beckett added, "their ships would get torn apart just as the probe did."

"This writing here," I pointed at a section of the wall, "serves as both a welcome and a warning for any of the humans under the Ancient's protection looking for sanctuary. It's an invitation to anyone seeking the path to ascension on their own.

"And what's the warning?" Ronan asked.

"Not really a surprise," I pointed out, "given what we know of John's situation. If you cross the threshold, there's no return."

"That is," Rodney announced smugly, "unless you have the exact location of the power source and the expertise to turn it off."

Rodney's words prompted a flurry of activity as we all gathered together what we'd need once inside the field. Rodney briefly tried to dissuade me from going through but I insisted. Since Rodney couldn't be sure the generator wasn't going to be covered in Ancient instructions he reluctantly gave in. We were all a bit worried about the actual trip through the portal because John had clearly been in distress when he went through. Rodney suggested we do it as quickly as we could to reduce the effects of the temporal differential.

Turns out he was right, the trip through the portal was ... uncomfortable but not excruciating. I went through straight after Rodney and had to put up with another half an hour of waiting before everyone else made it through to the other side.

We set off in the direction of the arrow John had left us as it corresponded with where Rodney believed the generator would be. We'd been walking for a while through the trees before we came to a field full of tall grass topped with bright yellow flowers. Rodney, Carson and Ronan were talking behind me but I wasn't really listening ... I felt a bit more relaxed now that I was existing at the same time rate as John but I was still worried about how long it might take us to find him.

Teyla had taken the lead position – before we'd travelled far into the field she dropped the case she was carrying and raised her fist above her head.

"What?" Rodney looked around nervously. "What is it?"

We waited a few seconds before the sound of an angry animal echoed from the distance. Teyla turned and aimed her P90 into the woods where the sound seemed to be coming from

"I'm not detecting anything," Rodney reported after checking the life signs detector.

"Doesn't mean it isn't there," Ronan said grimly. Turning to Teyla he asked "Can you see anything?"

"No," Teyla admitted calmly. "But I sense something is close."

"Maybe we should try another way," Rodney suggested in a voice shaking with nerves.

The roaring sound came to us again, this time much closer than before. To my ears it sounded not unlike an angry elephant.

"Won't make any difference," Ronan answered Rodney's query. "It's stalking us."

The roaring sounded again, this time from another direction.

"Sounds like it's more than one," Carson said apprehensively.

"Yeah," Rodney agreed, aiming his 9mm towards the woods. "More than one what?"

"I do not know," Teyla admitted, looking skyward as though trying to sense what was out there.

Before anyone could even blink a large, strangely transparent apparition appeared directly in front of Ronan. The outline of the beast shifted in and out of focus as though the real beast were hidden by a faulty cloaking device. Ronan fired his blaster right into it but the beast didn't even flinch, somehow knocking Ronan a few feet away from its position. Teyla backed away slightly and fired a quick succession of bullets into the beast. Rodney and Carson were also firing their pistols directly into the beast but none of our weapons seemed to have any effect. Ronan had regained his feet and drawn his sword – as he approached the beast the others ceased firing. Ronan slashed at the beast but each time it seemed the beast faded out of existence to avoid the strike before reappearing again. The beast swiped at Ronan again, landing him in almost the same position as before. Teyla returned to the fray, pulling her knife and running towards the beast with a cry of rage. The beast was not deterred – it struck out at her and knocked her away ... her body came to rest close by Ronan.

Since I was unarmed, Rodney and Carson had stepped in front of me with some misguided belief that they could protect me. If Ronan and Teyla had been unable to even made a dent in the beast I didn't see what their pistols would do. Still I was grateful to have their comforting presence as the beast turned towards us.

At that moment John came running out of the woods at full speed, hurling himself onto the beast's back. The beast shifted out of existence completely and John crashed to the ground. Rodney and Carson ran to check on Teyla and Ronan the second John had appeared. He pulled himself to his feet and turned to glare at us.

"_What the hell took you so long?!_" He growled angrily, not even acknowledging my presence.

"Believe it or not," Rodney tried to placate him, "you were only gone a few hours."

"_Try six months!_" John half yelled. He rubbed a hand across his face where he was now sporting a full beard. That more than anything brought home to me how long it had been from his point of view.

"You don't understand," Rodney protested. "You've been trapped in a time dilation field."

"What?!" John demanded harshly.

"What was that bloody thing?" Doctor Beckett asked, talking over John.

"I don't know," John admitted to Carson before turning back to Rodney. "What's a time dilation field?"

"It's a –" Rodney broke off when John turned away and speared me with an angry glance.

"And what the hell are _you_ doing here?" John demanded, giving me every indication that he was just as pissed at me as everyone else.

"Rescuing you," I stated the obvious, trying not to be hurt that he didn't seem that happy to see me. "Nice beard," I gestured to his face with a faint smile. John raised a hand to his cheek as though he'd forgotten the addition was even there.

"We should move this somewhere safer," Ronan advised before John could say anything further.

"No," Teyla contradicted, gazing skyward again. "It is still close."

As though the beast had actually heard her, another roar sounded from no specific direction. Everyone looked around the field nervously – for a few moments there was nothing and then the beast shifted back into existence. This time it was immensely tall. I couldn't see how there was any way we could beat it but John still walked cautiously forward, holding his knife out in front of him. Ronan retrieved his sword and joined him.

"Stay back," John ordered the rest of us as the two of them approached the beast.

"You've fought this thing before?" Roan asked incredulously.

"Twice," John said grimly.

"How did you beat it?" Ronan quizzed.

"Still haven't figured that out," John admitted.

"Now'd be a good time," Ronan urged him to work it out quickly.

"Yeah, well," John drawled, "what'd you say we just fight it and see what happens?"

"John?" Teyla called, noticing a group of people arriving out of the woods. "Do you know these people?"

"They're from the village I've been staying in," John said.

"We've come to stand with you, whatever happens," a young male vowed, looking directly at John.

"No - we've come to fight," a pretty young woman corrected. "And we are not afraid of you," she said, turning to look up at the beast. "The Beast is of our own creation, and it is long past time we sent it away."

The villagers formed a circle around the beast, who continued to make that angry elephant sound. When the circle was complete the beast raised its claws above its head, trumpeted harshly, and then just disappeared. The young woman walked towards John, joined by the young man who'd first spoken and a little girl.

"That's it?!" John said incredulously. "That's all it took?!"

"You were right, John," the young woman admitted simply. "We were afraid. The Beast was the final burden we had to shed, manifest from our own fears. You gave us the courage to face it."

Behind her, a white glow had begun to envelop the rest of the villagers. The woman held out a hand to John. "You can still come with us."

"I'm not ready for that yet," John glanced back to where I was standing. "I'm not sure I'll ever be."

"She is the one," the woman looked towards me with a gentle expression.

"Yeah," John said easily, motioning for me to join him. "Sabina, this is Teer, Avrid and Hedda," he gestured to each of them in turn.

I smiled suddenly shy in the presence of people who were as close to Ancients as I was ever likely to get. My head was buzzing with all the questions I would have loved to ask but before I could even begin to form them, Teer turned away to look at Rodney.

"There'll be no need to destroy the Sanctuary, Doctor McKay," she said firmly.

"What? No-no-no-no-no," Rodney denied unconvincingly. "I wasn't thinking that, I was ..." he broke off awkwardly. Behind Teer the villagers had all but disappeared, leaving only a glowing light that slowly began to rise into the sky.

"We will keep the portal open for you until you are gone," Teer promised.

"At which point the ZedPM which undoubtedly powers this beautiful place will be ..." Rodney looked sick at the thought of another ZPM gone begging.

"Sanctuary was left by those who came before us," Teer advised him sternly, "for those who may seek it out and follow the path. And it will continue to remain after you are gone."

"Yeah, but ... ," Rodney turned to look at John pleadingly.

"_Rodney_," John said in a warning voice, before turning back to Teer. "Absolutely," he promised.

The rest of Teer's people were already hovering as glowing lights high in the sky. Teer, Avrid and Hedda began to glow too and slowly the three of them also began to ascend. Within moments the light had disappeared and we were left alone in the field.

I was still looking disbelievingly at the spot where they'd stood when John pulled me into his arms and kissed me like there was no tomorrow. Obviously he _was_ very glad to see me and I was as surprised by the intensity of this greeting as I had been by the anger John had shown when he first realised I was there. It's not that we'd ever hidden our relationship from the others – in fact John seemed quite fond of the casual caress, hug or hand hold. This kiss was way, way, way, outside of that – he was practically consuming me and I was an eager participant. I'd completely forgotten the others were even there as John deepened the kiss even further, moulding me so closely against him that he lifted my feet off the ground.

"_Hey_," Rodney's yell broke through our passion clouded haze, giving the impression that wasn't the first time he'd tried to get our attention. "Still standing right here!"

John reluctantly ended the kiss and I buried my head in his chest in embarrassment as he turned back to Rodney.

"Lighten up Rodney," he said, urging me to walk with him back towards where the others were waiting.

"Never thought I'd see any of you again," John said, looking first at Teyla and Ronan before glancing at Rodney and Carson. "Kind of even ... missed you a little."

"Yeah, well, it was only a few hours for us, so ..." Ronan teased with an amused twinkle in his eyes.

"Ronon," Teyla scolded sternly. "We were all quite worried about you," she assured John.

"Of course we were," Doctor Beckett agreed bracingly.

"We're just sorry we didn't get here sooner," Rodney admitted.

Reminded again of how long it had been since he'd seen me John glanced down as if to reassure himself I was still there. It seemed he was unable to resist my charms as he lowered his head and kissed me again.

"Okay Romeo, wanna save that for later?" Rodney complained. When we broke apart Rodney looked at me and shook his head.

"Him I can understand," Rodney excused, gesturing towards John. "It's been six months. But you," Rodney turned back to me with an incredulous expression. "You only saw him this morning – what's your excuse?!"

"Ah, it felt like months?" I excused my behaviour with an embarrassed smile. Everyone laughed as I smiled ruefully. Rodney had teased me like always and I was actually happy about it because it meant he'd finally forgiven me for taking the Ancient hard drive project from him.

"Let's get outta here!" John urged, keeping an arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah - let's go home," I agreed happily.

Once back on Atlantis and fully checked out by Doctor Beckett, John was released to his quarters. I sat quietly, watching him shave off six months of beard, as he talked about what had happened on the planet.

"I was starting to think you guys had given up on me," John admitted reluctantly, meeting my gaze through the mirror.

"I would _never_ ever give up on you," I vowed. "No matter how much time had gone by."

"I thought I knew that," John said, "but then I kept going back to the cave and there was no word from anyone and I couldn't think of a reason for that."

"I'm sorry you had to wait so long," I put my arms around John's chest from behind and laid my head against his back. "You were angry to see me there, weren't you?"

"That beast thing was dangerous," John wiped his face before turning me around and looking down at me. "If Hedda hadn't healed me ... twice ... well I wouldn't be standing here now."

"When Rodney told us how much time was going by for you I felt so helpless," I admitted. "I will never give up on you but ... I'm stuck here on Atlantis and sometimes that's the most frustrating thing because I want to help you and I can't!"

"I'm sorry," John hugged me tightly and we stood for a time enjoyed the others closeness. I welcomed him home emotionally and physically ... the six month absence from John's perspective added a desperate, impatient mood to our intimacy. It only seemed that after, as I held John close, he finally relaxed and settled himself to being home.

**Authors Note: **

Thanks for the reviews again **chevron7** and **Allie108** – I get stats to tell me people are reading this but you guys are the ones encouraging me to keep going. You were right **chevron7** when you mentioned all the 'kirking' (nice term!) in Season 2 – hopefully my take on Sheppard in an established relationship is believable whenever those kirking opportunities present themselves.

This chapter feels very much like a regurgitation of the actual episode – apologies for that but I couldn't think of anything original to get around it – I had that scene in my head where Sheppard sees Sabina for the first time after 6 months, including McKay's complaints ... apologies to the episode purists too – I always try to stick as much as possible to the real episodes, including the timeline for each but in this one I did make a few changes in dialogue and of course in Sheppard's relationship with Teer – he would have learnt his lesson from Chaya and I don't think he'd be the type to make the same mistake twice! If you don't know what I mean about learning his lesson then you haven't read my season 1 story – you could go and do that now ... if you wanted ... but no pressure!

I also changed the time dilation ratio to 1000 – big maths warning ahead so if you're not interested in why then you can proceed to the next chapter!

If the time dilation ratio really was 250 to 1 then 6 months inside the field at roughly 30 days per month equals 180 days x 24 hours per day equals 4320 hours / 250 (to convert it into time outside the field) equals 17.28 hours. Ronan clearly states that it was only a couple of hours for them outside the field – let's assume 4 hours to be conservative. To get Sheppard's 4320 hours to equal 4 hours would mean a time dilation ratio 4320 / 4 which equals 1080. Of course it could be 6 months for whatever planet they were on which might have less than 24 hours in a day ... for 6 months of roughly 30 days per month to equal 4 hours outside the field the days would need to be 5 or 6 hours long which sounds ridiculous. If it were 20 days per month instead then each day would need to be 8 hours long, 15 days per month would mean 11 hour days; 10 days per month would mean 17 hour days. That is if the concept of a month even means something on that planet – and if Rodney did the conversion in his head from our months to the planets months – he's smart but that seems unlikely! So to cut this very long Authors note short, I used a time dilation ratio of 1000 instead of 250! If you'd like to explain to me why my calculations are wrong, I'd be happy to hear it ...


	19. You don’t need my permission

**Chapter 19: ****You don't need my permission**

It was about a week later when I walked into the commissary to find John and Rodney finishing up lunch and what sounded like a very interesting conversation.

"So what is it with you and ascended women?" Rodney asked.

"Yes John, do tell," I walked up behind him and laid a hand on his shoulder. I already knew there was nothing to Teer's invitation for John to ascend with them and the relieved look he got at my arrival only strengthened that belief.

"It wasn't like that Rodney," John pulled me into the seat next to him as he answered Rodney's question. "In fact, Teer seemed more interested in Sabina that in me."

"_What?_" Rodney and I both reacted together.

"Teer had one of those Ancient gifts," John explained. "She could see images in her mind ... places and people that she didn't know herself."

"What does that have to do with me?" I asked curiously.

"A few months into my stay Teer came to see me one morning," John said almost uncomfortably. "She ... ah ..." he broke off, clearly unsure how to explain.

"She was interested in you?" I asked easily.

"Yeah," John admitted, almost bashful. "I didn't have to say anything about you though ... she kinda froze in my doorway like she was in some kind of trance. When she returned to herself she smiled at me and said she understood. And then she described you," John looked straight at me, "in vivid detail ... and not just your appearance either. She knew about the Ancient gene and the Wraith gene, and of course she seemed to know a lot about our relationship."

"Did she say anything else about me?" I asked curiously, forgetting for a moment that Rodney was listening avidly to the entire conversation.

"She said that you had unique talents that would be needed in the fight against the Wraith," John traced an idle finger over the back of my hand, "and that you needed me in order to be able to do what you would have to do."

"Oh," I frowned in confusion. "Surely you didn't leave it at that?"

"I was gonna quiz her more," John admitted, "but she started talking about our 'great love' and how we were 'meant to be'. It freaked me out a bit so I just thanked her and practically pushed her out the door."

"Did you find out _anything_ useful about the Ancients who set up the sanctuary?" Rodney reminded us he was still there.

"Not really," John admitted. "The villagers spent their _whole day_ meditating – whenever I tried to break into that to question one of them they got all cryptic on me."

"Wait a minute ... you _meditated_?" Rodney asked incredulously.

"Hey - I can be deep," John put a hand on his chest and a soulful expression on his face. He couldn't hold it though and the conversation ended with the three of us laughing.

"Doctor Weir offered me a spot on Major Lorne's team," I said to John a few days later.

"She said," John acknowledged.

"I didn't give her an answer because I wanted to talk to you about it first," I told him, somewhat puzzled by the lack of reaction I'd gotten from him.

"You don't need my permission," John reminded me that team assignments of non military personnel were Doctor Weir's responsibility.

"I know," I responded, "but I was kinda hoping I'd get your approval anyway."

"You've been off world a few times now," John pointed out, looking at me intently. "You've handled yourself well, followed orders, _and_ made a valuable contribution." My face reddened at his praise. "Don't you think you've earned a place on a team?"

"I guess," I said hesitantly. "I didn't think about it that way because you were always so adamant that I could only go on missions if it was absolutely necessary. Being on Major Lorne's team doesn't really fit into that."

"Yeah, well I had six months to think about you," John looked away uncomfortably. "And I realised that I was doing you a disservice ... you've worked hard to make yourself valuable on a number of fronts. Major Lorne would be lucky to have someone with your skill set on his team."

"Oh ..." I was speechless. I could actually feel my brain scrambling for words but finding none that seemed adequate after that statement.

"_Oh?_" John turned back to me and grinned. "You've mastered both Ancient _and_ Wraith and 'Oh" is the best you can do?"

"You surprised me," I admitted, finding my voice again.

"I'm sorry," John looked at me apologetically. When I raised an eyebrow in query he explained "I obviously haven't been doing a good enough job of passing on feedback if praise that you've rightfully earned is such a surprise to you."

"It doesn't matter," I said happily. "I'm gonna be on an off world team!" I laughed in excitement, throwing myself into his lap and hugging him tight.

"Yes you are," John agreed seriously. I met his eyes and saw the worry there.

"It'll be fine" I said confidently.

"It had better be," John grumbled.

I let Doctor Weir know that I was keen to join Major Lorne's team and just a few short days later found myself stepping through the gate for the first time without John there to watch over me. One of Teyla's contacts had reported that the planet we'd gated to was the site of an Ancient ruin – we didn't usually check out every ruin we discovered but these were supposedly quite extensive and Doctor Weir believed some study of them would be worthwhile. It sounded like an easy first mission for me and I wondered if some of Doctor Weir's enthusiasm was about that more than the actual ruins.

Still it was a glorious day and I found myself enjoying the long walk from the gate to the ruins. Teyla's contact had been right – the site was extensive. Unfortunately there were no signs of any Ancient technology or power sources left behind. I wouldn't know more about its purpose without spending at least a couple of days translating and exploring so Major Lorne reported in and requested an extended stay.

Two days later we returned to Atlantis on schedule, me loaded down with a full camera and a stack of things to finish translating. When we stepped through the gate I was surprised to find John standing at the bottom of the steps waiting for me.

"This is a surprise Colonel," Major Lorne said innocently.

"I'm not here for you," John drawled without any hint of embarrassment. Major Lorne laughed and continued with the rest of the team up the stairs to the infirmary.

"Are you waiting for me?" I asked, trying to hold off my grin.

"No I'm waiting for somebody else ... y_es_ I'm waiting for you," John said irritably. "Who else would I be waiting around for?!"

"That's sweet," I said, grinning when I saw John's grimace of distaste at my describing anything he did as 'sweet'.

"Yeah well," he excused his behaviour. "It's only because it was your first mission without me ... don't let it go to your head."

"I won't," I couldn't resist grabbing his hand, pulling him down for a quick kiss on the cheek. John made the pretence of not reacting but I could see that he was pleased I'd made even that much of a personal greeting.

"How'd it go?" John asked as he walked with me down to the infirmary.

"The ruin used to be an Ancient ... university is the closest word to describe it," I said. "It was pretty old, maybe even predating much of the war with the Wraith. It makes me sad to think what Pegasus must have been like before the Wraith evolved and ruined it all. The ruin proves that at the very least there was free travel between planets and sharing of education and ..." I trailed off when I saw John was grinning at me again.

"I was getting carried away again, wasn't I?" I smiled ruefully when John nodded. By that stage we'd arrived at the infirmary.

"Doctor Beckett awaits," John gestured for me to get my post mission check up over with.

"Hey," I turned back to him. "You didn't tell me what happened around here while I was gone."

"We had a bomb on Atlantis, only it wasn't a bomb at all," John stated in a matter of fact tone. "The ZPM failsafes were rewritten – it we'd dialled Earth it would have caused a catastrophic overload. Rodney disabled the DHD to stop that from happening but then a distress beacon was activated that drew the notice of two nearby Wraith cruisers. We were forced to reconnect the ZPM to power the cities cloak – once the ZPM was back on line the inertial dampener system was activated to cause the overload. Luckily Lieutenant Cadman worked out who it was and we got the codes we needed to turn it off just in time to stop the ZPM from exploding."

"So, business pretty much as usual," I joked.

"Pretty much," John agreed. "Zelenka had to wait it out on M7G-677 with the kids – you should have seen him when he came back."

"I'm sorry I missed it," I could hardly imagine how Radek had survived for a couple of hours, let alone a couple of days – he was no more fond of children than Rodney. "Who was it?" I asked curiously, suddenly realising that John had left that out of his explanation.

"Colonel Caldwell," John said, watching me almost gape in shock. "He was taken by a Goa'uld on his last trip to Earth."

"That's just creepy," I shuddered. "I'm kind of glad I was off world to be honest."

"Me too," John agreed. "Hermiod managed to beam the Goa'uld out of Colonel Caldwell – with a bit of time he'll make a full recovery."

"Well, he's not exactly my favourite person," I admitted. "But I'm glad Caldwell's going to be okay."

"Yeah," John nodded. He gestured again for me to proceed into the infirmary. "Meet me down in the commissary when you get done here."

"Will do," I had turned away when John called out to me.

"Yeah?" I looked at him curiously.

"Well done on your first solo mission," John said simply.

"Thanks," I smiled gratefully. I'd wondered if John was really as relaxed about me going off world without him as he'd made out. I didn't understand how it had happened, but John really did seem resigned to my new role ... I just hoped that wasn't going to come back and bite me in the future.

**Authors Note: **

I know in the episode they said only one team (Doctor Zelenka) was off world BUT I was kind of tired of putting Sabina into every event just because it happened on Atlantis so I decided the timing was ripe for her first off world mission with a different team. I don't think Major Lorne was visible during Critical Mass so there's no reason he couldn't have been off world. Besides I kind of need Sabina out and about for what's coming up in a few chapters time.

Thanks for the review **chevron7** - Project Imperium will be making more of an appearance in the story soon but there is some ground work and a few more episode based chapters coming up first. I can't believe you reread the first season story - that's so cool!! I'm glad it stood up to a second reading! Nice suggestion re Kavanaugh - I wish I'd thought of that!


	20. John put you up to this, didn’t he?

**Chapter 20: John put you up to this, didn't he?**

"Now that you've got a regular spot on an off world team I think it'd be a good idea to teach you how to fly a Puddle Jumper," John suggested one morning at breakfast.

"Really?" I asked excitedly. "You're gonna teach me how to fly a Jumper?"

"It'd be good back up for Major Lorne," John pointed out. "And hopefully you'll be a lot better than Rodney and Carson."

"When do we start?" I was eager to do it right there and then. Flying a Jumper had been one of my secret dreams since I'd first seen them but I'd always hesitated to ask John about it - that whole don't abuse my position as girlfriend of the military leader thing. John had shown me some basic stuff about the Jumpers ages ago, but I'd never gotten up the nerve to pursue it further.

"I'm dropping off Teyla and some supplies to the mainland this morning," John said. "You can tag along and then on the way back I'll give you your first lesson."

"Cool!" I smiled gleefully, so much so that John couldn't help but laugh.

"Remember, flying is a serious business," he warned me.

"I know, I know," I agreed, still grinning madly. "And when the time comes I'll be super serious, I promise."

"Okay," John's expression said he'd believe it when he saw it for himself. "I'll see you in the Jumper bay in an hour."

I had calmed down sufficiently by the time we'd dropped Teyla and the supplies off at the Athosian settlement for John to begin my instruction. Rather than just show me how the controls worked John insisted on explaining some of the general theory behind flying and navigation of an aircraft.

"Is all this theory necessary," I asked after we'd been sitting in the Jumper not going anywhere for almost thirty minutes.

"If you want to understand what you're doing, not to mention get yourself out of trouble if something goes wrong, then yes!" John insisted.

"Did you make Rodney and Carson learn this?" I asked suspiciously.

"No," John admitted, "which probably explains why neither of them are any good at flying!"

"Good point," I turned back to the HUD he'd brought up to explain how navigation on Atlantis worked.

"The Puddle Jumpers have a compass receiver," John instructed. "Atlantis sends out pulses at a specific frequency and based on the strength of what we receive here we can determine where Atlantis is." John looked up to see me gazing at him with a fond smile. "What?"

"I was just wondering why none of my teachers were ever as hot as you," I replied, even more endeared of him when his face flushed at the compliment.

"Um ...," John frowned before remembering where he was up to and continuing my lesson.

"What we do most of the time in the Jumper is essentially instrument flying," John pointed out a few minutes later, "being able to fly by reference to the cockpit instruments only when visual flight by reference to a natural horizon isn't possible."

"Like when you're in space?" I asked, intrigued.

"Exactly," John smiled at me, "which means you have to understand what every display the Jumper is capable of presenting is about."

"Do I have to understand them all before I get to fly anywhere?" I looked at him hopefully.

"I think I've loaded up your brain with enough new concepts for today," John answered. "I'll take the Jumper up and then we'll see how you do."

John set a course over the ocean before turning to me "Ready to take control?" he asked.

"Yes?" I almost asked hesitantly.

"Just remember this is as much about mental control as it is about understanding how flight works," John reassured me. "You've demonstrated very strong control of other Ancient systems ... so long as you focus on what you want the Jumper to do, you shouldn't have a problem."

"Okay," I said more confidently. "I'm ready."

"Transferring control to you ... now," John took his hands off the controls, leaving the co-pilot controls I was holding in command.

The Jumper was just like the other Atlantis systems ... through my mental connection I was aware of the capability that was available to me. I wouldn't admit it to John but I was glad he'd taken the time to explain the concepts to me else I'd have been hard pressed to understand most of what I was now connected to.

"Good," John encouraged me. "Just keep it nice and steady for the moment."

I did as instructed, gradually feeling myself relax - I looked out the front window at the blue surrounding us, both sky and sea, and smiled in wonder.

"I'm _flying_," I told John reverently.

"Yes you are," John agreed, looking at me with a fond smile.

"This is so cool!" I laughed happily. "I think I understand why you're so keen on this sort of thing now!"

"It's not the same as flying an F16," John admitted. "I kind of miss pulling G's and relying solely on manual command of the systems. But the inertial dampeners are a small price to pay for the absolute responsiveness of the Jumpers - it takes a microsecond from thinking something to seeing it happen."

"Weren't you flying helicopters in Antarctica?" I looked at him in confusion.

"Ah," John's face lit up. "Don't get me started on helicopters ... there's no comparison really - flying one of those is _hard_."

"I'll take your word for it," I said. "I think I'll just stick to the Puddle Jumpers for now."

"Let's take the Jumper in a loop around Atlantis," John went back into instructor mode. He made me fly a basic rectangular pattern around Atlantis before he was satisfied that I had been sufficiently familiarised with the flight area and the basic operations of the Jumper. Taking control again he flew us back to Atlantis, promising that he'd continue my lessons on a regular basis. I surprised even myself when I voluntarily asked John to link me into any reference materials on the theory so I could study a bit before the next lesson.

"You're a gem," John said fondly, ruffling my hair in affection.

"Don't get all soppy," I ducked away in embarrassment.

"I've gotta get to a briefing," John looked regretful. "I'll catch up with you later."

"Okay," I agreed. He'd taken a few steps away from me before I remembered to thank him. "Thanks for the lesson!" I called out.

"You're welcome," he called back over his shoulder.

"

A couple of days later I was working in my lab when Rodney came in to see me.

"Hey Rodney," I greeted. "Any progress on those shield improvements?"

"They're fine," Rodney said distractedly, looking at the various things I had strewn over the large work table.

"Can I do something for you?" I asked in confusion when he continued to hover without saying anything.

"Um, no ... I mean yes ..." Rodney broke off with a pained expression.

"Which is it?" I frowned as he continued to look very uncomfortable. "Is something wrong?"

"No no," Rodney said quickly, making eye contact before looking away again. "I ah I was talking to ah ... Zelenka the other day and he mentioned it was his... birthday and I just realised that you hadn't had one." Rodney said the last bit rapidly.

"One what?" I struggled to make sense of what Rodney was trying to tell me.

"Birthday," Rodney pointed out. "We've been here over a year and you haven't had a birthday."

"So?" I turned back to my laptop and pretended I was indifferent to where the conversation seemed to be going.

"It's just that ... we've celebrated Sheppard's and mine - even Elizabeth's," Rodney pointed out. "But not yours."

"I'm just not in to birthdays," I said dismissively. I could almost feel Rodney's eyes drilling holes in my back as he scoffed. "_What?_" I demanded, turning around to look at him again.

"I looked it up," Rodney admitted.

"Oh," I muttered, looking away again.

"Yeah," Rodney's voice took on that tone he got when he was trying to solve a puzzle. "How can your birthday be recorded as unknown?"

"What's this really about Rodney?" I asked, "because forgive me for saying this but you don't strike me as the type to be concerned about whether someone celebrates their birthday or not!"

"That's not fair!" Rodney protested, but the guilty look on his face gave him away.

"John put you up to this didn't he?" I demanded.

"No!" Rodney protested. "He just asked me to hack into Doctor Weirs files ..." Rodney's voice trailed off when he saw the angry look on my face.

"He did _what_?" I got up abruptly, making Rodney back away a step. "Why didn't he just ask me?!"

"He wanted to surprise you," Rodney admitted miserably. "I said I could find out but when the file said unknown I ah -"

"You didn't want to admit you couldn't get the information." I finished his sentence.

"It's not John's fault," Rodney insisted. "I'm sure he would have just asked you if I hadn't taken it upon myself to ..."

"It's okay Rodney," I let him off the hook, sinking back down on my chair. "I'll talk to John about it later, okay?"

"So you're not gonna tell me why you didn't put a birthday in your file?" Rodney complained.

"Goodbye Rodney," I urged him out the door without answering. I smiled in amusement as I heard him still muttering to himself halfway down the corridor.

"

"Rodney came down to see me this afternoon," I told John that evening.

"Doesn't he do that from time to time?" John asked, obviously wondering why I was bothering sharing such an insignificant fact.

"Yeah, but usually it's because he wants to complain about some incompetent underling," I replied. "Guess what he wanted to talk about this time?" I almost saw the light bulb go on in his head as he looked at me curiously.

"Ah ... your birthday?" John offered trying to charm me with his little boy look.

"My birthday," I confirmed, making it clear that I was less than impressed.

"He wasn't supposed to tell you!" John protested.

"So it's all right as long as I don't find out?!" I exclaimed.

"No!" John retorted. "Look, it's been a rough year for you and I just thought a birthday surprise ... thing ... might be ... nice."

"It was a nice thought," I let him off easily. Who could protest when someone wanted to give them something special like that? It really had been sweet of him to consider it.

"So when is your birthday?" John asked.

"I told you I was abandoned when I was a baby didn't I?" I asked in exasperation. When John nodded I continued "well what did you think that meant? I'm pretty sure most people who abandon a baby don't leave a birth certificate!"

"I know," John rubbed a hand over his face. "I thought they'd have given you a birthday when they found you."

"They did," I admitted, realising that if I was going to explain this I'd have to reveal something I'd glossed over the last time we'd talked about my family. "When I told you about my background I wasn't exactly ... honest," I admitted, looking at John to see that I'd surprised him with that comment. "I said that no one had wanted me enough to adopt me which was true from the time I was ten ... but before that I ah ... I did have an adopted family."

"Why didn't you mention it when I asked?" John asked curiously.

"It's just really hard to talk about," I excused my reticence.

"Can you talk about it now?" John invited softly. He was sitting on the bed and arranging himself so that I could sit with my back resting against his chest. I felt surrounded by his warmth ... safe ... and that made it easier to begin.

"After being found at the hospital I was taken in by Gwen and Roger Scott," I began. "They must have seen ... something in me because from that moment on I was theirs – they adopted me as soon as they could put the paperwork through. They _always_ made a big deal about my made up birthday ... one of my earliest memories is my fourth birthday party. Gwen was very artistic and she'd created a fairy tale castle in the backyard complete with a matching cake. I think she was trying to make up for the fact that we didn't really know when my birthday was ... and making sure that I never doubted that although my biological parents hadn't wanted me, Gwen and Roger did."

"What happened?" John encouraged me to continue.

"The day of my tenth birthday Gwen had planned the usual party. I was really into ponies and she'd set up the back yard with play stables, big pony dolls to sit on ... she even had a real pony for everyone to ride. About an hour before the party was going to start Gwen discovered she and Roger had mixed up who was going to pick up the cake ... I always looked forward to the birthday cake best of all. They went out to get it, leaving me with my best friend and her Mother. They never came back ... drunk driver missed a stop sign and just ploughed right into them. Everyone was killed instantly."

"I'm so sorry Sabina," John hugged me tight, pressing a kiss into my hair.

"I remember sitting in the backyard with all the party guests there, waiting eagerly for Gwen to step through the door with the cake ... instead the police came and ... someone cleared all the guests out and they told me Gwen and Roger weren't coming back. If I hadn't been so keen on that stupid pony cake maybe it wouldn't have happened."

"You know that's not true," John told me. "You were just a kid ... Gwen sounds like the type who would have wanted to make everything perfect for you, regardless of what you said."

"She was," I smiled at fond memories I hadn't allowed myself to examine in years. "Anyway, there was no one else to take me in so I went back into the system. Foster families – none of whom were looking for a sad and angry ten year old to adopt. Birthdays became something to dread – by me anyway – usually the foster parents seemed disinclined to observe the day. Eventually I decided I wasn't going to have my birthday on some made up day anymore. If I can't do it on the actual day, which I obviously can't, then I don't want to do it at all."

"That seems a little ... extreme," John pointed out.

"Yeah well, you know me and stubbornness," I didn't try to excuse the fact that most people wouldn't understand my position. We sat together in silence for a few minutes before John asked another question.

"Even when you were out on your own - you didn't have parties ... presents ... stuff like that?" John kept at me.

"What do you want from me?" I said angrily, getting up and stalking over to the window. "From the time I was ten my childhood sucked - I never wanted another birthday party and I can't remember the last time I got a present." John opened his mouth to make some comment but I cut him off "and before you go getting all sympathetic, since I was sixteen that was entirely my own doing. I'm not the party type and I don't want people feeling like they have to give me stuff."

"See now that just bothers me," John admitted. "I love presents."

"That's because you're just a big kid," I said. "I haven't been a kid since I was ten. Look this is gonna start depressing me in a minute so can we just give it a rest?"

"Just one more question," John promised. "How do you keep track of how old you are?" he asked curiously.

"I just add a year to my age every New Years," I admitted. "Easy!"

"So can we make New Years your birthday then?" John looked at me with a hopeful look.

"Do you promise not to go overboard?" I asked, quickly adding "and not to rope anyone else in either?"

"But what if they ask me?" John protested. "How about I just promise not to volunteer any information about your birthday?"

"I don't know," I shifted uncomfortably, "I don't have any experience with this sort of thing - I'm bound to be really bad at it."

"I won't do anything you wouldn't be comfortable with," John promised.

"Will you drop it if I say yes?" I asked, reluctantly amused at his persistence.

"Yep," John agreed happily.

"All right then," I agreed uneasily. "But you're making up some excuse to explain this to Rodney," I added. "I don't want to hear anything else about it."

"I'll fix it with Rodney," John pulled me into an enthusiastic hug. "I'll even get him to hack your record so no one will have any reason to ask about it in the future."

"You do that," I ended the conversation. While all the talk about birthdays had been uncomfortable I was kind of glad I'd talked to John about my past ... maybe next time I over reacted about something he'd have a better chance of understanding why.

**Authors Note:**

Hope my departure into seeming triviality worked okay - the next three chapters are about The Tower (I had FUN with that one!) - I'll edit and post those tomorrow. Please stick around and read some more ...


	21. I’m afraid it’s too late for that

**Chapter 21: ****I'm afraid it's too late for that.**

"I feel kinda bad," John admitted, as he gathered together the few remaining things he'd need for his mission to rescue Rodney from a crashed Puddle Jumper. "Rodney's stuck in a sinking Jumper and I'm _excited_ about the prospect of using a Puddle Jumper as a submersible."

"It was your idea to combine the magnetic grapple for the F302's with Moore and McNab's cable and winch," I pointed out. "There wouldn't even be a mission if not for that."

"Yeah, well hopefully Zelenka can locate them before they get too deep," John turned to take his leave. "Remember, once we get down past 1000 feet we'll lose contact with Atlantis. I'll radio in once we've got Griffin and McKay safely aboard."

"Okay," I said slowly. "Good luck."

A nervous couple of hours later Rodney was safely tucked away in the infirmary and John was coming down from the high of having taken the first Puddle Jumper submarine 'flight'.

"I'm sorry about Griffin," I told John when he caught up with me a few hours later.

"He was a good man," John replied. "Rodney said Griffin sacrficed himself to save him - it's not much consolation to his family but at least we'll be able to tell them that much."

"What was it like down there?" I asked curiously.

"Now that I know Rodney's gonna be okay, I can say that it was _cool_ being down that far," John admitted.

"You are such a big kid," I teased.

"Oh like you don't go all giddy at the thought of new Ancient devices to play with," John retorted.

"Ah," I held up a finger in triumph, "but I'm not the illustrious military leader!"

"Well being the leader ought to come with some perks," John insisted. "Getting to fly all the cool stuff is just one of them."

In the early hours of the morning disturbing dreams startled me awake – strangely they all seemed to have something to do with being at the mercy of a Wraith Queen and having to fight off her mental attacks. John's descriptions of his own encounters with Hive Queens must have gotten to me more than I'd realised at the time.

Checking the time I realised I'd slept more deeply than I usually did in John's bed. Frowning at my cramped position I decided I might as well go back to my own quarters. I started to shift in preparation of getting up when John's arm tightened around me and I realised he was awake.

"You were jerking around in your sleep," John answered my unspoken question regarding why he was awake. "Bad dreams?"

"You could say that," I admitted. "I've never met a Wraith, let alone a Queen but more and more lately I find myself dreaming about them – very vivid and detailed."

"Maybe you picked up more than you realised when you were linked with them through the Wraith weapon," John suggested, raising himself on an elbow and looking down at me.

"Maybe," I agreed, attempting once more to vacate the bed.

"Don't," John kept a hold on my upper arm to keep me with him. "Just this once can you not run away back to your room?" I was surprised to realise his tone was both pleading and irritated.

"I didn't realise it bothered you so much," I frowned at him in confusion.

"Well it does," John insisted.

"I guess I'll stay then," I conceded. "Just for tonight."

"Good," John slumped back on the bed, pulling me with him. I'd expected a kiss at the very least but instead I was treated to the contented sigh of Colonel John Sheppard as he nuzzled his face against my shoulder and dropped back into sleep.

"

"Sabina," Doctor Weir's voice issued from my radio then next morning. "Can you come down to the Control Room?"

"On my way," I acknowledged.

"Do you think this Eldred is telling the truth?" Doctor Weir was asking someone when I arrived.

"There's no reason for him to lie," John's voice came through loud and clear.

"And you say the Tower looks a lot like Lantean architecture?" Doctor Weir motioned for me to join her.

"It was overgrown by vegetation," John said, "but otherwise there was definitely something familiar about it!"

"So the people in the Tower could be Ancients," Doctor Weir said almost hopefully.

"I don't know," John admitted. "A feudal society doesn't fit the profile. Why would the Ancients wanna lord over a bunch of simple farmers?"

"I don't know," Doctor Weir's expression suggested she thought it unlikely they would. "Either way, we should talk with them."

"Agreed," John acknowledged.

"I have Sabina with me," Doctor Weir announced.

"I need you to pack whatever you think you'll need to assist Rodney," John directed at me, his voice almost grim. "I'll meet you at the gate."

"Okay," I agreed, looking across at Doctor Weir with a puzzled expression. She shrugged to indicate she too had no idea why John wanted me there.

"See you in a few ... Sheppard out," John said, and a moment later the gate shut down.

"I wonder what that was all about," I commented to Doctor Weir.

"Colonel Sheppard may be more relaxed about you going off world these days," Doctor Weir pointed out, "but that doesn't mean he's not going to worry."

"I suppose," I frowned, feeling there was more to it than that.

"You better get ready," Doctor Weir urged. "Don't want to keep Rodney waiting."

John met me at the gate and we walked together back to the village. Teyla and Ronan were there standing in the dusty village square.

"Where's McKay?" John demanded.

"He went with Eldred's son Baldric to scan the base of the Tower," Teyla admitted. "He said he'd be back very soon."

"Okay then where's Eldred?" John was clearly annoyed with the way things were progressing so far.

"He is over there," Teyla gestured across the dusty square to where a man was being intimidated by four men dressed in uniform.

"Who are those guys?" John frowned at the scene taking place in front of us.

"Soldiers from the Tower," Ronan replied. When the leader of the soldiers violently backhanded Eldred, knocking him to the ground it was too much for John. He rushed towards the scene with Teyla and Ronan not far behind. Not knowing what to do I hung back a few steps, ready to step in if it seemed necessary.

"Whoa, take it easy!" John called out.

"Who are you?" The lead soldier turned to face John, appearing unimpressed with what he saw.

"Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard," John replied. "Who are you?"

"I am a Constable of the Lord Protector's guard, and this village scum dared to defy me." Eldred cowered on the ground, groaning at the Constables words. "It's clear we're going to have to make an example." He took a whip from his belt, and unravelled it in preparation for using it to strike at Eldred.

"I don't think so," John drawled menacingly.

"Please, Colonel," Eldred begged. "It's my fault." The punishments here must have been extreme if the villagers would rather be whipped than have someone stand up for them.

"If you think I'm gonna sit here and let you whip an innocent man," John warned the Constable, "you're sorely mistaken."

I had noticed another man approaching the scene. He was bald and dressed in garb that reminded me of how actors were always decked out in every Robin Hood movie I'd ever seen. Judging by the squalor and hardship these people were living in, a Robin Hood was exactly what they needed.

"Constable," he said in a posh accent like I'd not heard from anyone else in the village. At his words John, Ronan and Teyla all aimed their weapons so that each was covering a position. "You may stand down," the man said. I was surprised when the guards did exactly that, without any protest.

"You are the strangers who requested an audience, are you not?" the stranger asked John, pulling a couple of small devices from his pocket. He held them out so that John could see they did not appear dangerous.

"That's us," John confirmed, still holding his gun at the ready.

"My name is Otho," the man announced. He walked past my position towards John and the others. Glancing briefly at me he motioned for me to join them. I looked at John and he nodded. Once we were all standing together Otho held his two devices out to Teyla as though he were scanning her in some way. "I have the honour to be Chamberlain to the Lord Protector." He glanced down at one of his devices that looked a bit like a life signs detector only smaller, before moving on and scanning Ronan. "And you would never be allowed in his presence so armed."

"Well, I guess we'll have to be on our way, then." John drawled in a relaxed tone.

Otho said nothing as he pointed the scanner at John. Immediately an audible beeping sound issued from the other device. Otho looked faintly surprised. He pointed the scanner at me – when the same beeping sound occurred I had a pretty good idea what he'd been scanning for.

"I'm afraid it's too late for that." Otho announced almost sadly. He stepped back and turned to the guards. "Take these two," he ordered, pointing at John and me.

Ronan aimed his gun at the guards, while Teyla raised her P90 in readiness.

"Please, Colonel, don't resist," Eldred begged from his position on the ground. "The Lord Protector sees all."

"He does, you know," Otho agreed as though that thought made him very happy. When John made no move to go along with Otho's plans, Otho added "But I suppose you're going to need a demonstration." I heard a faint and strangely familiar whooshing sound coming towards us from the Tower. "And here it comes."

We all turned to look where Otho was looking. A bright light was speeding steadily towards us – once it was close enough it was easily identifiable as a drone. It slammed into the village, exploding on impact. Luckily it didn't appear to have hit anything major, although the villagers were still calling out and crying in fear.

"Now please," Otho turned back to address us. "Turn over your weapons. Some of the people here may not survive the next strike."

"Colonel," Eldred said pleadingly. John looked around at the cowering villagers and reluctantly lowered his gun. He nodded at Ronan and Teyla to do the same with their weapons.

"Come this way," Otho commanded John and I to follow him.

**Authors Note:**

Apologies re this chapter having a lot of the episode script in it ... had to set the scene but I'll be branching out in the next chapter ... keep reading! Thanks again to my loyal reviewers!!


	22. I am not wearing that thing!

**Chapter 22: ****I am not wearing that ... thing!**

"What's a Chamberlain?" John whispered to me. We were in the back of a horse drawn cart that presumably was taking us to the Tower.

"In olden England a chamberlain was an officer who managed the household of a king or nobleman," I said. "He doesn't have the ATA gene," I added. "When he held my hand to assist me into the cart I didn't get anything from him."

"Yeah I noticed it too," John murmured close to my ear, "that he wasn't interested in us until after he scanned us with that device."

"Doctor Beckett could sure use one of those," I joked. "He's stuck doing blood tests that take hours to get results from."

"I'll be sure to put it on my wish list if we get out of this," John drawled. "Look, when we get to the Tower I want you to step back and let me do the talking."

"Okay," I agreed easily. John was the experienced officer, he was in charge and in any case he was much better at adlibbing than I was – it was a no brainer.

"Just go along with whatever I say," John instructed as the cart pulled up outside an entrance to the Tower. "Show time."

The Tower may have looked vaguely like Atlantis from the outside but on the inside the resemblance was uncanny. It I didn't know better I'd have said we were standing in the Gateroom of Atlantis itself ... well apart from the gaudy and overabundant decor the place sported.

"This just gets weirder and weirder," I muttered to John.

"I'm gonna try and contact Rodney," John said quietly. He took a few steps away from me and tapped his radio. His conversation was too quiet for me to hear – John was obviously trying to speak softly enough that the two guards surrounding him wouldn't hear.

"McKay said the structure extends far underground and it's exactly like Atlantis," John muttered as he stepped back to my side.

"Are they all okay?" I asked with concern.

"They're fine," John reassured me. "It's us I'm worried about!"

One of the side doors opened at that point and an elderly man came forward, followed by what could only be described as an entourage. This was the Lord Protector? This feeble old man who was clearly almost too weak to walk unaided?

The old man ignored the two of us, walking over to a very familiar looking chair – he sat down and the floor of the dais as well as the back of the chair lit up immediately. This guy clearly had the ATA gene – my initial suspicion that they needed us to power some Ancient device was blown out of the water by that detail.

"You there," the Lord Protector beckoned John over. "Approach."

"Lieutenant Colonel John Shep-" John walked closer and tried to introduce himself in a friendly manner.

"I know who you are. I saw you in the village," the Lord Protector said with a deliberately cryptic air.

"You did?" John asked, surprised.

"I see all that I need to see within my domain," the Lord Protector intoned. He put his hands on the control pads and made an image of the village appear on a holographic screen above his head. Zeroing in on Rodney, Teyla and Ronan he commented "your friends ... they are concerned about you."

"Well, um," John admitted self depreciatingly, "to be perfectly honest, I'm a little concerned about us too. I mean ... we are prisoners, right?" John looked across at me and smiled reassuringly.

"A show of force was necessary for the benefit of the villagers," the Lord Protector stated, taking his hands off the control pads so that the chair rose back to the upright position. "It keeps them from getting ideas. But for the moment I would prefer it if you thought of yourselves as guests."

"Father, I must protest" a young foppish man called out, looking both of us up and down with evident distaste. "This man should be punished. He challenged one of our constables."

"One of _our_ constables?" the Lord Protector asked quietly. Obviously all was not affection and support in the royal family.

"Forgive me," the young man apologised. "One of your constables."

"Lieutenant Colonel," the Lord Protector turned back to John. "It would be my pleasure that you and your lovely companion dine with us this evening."

John looked across at me before nodding somewhat nervously at the Lord Protector.

"Come," Otho appeared beside us. "I will show you to some guest quarters where you can refresh yourselves before we dine."

Otho clearly wanted to place us in separate quarters but John scotched that one instantly.

"Sabina and I will share a room," he stated firmly, pulling me into his side with a strong arm around my shoulders.

"Are you married?" Otho asked. To me it looked like the prospect that we were bothered him a lot more than it should have and that sent alarm bells ringing in my head.

"Newly wedded actually," John lied without a qualm. "You can understand why we wouldn't want to be separated. We're kinda still on our honeymoon." He turned to me with an affectionate smile and added "isn't that right honey?"

Remembering what he'd said about playing along I smiled lovingly in return and said "Yes it is ... darling."

"I see," Otho said. Clearly distracted by unpleasant thoughts, Otho pointed out our quarters and took his leave.

I felt a huge sense of relief that John and I were finally alone in the guest quarters. The walls were covered in gaudy scarlet drapes – the bed was covered in rich fabric almost buried under the weight of too many pillows. There were also candelabras all around the room. Where our Atlantis was an elegant well dressed lady this city was a little girl playing dress up in her mother's clothes and makeup.

John had checked in with Rodney and the others and confirmed that the Tower and its underground were in fact exactly the same as Atlantis. John had reported on our situation, especially the fact that these people weren't Ancients and didn't seem to have command of many devices apart from the control chair. John's team wanted to come and get us out immediately but John ordered then to do nothing but keep a low profile.

"Married huh?" I questioned curiously.

"He was too interested in separating us," John excused. "Any ideas about what's going on here?" John came over to the bed and sat down next to me.

"Yeah," I admitted uneasily. "And if I'm right we are potentially in a really awkward position here."

"Okay, tell me," John said reluctantly.

"The fact that they only took us means they're interested in the gene," I said. "Initially I thought they wanted us to activate some kind of Ancient technology but clearly that's wrong because the Lord Protector and at the very least his children all have the gene. Otho got a lot less friendly once you made it clear we were together," I pointed out. "I think they're looking for breeding stock."

"What!" John exclaimed, with a faintly sickened look on his face.

"They're a small group of nobles who've lived in this city for 10,000 years," I pointed out. "Over that length of time without the introduction of new blood the ATA gene would have become diluted ... perhaps to the point where they have trouble operating the Ancient technology as well as their ancestors did. That would explain why most of the city is inoperative."

"And they want us because ..." John broke off, looking uncomfortable.

"Because you and I both have the gene ... and probably a lot stronger than they've seen in a number of generations. The gene is clearly important because it gives them the means to defend the planet against the Wraith," I pointed out, "but it's also important because it gives the person in the command chair supreme power over everyone else."

"Okay, that makes sense," John admitted.

"That's the simple interpretation," I said reluctantly. "The situation here is probably highly political and it might not be as simple as that. We need to be on our toes and we can't trust anyone."

"That's not a problem," John promised. "I'm always on my toes and I never trust anyone who arrests me."

"Good policy," I teased. Before we could continue our conversation any further a knock sounded beside the drapes that were supposed to act like a door. John raised an eyebrow at me before getting up and pulling the drape aside. A servant stood on the other side, holding a dress in a similar style to that worn by the ladies we'd seen in the gate room. She smiled shyly and gestured towards me. John took the dress and smiled a thank you.

"What is that?" I asked uneasily.

"Apparently your attire isn't appropriate for a lady dining with the royal court," John was highly amused by my horrified expression.

"No way!" I protested. "I am not wearing that ... thing!"

"Oh but you are," John gave no consideration to my discomfort. "We need to get these people to open up to us and the best way to do that is to try to fit in."

"How come you don't have to dress in the local attire?" I complained, staring at the dress sickly.

"Just lucky I guess," John smirked. "It's not that bad."

"I _hate_ dresses," I said darkly. "You are gonna owe me so big after this."

Grumbling the whole time I snatched up the dress and made my way into the adjoining bathroom. The dress was made from a dark red satin with a low neckline edged in gold filigree. The skirt consisted of a large amount of fabric clearly designed to flare out and down to the floor. Reluctantly I freshened myself before stepping into the dress. It fit perfectly ... damn it! I was hoping it would be too big so I wouldn't have to wear it. Deciding I might as well go all in I pinned my hair on top of my head, leaving much of the back as well as a few strands at the front loose. I couldn't do anything about my boots – they hadn't thought to provide me with footwear but the dress was long enough to cover my feet. I stood there looking in the mirror at a person I hardly recognised ... I couldn't remember the last time I'd dressed up to this degree. I was stalling so I wasn't surprised when John banged on the door and yelled for me to hurry it up. Taking a deep breath I turned away from the mirror to present myself to John.

"Well?" I asked after a few seconds with no reaction, looking at the ground rather than at him.

"Sorry - didn't I say something?" John asked distractedly. He looked me up and down again before his eyes came to rest on my very low cut neckline. "You look ... amazing," he admitted, "although I'm not sure if I like every male here being able to see that much of you," he gestured vaguely at my chest.

"This is what all the Stargate teams will be wearing this summer," I joked. "Complete with combat boots of course," I lifted the dress a few inches so he could see I still had my boots on.

"Nice," John laughed, standing close behind me and running a finger down my exposed neck. "When we get out of here we'll have to ask if we can keep the dress," he whispered in a serious, seductive tone, leaning down to breathe hotly on my neck.

"Yes, and I'll wear it every time you wear your dress blues," I countered.

"Seeing you in this dress might just be worth the strangulation," John said, not entirely joking.

"Okay, shall we do this thing?" I stepped away from him and took his arm.


	23. You were supposed to be back hours ago!

**Chapter 23: ****You were supposed to be back hours ago!**

I have to say that sharing dinner with the nobles of that planet was possibly the most disgusting display of decadence and ... well poor table manners that I'd ever seen. The villagers clearly lacked a sufficient diet and I was outraged at the appalling waste I could see before me. I was seated beside the Lord Protector's son Tavius and John was sitting opposite me beside his daughter Mara. That was in line with what I'd discussed with John earlier which just made me feel all the more apprehensive. Interestingly, although Otho was present, he did not sit at the table with the royal court. The division of classes on the planet was blatantly clear, between the villagers and those who lived in the Tower but also within the Tower itself.

"I've never heard of anyone called Lieutenant Colonel before," Mara flirted outrageously with John even though she knew he was unavailable. "What does it mean?"

"It's not his name, you simpleton. It's his rank," Tavius said derogatively. Tavius gave no outward sign that he was interested in anything about me.

"My apologies," Mara said in embarrassment.

"That's alright," John excused. "Don't usually stand on ceremony anyway. How about you just call me John?" John looked across at me with an expression that clearly begged for me to get him out of there. I shrugged in response – he was the one who'd thought we should try to blend in.

"Alright, John," Mara smiled again. She was so ... sweet it was making me sick. I glared across at her but she seemed oblivious to my mood – perhaps Mara wasn't quite as dumb as she was making out.

"It's obvious to anyone with eyes to see that you're a military man," Tavius said with an air of distaste. "I find it ... odd that you would bring your wife on what is clearly a military assignment."

"I'm not just his wife," I replied on my own behalf. "I could demonstrate ... if you don't mind being beaten by a woman." I smiled fiercely, amused when Tavius looked horrified at the idea. He turned back to John, clearly still wanting to get across whatever point he was trying to make.

"You being military makes me wonder," Tavius said condescendingly. "Why is it you question the actions of my father's soldiers? Do you not agree that discipline is necessary?"

"I guess I just don't think whipping people is a good motivator," John drawled, appearing unaffected when a few people around the table laughed.

"The villagers are mindless brutes," Tavius stated. "They understand nothing else."

"Maybe 'cause they've never known anything else," John pointed out.

"I don't think that any of us would deny that the peasants can be difficult," the Lord Protector spoke for the first time. "But how much worse would it be if they fell victim to the Wraith?"

"You protect 'em with these, uh, lights," John took the opportunity to find out more about their command of the cities defence systems. "Like the one that hit the village today?"

"Of course," the Lord Protector replied.

"Where do they come from?" John asked him curiously.

"The Lord Protector calls them forth with his mind," Tavius bragged mysteriously.

"But from where?" John persisted. "I mean, they rise up from the ground, but has anybody bothered to go down there and check it out?"

"You mean the catacombs?" Mara asked distastefully.

"Yeah," John turned back to look at her. "Whatever you call them."

"They're dark and filthy," Mara protested with a grimace. "Why would anyone want to go down there?"

The Lord Protector suddenly grasped his stomach, gasping and groaning in pain. Otho hurried to him and assisted him to his feet - Mara also jumped up from the table and ran around to her father. Only Tavius seemed unaffected by his fathers' plight.

Otho ordered the servants to take the Lord Protector to his quarters, despite his protests that it was nothing. John walked over to Otho and they watched the Lord Protector leave the room.

"What's wrong with him?" John asked in apparent concern.

"He will be alright," Otho carefully neglected to actually answer the question. "It isn't the first time this has happened." Otho then turned and followed the Lord Protector out of the room.

Back in our room, I threw myself onto my stomach tiredly across the bed. "That was the most ... disgusting display I ever hope to see," I said hotly. "Did you see all that food ... and the villagers practically starving to death! It's a disgrace!"

"It is," John agreed. "And there's nothing we can do about it right now."

"I know," I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. "What now?" I looked over at John.

John approached the bed and leant across me with his weight on his palms. He kissed first one side of my lips and then the other before moving down and stringing kisses across the cleavage revealed by my dress.

"Much as I'd like to let you enjoy this dress for a bit longer," I said breathlessly, "there's no way I'm doing anything remotely like this here. The door is made out of fabric and they could be watching us."

"True," John threw himself onto his back next to me. "In which case it'll look strange if we don't ... you know."

"Good point," I agreed, turning my head just in time to see the surprised look on his face. "So we should pretend we're all snuggled down here and when it seems everyone has gone to bed I can sneak out and search the lower levels of the city."

"No way," John sat up abruptly and looked down at me. "You are not searching the city alone."

"This is an Ancient city," I pointed out the obvious, "as big as Atlantis. I haven't come across anything new on the Wraith telepathy project in weeks and now here I am in a place that could very well hold the clues we're looking for. I can't pass up that opportunity!"

"Why do I always find myself doing this?" John asked tiredly, watching me get up and start unlacing my boots.

"Because you know I'm right and you just don't want to admit it," I replied. "You have to stay here anyway because I have no doubt Mara is gonna be coming to the door in a short while to proposition you."

"Doesn't that bother you?" John asked curiously.

"Do you have any inclination to take her up on the offer?" I looked at him seriously.

"God no!" John shuddered in distaste.

"Then no, it doesn't bother me," I replied. "Although I have to admit I'm a little insulted that Tavius had absolutely no interest in me or my ATA genes."

"Ah well," John admitted innocently. "That might have had something to do with the fact that I threatened him with bodily harm if he so much as breathed on you."

"You didn't," I laughed when John nodded almost proudly. "I wish I'd thought of that! I guess you'll just have to tell Mara we had a fight or something and I went somewhere else to sleep. And if you can find out something about what they're really up to bringing us here before you throw her out that'd be good."

"Yes Ma'am," John drawled, amused at my commanding tone.

"Now get me out of this dress," I turned and presented the back zippered section to him.

"Words I live to hear," he joked.

We had settled ourselves together on the bed for an hour before I judged it safe to leave the room. After kissing John quickly in farewell I made a production out of storming from the room with an angry expression. Once I'd made it past the main sections they seemed to occupy I targeted the same location where Rodney had found our weapon's research inventory and headed off. I was unhappy to discover that the transporters were not powered. Without them it was going to be a long walk.

The layout of this city was exactly the same as Atlantis – once I'd arrived at the right lab I attempted to use the gene to gain access but I wasn't surprised when it remained closed. There was no power getting to this section of the city either but it had been worth a try. I pulled my pack off my back and took out the portable power generator I'd been bringing to Rodney. Prying open the door control cover I changed the positions of two control crystals and then connected the power cables to each. I then used the third control to cross the other two and was rewarded when the door powered up and grated open.

Taking out my torch I shone it into the room from the open doorway.

"Damn," I thought in frustration. It was empty. Okay, time for plan B which was to look for the room where the Wraith weapon had been on Atlantis. I didn't expect to find another one of those here but hopefully some other equally powerful research project had been conducted from that room. Quickly packing up my gear I headed out for an even longer journey down to the depths of the city.

I'd jogged most of the way but it still took me over an hour to get there. If I didn't hurry it would be morning before I made it back to John.

I tried the same technique to open the door but this time it didn't work. I tried a few other things before realising that I needed some help from Rodney. I also realised that it was morning and I wasn't going to make it back to John in time.

"John," I whispered into my radio.

"Sabina, where are you?" John demanded harshly. "You were supposed to be back hours ago!"

"None of the transporters had power," I explained. "I had to hike down here and it's a long way."

"Get your arse back up here right now," John ordered.

"I need more time," I said. "I'm here now so it's pointless for me to return without actually getting into the room."

"You didn't even get in yet?" John asked incredulously.

"This is the second location I tried," I excused. "Besides, I'd like to see you come down here and open these doors when there's no power!"

"What do you need?" John asked briskly.

"I need Rodney" I requested. "Do you know where he is?"

"He's on his way to the city via an outside entrance," John reported. "If you hurry you should be able to get him on the radio before he gets too far."

"Okay," I said thankfully. "Do you think you can stall until I can make it back up there?"

"I'll have to, won't I?" John said grimly. "Just be careful and check in with me in an hour."

"Rodney," I called on the radio. "Do you read?"

"Sabina," Rodney said impatiently. "Where are you, cause I could really use those things I asked for right about now?"

"I'm in the city, standing outside the door that on Atlantis hid the Wraith weapon," I said quickly. "I could really use your help."

"Couldn't everyone," Rodney complained. "I don't think I can make it to your location from here – what do you need?"

"I powered up the door and manipulated the crystals just like you showed me," I explained, "but the door just won't open."

"Okay, tell me what else you see inside the door control panel," Rodney demanded.

I described them as best I could, enough for Rodney to be able to talk me through a different method for getting in. It still didn't work but then I thought of putting my hand on the sensor pad too – the door opened right away after that.

"Thanks Rodney," I said happily.

"If there's nothing else I've got to lower myself into a dark hole now, hoping that an earthquake doesn't bury me alive," Rodney complained.

"Good luck with that," I called out before signing off. I shone my torch inside this room and gasped when I realised it was exactly the same as the one on Atlantis, complete with giant wall puzzle.

"Ah crap!" I said aloud. I was much more proficient in Ancient now, to the point that I could read most of the writing without having to pour over a bunch of books. This would still take me at least an hour though so I radioed back to John early to let him know.

"You've got a bit of time," John said. "Beckett's coming to look at the Lord Protector. Don't touch anything that looks anything like that Wraith weapon," John ordered.

"I won't," I agreed fervently.

An hour later I had a translation written out and I'd decided which symbols needed to be turned. It was a lot harder to do by myself but eventually I turned the last circle into position and was rewarded by the sound of the wall sliding open.

Torch at the ready I cautiously looked inside, relieved that the room didn't contain another wraith weapon. There was a long table in the middle of the room that was empty save a familiar circular device.

"Yes!" I punched the air happily. Pulling out the second empty pack I'd brought along just in case I carefully packed the device inside. Tidying up the rest of my gear I shouldered both packs and pulled out my radio to report in to John.

"John? ... John do you read? ... Colonel Sheppard do you copy?" Feeling worried that John hadn't responded I tried next to contact Rodney. Also no response. What was going on?

Running out of the room I started the long journey back up to the main level of the city. "Ronan, Teyla, do you copy?" I called as I continued running.

"Sabina," Teyla acknowledged immediately. "Are you with Colonel Sheppard?"

"No," I replied. "I was hoping you were in contact with him."

"No," Teyla replied. "We lost contact some minutes ago and have been unable to raise Doctor McKay either."

"I'm on my way back up to the Gateroom level," I said. "I'll let you know if I find out anything."

Realising that John had somehow gotten himself into trouble again, I increased the pace as much as I was able, clutching my radio in my hand. I'd made it back to the populated area and was surprised that no one seemed to be around.

Since I hadn't been able to talk to John I wasn't sure whether he'd been able to find out what was really going on with the ATA gene. So when I saw the room full of scrolls and books I decided it was worth a quick look around. Many of the scrolls were about genealogy – they'd traced back the royal family twenty generations and documented the presence and strength of the ATA gene as well as all the matches that had been made to ensure the gene survived.

On scroll in particular caught my attention. It was a copy of an earlier text when the Ancients had only just deserted the city to rejoin Atlantis at the height of the war. One of the Ancients had documented the successful integration of the gene into the general population. Before I could read any more John's voice finally came through my radio – he was trying to contact Rodney. I hadn't realised how tense I'd been about his situation until I felt myself relax when it sounded like he was okay.

"Rodney, come in," John requested.

"Sheppard," Rodney said in surprised delight. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," John dismissed the concern. "Listen, I need you to pull the ZPM and cut the power right away or Ronon and Teyla are dead."

"I already know all that," Rodney replied. "Look, unfortunately I'm cut off from the ZedPM."

"There's gotta be something you can do," John insisted.

"Yeah, I'm workin' on it!" Rodney protested.

"Well, work faster!" John demanded impatiently.

"John?" I broke into the conversation to report in.

"Sabina, what's your position?" John asked briskly.

"I'm in Otho's office, near the Control Room," I replied. "What do you want me to do?"

"Get as close to the Control Room as you can without being detected," John instructed. "I'll meet up with you once I've done one more thing."

"Acknowledged," I said, reluctantly turning off my radio just in case it gave away my position. I thought about just reading the rest of the scroll first but I wasn't sure how long John would be and he tended to get ... grumpy when it was obvious I'd done what he asked only after I'd finished what I'd been doing. Instead I rolled the scroll back up and stuck it in my pack to read back on Atlantis ... I could always return it later if we established a trade agreement with the royal family.

I peaked around the corner and discovered that the corridor leading to the Control Room was just as deserted as the rest of the populated area had been. I made my way cautiously forward until I could spy the room without being seen. As luck would have it something was going on in the throne room below and no one was in the Control Room either.

I crept to the edge and looked down to see Otho reclined in the command chair with his eyes closed. What the hell had John been thinking giving that guy the ATA gene therapy?! The room began to shake and I wondered exactly what plan John and Rodney had come up with. Otho was still concentrating on something when the power cut out and the chair returned to its upright position. He looked around in bewilderment just as John, Carson and Mara walked in.

"You," Otho accused. "This is your doing." He turned to the guards and yelled "Seize them!"

"You're only Lord Protector if you can control the Chair," John reminded everyone in the room as he walked towards Otho. "You said it yourself. It's over." John turned to the members of the court and added "you don't have to bow down to this man, or Tavius, or anyone else."

I watched in disbelief as behind John's back Otho pulled a knife from his belt.

"John!," I jumped up and yelled. "Behind you!"

Otho ran towards John with the knife extended. John turned just in time and ducked away. Otho turned and slashed at Johns middle but John jumped backwards to avoid the blow. Otho tried again but this time John grabbed his wrist with one hand and ripped the knife out of Otho's hand, slashing Otho across the palm in the process. Otho cried out in pain as John stood ready to defend the next attack. Otho looked down at the blood rapidly appearing on his palm and then up at John.

"Tavius was right about one thing," he smiled at John. "I do have a fair knowledge of poisons." His knees buckled and he collapsed to the floor, obviously dead.

It was easy after that to extradite ourselves out of the royal court and reunite with the rest of team Sheppard. Mara and Tavius stepped forward to provide some leadership until the long term governing of the city and surrounding villages could be agreed on. John managed to secure a deal for drones and Jumpers in exchange for medicine and the promise of future help.

We'd packed everything into the Jumper and were all set to head off for Atlantis before anyone remembered to ask me whether I'd been successful.

"Did you find anything?" Rodney asked curiously.

"Not much," I said unhappily, pausing before continuing with a grin. "Only another weapons research inventory device!"

"Well done," Teyla congratulated me.

"Well let's hope it's got something different on it than the one we've already got," I replied.

"Did I tell you I got drones _and_ Jumpers?" John tried to brag to Rodney, part of their ongoing battle for supremacy.

"Yes you did," Rodney said snidely, "about twenty times already."

"I got the throne too," John teased. "Turned it down of course."

"And what about the girl, did you get her too?" Rodney forgot himself, flushing red when he saw the look I was directing at him. "I mean ..." he trailed off miserably.

"Already got one of those," John beamed at Rodney happily, enjoying his discomfort. "Did I tell you about the dress?"

"Yes!" we all chorused, just as John flew the Jumper through the Stargate.

**Authors Note: **

And there ends The Tower - I know Rodney said he was cut off but clearly he had access to many areas and it doesn't seem inconceivable that Sabina would have had access from within the Tower too.

For the next four chapters I've kind of written my own episode (says with some trepidation) ... I'll be editing and posting it tomorrow. Thanks for reading!


	24. I want you to take these

**Chapter 24: ****I want you to take these.**

Prior to my trip to the Tower with John I'd been on a few missions with my team. I was already beginning to feel an old hand at stepping through the gate. Contrary to what John said that first day, he _did_ always manage to be somewhere in the gate room when we returned which always resulted in a low key public hello. Goodbyes however were always said in private so I was confused on my first mission after our trip to the Tower when John followed me to the Gateroom.

"John?" I raised an eyebrow in query.

"I want you to take these," John requested, holding up a couple of dangerous looking blades complete with scarabs. "Hide one in your boot and the other up your sleeve."

"Okay," I said with a puzzled frown, taking them and putting them carefully where he'd suggested, making sure they wouldn't cut me if I jumped around too much. "Why?"

"You never know when you might need some extra ... protection," John said simply. Before I could comment John pulled me into a fierce hug. I was so surprised at that, given we were both on duty, that I didn't offer any resistance.

"Are you okay?" I pulled back a little and looked up at him in concern. There was a look in his eyes I hadn't seen before that had me a little worried.

"Not really," John admitted, still maintaining his hold on me like he really didn't want to let me go.

"Do you want me to ..." my voice dwindled off as I looked at him, unsure what to say.

"You have to go," John replied. "It'll be fine."

"You're not convincing me here," I protested, still trying to figure out what was going on. We stood staring at each other for a few moments before our reverie was interrupted by Major Lorne requesting the dial up of the gate.

"I have to go," I almost whispered.

"You do," John looked at me intently, seemingly struggling with himself. "Ah hell," he muttered before swooping down and kissing me passionately. There was a hint of desperation in John's behaviour that drove the kiss into dangerous territory for such a public display. I had certainly forgotten where I was and only came back to myself when the gate kawoosh roared out behind me.

"Um," I pulled away distractedly,"... I better ... um ..."

"Be careful," John ordered, running a hand down my hair before urging me towards the gate. I nodded without response, then turned and followed Major Lorne through the event horizon.

"What was that all about?" Major Lorne asked once I'd emerged from the gate onto M6B-373.

"I guess Colonel Sheppard just wanted to ... say goodbye," I replied, still dazed and a bit shaky on my feet.

"That was one hell of a goodbye!" Major Lorne teased.

"Yeah," I blushed slightly. "Which way are we headed?"

"Teyla's contact said the village was a few miles away in that direction," Major Lorne pointed through the trees to the left of the gate. "Lieutenant Brown, you take point, Parker, you watch our six. Sabina, you're with me. Let's move out."

The walk to the village was going to take over an hour. Major Lorne took his job seriously but was also friendly and personable. I counted myself lucky to be on his team ... although I suspected that it was John rather than luck that had got me that particular spot.

"This is really nice," I commented, gesturing to the majestic trees that towered above us. It was a very sunny day and the trees were sparse enough that sunlight made its way easily to the ground.

"Looks just like every other planet we've gated to," Major Lorne pointed out.

"You're as jaded as Colonel Sheppard," I said without any real complaint. Major Lorne looked almost pleased to be compared with John, even in a not exactly positive way.

"Do you think the villagers will agree to trade with us?" I asked the Major when we'd been walking for about half an hour.

"Teyla was confident they would appreciate the chance to acquire new medicines," Major Lorne replied.

"She told me not to approach them about the ruins until after we'd struck a trade deal," I said. "They believe the ruins to be sacred – Teyla thought they might let me look at them if they felt they could trust us."

"I'm sure –" Major Lorne stopped abruptly when Lieutenant Brown raised a hand out in front of us. We all stopped, looking around to see what Brown had detected.

"DART!" Brown yelled.

"HEAD BACK TO THE GATE!" Major Lorne ordered, grabbing my arm and pulling me around, urging me to run back the way we'd come.

Never gladder of all the morning runs I'd done in the last year I easily kept up with the others as we sprinted back through the trees. What had taken us half an hour to walk took only minutes at a dead run and we burst through the trees to the welcome sight of the Stargate. Lieutenant Brown veered off to the DHD to dial Atlantis while the rest of us took up defensive positions near the tree line. The event horizon settled into place and the IDC was sent through.

"GO!" yelled Major Lorne, pushing me forward before turning to make sure Lieutenant Parker was also moving. It happened in the blink of an eye. The Wraith Dart screamed overhead, collection beam skimming the ground. It passed across our path to the gate and ...

... I opened my eyes to find myself encased in a Wraith cocoon.

"Ah Crap!" I said, feeling the panic rise and spread throughout my entire body.

"You're okay, you're okay," I reassured myself shakily. "You've just become the Wraith version of a packed lunch ... but you're okay."

This was seriously bad ... I could barely stop myself from flying into a mad frenzy in an effort to escape. This was so not the time for me to discover that I really didn't like being enclosed and unable to move my limbs.

"Okay, _think_," I ordered myself. "What would John do?" John! That was it! My arms were trapped at my sides but if I was careful I should be able to get to one of the knives I'd hidden and use it to cut my way free.

Grimacing in discomfort I contorted my position enough to get some movement around my arm. I had the knife positioned between my shirt and jacket sleeves, handle down. By bending my hand forward over my palm as far as I could I managed to get a finger on the edge of the handle and pull down. It was a slow process but eventually I'd moved the blade out of the scarab enough that I could shake it into my palm.

"Okay, now we're cooking," I muttered as I set to work hacking at the thick weblike structure that covered the entrance to the cocoon. Every now and then I paused, listening hard, but heard no other movement nearby.

Finally I managed to cut through enough of the structure that I was able to push myself out into a long corridor stretching off in either direction. I was covered in a sticky mess that made my skin crawl – I had to pause to remove as much of it as I could. There were cocoons on either side of me but none of them were occupied – I took that as a good sign that the rest of my team had not been culled.

Picking a direction at random I moved as silently as I could down the corridor, wishing I had a weapon besides the knives. The Wraith had taken my gear but clearly hadn't bothered to search me thoroughly. Lucky for me. I have to say that a Wraith ship was creepy on a level beyond anything I'd ever experienced. It was dim and cold and the fact that it was organic as well as mechanical made me feel like I was walking through something's insides ... the fact that there was a decidedly unpleasant scent in the air and weird sounds of movement from inside the walls made me think of all the more ... disgusting parts of an animal I could be walking through.

I really had no idea where I was going ... I was counting on recognising something useful if I were lucky enough to stumble upon it. Unfortunately my luck that day seemed to be weighed very heavily on the bad side and instead of finding inspiration for escape I found two Wraith guards patrolling the corridor.

They saw me straight away and moved menacingly towards me – stunners pointed in my direction. Knowing it was futile I still turned and attempted to run back down the corridor. I say attempted because they hit me with a stun shot almost immediately. I had just enough time to appreciate how excruciating a Wraith stun blast was before I passed out.

**Authors Note: **

I made the gate address for the planet (M6B 373) up – if by some weird freaky chance that turns out to be a real gate address it was completely unintentional!

Thank you to **Allie108** for the encouraging reviews ... hope this and the next few chapters live up to expectation. Thank you **chevron7** for the time you spend on your reviews - I appreciate the detailed feedback. Glad I made you laugh during The Tower. They _did_ get to keep the dress ... it will be making another appearance in a between seasons story I've got planned. And finally thanks **godsdaughter77** for your reviews (both for my season 1 story and for this one) - welcome and I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

And now, on with my little episode ...


	25. Now see, that’s gonna stain

**Chapter 25: Now see, that's gonna stain****.**

Waking this time on a very hard floor I at first had no idea where I was. I opened my eyes slowly and looked up at the ceiling. Okay – still on the Wraith ship – that was bad. But not back in a cocoon – was that bad or good? Before I could decide two guards arrived and opened my cell door. They each grabbed an arm and dragged me down the corridor. I was still feeling the effects of the stun and couldn't completely carry my own weight as I stumbled along between them.

"Where are we going?" I gasped out, feeling the panic starting to spiral out of control again. How did John handle this? I could barely think, let along keep my head enough to work out a plan of attack.

We'd arrived at a large chamber with a very high ceiling and what could only be described as a throne at the far end. Along the walls yellow pin pricks of light emerged from the floor and travelled in the air almost to the ceiling. The guards halted a few steps into the chamber and stood with heads bowed. I had been looking around curiously but my gaze was quickly drawn towards the throne when a slight sound alerted me to the presence of someone else.

"You escaped our storage cell," the Wraith Queen rasped in a weird echoing voice. She was draped over the throne and fulfilled every description I'd ever heard from John. Her hair was long and black streaked with silver ... down her neck to her chest were black tattoos in a pattern that probably meant something. She was attractive in a grey, waxy, inherently evil way ... if you could get over the teeth which I so couldn't.

"Yeah well I find it really hard to sleep anywhere other than my own bed," I quipped somewhat nervously, deciding to take a page out of the John Sheppard book on Wraith Queen interrogations. "Not that your hospitality wasn't lovely and all."

"You do not belong on the planet we culled - where are you from?" the Queen demanded, getting up and walking slowly towards me.

"I come from a land down under," I half sang. "You wouldn't like it though – very hot."

"Do not mock me!" The Queen invaded my personal space, baring her teeth as she hissed in fury. She raised her hands beside my head and glared at me intensely ... I felt the force of her mind slamming into my own ... I could hear her voice in my head commanding for me to yield. It was more powerful than anything I'd experienced previously but not unfamiliar. It was that fact that enabled me to resist her initial attack. She was trying to bring me to my knees and although I could feel my knees shaking I held strong and managed to remain standing.

The Queen roared in fury, slapping my face before stepping back and pacing in front of me.

"Hey!" I protested, raising a hand to wipe at my lip and discovering she'd actually drawn blood.

"You _will_ tell me what I wish to know," she promised menacingly.

"You'd have to treat me a lot better than this before I'd even tell you the time," I smiled mockingly. From some unknown place deep inside I drew the strength to not only resist panicking but also to give the impression that I wasn't even scared. I was though. Scared that is – I was really scared.

"Insolence!" she roared, slapping me again. Not to state the obvious but that really hurt! Blood from my broken lip ran down into the neckline of my white t-shirt.

"Now see, that's gonna stain," I complained in an annoying whining tone. I don't know what was driving me ... all I knew was that John's smart arse tactics with the Wraith Queens had always worked well for him in the past. Perhaps the Wraith were so used to a lack of resistance after so many centuries they lacked the ability to control their reactions. That certainly seemed to be the case with this Queen – her eyes were almost bulging out of their sockets and if her teeth weren't so pointy I'm sure she'd have been grinding them right about then.

Again she slammed the force of her mind towards me ... expecting exactly that I had decided on a different tactic. Any wall, no matter how well braced, would fall if enough power was thrown against it. But if you couldn't see the wall ... well that would make it all the more difficult. So I filled my mind with a constant stream of 'noise' – song words, book outlines, maths equations, and computer programs – anything I could use to confuse her.

We struggled like that for a few seconds before the Queen again broke off her attack. Screaming in frustration she strode away, motioning for the guards to take me back to my cell.

I was all set to try escaping with the blade I still had in my boot but my plan was thwarted because as soon as they pushed me inside one of the guards stunned me again.

"

I woke up much as before although this time I knew immediately where I was. Trying to shake off the effects of the Wraith stun I rolled onto my hands and knees, dropping my head to the floor when the room started spinning. I was glad I didn't have a mirror handy because from the way my face was feeling I would not be a pretty sight.

After a few moments I was able to pull myself slowly to my feet and stumble over to the cell door. I thought maybe I could use what I'd learned about Wraith telepathy from Teyla to activate the door controls. After all, I was already experienced in controlling technology with my mind. I tried using a similar technique to that required by the Ancient technology but had no success in the time it took for the guards to come and get me again.

As the guards escorted me back to the Queens chamber I wondered how long I'd been on the Wraith ship and whether there was any chance that Atlantis had mounted a rescue mission. I would just be deluding myself if I relied on that though, because I knew they'd have no way of knowing where I was – hell I was there and I had no idea where there was!

"Are you ready to cooperate?" the Queen had obviously calmed down since our last encounter.

"Not really," I said making a big production out of looking around the chamber. "I like the whole ... disco thing you've got going here by the way," I told her. "Kinda reminds me of Saturday Night Fever – but without the tight pants." I turned and looked her up and down mockingly, "Wait a minute – there they are!"

"You're insolence will not provoke me this time," she almost grinned, showing me more of those teeth than I really wanted to see up close.

"You can't blame a girl for trying," I excused my behaviour, wondering what tact she was going to take this time.

"I can be ... generous to those who give me what I want," the Queen offered, with a cunning look on her face. Okay – so bribery was the next card on the table.

"You have nothing to offer that I could possibly want!" I laughed at the very thought.

"How about the lives of your friends?" the queen suggested smugly.

"What friends?" I asked with an obviously confused look on my face.

"The ones who were with you on that planet," she explained. I looked closely at her expression but the waxy skin and protruding teeth left little room for interpretation of subtle emotion. The best I'd been able to work out so far was when the Queen was angry or really happy about something.

"I'll tell you what," I offered reasonably. "If you can describe even one of these friends you say you have then I'll consider it." When she turned away in angry frustration I breathed a silent sigh of relief. "I didn't think so," I said smugly.

"But you can't be sure," the Queen turned back to me in calculation. "Are you really willing to risk the lives of others?"

"I'm gonna have to go with yes," I replied simply.

The Queen moved faster than I'd expected, slamming a knee up into my stomach. While I was doubled over in pain she launched her mental attack. I was hurting and not completely ready but again was able to slam my own forces back at her. We engaged in a silent battle for a few seconds even though it was clearly a stalemate – kind of like sword fights in old movies when the protagonists crossed swords but neither could break the others hold.

"You are strong," the Queen acknowledged, breaking off her attack. My initial resistance had angered her but now she seemed intrigued ... for some reason that made me a hell of a lot more nervous than her anger had.

'You might as well just let me go," I instructed helpfully. "Ask any of my friends ... I'm really a lot of trouble most of the time."

"If you won't tell me what I want to know there is no point in keeping you alive," the Queen leered at me. "I will end this by draining your life – your defiance will satisfy my hunger in a way it hasn't been satisfied in many years."

"I wouldn't recommend that ... I'd probably give you indigestion," I warned nervously. Inside I was quaking at the very thought ... I'd never seen the Wraith feed and John had carefully edited his accounts to remove any kind of description of what happened beyond the whole hand thing.

"We shall see," the Wraith queen promised.

Rather than waiting to see what she'd do next, I slammed my mind at hers just as she raised her hand over my chest. My only goal was to prevent her hand from connecting and I applied my full force to that alone. I knew from previous experience that the Wraith mind was dark and ugly and driven primarily by hunger. The Queen was different – the overriding hunger was still there but with it came calculation and deception and a keen intelligence.

I was surprised the Queen didn't push me out immediately ... I didn't pause to think about why that might be. Instead I held that block on her hand while trying to see anything else that might be useful. The Queen was concentrating just as intently on me ... I could only hope that she wasn't picking anything useful up from behind the noise I continued to project out in all directions.

When it looked like the Queen was actually beginning to shake with the effort of holding me off I took the opportunity to move the conflict to the physical level. I knew the Wraith were both stronger and faster than I could ever hope to be. But this Wraith was distracted and weakened by the mental effort she'd already expended. The element of surprise allowed me one free shot and I tried to make the most of it. I leaped at her, going for the jugular and slamming a hard chop across her neck. Hoping that would take her out as it would a human opponent I still followed up quickly with an elbow to her nose.

The Queen howled in rage, clawing at her throat for air as disgusting Wraith blood spurted from her nose. The two guards who'd remained in the room ran towards me, pointing their stun guns but unwilling to use them because my close proximity to their Queen might mean they'd hit her instead of me. One of the guards rushed me with a Wraith knife - I pushed the Queen straight at him but he still slashed at me as he fumbled to keep the Queen upright. Ducking around his other side I grabbed the stun gun and got off a quick shot. Spinning I fired two quick blasts at the other guard before turning back and blasting multiple stun shots in the direction of the queen.

When I was sure they were all down for the count I ran over to the Queens console, put my hands on the control and used what I'd gleaned from her mind to access the Hive ship schematics. Their systems were different from the Ancient technology ... there the technology itself did most of the work – you just had to be open to the connection and focussed in terms of mental control so the machines would do what you wanted them to. The Wraith technology seemed to require a much more intense mental effort – you had to force your way into the neural interface, force it to register the presence of the Wraith gene, and then impose enormous control to command whatever action was required. Maybe in time I could get just as good at that as I was with the Ancient stuff but for now it was all I could do to focus enough to find out where the Dart Bay was.

Taking the stun guns with me I ran out of the Queens chamber, sprinting down the corridor. When I say ran I mean limped – I hadn't been quite quick enough and the guard had managed to slice my thigh. It stung like hell and I could feel the blood beginning to soak my pants but I didn't risk stopping to see how bad it was. There were surprisingly few guards throughout the ship – I guess the Wraith weren't used to their food fighting back. I only had to stun a couple of them to reach the Dart Bay. I said a silent thank you to Rodney who had continued to give me all the intel on the Wraith language, including what he'd learned about Wraith Darts while working with Lieutenant Ford.

I knew the Dart would go on automatic pilot to exit the Hive ship once I'd activated it – once clear of the ship I'd have to fly the Dart somewhere and contact Atlantis from there. It was John's instructions on flying a Puddle Jumper as well as what I'd learnt about flying in general that saved me. Still, flying a Wraith Dart was much more difficult than I would have expected. My head was pounding only a few minutes into the flight as I struggled to keep control and fly in a straight line.

My first bit of good fortune in days was the discovery that the Hive ship was in orbit over a planet with a space gate ... relying on the Puddle Jumper to provide me with the crucial 7th symbol I'd need to dial a gate address I breathed a sigh of relief when the dialling sequence to M7G 677 (the only address I could remember off the top of my head) completed and the wormhole opened. Somehow I managed to fly the Dart through the gate, arriving to a sunny day on the planet with all the kids.

Knowing I couldn't fly the ship near their settlement I instead dialled M6B 373 immediately and ended up back on the planet I'd started the mission from. Knowing the Wraith had completed their cull and were long gone I thought it the safest place to hide – surely that would be the last place they'd look.

The headache the Queens attack had caused was getting steadily worse as I grappled to control the Dart. I didn't think I'd be able to land so I flew it into orbit instead and deactivated all the systems. The pain from my ribs coupled with the loss of blood from my thigh wound was making me light headed. "I'll just have a little rest," I thought, "then I'll try landing the Dart on the planet.

**Authors Note: **

"I come from a land down under" is taken from the song of the same name by Men at Work – being an Aussie and all I just couldn't resist! chevron7 - I hope you liked the Aus reference too!!

I don't know if a Puddle Jumper can provide the 7th symbol for a stargate address but I'm assuming it can - especially for space gates how would they know the return address to Atlantis unless the Jumper can work it out??


	26. Do you want to tell me the whole thing?

**Chapter 26: Do you want to tell me the whole thing?**

That was my last thought for some time. When I awoke I was still sitting in the Wraith Dart surrounded by silence. My headache was still intense and I felt almost as dizzy as I had before I'd lost consciousness. The temptation to just close my eyes and go back to sleep was intense. But I was nothing if not stubborn and I was determined to make it back to Atlantis.

The question was, how? I'd initially thought to just travel back to Atlantis from M6B 373 but I was pretty sure the Dart wouldn't fit in the Gateroom so that wasn't an option. I was also hesitant to make contact with Atlantis at that point because it just seemed that my escape from the Hive ship had been too easy. Lieutenant Ford had escaped from one too but he was a trained soldier hyped up on the Wraith enzyme. Because I was determined not to do anything to alert the Wraith that Atlantis still stood, that left me with very few options.

I was kind of drifting as I tried to think up some kind of out of the box solution when I noticed something coming towards me. As it got closer I realised it was a Puddle Jumper. Even though I couldn't see I was sure that John was piloting the Jumper – I felt better because he _always_ had a clever idea for fixing things that needed fixing.

"Sabina?" John tapped into the Darts communication system somehow.

"John!" I slurred my words slightly as I grinned at his Puddle Jumper. I was so far out of it that I didn't even wonder how he'd known to come back to the planet for me.

"Are you fit to fly that Dart back to Atlantis?" John's voice was sharper than before.

"What?" I said distractedly, drifting for a moment. "John? You found me!"

"Sabina!" John's voice took on that command edge that always made me snap to attention. I shook my head which aggravated my intense headache but also seemed to bring the world back into focus.

"I'm injured a little but I should be able to make it," I said more clearly.

"Okay," John said in relief. "We're gonna fly through the gate to the planet Rodney and I found that stranded Wraith on – it's only 15 hours back to Atlantis from there.

"I don't think I can stay conscious for 15 hours," I admitted uneasily. "I'm really struggling with fatigue and flying this thing's giving me an excruciating headache."

"You won't have to," John promised. "The Daedalus is waiting for us there – they'll beam you straight to the infirmary and the Dart to the F302 bay."

"Okay," I agreed. "I'm ready."

I followed him back down to the planet and through the wormhole. The sight of the Daedalus hanging in space was a welcome relief – knowing I was finally safe I let go of my control and blacked out.

When I woke up I found my situation had finally improved – I was in the Atlantis infirmary.

"You're awake," John's voice came from behind me. I turned my head slowly and saw him occupying a chair beside my bed, palm unit in one hand like he'd been working while waiting for me to wake up.

"Looks like it," I replied lightly. "How long was I out?"

"Nearly 24 hours," John stood up and sat down on the bed beside me. "You've got a cracked rib and you lost a lot of blood from that cut on your thigh - ten stitches Carson said. Plus you're partially dehydrated and your systems a bit out of whack from the Wraith stun, and I suspect you've got the mother of all headaches."

"Oh," I didn't know what to say. "Was I gone long ... it only seemed like a day or so to me but they stunned me a couple of times so ...?"

"Three days," John said starkly. "The most frustrating three days of my life ... I didn't know where you were and we had no clues we could follow."

"I'm sorry," I said miserably. "It wasn't my fault ... I ran as fast as I could."

"Lorne said as much," John admitted. "When the rest of the team came through the gate without you they all reported the same thing ... that you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"Hey – story of my life!" I quipped, trying to ease the tension between us.

"Well you didn't have to go to such lengths to show me what it's like to be the one waiting around for news," John accused with as good of a smile as I was likely to get under the circumstances.

"When do I get out of here?" I was impatient to return to my usual routine as soon as possible.

"Carson wants to keep you another 24 hours and then you'll be able to recuperate in your quarters," John reached out a hand and turned my face up towards him. "You've got a pretty nice shiner there Scotty," he teased. "Not to mention a split lip."

"That bitch slapped me!" I said indignantly.

"Been there," John shook his head ruefully. "What'd you say to her?"

"Nothing much," I looked away guiltily. I didn't think John would be impressed that I'd deliberately tried to provoke the Queen.

"Sabina?" John said warningly.

"Oh all right," I muttered, turning back to look at him. "I just took a page from the John Sheppard book on Wraith interrogations. Apparently they liked that just a much coming from me as they did when it came from you."

"Do you want to tell me the whole thing?" John asked quietly.

"I do," I promised, "just ... can we do it when I'm out of here?"

"Sure," John agreed. I wanted to talk to him some more but I couldn't hold the yawn in – apparently being unconscious for hours didn't actually count as sleep because I was still really tired. "I'll let you get some sleep," John said, rising to stand beside my bed. He leaned down and kissed the uninjured side of my mouth gently, ruffling a hand through my hair. "I'm glad you're all right," John leant his forehead against mine for another moment before turning and leaving the room.

I had quite a few visitors the next day, including all the members of my team who kept apologising for not being the ones taken in the Wraith beam. Teyla, Ronan and Rodney also visited.

"I hear you've joined the stunner club," Rodney greeted me enthusiastically.

"I didn't know there _was_ a club," I commented. "What are the perks?"

"Ah ...," Rodney stammered, momentarily at a loss for words.

"Thanks for the rescue," I said sincerely while he was still trying to think of something.

"Sheppard was the one who knew where to retrieve you – he also worked out how to get you and the Dart back here," Rodney pointed out.

"Yeah, and you were the one that gave me all that stuff on Wraith Darts," I said. "Not to mention getting the communications working between the Puddle Jumper and the Dart."

"You're ... ah ... you're welcome," Rodney acknowledged.

"We are very glad to see you back on Atlantis," Teyla said. "We were all very concerned when Major Lorne's team returned without you."

"Thanks Teyla," I said, smiling. I turned to look at Ronan, who'd been silent the whole time. "What about you?" I asked.

"I had no doubt you'd find a way to escape," Ronan stated, paying me the greatest compliment I could hope to get from him.

"Nice," I looked at him with the sheen of tears in my eyes.


	27. How come you didn’t come visit me today?

**Chapter 27: How come you didn't come visit me today?**

Finally Doctor Beckett cleared me to return to my quarters to recover. He'd given me permission to do light duty as long as I checked in with him once a day. The only thing that had bothered me about my last day in the infirmary was that John didn't visit. In fact I didn't hear from him at all. So instead of going to my quarters I decided to go to his instead.

"John?" I called when I got there, all ready to confront him regarding his absence from the infirmary. My mood deflated when I realised he wasn't there. I stretched out on his bed and waited for him to return.

I was asleep when John got there a few hours later ... slowly I made my way back to consciousness and opened my eyes to find him watching me.

"Hey," my voice was croaky with sleep. "You're back."

"Obviously you can sleep quite easily in my room when I'm not here," John's comment came completely out of the blue, "so it must just be when I'm here too that you have a problem!"

"Huh?" I sat up and rubbed a confused hand over my face. "Can you repeat that because I didn't get a word of it?"

"Nothing," John muttered, turning away tiredly.

"_No_," I didn't let him get away with pretending nothing was wrong. "Clearly it was _something_ ... talk to me."

"If you can't figure it out for yourself there's no point," John persisted. "Besides, you just got back from being captive to the Wraith for three days ... now isn't the time to talk about it."

"Okay," I agreed uneasily, frowning as thoughts zinged through my mind at lightning speed. "How come you didn't come visit me today?" I decided to change the subject.

"Got a lot on my mind," John excused lamely.

"Can you tell me about it?" I asked, suddenly nervous that our relationship was wounded and I was the only one who didn't understand how.

"Tell me what happened to you first," John said quietly. He was still standing a few steps away from me and the distance between us felt ... uncomfortable.

"Can you put aside whatever's bothering you?" I asked hesitantly. "Because I need you over here ... with me ..."

Without a word John crossed the room and sat down on the bed, resting his back against the wall. He pulled me into him so that I could rest my back against his chest, and put his chin down on my hair. "Tell me," he invited.

It took me a while to work through the whole sequence of events – John hardly said a word during my recitation and remained silent once my explanation had drawn to a close.

"You know how I said that Teer had an Ancient gift – that she could see thoughts and people?" John asked a question that seemed unrelated to what I'd just been saying. When I nodded he continued. "Well what I didn't tell you is that she could also see future events. She claimed to have seen my face since she was a girl. Teer knew you were coming with the rescue team too – I didn't think that was gonna happen because you knew how I felt about you going off world. I thought she was full of crap until you guys turned up to rescue me and you _were_ there too."

"Is that why you were angry with me at first?" I asked hesitantly.

"Partly," John admitted. "But more because of other things Teer told me would happen that were still in the future at that time. If she was right about you being there then she could be right about everything else and I _really_ didn't like what she'd told me."

"She said something about me being captured by the Wraith, didn't she?" I asked but I already knew the answer.

"What she actually said was that it was necessary for you to come before a Queen," Jon quoted. "She said you'd return to the place where you were lost and that I had to be there when you did; otherwise you'd never return to Atlantis."

"That's how you knew to go back to M6B 373? And why you gave me those knives before the mission?" I asked. "That's why you taught me how to fly?"

"Yeah," John admitted. "Although I was gonna teach you how to fly the Puddle Jumpers eventually – Teer just sped up the timetable."

"So you arranged for me to be part of Major Lorne's team?" I asked, feeling slightly sick. "You _knew_ what was going to happen and you said _nothing_?!" I jumped away from him and stood angrily in front of the bed looking down at him.

"I knew you'd react like this," John said nothing to excuse his behaviour. "I don't think there's anything I can say to make this all right for you ... when everything else Teer said came true I knew what she'd said about you would come true too regardless of what I did to stop it. I didn't want to risk making it worse – what if I'd warned you and then you hesitated when you would have acted if you didn't know what was going to happen?"

"I don't see how it could have gotten much worse!" I was still feeling very angry.

"You could have not returned at all," John's comment silenced us both. My anger dwindled away as I realised he was right. I _could_ have changed any one of my actions and ended up as Wraith food instead of escaping with a Dart.

"You're right," I admitted. "That must have been hard," I walked back to the bed and sat down beside him again. "Waiting for something bad to happen and knowing you couldn't do anything to stop it."

"I wracked my brain for days trying to find a way around it," John admitted. "In the end the best I could come up with was to make sure you had weapons to help you and that you knew how to fly something should the opportunity present itself."

"And it's a good thing you did," I acknowledged. "I couldn't have escaped from the storage pod without the knives – we both know what would have happened then. As for the Dart – it was hard enough with all the flying lessons – it would have been impossible without them. How did you know it was going to be that particular mission?" I asked curiously.

"Teer also said that I'd know it was time when we both went to a Spire of Atlantis where none should exist. She told me that you had to travel to the Spire with me or else be lost forever.'

"Did you memorize all that?" I asked incredulously.

"Didn't have to – she must have done something to make sure I wouldn't forget," John admitted.

"So is there anything else you haven't told me?" I held on to his hand. "Apart from whatever it is you didn't want to tell me before?"

"Nah," John said easily. "That's it."

"Good!," I flopped down on the bed and pulled him on top of me. I grinned up at his startled expression.

"Aren't you injured?" John asked.

"Yeah but I'm sure you can ... get around that somehow," I looked at him hopefully.

"I'll see what I can do," John said with a smile.

**Authors Note:**

Hope you all liked my "episode" ... next up it's back to the real episodes with The Long Goodbye. As always, thanks for reading!


	28. Who else is gonna do this?

**Chapter 28: Who else is gonna do this?**

"So let me get this right?" I asked John. "Doctor Weir wants you to voluntarily let yourself get imprinted with another consciousness?"

"Yeah," John admitted uneasily. We had come down to the commissary for dinner and John seemed to find the tabletop vastly interesting as he avoided my gaze.

"Someone she believes is this Phebus's husband?" I delved further.

"Yeah," John flicked a glance at me before looking away uncomfortably.

"And you said yes?!" I said incredulously.

"Elizabeth asked me as a personal favour," John tried to excuse himself. "What was I gonna say?"

"How about _No_?" I shook my head in irritation. "How do we even know it was Doctor Weir doing the asking?"

"We don't," John admitted. "It's a difficult situation. If it _is_ Doctor Weir then she's asking for something knowing it's difficult so it must be important to her – I don't want to ignore that 'cause she doesn't ask for things for herself very often," John explained.

"And if it isn't Doctor Weir?" I asked seriously.

"Then I _can't_ ask anyone else to do it – maybe from the inside I can find a way to control the outcome," John said. "Look, Carson assured me the imprinting would only last a few hours, a day at most."

"Are you asking for my blessing?" I waited until he looked me in the eye before continuing. "Because if you are, I'm not sure I can give it."

"Who else is gonna do this?" John changed tact.

"I don't know," I said in frustration, "but that doesn't mean it has to be you!"

"Sabina," John looked at me with a hint of pleading in his eyes. I read the expression on his face and groaned grumpily.

"Okay," I said reluctantly. "Go do it ... but if it all goes wrong I get to say I told you so."

"Do you want to come down with me?" John stood up to leave, pausing as it occurred to him that I might want to be there.

"God no," I denied hastily. "I don't want to see you cozying up to Doctor Weir if that guy does turn out to be Phebus's husband! I know, I know – it won't be you. Just make sure Rodney and Doctor Beckett are both there, okay?"

"They'll be there," John promised, leaning down to kiss me in farewell.

Although it was late I knew I'd find it hard to relax ... the possibility of sleep was out of the question until I knew John was okay. I had begun my analysis of the second weapons research inventory device I'd taken from the Tower planet. I headed off to my lab, hoping work would be enough to take my mind off what was happening with John and Doctor Weir.

"This is Doctor Weir. Attention all personnel. Colonel Sheppard is not - I repeat, not - who he pretends to be." Doctor Weir's address came clearly through my earpiece when I'd only just arrived at the lab. "If you find him, secure the area and contact me immediately. I'll deal with him myself."

"What the hell?" I said aloud. How had it gone so quickly from a husband and wife wanting one last goodbye to Doctor Weir warning everyone that John was dangerous? Doing an about face I headed for the Control Room to find out what was going on.

When I got to the Control Room, Rodney was strangely absent. The reason for that became apparent a few minutes later when he and Colonel Caldwell arrived with Doctor Beckett in tow and announced that something had gone wrong with the imprinting. The entities were in complete control and they were not very happy with each other.

"We may be able to track their progress using the life signs detectors," Rodney suggestion.

"How?" Carson asked. "They'll read as human. We won't be able to differentiate."

"Security teams travel in groups of two or more," Caldwell pointed out. "They'll be the only individual signals travelling through the city."

"I might be able to identify which signal is Colonel Sheppard's," I offered.

"Do it!" Caldwell ordered. He turned to Rodney, and said in an impatient voice "what are you waiting for?"

While Rodney and Caldwell argued about who should actually be in charge during the current crisis I tapped into the sensor system and used my familiarity with John's signal to locate him.

"This one," I pointed to the map. Rodney had just reluctantly agreed that Caldwell was in charge. Looking at where I was pointing he frowned.

"Where is he headed?" Rodney muttered.

"Sir," one of the Control Room technicians called out. "I'm picking up some chatter I think you'll want to hear."

"Put it on speaker," Caldwell ordered.

"You're the one that likes to run," John's voice echoed from the Control Room speakers. It was him but at the same time there was an inflection of speech that was not like John at all. "My ship ran out of fuel before I could even get a clean shot."

"That was my plan," Doctor Weir said in a calculating tone. As with John her voice had a strange cadence that made it sound just slightly off.

A sick feeling came over me as it hit home that John and Doctor Weir really were gone for the moment, leaving this Phebus and Thalen in their place.

"You didn't have a plan," Thalen retorted. "You just wanted me dead."

"Still do," Phebus admitted without any hint of apology. "As a matter of fact, I can't wait to see that look of defeat on your face, just one last time."

"You mean the look on my face when you rammed my fighter, making sure neither one of us would win?" Thalen antagonised. "That was hatred, not defeat, Phebus."

"Is that any way to talk to your wife?!" Phebus chided. "Thalen?" she paused waiting for a reply but none came. "Run all you like. The moment I find you, you die."

"Well ... they're headin' straight for divorce," Carson quipped.

"That whole thing was a ruse," Caldwell stated what was obvious to all of us. "In fact, I doubt very much if we were ever speaking with Doctor Weir."

"It was a remarkable impression," Rodney offered. "I'll give you that."

"From the sound of it," Caldwell stated, "we have two fighter pilots who don't know that their war is over."

"It's much worse than that," Rodney said in that ill voice he used when pointing out a disaster that no one else had worked out yet. "They know everything about this city -- the layout, defensive systems, how to access weapons."

"We just need to find a way to stop them without unduly harming the hosts." Caldwell said it very matter of factly but I didn't miss the implication.

"Unduly?" I asked quickly. "What does that mean?"

"Well, obviously, some force may be necessary." Caldwell said simply, before walking away.

"This is just _great_," I muttered to Rodney, trying to keep my sensor awareness of John's position. "I _told_ John this was a stupid idea!" Rodney was just about to make a reply when I held up a hand for him to remain silent.

"_Crap_," I said. "He's heading for the power room – is anyone guarding that?"

The lights in the Control Room all went out together, followed quickly by all the display screens. Every console was completely dead. "I guess not," I answered my own question.

It was _not_ reassuring to find out that Caldwell _had_ put guards at the power room. John – _no_ Thalen – had taken them out and destroyed the secondary power systems at the same time. Rodney was less than impressed when Caldwell insisted vehemently that he had to go down there and fix it so we could get power back.

I didn't really know what I should do. Part of me knew that John was not in control because he'd never hurt one of his own men. I wondered, if I could just talk to this Thalen, whether I could help John regain control somehow. The Control Room was in darkness so it wouldn't be hard for me to slip out. I could even get a torch because Carson had left his behind when he'd followed Rodney and the marines down to the power room.

Sneaking silently away from the Control Room I turned on the torch and set off in the general direction of the power room. What Thalen did would be based in part on what he gleaned from John so what would John do in this situation? John had rendered the city into darkness - having night vision goggles would be a definite advantage so my guess was he'd head for the armoury to grab a pair. I was a fair way from there and even though it'd be unlikely that I'd get there in time to intercept him I didn't really have any other ideas so I headed there anyway.

"Damn," I whispered once I'd made it to the armoury – there was no sign of Thalen. I waited for a few minutes without result – either Thalen had already been there, or he wasn't coming.

"Medical team to the south fork Cargo Hold," John's Thalen voice came through on the general radio channel. "You have a man down." The south fork Cargo Hold wasn't that far from my position – if I hurried I might still be able to catch him.

When I arrived in the Cargo Hold I spotted Ronan lying on the floor immediately. "Colonel Caldwell this is Sabina Scott," I radioed the Control Room as I ran to Ronan's side. "I'm here at the Cargo Hold Thalen mentioned – Ronan has a stomach wound and appears to be unconscious. Have you sent the medical team?"

"It's on its way," Caldwell acknowledged. "What are you doing there?"

"I just thought I might be able to get through to John if I could talk to Thalen," I admitted.

"That's unlikely," Caldwell stated. "Please return –"

"Can't talk now, Colonel," I interrupted before he could issue an order I'd have to obey. "Scott out." Turning back to Ronan I rolled up my jacket and placed it under his head. Ronan returned to consciousness, groaning in pain. I put a hand on his shoulder to draw his attention to me.

"Hang in there," I commanded. "Carson's on his way."

"Sheppard tricked me," Ronan rasped painfully.

"Did he ...?" I gestured to Ronan's wound.

"No," Ronan winced in pain. "It was Doctor Weir. You're going after him?"

"I was thinking about it," I admitted, knowing he wouldn't try to dissuade me.

"Don't trust anything he says," Ronan said heatedly. "Sheppard isn't in control."

"I know," I replied. "I'll be careful."

Ronan relaxed a bit and seemed to lapse back into unconsciousness. I was looking around for something to use to apply pressure to the wound when Carson and his team arrived.

"Oh thank god," I sat back with a relieved sigh. Carson got quickly to work and I was able to slip away again.

I was pretty much stumbling about in the semi darkness for a while just hoping I'd stumble across Thalen before things had gone too much further. When the power came back on suddenly I immediately tapped into the sensor system again. When I did I discovered that John was somewhere in the central tower.

I ran there as quickly as I could, skidding around a corner and slamming into another body. The force of the collision knocked me on my backside. I looked up quickly and was greeted with the sight of John Sheppard looking down at me almost distastefully.

"John," I slowly got to my feet, keeping my eyes on him the whole time.

"Thalen," John's voice contradicted.

"John," I persisted. "You're strong – you can fight this!"

"He's certainly trying," Thalen shared with an amused grin. "He is screaming in here like you wouldn't believe." The weirdness of talking to someone else in John's body struck me then, fuelling my anger.

"I am so gonna kick your arse when this is over," I promised, hoping that John really could hear me.

"Your display of touching emotion is really inspiring Sheppard," Thalen said. "He has doubts about the strength of your feelings you know ... doubts eating at his confidence ... his strength." Thalen tormented me.

"That's not true!" I denied angrily. "John knows exactly how I feel. He would _never_ doubt me!"

"Wouldn't he?" Thalen laughed at my frustrated groan.

"You don't need to do this!" I said harshly. "Your war is long over – there's nothing left to fight for anymore."

"But if I defeat Phebus then my people will have won," Thalen contradicted. "That _is_ worth fighting for."

"Don't you care about the innocent lives you're using?" I asked harshly. "John isn't part of your war. And there's a much bigger war being waged right now against the Wraith – we need him!"

"Interesting," Thalen spoke slowly. "You're very important to him ... he's actually trying to push me out ... and I can't have that!"

"JOHN," I yelled, registering that Thalen had raised Ronan's weapon in my direction.

"Don't worry," Thalen's voice was anything but reassuring. "It won't hurt a bit."

"JO-" my words were halted by the red blast of the stunner.

That's all I knew until I woke up some time later to the now familiar sight of the infirmary ceiling. Raising a shaky hand to my head I was unhappy to discover that Ronan's stun had the unpleasant side effect of an aching head.

I turned my head to the side – both John and Doctor Weir were sleeping in adjacent beds across the room.

"Doctor Beckett,' I called softly.

"Ah, you're awake," Carson greeted me. "Feeling okay?"

"Apart from the headache, yeah," I replied. "Are they okay?" I gestured across to his other patients.

"Colonel Sheppard has been free of the imprint for about an hour." Carson smiled reassuringly at me. "Phebus is still hanging in there but it'll only be another hour or so before she has to let go."

"And Ronan," I asked quietly.

"Also fine," Carson replied with a smile. "He's recovering in post op right now in fact."

"Can I get out of here?" I looked across at John before turning back to Doctor Beckett.

"'Course you can lass," Carson replied. "Don't you want to hang around?"

"They'll need ... a moment I think, when they wake up," I got up off the bed, looking around for my jacket before remembering I'd used it as a pillow for Ronan. "Better they do that without me sitting here as a witness. I think I'll go visit Ronan and then head back to my quarters."

I slept until mid morning, and, judging that to have been sufficient time for John and Doctor Weir to air any issues they might have because of their experience, headed straight for the infirmary.

"_Finally_," John complained when he caught sight of my entrance. "Where have you been?"

I walked over to him without replying and whacked his uninjured upper arm - hard.

"OUCH," John yelled, putting his other hand over the spot. "What was _that_ for?"

"I _told_ you this was a bad idea," I said heatedly. "The next time you volunteer yourself for something that stupid I'm gonna stun you with Ronan's gun until you come to your senses."

"Oh you are, are you?" John challenged, an amused light appearing in his eyes.

"Yes I am," I confirmed. "You clearly need someone to take care of you because you really suck at taking care of yourself!"

"I'm sorry," John said regretfully.

"If that's an apology for willingly letting some other consciousness take you over than I forgive you," I replied. "If it's an apology for stunning me, there's no need. It was my fault anyway – I shouldn't have been so arrogant as to think that I could influence you like that."

"I did almost get free," John offered me some reassurance. "That's why he stunned you."

"Was it true?" I asked, not sure I really wanted to know the answer.

"Was what true?" John played it innocent.

"What he said about you doubting me," I persisted. "Was it true?"

"No!" John denied. "I've never-" he broke off with a groan before admitting reluctantly. "Okay, technically there's an element of truth there but Thalen took it completely out of context!"

"So you do doubt me?" I asked in a faintly horrified voice.

"NO," John denied again. "Thalen took one minor detail and used it out of context. I don't doubt your feelings, okay?!"

"What was the one minor detail then?" I stubbornly refused to let the matter drop.

"Trust me when I say that you really don't want to be having this conversation here," John avoided the question. As if to prove him right Doctor Beckett approached to take some readings from John's monitor.

"Your levels have all returned to normal," Carson announced. "You're free to go."

"Thanks Doc," John replied, still looking at me.

"You promise it's not important?" I asked once Carson had moved away again.

"I promise it's not important right now," John agreed. "Is that good enough?"

"I guess," I said, sulking just a little bit.

"Good," John smiled in relief. "Bring me my clothes will you – I want to get out of here."

**Authors Note:**

Thanks for the reviews guys - glad you liked my episode - all your questions will be answered ... in time (said with gleeful laugh)! Good work on guessing about the Teer connection **chevron7** ... I hope I'm not becoming too predictable!

I forgot to ask ... does anyone know what colour Wraith blood is? I was thinking red but somehow that doesn't seem right ...


	29. And Major Lorne?

**Chapter 29: And Major Lorne****?**

"Sabina?" I looked up from my work to see John standing in the doorway. I knew immediately that something was very wrong. Since the rest of my team were out on a routine mission to escort Doctor Lindsay to 177 my first thought was for them.

"What happened?" I asked in concern. "Is it Major Lorne?"

"Doctor Lindsay reported that there was a problem during the mission," John admitted. "When we got there the building they were in had been torched to the ground."

"Parker? Brown?" I swallowed hard, already knowing the answer.

"Dead," John put a hand on my shoulder.

"And Evan?" I whispered.

"I'm sorry Sabina," John said softly.

"But they were just here," I protested in disbelief.

"I found Major Lorne's dog tags in the ashes ... they're gone." John killed the hope I'd been trying to generate.

"But ..." I broke off my protest, tears brimming in my eyes. "Why?" I asked tearfully.

"I don't know but I sent Ronan and Teyla back there and we will find out," John promised, anger still faintly present in his voice.

"What are you going to be doing?" Major Lorne was one of John's men - usually he wouldn't have stopped until he'd punished the person who'd done this.

"Ladon Radim just contacted us," John replied. "Says he's got a ZPM to give us - Doctor Weir wants me around to deal with him."

"I should have been there," I said sickly. John knew immediately that I was talking about the fact that I'd opted out of the routine mission in favour of progressing research on project Imperium.

"There was nothing you could have done," John denied. "We will get to the bottom of this." I could see he didn't want to say it but we were both feeling equal parts relief that I hadn't been there and guilt for being glad about anything when the rest of my team was gone.

"I want to help," I said fiercely.

"Ronan and Teyla have already left," John said. "If they need help when they return I'll let you know." I nodded and silence descended between us. John was watching me carefully, probably waiting for me to break down in tears - I was a little surprised myself that I hadn't already. Maybe all the times John had been in danger had made me more resilient in situations like this ... more probably it just hadn't hit me yet.

"You okay?" he asked in concern.

"No," I said starkly. "But I will be once we've punished the people who did this."

"I have to get back to the Control Room - we're sending a MALP through before we let anyone go search Ladon." John said. "Call me if you need me ... okay?" I nodded silently, watching numbly as John walked away.

Turning back to my laptop I tried very hard to lose myself in my work but my mind was spinning at a 100 miles an hour. Why would someone want to kill Evan and the others? It just didn't make sense! Realising I would get nothing further done that afternoon I headed instead to the gym. Hitting the punching bag for a bit should get rid of some of the frustration I was feeling.

I was still there when Doctor Beckett came down to see me.

"I thought you'd be here," Carson said. "I wanted to tell you straight away - it's not them. I don't know who those people are but it's not Major Lorne or the other members of your team."

"It's not?" I said in confusion. "Why would someone want to trick us into thinking they were dead?"

"I don't know lass," Carson admitted uneasily.

"So Lorne, Parker and Brown could all be alive somewhere," I realised, feeling almost weak with relief. "What are we doing to find them?"

"Teyla and Ronan have gone back to 177 to investigate," Carson said. "I'm going to perform a full autopsy on the bodies – maybe they can shed some light on the situation too."

"Good ... thanks for letting me know Carson." I said gratefully.

"They're your team," Carson pointed out. "I knew you'd be upset and I thought you should know as soon as possible."

"Have you told Colonel Sheppard?" I asked curiously.

"No lass," Doctor Beckett admitted. "He's busy with Ladon Radim – they're up in Doctor Weir's office right now actually."

"Better not interrupt them then," I decided. "I'll wait until Teyla and Ronan get back."

Doctor Beckett and I went our separate ways. Now that my mood had improved with the news that there was still hope the rest of my team were still alive I felt able to return to my work.

"Sabina, this is Sheppard," John called me over the radio.

"Hey," I replied immediately. "What's happening?"

"I just wanted to let you know Rodney and I are heading to the Genii home world," John said. "Elizabeth wants us to alert them to Ladon's plan as a show of good faith for our truce. I'll catch up with you when we get back."

"Okay," I said. "Good luck." It was only after John had signed off that I realised I hadn't told him the bodies in the infirmary weren't Lorne and the others. Doctor Weir would surely have told him though so I didn't think on it again.

Only a short time later John contacted me by radio again to tell me he was back from the Genii home world but that he was heading out again to M6R 867. That was the planet where Ladon had hidden the ZPM and John and a strike team were going in to raid the warehouse. John made it sound like a relatively easy mission and I wished him good luck as always.

When the Gateroom alarm sounded I headed down, hoping it was Teyla and Ronan. Instead a group of Genii soldiers came through the gate ... although they all looked very weak and tired. I found it hard to believe any of these people were actually soldiers. I stood off to the side as Doctor Weir went to greet them.

"Doctor Weir," a young blood woman said in greeting.

"That's right," Doctor Weir confirmed.

"I am Dahlia Radim," the woman replied, offering a hand to Doctor Weir.

"Radim?" Doctor Weir questioned, shaking Dahlia's hand.

"Yes," Dahlia confirmed. "I am Ladon's sister." She looked around before continuing. "Where are our supplies?"

"Where is our ZPM?" Doctor Weir countered.

"Ladon will send it through once we have returned to our world safely," Dahlia said tiredly.

"I thought you might say that," Doctor Weir replied. She turned to nod at the marines surrounding the Genii group. The sound of rifles being primed echoed through the gate room ... the marines aimed at the Genii who all looked around as if startled by their changed circumstances.

"What's going on?" Dahlia asked in confusion.

"I'm sorry, but you're being temporarily detained," Doctor Weir informed her, turning aside and activating her headset radio. "Colonel?"

"Go ahead," John's voice came through, indicating that he was somewhere on the other side of the wormhole.

"You have a go," Doctor Weir said

"Understood," John confirmed before closing the connection.

Doctor Weir turned back to the group of Genii and suggested they all find a spot to wait.

"Doctor Weir," I approached her quietly. "These people ... they're not soldiers. Look at them – some of them can barely stand!"

"Ladon admitted his forces were few and not part of the elite guard," Doctor Weir said with a worried frown. "There's nothing we can do until Colonel Sheppard returns."

It seemed that as soon as the gate had shut down it was opening again ... this time it _was_ Ronan and Teyla.

"How did it go?" Doctor Weir asked as she walked over to them.

"What did we miss?" Ronan asked, looking curiously around the Gateroom.

"We have some guests," Doctor Weir said simply.

"Yeah, I can see that," Ronan pointed out the obvious.

"Doctor Weir," Teyla broke into the conversation. "There is something you need to see." Teyla glanced at me and added "you should see this too Sabina."

"Let's go to my office," Doctor Weir suggested, turning and leading the way up the steps.

Once seated at Doctor Weir's desk Ronon wordlessly laid out a number of photographs of various members of Atlantis off world teams.

"What's all this?" Doctor Weir asked with a frown.

"It's a wanted list," Ronan said. "We figure it's on as many worlds as there are languages on the photos."

"Who would do that?" Doctor Weir questioned.

"We are not sure, but the planet where Lorne's team disappeared is quite poor," Teyla offered. "It is conceivable they gave up Lorne and his men for some sort of reward."

"To who?" Doctor Weir asked.

"And why aren't we on it?" Ronan added.

"Excuse me?" Doctor Weir raised an eyebrow at Ronan.

"Sheppard's on the list; McKay is on the list," Ronan pointed to each picture. "Why aren't Teyla and me?"

"What, you're feeling left out?!" Doctor Weir asked incredulously.

"I just wanna know who thinks I'm not a threat and give 'em a chance to change their mind," Ronan smiled in a predatory fashion.

"The gene," I said, looking carefully at all the photographs. "Everyone in these pictures has the gene."

"The gene of the Ancestors?" Teyla asked.

"Yes." I agreed. "Naturally or not, all these men possess the ATA gene."

"But why would someone want people simply because they possess a certain kind of gene?" Teyla asked with a puzzled expression.

"Maybe they think it will hurt our ability to operate the city," Doctor Weir suggested.

"Why only the men then?" I asked. "There are women on off world teams who have the gene too – myself included. None of our pictures are here."

"That does not make sense," Teyla agreed. She turned to Doctor Weir and said "I suggest you call these men back if they are off world."

"Unfortunately most of these guys are on an operation with Sheppard right now," Doctor Weir admitted. "We're raiding Ladon's warehouse and stealing back the ZPM. We detained most of his team when they came here to pick up the weapons we offered them. Once Sheppard and the team get back, I will suspend all their off world activity until we can get to the bottom of this."

"Doctor Weir, please report to the Infirmary," Doctor Beckett contacted Doctor Weir over the radio.

"On my way, Carson," Doctor Weir stood up immediately. Glancing at Teyla and Ronon she said "this is probably about the bodies. You two should come along."

Happy to leave them to whatever gruesome discovery Doctor Beckett had made in his autopsy I went back down to the Gateroom to see if I could find out more from the Genii.

"You're not a soldier are you?" I questioned the young woman, Dahlia.

"No," she admitted reluctantly. "I'm a scientist, like my brother."

"Why did you come here posing as a soldier then?" I looked at her closely, noticing again how weak and tired she seemed.

"I am ... unwell," Dahlia admitted. "Our doctors can do nothing ... this was something I could do for my people before I am gone."

"This is a suicide mission?" I asked, horrified.

"We are all dying, yes," Dahlia confirmed.

"And your brother _let_ you do this?" my tone was openly disbelieving.

"He wasn't happy," Dahlia admitted. "But in the end it was my decision."

"We have medical facilities here," I offered. "Perhaps there's something we can do."

Dahlia shook her head tiredly, clearly long past the point of retaining any hope that her situation could be improved. I turned away and tapped my headset radio.

"Doctor Weir, this is Sabina," I said quietly.

"Go ahead," Doctor Weir responded.

"I've been speaking with Dahlia Radim," I said quickly. "These people aren't Genii soldiers – they're sick ... they all came here to die."

"Doctor Beckett just worked out the corpses were dead before they were burned," Doctor Weir admitted. "They all died of radiation related ailments."

"Can we have Doctor Beckett look at Dahlia and the others?" I asked.

"Of course," Doctor Weir agreed. "Can you see them escorted to the infirmary?"

"Okay," I agreed before signing off. I motioned for one of the marines to assist me in rounding up the Genii into a group and leading them down to the infirmary. It took a while to get them all settled in – I stayed with Dahlia until Doctor Beckett had examined her, leaving when it was clear that Carson wanted to speak to her privately.

I made it back up to the Control Room in time to hear the last part of Doctor Weir's conversation with someone on the other side of the open wormhole. Standing beside Ronan I listened to the words that told me John was in trouble – _again_!

"Why are you doing this Cowen?" Doctor Weir demanded angrily.

"The Genii people need the Lantean ships you call Jumpers," an arrogant male voice responded. "I believe you have ten of them. You have one hour to bring them all here."

"And if I don't?" Doctor Weir asked quietly.

"We will kill one of your team every fifteen minutes until our demands are met," Cowan said in a voice that very convincingly said he would follow through on his threat. "Oh, and we will be starting with Colonel Sheppard."

The connection was severed, leaving an unhappy silence in the Control Room. I looked across at Doctor Weir and felt my heart sink at her troubled expression.

"We're not giving them any Jumpers are we?" I asked in a small voice so that only Ronan would hear.

"Won't do any good," Ronan pointed out. "They're not planning on letting anyone out of there."

"I'm gonna go get some air," I told Ronan, not wanting to hang around and be the focus of everyone's concern. "I'll be back in an hour."

After walking aimlessly around the city I made it back to the Control Room to find that the Genii had already made contact. Doctor Weir was speaking to Cowan, clearly already frustrated with the direction the conversation had taken.

"I don't think you understand," Doctor Weir said. "Most of your people can be cured, including Ladon's sister." She said it like it was a gift they should be grateful to receive.

"Oh, I understand," Cowan said lightly. "What you need to understand is, I don't care."

"What?" Doctor Weir said disbelievingly.

"I think you're playing for time, Doctor Weir." Cowan replied.

"Your people can be cured," Doctor Weir tried to reason with him again. "Now let me return them to you and let them live out the rest of their lives with their families on their home world."

"The Genii need those Jumpers," Cowan ignored her statement completely. "Until you are prepared to part with them, this conversation is over."

"You kill one of my people and we are in a state of war," Doctor Weir threatened harshly.

"Oh, yes, yes!" Cowan actually had the audacity to laugh. "I - well, I don't quite know how I'll live with myself," he said sarcastically.

Everyone in the Control Room was silent as we realised the great plan to swap their people for ours was dead in the water. Before anyone could say anything Cowan spoke again.

"I will contact you again in fifteen minutes, so you can decide whether you would like Doctor McKay to live," Cowan said grimly. "In the meantime, you have forfeited the life of Colonel Sheppard."

"NO!" I yelled, at the same time that Doctor Weir was yelling "Cowen, wait!"

We were both too late though because Cowan had already turned his radio off. The wormhole did not disengage, meaning that radio frequencies were still being transmitted ... just nothing that meant anything to all of us waiting to hear more.

Conscious of everyone looking at me I turned and quickly left the Control Room. I didn't want to go far from the gate just in case ... I don't know what ... I just felt better staying near the open wormhole. John was still alive on the other side until I heard otherwise. I didn't even notice when the shield was lowered ... the first I realised that the situation had changed was when Doctor Weir came running down the stairs. I jumped up and followed her down the last few steps. A group of marines, including my missing team walked through the gate with the Genii soldiers first, followed closely by Rodney who waved reassuringly at Doctor Weir.

"Rodney!" Doctor Weir exclaimed happily.

"It's Ladon," Rodney explained. "He's letting us go in exchange for his people."

"Ladon's in charge?!" Doctor Weir asked in confusion.

"Yeah, he's about to be." Rodney confirmed.

"He really was planning a coup." Doctor Weir made the revelation.

"Apparently we're a part of the plan," Rodney pointed out.

"And John?" I asked Rodney hesitantly.

"Alive and on his way back as we speak," Rodney said happily.

"That's ... good," I said lamely. "I just need to ..." I broke off, fighting my emotions. Looking miserably at both of them I turned and walked quickly from the Gateroom. I didn't pause when Major Lorne touched my arm in greeting – I just smiled my relief that he was okay as I walked past.

I'd used up most of my tears by the time John finally found me. Usually he had no trouble working out which of our favourite spots I'd retreated to but this time I'd picked the Wraith weapons room as the least likely place to look. I'd also blocked myself off from the sensors and switched my radio off too.

"You're a hard woman to track down," John said lightly, lowering himself to sit beside me, back resting against the wall.

"Maybe because I didn't want to be tracked down," I said in a quiet serious voice.

"It wasn't as bad as it sounded," John didn't pretend to not know why I'd felt the need to retreat for a while.

"Obviously," I said with a bit of heat. "It _sounded_ like you were dead."

"Ladon was never gonna shoot me," John protested. 'It was all a ruse to lure Cowen to that planet."

"It would have been nice if he'd shared that with us," I said sarcastically. "I could have saved myself ten minutes of planning your memorial service!"

"_Sabina_," John chided me.

"NO!" I yelled suddenly, jumping up and striding away from him. "You're not gonna charm your way out of it this time! Do you know how many times you've almost been killed since I've known you?"

"Is this necessary?" John tried to side track me. He got to his feet and reached out a hand to me but I ignored it, and his comment.

"DO YOU?!" I yelled.

"No but I'm pretty sure you're about to tell me," John muttered uncomfortably.

"FIFTEEN TIMES!" I yelled again. "Fifteen."

"I didn't realise it was so many," John admitted reluctantly.

"That's because you're not the one waiting here while someone you love is in mortal danger," I retorted in an angry voice. "And okay some of those happened before we were together but just in the time since we got back from Earth it's been like seven times when you could have gotten killed."

"_Could_ have," John pointed out. "I'm perfectly okay!"

"Yeah ... _now_," I agreed. "But what about next time, or the time after that? What if your luck runs out?"

"Some of those times weren't as bad as they must have seemed from this side of the gate," John tried to excuse his actions.

"Being three seconds away from Teyla shooting the Thalen version of you," I retorted. "Flying too close to the corona sphere in an F302; practically turning into an iratus bug," my chin wobbled at that last one. "Those are the ones I was there for and they all _were_ as bad as they seemed!"

"Do you want me to give up my job?" John frowned in confusion.

"Of course not," I denied irritably. "Your job defines you ... I'd never ask you to give that up."

"Then what _are_ you trying to say?" John asked with a bit of heat in his voice.

"I don't want to do this anymore," I said wearily, turning away and holding a tired hand across my forehead.

"You don't want to do _what_ anymore?" John demanded angrily. "Us? – You don't want to do 'us' anymore?"

"I DON'T KNOW," I yelled, looking back at him. "I don't know," I said again in that same sad voice I'd started the conversation with. The silence stretched between us uncomfortably. My heart was actually beating faster as though I was preparing myself for some kind of battle. John surprised me when he sighed quietly before closing the distance between us until we were only a step apart.

"You love me, right?" John asked almost hesitantly.

"Of course I do," I agreed. "But I don't know ... is that enough?"

"Do you think you'd have felt better today if we weren't together?" John questioned, cutting right to the illogical side of what I was saying.

"No,' I admitted reluctantly. "And if we'd never been together I'd probably be feeling worse for all the missed opportunities," I added honestly.

"Before you were captured by the Wraith I would have just discounted your concerns," John admitted. "But I know what it's like to worry about you ... I _can_ put myself in your shoes and see how much it cuts you up to go through that kind of emotion."

"It's not just that," I said. "It's the _frustration_ ... being powerless to do anything but fight the burning urge to put my fist through a wall or yell at Doctor Weir for letting you go out there!"

"I was a wreck when you were on that Hive ship," John admitted reluctantly. "Snapped at Rodney, picked a fight with Ronan, anything to get rid of the anger."

"You never said," I told him.

"Didn't want you to feel bad," John pointed out. "Wasn't your fault you got captured."

"Okay I get that," I looked at him pointedly. "Nice way to point out that it wasn't your fault you got captured today either."

"I'm sorry I worried you today," John said sincerely. "I'm sorry that my job puts so much pressure on you to keep being strong no matter how bad things seem." My eyes brimmed with tears at his words and I looked at him in misery before revealing the heart of my emotions.

"I don't want to lose you," I admitted, tears tracking silently down my cheeks.

"I can't promise you won't" John replied honestly, reaching out to stroke a tear from my cheek. "What I can promise is that you loving me _is_ enough ... it's enough for me to be stubborn and brave, to think creatively, to do anything necessary to make sure I come home to you."

"_I know_," I sobbed. John gathered me into his arms and let me cry into his shirt until the last of my tears were gone.

"Don't scare me like that again," John muttered, leaning down to kiss me ardently.

"You're a tough guy flyboy," I teased. "Nothing scares you!"

"We're the worst," John countered between kisses. "Strong emotions," more kisses, "deep ... passions," more kisses, "all hidden beneath the surface."

"Sounds ... intriguing," I responded with some heated kisses of my own.

"Let's take this somewhere more comfortable," John suggested. He turned with an arm around my shoulders, then paused to look down at me questioningly. "Are we okay now?"

"I can't pretend it doesn't bother me to be so close to losing you," I looked at him seriously. "If it didn't bother me, we shouldn't be doing this."

"Is that a yes?" John quipped.

"_Yes_," I replied, grabbing his hand and pulling him from the room.


	30. So you're gonna go and catch a lab rat?

**Chapter 30: So you're gonna go out with Ronan and Teyla tomorrow and catch a lab rat?**

"Why do I always find myself pointing out to you that something is a bad idea?" I asked in irritation.

"Tell me why it's a bad idea," John challenged again, sitting across from the work table in my lab.

"Because you're not all going in to it with the same agenda," I pointed out. "I know you - you're seeing this retrovirus as the ultimate biological weapon ... a way to render the Wraith vulnerable and therefore easily destroyed. Do you think Doctor Weir and Doctor Beckett are looking at it that way?"

"I'm willing to consider other outcomes," John insisted.

"Doctor Beckett wants to save the Wraith from themselves," I said. "He can't do that unless they can be integrated back into the community."

"Ah!" I said triumphantly when John didn't reply.

"I didn't say anything!" John protested.

"You didn't have to," I pointed out. "That look of distaste on your face said it all. No matter how human Doctor Beckett's drug can make the Wraith, a lot of people are never gonna see them as anything else. I can't begin to imagine how Ronan reacted when he heard the plan."

"He said a Wraith's a Wraith no matter how it looks on the outside," John admitted.

"And that may well be true, but equally it might not," I replied. "What are we going to do with these human Wraith if this experiment _does_ succeed?"

"I don't know - maybe we can find a nice planet for them to live on," John suggested.

"Sounds like apartheid – the kind of segregation the human race has done on Earth in the past ... it's wrong and it never works," I said with a very serious tone. "I think you're so caught up in the very idea that you can make a Wraith _not_ a Wraith you haven't considered what you're actually going to do with the result."

"I know it's a risk," John admitted. "And to be honest I'm not that keen on some parts of the plan myself ... ultimately its Doctor Weir's call and she's set on this course of action."

"So you're gonna go out with Ronan and Teyla tomorrow and catch a lab rat?" I shook my head at the very thought.

"Pretty much," John acknowledged. "I know you're not happy about this ... you don't have to have any part in the project, if that makes you feel better."

"Not really," I replied. "You've got a part in the project ... indirectly so do I."

"We're not gonna take any chances," John promised.

"You say that now but somehow everything gets screwed up anyway," I reminded him. "It's the Murphy's law of the Pegasus galaxy ... if it's a team Sheppard mission it'll end in disaster!"

"Not all our missions end up that way," John looked faintly insulted.

"Okay, not all of them," I placated him. "Just the ones like this that are clearly crazy to start with."

"We're just gonna have to agree to disagree on this one," John got up and came over to my side of the table. "Are we still on for movie night?"

"Yeah ... maybe we should watch 'The Power of One'", I suggested sarcastically.

"You're not gonna keep making snide remarks the whole time this experiment's in operation are you?" John put a hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.

"That was my last one," I promised. It wasn't his fault this experiment had been approved ... since I couldn't take my frustration out on Doctor Weir I'd been directing it at John which wasn't exactly fair. "See you at dinner."

"

"That's interesting," I said under my breath a few hours later. I was wading through the information on the Tower inventory device looking for anything on project Imperium. The Tower device was different from ours in one key way - at the front of the device was a slot to insert something ... I was guessing a key device. Probably each project had a specific key and you'd just slot it in to bring up that project. Unfortunately there'd been nothing like that in the room on the Tower planet. I'd looked through the archive of Ancient devices we'd collected on Atlantis so far and had turned up empty handed there as well. Luckily Rodney had worked out a way to hook up my laptop directly to the device - I had access to the contents but it was like trying to find a specific piece of hay in a really, really, large hay stack.

So I had to go through a long and boring process of looking at each segment before crossing it off and moving on to the next one. I'd been at it for weeks to the point that I was really beginning to hate that device. The only thing that saved my sanity was the regular off world missions I was still doing as part of Major Lorne's team. Anyway, an hour or so before I was due to meet John for dinner I'd come across the word Imperium in a file on an Ancient ship called the Hippaforalkus. I delved some more and felt a sense of elation at last. "Yes!" I punched a fist into the air. My elation was short lived though as I read further and realised there was a big problem. I tapped my earpiece. "Doctor Weir, Colonel Sheppard? This is Sabina."

"Go ahead Sabina," Doctor Weir said.

"There's something I wanted to ask you," I replied. "Are you in your office?"

"Yes," Doctor Weir acknowledged. "Colonel Sheppard and Doctor McKay are here also."

"I'll be there in a few minutes," I made my way to the nearest transporter, practising in my head how I was going to present myself.

"I know where the device is," I announced as soon as I walked in the door.

"The device?" Doctor Weir frowned in confusion - we called everything a 'device' so I couldn't blame her for being confused.

"The one the Ancients created on Doranda," I reminded her. "The one that's supposed to take advantage of Wraith telepathy."

"Where is it?" John asked curiously.

"A ship called the Hippaforalkus was on a mission to pick it up from somewhere and bring it back to Atlantis," I smiled when John grimaced in distaste at the name. "I looked it up on the Ancient database - Hippaforalkus was an Ancient general."

"Where's the ship now?" John didn't seem as excited as I was.

"I don't know," I admitted, "but there's no evidence that it ever returned to Atlantis so it could still be out there!"

"And that helps us how?" Rodney asked impatiently.

"Because now we have something concrete to look for," I pointed out.

"The ship may never have made it to the planet the device was on," Rodney pointed out. "Finding it doesn't guarantee you'll find the device."

"That's true," I admitted, feeling my excitement deflating rapidly at the lack of enthusiasm in the room.

"Do we have any idea where this planet is?" Doctor Weir asked.

"No, there's no record in the Tower inventory - I looked the ship up on the Atlantis inventory and there was no record there either. The best I could find was that the Hippaforalkus covered one sector of the galaxy - it's pretty large but it does narrow it down somewhat."

"The Ancients really didn't want anyone to find this device did they?" John complained.

"Look I know it's still going to be just luck if we stumble across it," I admitted. "I just wanted to request that you inform all the off world teams to keep their ears open for any mention of Ancient ships, legends, stories, that kind of thing."

"Certainly we can do that," Doctor Weir agreed easily.

"It's a long shot," John pointed out the obvious.

"_I know_," I agreed. "But it's better than no shot at all."

It took three weeks for the entire experiment with the Wraith John dubbed Michael to play itself out. Needless to say it went about as well as I'd been expecting. I'd been kind of hoping that Doctor Beckett would have devoted his research time to designing the biotic virus we'd talked about months ago but instead his focus had been squarely on the retrovirus since well before John had come into contact with Ellia. He had created a vulnerability in the Wraith the Ancients could never have predicted ... but deep down I still felt attacking the technology itself was a better plan. I'd kept myself well clear of Michael during the whole time, spending most of my waking hours in my lab.

It wasn't a surprise when Michael escaped with Teyla as hostage, necessitating a swift pursuit from Ronan and John. The only piece of luck we did get was the ease with which they all escaped the Wraith infested planet Michael had chosen to retreat to. John _did_ get his potential biological weapon ... if we could ever bring ourselves to implement it.

**Authors Note:**

The Michael episode bothered me on a number of levels, not the least of which was how Michael knew what a DVD was or how to put one in a computer and watch it. With no memories, inherent skills only should have been retained - his inherent skills would make him able to operate Wraith technology but ours is much different so he should have been completely lost. Also how did he know how to read English - that's how he knew his name was made up? He should be able to read Wraith but not English! Anyway, the end result of all these issues I had was that I didn't want to do more than just a minor protest from Sabina, even though the whole thing takes place on Atlantis. She doesn't agree with the experiment so it makes sense she'd avoid the result as much as possible.

Next up is Inferno ... hopefully not too obviously after my early use of the Hippaforalkus! Editing and posting two chapters for this tomorrow ...


	31. We found the ship!

**Authors Note:**

Thanks for the reviews (plus the info re blood colour) ... glad you all liked my Long Goodbye. Still lots to come in the story where hopefully all your questions will be answered. And now, on with Inferno!

**Chapter 31: We found the ship!**

Some weeks later I was still doggedly finishing my thorough search of the Tower inventory even though I didn't expect to find anything else. When that proved to be the case I happily relegated it to the back of the cupboard and moved on to some of the devices Rodney had wanted me to investigate. I really wanted to find the Imperium device but until someone came back from a mission with some intel on the Ancient ship, my project was pretty much dead in the water. I took every opportunity during my own off world missions to ask anyone I came across if they knew any stories of a great Ancient warship. There were some legends, but none that fit the profile of the Hippaforalkus.

"Sabina, can you meet me in Doctor Weir's office," John requested over the radio a couple of weeks after the whole Michael incident had been put to rest.

"On my way," I acknowledged. It took a few minutes for me to get there ... John and Elizabeth were chuckling about something when I arrived.

"Sabina," John got to his feet with a visible air of excitement.

"What happened?" I asked quickly.

"We found the ship!" John announced. "The Hippaforalkus - we found her. She's in a hanger on Taranis."

"_Nice_," I complimented him. "Can I go to back with you and take a look?"

"I knew that'd be the first thing you asked," John smiled. "Grab your stuff - Rodney suggested a mini generator too. Meet me at the gate in five."

"Wait," Doctor Weir rose from her chair. "I should head back with you and begin negotiations with the Taranan leader."

The trip through the gate was uneventful and within an hour John and I were making our way down to the Ancient ship.

"Norina is very attractive isn't she?" I mentioned casually. John had introduced me to the lead scientist as well as to Chancellor Lycus who'd given us permission to look at the ship.

"I didn't really notice," John said distractedly. We'd taken the elevator deep into the facility and he was leading the way down a long corridor back to the hangar. "Although Rodney seemed to think so."

"She certainly noticed _you_," I couldn't stop myself from adding. I glanced across at John quickly, almost groaning aloud when I saw the amused smirk on his face. "What?" I demanded.

"You're jealous!" John seemed to be enjoying himself at my expense.

"No I'm not," I denied. "I just find the sight of every blonde bimbo we come across throwing themselves at you ... nauseating."

"Nah," John disagreed, still smiling. "You're jealous."

"Yeah well," I said uncomfortably. "I'm glad you find it more amusing than I would."

"If it makes you feel any better," John offered, "the next time we see Norina you can stake your claim so she knows I'm off limits."

"That _might_ just make me feel better," I accepted the offer, laughing at the look of sudden apprehension on his face. "Don't worry Colonel," I teased. "It'll be ... relatively painless."

"I'll look forward to it," John promised in a tone that made me realise perhaps I shouldn't have teased him. We'd arrived at the hanger doors and I caught my first sight of the Hippaforalkus - her size dwarfed the Daedalus and on the surface she seemed relatively unharmed.

"Let's go take a look inside," John motioned for me to follow him around the balcony towards some stairs leading down towards the ship. I shifted my heavy pack to the other shoulder and strode briskly after him. Knowing there wouldn't be any power on the ship Rodney had sent instructions for what to bring back from Atlantis. It would have been easier if he could have just come with us to get the ship powered up but John didn't want the Taranans to know how important the ship might actually be.

"You know," John drew my attention back to him, "we can't keep calling the ship the Hippaforalkus - it's too much of a mouthful."

"What do you suggest then," I asked.

"I'll tell you one thing - we're not naming it the Enterprise." John said with a grin.

"Rodney will be so disappointed," I quipped.

"This is the sister ship of the Aurora," John reminded me. "She deserves a name that embodies the same spirit ... like the Orion!"

"The Orion?" I tested its sound. "Nice ... much better than Hippaforalkus ... no offence to the General of the same name, of course."

"Of course," John agreed, looking quite pleased with himself.

We made our way cautiously inside - shining my torch around the room I located some text on the wall indicating the direction of the Control Room.

"This way," I pointed to a corridor heading into the ship. Proceeding at that same cautious pace we arrived at the Control Room a short time later. I set my pack down and immediately began pulling things out. Sitting on the floor near one of the consoles I leaned under and located the access panel. Pulling it off and handing it over to John I shone my torch in to assess what I'd have to do next. Realising this one would be simple enough that I'd be able to rig up the portable generator without having to bother Rodney I set to work.

A few minutes later I was rewarded with the pleasing sight of power returning to the consoles around the room.

"Good work," John congratulated me.

"Thank Rodney," I countered. "He's been giving me a crash course on Ancient technology power ups - he said I had the uncanny knack of finding myself in situations where I needed more power so I might as well learn how to do it myself."

"Go Rodney," John drawled. "What now?"

"I need to search the ships database to see what they did with the device," I said. "You don't have to hang around ... this could take a while."

"I'm staying," John said in a tone that told me not to bother arguing. "Rodney's okay for now and I'm not leaving you on the ship by yourself."

"All right," I agreed. "Just don't distract me okay." Hooking my laptop into the ships systems I brought up my search programs and began looking for any information on the Imperium project.

"Okay this is interesting," I motioned John over from where he'd been standing guard. "They _were_ coming here to pick up the Imperium device."

"So where is it?" John looked at my screen curiously.

"Still in the facility," I said. "The Orion sustained some damage on the trip here - that explains why she's in the hangar. Before they could repair her they got the call from Atlantis that they'd sunk the city and were retreating back to Earth. The crew and all the residents were evacuated directly through the gate ... abandoning the ship _and_ the Imperium project."

"Does that say where in the facility the device is located?" John asked with a hopeful expression.

"Of course not," I chided him. "Since when was anything we wanted from the Ancients that easy to find?!"

"So I guess now you want to go back to the facility and start searching their database?" John grumbled.

"Yes please," I smiled winningly up at him, turning to gather up all my equipment. Without the mini generator the room was plunged back into darkness - we made the journey out of the ship by torchlight as we had the trip in.

John led me back to where Rodney was still working with Norina. Remembering my threat to 'stake my claim' on John I grabbed his hand just before we entered the room. John raised an eyebrow at me but I studiously avoided looking at him. Out of sight of Rodney and Norina John ran his hand down my back and past my waist until he'd reached a spot ripe for pinching.

"Hey!" I protested as I jumped away from his hand. I blushed furiously as John laughed before pulling me back into him and kissing the side of my neck.

"Do you really need to do that everywhere we go?" Rodney asked condescendingly.

"I never really thought about it before," John answered lightly, "but yes we do." He made a point of kissing me again before turning back to see Rodney trying to maintain his irritated look. He'd never admit it but Rodney enjoyed the banter he shared with John, more so since they'd repaired the rift between them after Doranda. I didn't think it bothered him as much as he made out whenever he had to witness a public display of affection between John and me.

"Just ignore them," Rodney instructed Norina, who was looking on with what I liked to think was a disappointed look. "They do this all the time."

"_So there!_" I thought uncharitably.

"How goes it, Rodney?" John asked, back into business mode.

"Uh, I was just, uh, still running diagnostics," Rodney stammered. I looked over at Norina and smiled slightly when I realised Rodney was just a little smitten with the lovely scientist.

"Still?" John goaded Rodney, also well aware that Rodney found Norina distractingly attractive. "Thought you would have had that fixed by now. If you want, I can call Doctor Zelenka. I'm sure he could, uh ..."

"I can handle it, thank you!" Rodney said angrily. "In fact I was just about to, uh, show Norina the generator log which, uh, shows that, uh ..." Rodney picked up his computer tablet nervously and looked at it quickly. His expression turned from uncomfortable to sickened in a heartbeat as he finished his sentence "... you've been running the shield continuously for over a year now."

"Yes. When the device was activated," Norina clearly had no idea what the problem was, "you told me what it was called ..."

"The long range scanners," Rodney prompted. "What about them?"

"When they indicated a sudden rise in Wraith activity last year," Norina continued, "Chancellor Lycus ordered me to increase the strength of the shield."

"Well, that's unfortunate," Rodney said with worry evident on his face.

"Why?" Norina frowned as she looked over at Rodney.

"Because the Ancients didn't design these things to run continuously at maximum capacity," Rodney informed her. He picked up another laptop and took it to one of the other consoles. "Look, shields are for emergencies only, Norina. When you shut down the alarms, you overrode the failsafes and that means that we're ..." Rodney paused to activate the laptop. As before his expression went from faintly troubled to horrified as he registered what the laptop was showing him. "Oh, no," he said sickly.

"What it is?" Norina demanded. The three of us walked over to Rodney to see what he was looking at.

"The reason the Ancients chose to power this facility on geothermal energy is because we're sitting right smack in the caldera of a dormant super volcano ... or should I say _formerly_ dormant, because drawing all of this energy from the magma chamber has made it extremely active." Rodney said rapidly.

"So ... things are gonna get worse," John cut to the chase.

"I think we can safely say that things are gonna get ... ," Rodney responded, pausing as if searching for a better word, "... worse. Yes."

Realising that time was once again against me I pulled John to the side and whispered "I need to look at the schematics for this facility right now."

"Do it," John agreed. "Just be discrete about why you're doing it."

"Norina?" I turned back to where she was still standing by Rodney. "Would it be possible for me to look through the database here? I work with the Ancient language and technology back on our planet ... having the chance to explore your data would be invaluable to my research."

"Of course Sabina," Norina instantly agreed. She indicated one of the other consoles "this console in linked into the main database ... you should find something of interest there."

Thanking her quickly I moved over to the console and made a show of looking through the index before picking something at random. Norina watched me for a few moments before turning away when Rodney asked her a question. Once her attention was away from me connected my laptop and pulled up the facility schematics. I scanned them looking for something to jump out at me - I didn't expect a big neon sign flashing "secret research" and was surprised when I discovered one of the rooms had actually been labelled Project Imperium.

While I'd been accessing their data John had reported in to Doctor Weir. She and Chancellor Lycus arrived before I could report my find to John so I moved over to join them, bidding my time until they'd been made aware of the current problem.

"I don't see any volcano," Doctor Weir turned away from the window where the flat plains stretching out in the distance were clearly displayed.

"Because you're standing inside it right now," Rodney told her. "Look, when you think of regular volcanoes, you think Mount St Helens," Rodney held his fingers in a steeple to demonstrate the shape most commonly associated with volcanos.

"And super volcano?" Doctor Weir asked.

"Yellowstone National Park," Rodney said, "with a caldera over fifty miles wide and a massive sea of molten rock just beneath the surface."

"So the Ancients built the facility here in order to tap into all that geothermal energy," Doctor Weir questioned.

"Right," Rodney confirmed. "And these things don't erupt very often. Thousands, oftentimes hundreds of thousands of years go by between blasts."

"So the Ancients thought what the hell, plenty of energy down there to run the shield?" John quizzed.

"Yeah," Rodney said irritably, "but not continuously."

"By doing so," Norina informed Lycus, "we've increased the pressure of the magma chamber."

"It's expanded to over forty miles now, and increasing." Rodney said like that should illustrate the magnitude of the problem to the rest of us.

"Can it be stopped?" Doctor Weir asked.

"No. The damage is already done," Rodney admitted unhappily. "Look, a significant hotspot rift has opened. The pressure will keep building as magma continues pouring in directly beneath us."

"Is there anything we can do to relieve the pressure somewhere else?" John thought for a second. "Uh, maybe we can fire a drone down into the crust on the other side of the caldera."

"Every problem has a military solution in your world, doesn't it?" Rodney complained heatedly. "Look, when this baby goes, the whole thing goes."

"Then we need to evacuate your people," John announced, turning to Chancellor Lycus.

"Is there anywhere on this planet we can help relocate you to?" Doctor Weir asked the Chancellor.

"Look, you're still not getting it," Rodney said heatedly. "Listen to me, all of you. When this thing erupts, the force of the explosion will be over ten thousand times greater than the blast that destroyed Mount St Helens. It will obliterate half of this continent."

"There must be other continents," Doctor Weir insisted.

"The dust cloud will envelop the planet within weeks, blocking out enough sunlight to kill every living thing," Rodney took away any hope that the planet would remain liveable. "We are talking about an Extinction Level Event." He turned to Chancellor Lycus and tried to appeal to him directly. "Look, the only option you've got is to evacuate your people to another planet -- and I would advise doing it sooner rather than later."

"Excuse me," Lycus looked at us all for a moment before turning and leaving the room. On his way out he turned to a guard and ordered quietly "Watch them carefully."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Rodney said dramatically, "was my volume turned right down?!" He looked at us and added "Did he not hear me?!"

As Doctor Weir hurried after the Chancellor I pulled John back to my console.

"Look," I pointed to the schematic display. "This room is marked Project Imperium, and it's only a few levels below us. I could be there and back inside half an hour."

"You heard Rodney," John whispered back. "The volcano could blow at any time."

"_I know_," I whispered heatedly. "Which is why I need to go right now. It'll take a while to get everyone organised for an evacuation, won't it?"

"I suppose," John agreed reluctantly.

"So I can use that time to go to this room," I pointed out. "They won't even notice I'm gone."

John sighed in frustration, turning away and running a hand through his hair as he thought about the risks. Turning back to me he nodded. "Okay ... but only until we've got these people ready for evacuation."

"I'll be as quick as I can," I promised. I turned to make my escape right away but John pulled me back to look at him.

"When I say it's finished, you'll drop what you're doing and make your way straight back to me," John ordered harshly. "Are we clear?"

"Yes," I looked into his eyes, registering the worry and doubt there. He was letting me go against his better judgement and my heart sang that he trusted me that much. "The second I get the word that we're evacuating, I'm out of there," I promised.

"Good," John let me go. He looked around to see that everyone in the room was occupied. The guards were still standing at the door and John ordered loudly "Make your way back to the gate and let Atlantis know our situation."

"Yes Sir," I replied seriously, nodding at him before turning and moving confidently to the door. The guards stepped aside and let me through with no protest. Only when I was sure they were no longer watching me did I veer off and head for the elevators. Rushing inside I pushed the button to get the lift moving, fingers crossed there'd be no one around down there.


	32. You're stuck up there!

**Chapter 32: You're stuck up there?!**

"Okay," I whispered once I'd stepped from the elevator. "Which way?" I looked at my laptop and traced a path from my present location. According to the schematics the Imperium room was accessible via an isolated lift which lead only to that section. Having only one way into and out of the room made sense if the Ancients were trying to protect the project from discovery by the Wraith. Turning to my right I hurried down the corridor as quietly as I could. The facility looked very Ancient in design, although more aster than Atlantis. Rodney believed it had been built during the height of the war which supported the theory of Project Imperium being conducted there.

The ground shook a few times during my journey, urging me to go faster. Taking the second lift and then walking down a narrow corridor I eventually reached the right room a few minutes later. I wasn't surprised to find the door sealed shut with an Ancient access panel nearby.

"Please let this work," I muttered, reaching out a hand and swiping it across the panel. "Damn!" I complained when it didn't open. I stood back from the door and thought for a moment. The Wraith weapon room on Atlantis had required both the ATA gene and the Wraith gene because the weapon had required both for its activation. Maybe this room was similar - except this project required not just the Wraith gene but Wraith telepathy too. Remembering how the Wraith technology had required a more aggressive approach to accessing systems I placed my hand on the panel and concentrated hard, pushing my mind forcefully at the system as I'd learnt during my journey in the Wraith Dart. The panel lit up and the door slid open silently.

"Sabina, report?" John requested before I'd set foot inside the room.

"I've made it to my destination," I reported cryptically. "I'm about to proceed through."

"Acknowledged," John replied. "Doctor Weir convinced the Chancellor to evacuate to Atlantis ... I'm heading outside to organise the groups from this end."

"Okay," I acknowledged. "Be careful."

"You too ... Sheppard out."

I turned back to the room and shone my torch inside. Hoping the lights would come on once I was inside I cautiously stepped through.

The room was quite small, even for an Ancient lab. In the centre of the room on a circular dais was hopefully the device I'd come looking for. I walked up to the dais, dropping my pack on the floor as I leant closer to get a better look. It wasn't as big as I'd imagined it would be ... smaller even than the inventory devices. This one was also circular, but instead of being a cone with the top flattened off, it was a flat disc about 2 inches thick. Around the outside were the usual Ancient markings as well as thin slots through which the insides of the device could be seen. I was careful in picking it up not to accidentally power it up. Glad the device had turned out to be something I could easily carry, I took off my jacket and squatted down to carefully wrap it up before putting it in my already overloaded pack. Standing back up I looked around the room and noticed for the first time an access console in the far corner. The ground shook violently, knocking me to the floor - that one felt much worse than all the previous tremors. Pulling myself back up again I tried to make contact with the others.

"John," I tapped my earpiece and called.

"_Sabina_," John sounded like he was running. "The Stargate has been swallowed up by the magma ... "

"Crap!" I said irritably. "What's the plan then?"

"Elizabeth will send the Daedalus once she's worked out what happened," John said. "In the mean time we're headed to the Ancient ship to see if Rodney can get it working. What's your status?"

"I have the device," I told him. "There's an access console here too that I need to check out before I head back."

"Why?" John demanded.

"Because it strikes me as odd that it's here when the device looks completed," I retorted. "I don't want another Doranda - who knows what else was on that database if I'd only taken the time to search a bit deeper. I only need a few minutes to connect and do a quick search."

There was silence for a few moments before John replied.

"Rodney says it will take a while to assess the status of the ship - he could use your help but he said another ten minutes won't make a difference."

"Okay, I'll be quick," I acknowledged.

I put my hand on the access console and did the whole Wraith aggressive bit ... my effort was rewarded when the console activated. Connecting my laptop I searched quickly through the contents - the database was small enough for me to be able to copy it straight to my laptop. A few minutes later I was finished and packed up.

"John," I contacted the others again.

"Go ahead," John replied.

"I have everything I need," I reported, "and I'm headed back to you."

"See you in a few," John responded.

Running down the corridor I'd made it to the isolated life when the whole complex shook violently. Once again I found myself on the floor as an ominous creaking sound issued from within the elevator shaft. Jumping up I hurriedly swiped the access panel and shifted from foot to foot impatiently as I waited for the lift to arrive. The ominous creaking sound echoed again, followed by the even more ominous sound of something rushing past my floor. Holding my breath I winced as a few moments later a loud crashed echoed back up the shaft, bringing with it dust that made its way out from under the closed doors.

Coughing slightly I looked at the elevator in horror. "_Crap_!" I yelled. Somehow I just knew that John was gonna make this my fault ... because I hadn't gotten out when he'd first asked.

I tapped my earpiece and said hesitantly "Ah John, I have a ... slight problem up here."

"What is it?" John demanded.

"That last tremor shook things pretty badly up here," I said. "The, ah ... the elevator must have come free from its tether ... it's currently in a mangled heap at the bottom of the shaft."

"You're stuck up there?!" John accused heatedly.

"I'm stuck up here," I confirmed.

"Hang tight," John ordered. "I'm coming up to get you."

"Negative!" I cried. "I have the city schematics ... I'll find another way to the hangar."

"I _said_ I'm coming to get you," John growled.

"Look you said it yourself ... that volcano could blow any time," I reminded him. "It'll be quicker if I head out now instead of waiting around for you."

There was a pause ... when I didn't hear anything I called again "John?"

"I've got the schematics here," John said grimly. "There's an access shaft south west from your position – it leads straight down to the hangar level but you're gonna have to crawl through a narrow tunnel to get to it and it looks pretty small."

"Acknowledged," my voice trembled slightly at his words.

"Just take it slow ... you've got plenty of time," John encouraged me. "Call me when you get to the access shaft."

"Okay, I'm on my way," I took off down the corridor, heading in the direction he'd indicated. The access panel was clearly evident and I quickly pried it open, sticking my head inside to see what I was in for. John had been right - it _was_ small – there was no way that John would have fit. Pulling some rope from my pack I tied one end to the pack and the other to my ankle. I looked into the tunnel and realised that light was also going to be a problem. I rummaged around in my pack again and came up with some duct tape which I used to strap my torch to the inside of my wrist. As ready as I was gonna get I took a couple of deep breaths and then I squeezed myself into the tunnel on my stomach. The torch on my arm provided plenty of reflective light even though its direction followed my arms movements instead of pointing straight ahead. I wriggled my way forward, dragging my pack behind me. It took a long time to make progress and I was feeling a pretty hefty load of claustrophobia and anxiety before I finally spied an entrance ahead of me.

When I'd wriggled far enough I pointed my torch arm down the shaft. Ah hell - that was a long way down! Closing my eyes I forced myself to breathe deeply and focus on the first phase ... getting the rest of the way out of that tunnel was going to be difficult. The ladder was only a step to the side of the opening – I turned carefully onto my back so I was looking up the shaft and edged out a bit more. Reaching up for the highest rung I could manage I pulled my upper body out of the tunnel slowly – I had to move my grip up the ladder a few more rungs before I was out of the tunnel enough to move on to phase two.

I wrapped my arms tightly around the ladder rung and then swung my legs out of the tunnel. The sudden addition of my body weight and the weight of my pack pulled me down sharply and I grunted with the effort to maintain my position while I scrambled to gain my footing. Panting at the exertion I stood for a few moments to regain my breath. The pack was pulling down hard on my leg so I carefully leant to the side of the ladder, holding on with one hand. Lifting my foot slowly I got my ankle up high enough to grab the rope. I pulled the pack up carefully and looped one arm through the strap. Putting both feet back on the ladder I swapped hands so I could swing the pack up and get the other arm through a strap as well. Luckily the rope was long enough that I could just leave it tied on at both ends.

"John," I called in to report my progress. "I'm at the access shaft and about to start climbing down."

"Acknowledged," John responded. "Remember - slow and steady."

"Okay," I replied, trying to sound more confident than I felt. I rested my forehead on the nearest rung for a few moments, breathing slowly and evenly.

"All right," I psyched myself up. "Time to start climbing ... you can do this – just don't look down." The torch arm idea had worked well up until that point but now my torch was pointing up when I really needed it to point down. There wasn't any way I could correct that because I'd put enough tape around the torch that I was gonna have to cut it off once I'd finished with it. I'd just have to grin and bear it ... a tough ask because I could feel the darkness pressing down on me and I hadn't even started yet.

Step by careful step I made my way down the ladder, counting the levels to take my mind off the fact that it was a long way to fall.

"How're you doing Sabina?" John's voice comforted me in the darkness of the access shaft.

"I'm half way down the shaft," I puffed, my voice shaking slightly. "It's pretty dark in here John."

"You're okay," John reassured me. "Keep going ... I'm waiting for you at the bottom."

"Talk to me," I kept stepping down one rung at a time.

"What about?" John asked.

"I don't know," I said irritably. "I'm a little occupied here – _you_ think of something! And make it good because I've still got a long way to go and this place is starting to freak me out."

John cleared his throat before beginning to speak. After the first few words I realised that he was reciting something ... his voice rumbled through my ear and made me shiver as though his lips were there, connected to me. Moving in a steady rhythm I let his words carry me down the ladder in the darkness.

"Come live with me and be my love,  
And we will all the pleasures prove  
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields,  
Woods, or steepy mountain yields.

And we will sit upon the rocks,  
Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks,  
By shallow rivers to whose falls  
Melodious birds sing madrigals.

And I will make thee beds of roses  
And a thousand fragrant posies,  
A cap of flowers, and a kirtle  
Embroider'd all with leaves of myrtle;

A gown made of the finest wool  
Which from our pretty lambs we pull;  
Fair lined slippers for the cold,  
With buckles of the purest gold;

A belt of straw and ivy buds,  
With coral clasps and amber studs:  
And if these pleasures may thee move,  
Come live with me, and be my love.

The shepherds' swains shall dance and sing  
For thy delight each May morning:  
If these delights thy mind may move,  
Then live with me ... and be my love."

John's voice trailed off and I took the few remaining steps to the bottom of the shaft in silence. I took a couple of deep breaths before turning towards the opening to the shaft – it was another tunnel like the one I'd wriggled through at the top. Removing my pack as before I made my way into the tunnel.

"Christopher Marlowe?" I asked John in a muffled voice as I moved forward.

"The Passionate Shepherd to his Love," John admitted. "Kind of appropriate on a number of levels don't you think?"

"It was beautiful," I complimented him. "The poem and the delivery." When John said nothing in response I added "I thought I was the only one obsessed with literature."

"English double major in college," John said, sounding much closer now.

"And yet you've been reading War and Peace for over a year," I pulled myself forward and finally spotted the exit just ahead of me.

"I only had room for one book," John reminded me. "I'm following a strict daily quota on pages."

John reached into the tunnel, grabbed my arms and pulled me the rest of the way out. I threw myself into his arms and held on really tight.

"You did good," John said into my hair. He let me rest there for a few minutes before pulling back. "We have to get back to the ship ... I don't know how much time we've got left." I looked at my watch and realised I'd been gone for over three hours. That trip down the ladder had been _long_ and my knees trembled slightly with fatigue.

John dropped me off with Rodney before heading back to the Control Room with Norina to make sure all her staff were evacuating too. I noticed that Rodney had gotten main power back on line so that all the sections of the Control Room were powered. He assigned me the task of checking the power systems for breaks. We'd been working silently for a fair while when John checked in.

"Rodney, come in," John said.

"Go ahead," Rodney replied.

"Looks like there's a lot of new vents opening up - a lot of ash going into the air," John reported. "They're headed towards the settlement. We don't have time to wait for the Daedalus. How are those engines coming?"

"I'm not even close," Rodney scoffed.

"Well, then, I guess we're all gonna die," John informed him matter of factly.

"Oh, you're doin' that on purpose!" Rodney protested heatedly.

"What?" John said nonchalantly.

"You're creating an impossible task that my ego will force me to overcome," Rodney explained indignantly.

"Oh, yes, yes, that's exactly what I'm doing," John replied in a tone that said he meant the opposite. "It has nothing at all to do with saving the lives of these people. It's all about you." John's voice turned angry as he ordered "Now get your ass back to work and fix those damn engines!"

Muttering to himself about arrogant Colonels who had never appreciated his value, Rodney turned back to the control crystals he was checking and kept working. I turned my face away so he wouldn't notice my silent laughter.

"Sabina," Rodney called briskly. "I need you to go down to Engineering ... when you get there I'll relay what I want you to do."

"No problem," I agreed, checking the ships schematic to work out the best way down there. "I'm here Rodney," I reported in about five minutes later.

Rodney talked me through the various checks he needed done – it was a little creepy being down in Engineering by myself and I was grateful when Rodney said he had enough and for me to head back up to the Control Room. The earthquakes were getting more violent – the last one shook the ship enough to send me careening into the wall.

"John?" I tapped my headset but only got static.

Running into the Control Room I called out to Rodney "I can't raise Colonel Sheppard on the radio."

"As I was just explaining to these two," he gestured to Doctor Beckett and Norina who had arrived while I'd been elsewhere, "there's too much interference. Look, the atmosphere is heavily charged with electromagnetic energy. This baby's ready to blow."

"The Taranan people are all on board except for the last group that Colonel Sheppard was escorting," Doctor Beckett said.

"Teyla and Ronon?" Rodney asked reluctantly.

"We've lost contact with them as well," Carson admitted.

"Right," Rodney said hesitantly. He turned back to the wall panel he'd been working at before I'd interrupted him. Knowing there was nothing else I could do to help, I found a spot out of the way to sit quietly and worry about John.

"Alright," Rodney announced, closing the last wall panel. "Tell the people to get on the floor and secure themselves."

"What about the others?" I asked quickly. "We can't do anything until they get here!"

"We don't have time to wait," Rodney said impatiently. "I think the eruption is imminent. We're ... just about ready."

"Ready for what?" John's voice came from the doorway. I jumped up and ran over to greet him, smiling delightedly. John touched a hand to my cheek before urging me to walk back into the room with him.

"Oh, thank God!" Carson said in relief.

"What took you so long?!" Rodney smiled happily.

"Just about ready for what?" John repeated the question he'd just asked.

"To activate the shields," Rodney said like it was obvious.

"You said the blast from the eruption would wipe out half the continent," John pointed out.

"It will," Rodney agreed lightly, "and after four point one seconds of those extreme temperatures and pressures, our shields will be depleted."

"Well, as much as I'm all for living for another four seconds ..." John drawled sarcastically.

"That's not very much time for anything, Rodney," Carson pointed out.

"It's plenty of time to open a hyperspace window," Rodney spread his arms out and grinned, like a magician pulling the rabbit out of a hat. When everyone just stared at him blankly, Rodney blinked in bewilderment. "What?" Rodney demanded. "That's my plan. Didn't I tell you about that?"

"No," Carson said pointedly.

"No, you didn't," John's tone was less than forgiving.

"Well, you were too busy running around looking for people," Rodney said in agitation.

"Well, tell us the damn plan!" John demanded heatedly.

It was a classic Rodney plan – bold and risky and so completely outside the square I don't think anyone else would have ever thought of it. While Rodney went about finalising what was needed to implement it, I stood quietly with John and tried to think positively.

"We're good to go," Rodney finally announced. "Let's head to the Bridge," he added, turning and hurrying out the door.

"Where's the P.A.?" John asked when we got there.

Rodney pointed to the Captain's chair in the middle of the Bridge. "Arm of the chair," he said, taking a seat at another console.

John sat down in the Captain's chair and activated the P.A.

"Alright, folks, all chairs and seat backs into your upright and locked positions," he said jokingly. I took the seat closest to his, fighting the nervous desire to laugh.

"Don't hold your breath," Rodney advised. "It could happen any time in the next half an hour."

The ship started to vibrate while we sat as calmly as we could manage. I noticed that both Carson and Norina had their eyes closed and Rodney was hanging on to his console grimly. I turned to John and saw that he was looking at me.

"If this doesn't work," I looked at him with love in my eyes, "I have no regrets."

"This will work," John said firmly, "but back at you."

"Oh _please_," Rodney muttered.

"Shut up Rodney!" we turned in unison and glared at him.

"What!" Rodney demanded. "No passionate kiss?"

"You're just jealous Rodney," John drawled.

"May-" Rodney began before holding up a hand. "Something's happening – hold on!"

We felt the floor of the hangar explode and the ship shake violently as the pressure underneath the hangar built up – the force of the explosion shot the ship upwards hundreds of metres into the air. I don't think any of us realised the hyperspace window had activated until everything suddenly became still. Ahead of us the large view screen revealed a wonderful sight – we have arrived safely in space.

"It worked!" Doctor Becket exclaimed.

I stood with John admiring the view of stars and the welcome sight of the Daedalus hovering in space nearby.

"I told you it would work," John nudged my shoulder and smiled when I looked up at him.

"You did," I agreed, turning back to the view and leaning my head against his chest.

"You really are a genius," Norina smiled over at Rodney. Rodney was strangely quiet, still clinging to his console and staring fixedly at nothing. "Rodney?" Norina called.

"I'm good," Rodney said quietly.

It was a relief to be beamed aboard the Daedalus for the six hour trip back to Atlantis, even more so when we were greeted with pleasure by Ronan and Teyla. I was so tired but none of us could relax – the adrenalin of coming so close to death ... again ... was still affecting all of us.

Back on Atlantis Dr Weir filled us in on the bad news – in our absence a Wraith Hive ship had been detected on long range sensors. Doctor Zelenka believed it would get to Atlantis within three weeks. I briefly filled Doctor Weir in on what I'd found ... I'd need to do a lot more investigation before I could report on whether any of it was useful.

Doctor Weir finally finished up the debriefing ... I followed John wearily to his quarters and fell on the bed face down.

"Just leave me here," I muttered into the pillow.

"Come on," John pulled me up and helped me into the bathroom. Even a shared shower wasn't enough to get my system moving – the long day plus all the exertion of getting to and then climbing down that access shaft had taken almost everything I had.

John guided me back towards the sleeping area and sat me down on the bed. "You okay?" he asked in concern, squatting down in front of me.

"Yeah," I slurred. "Tired ..." I leant forward and put my head on his chest. "You're warm ..." I muttered, rubbing my nose into his shirt. "Feel ... safe with you ... gonna sleep now, 'kay?" I nestled into his chest and let myself relax.

"Okay," John agreed with a fondly amused smile.

**Authors Note:**

I was a bit hesitant to put the Christopher Marlowe poem in this but it was just so perfect for that moment ... while I can't imagine John Sheppard from season 3 as seen in the series reciting poetry to anyone (especially when he apparently couldn't even tell Teyla that he has feelings of any kind for any one ... at all!!) I don't think it'd be out of character for a John Sheppard comfortable in an established relationship. I also don't think it's out of character in terms of Sheppard's abilities etc ... after all he could have chosen to take any book for entertainment and he chose War and Peace!! I'm actually a bit nervous about this chapter even though I was looking forward to getting the story this far - what do you think??

The next seven chapters all taken place between Inferno and Allies ... so all new everything!! I'll edit and post at least a couple a day. Hope I didn't put you off with the John Sheppard fluff stuff from this chapter!


	33. A good defensive plan would be valuable

**Authors Note:**

Thanks **Allie108, ****coral86** and **chevron7** for the reassurances re my Sheppard poem recitation - I'm glad it went over okay ... I fully agree with chevron7 that it's hard to imagine Shep as the poem reciting type ... my thinking was that he'd know Sabina likes literature and he'd know she was mega nervous during that climb so for her he'd make the effort to do something that normally he wouldn't. And because he's mega smart ;-) he'd just happen to have the exact perfect poem ready to go! I will leave it up to you at this stage to suspect what Shep might have meant by that poem - _and_ what Sabina thinks he might have meant ... I _can_ totally see Lorne doing a poem though (maybe I can work that into a future story!!).

I'm laughing here chevron7 re the ref to the code of conduct on missions - they would be so busted wouldn't they! In my little make believe world Dr Weir is a romantic who is very supportive of PDA's during missions (LOL).

I don't mind the question Allie108 - when Sabina first went off to the Imperium room Shep and the others were in the control room which _was_ higher BUT that was just before the Stargate went kaput - that's when Shep took Rodney down to the Ancient ship hangar which looked to me to be deep down in the facility - I just decided that would make it the lowest place in the facility (might not be though!). So at that point Sabina had to keep heading downwards to get to the hangar. I struggled with this myself when I was writing it (I had her heading back up in my first draft) cause the timing of when everything happens and how much time has gone by is a bit blurry in the episode (apart from knowing it was approx 12 hours between the Daedalus leaving and coming back at the end.) Because 12 hours is a lot more time than it seems in the episode I thought all the stuff I put in between Shep and Sabina would fit in and still allow all the episode stuff to take place too.

And now ... on with the story ... hope everyone is still enjoying this cause there's still LOTS to go!

**Chapter 33: A good defensive plan would be just as valuable**

"Sabina?" the sound of John's voice roused me from sleep the next morning.

"Mmm?" I murmured

"I'm heading out to the planet Elizabeth found for the Taranans," John told me, sitting on the bed next to me and moving my hair away from my face.

"Mmm," I cracked open an eye and looked up at him. "What time is it?"

"Ten," John replied.

"What?" I sat up suddenly, rubbing a hand over my face. "Why'd you let me sleep so long?!"

"Because you needed it," John pointed out. "You look better."

"I need to get started on the telepathy device," I countered grumpily. "I don't have time to lie around sleeping - that Hive ship will be here in _three_ weeks."

"All the more reason to get some sleep while you can," John moved out of the way when I pushed him aside looking for my uniform.

"Damn," I said heatedly. "I don't have any clean stuff -"

"You can have one of my shirts," John grabbed a clean one and held it out to me, raising an eyebrow when I practically snatched it out of his hands. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asked casually.

"_Yes_!" I shot back. "Why?"

"Because you're kinda ... grumpy," John admitted.

I looked up at him quickly, realising that he was right.

"See I told you!" I complained. "Annoying habits! I get grumpy in the morning when I oversleep."

"You're cute when you're angry," John teased, "so I don't mind."

"Go take your disgustingly cheerful self somewhere else," I ordered, throwing a pillow at him.

"I'm going," John laughed as he easily side stepped to avoid being hit. "Good luck with the device."

Realising that he'd cheered me out of my grumpy mood easily, I shook my head with a smile. I didn't think anyone would complain about waking up to the sight of John Sheppard grinning at them.

It took me a while to get back to my quarters, change, grab food and then get myself down to my lab. I kept John's shirt on though, wondering when I'd gotten so soppy that a borrowed shirt was such a comfort to me.

I really wanted to just put my hand on the telepathy device and see what happened but that was hardly scientific - plus John and Rodney would have my head if something went wrong as a result. Leaving the device in the middle of my work table I accessed the files I'd copied to my laptop and settled down to read through them all first. We did have a translation program of sorts to convert Ancient symbols into English but the results were usually unreliable. It wasn't as simple as this symbol means that - some changed meaning depending on how they were placed and the order was also important. Translating was as much art as it was a science because instinct and interpretation were just as important as an understanding of the many symbols used. I much preferred just reading the text directly.

Halfway through the first day I'd discovered enough to do a preliminary report to Doctor Weir. I was about to radio her to find out when she was free when I heard a throat being cleared in the doorway.

"Doctor Weir!" I greeted her in surprise.

"Sabina," Doctor Weir greeted me. "I felt like a walk to clear my head so I thought I'd see how you're doing."

"I was just about to contact you actually," I admitted, motioning for her to take a seat.

"What have you got?" Doctor Weir asked hopefully.

"The files I copied are a complete record of the research the Ancients were undertaking," I began. "They were looking into Wraith telepathy just as we suspected. When Rodney said it wouldn't help because none of us were proficient in Wraith telepathy he was right ... the Ancients had the same problem."

"But weren't some of them telepathic?" Elizabeth looked at me curiously.

"They were," I agreed, "but it's like comparing apples and oranges. Take the Ancient technology for example. The Ancients designed many systems so that only someone with the Ancient gene could operate them. The Wraith technology works on a similar principle - you need the Wraith gene to tap into their neural network. But they don't translate ... even if you know how, in your mind, to make the Ancient systems work that doesn't mean you'd be able to get the Wraith systems working, even with the Wraith gene."

"But didn't you get the Wraith Dart to fly?" Doctor Weir questioned with a frown.

"I did," I admitted. "When I was first captured I tried to open the cell door and I couldn't because I was trying to do it like I'd open an Ancient door. It was only after I'd been mentally linked with the Queen that I was able to understand why that didn't work. It's a little hard to describe the difference but part of it is that the Wraith technology requires much more aggression - I had to ... force my way mentally into the systems and 'make' them do what I wanted. That's very different from the Ancient technology which does everything for you as long as you maintain a tight focus on what you actually want."

"Surely the Ancients would have had enough mental strength to do what you've described," Doctor Weir pointed out.

"I don't think so," I countered. "I know from my own experience that linking to that Wraith Dart even for the short time I did was incredibly uncomfortable. I could barely function by the time John found me and that wasn't all the headache from the Queens attack. With practice I think I could improve on that but the gap between us and the Wraith in terms of how our brains work is probably not as great as it was between the Ancients and the Wraith of 10,000 years ago."

"Didn't Colonel Sheppard fly a Dart when Lieutenant Ford captured his team?" Elizabeth asked the obvious question.

"Good question - yes he did, _and_ without the Wraith gene," I agreed. "But that was because Rodney really is brilliant - he jury rigged connections direct to the neural network for the small set of functions John would need and used the laptop as the interface. That only worked because Rodney had almost two weeks to set it up - it's a one off situation that won't help us in any big way."

"So what did the Ancients do about the problem?" Doctor Weir asked.

"I haven't confirmed all the details but drawing some connections I've worked out what the general plan was. First you have to get yourself a fleet of Jumpers, each having one of these devices,' I gestured towards my work table. "Then train up a bunch of pilots to operate them. Wake up all the Wraith at once and lure them to some predetermined location. Deploy your fleet to strategic points to surround that location and wait for the Hives to get there. Use the devices to send out some kind of telepathic command - I'm thinking something like pause on a remote control. Deliver the biotic weapon to all the Hives and then hit the play button. The Wraith wouldn't even know anything had happened - they'd search but not find anything and head on their way ... some time later the Hive ships would be destroyed by the virus and they'd be lying dead in space ... implying goodbye Wraith. Even if they don't all come at once you could repeat the same sequence any number of times, until the Wraith numbers have been so depleted they'd be easy to wipe out with other methods."

"That's a very ambitious plan,' Doctor Weir pointed out. "Any one of those steps could fail and result in annihilation by the Wraith."

"They were desperate," I explained. "And they'd left it until their numbers and resources were seriously depleted. They just ran out of time before they could complete all the stages. It's a pity they didn't develop the biotic virus first, instead of the telepathic device. From our point of view it'd be much more useful at this point in time."

"Is there anything there that we _can_ use?" Doctor Weir asked hopefully.

"We've only got the one device," I pointed out, "but on a smaller scale we may be able to achieve something. Even if we could work out how to stop the Hive ship approaching us now from attacking that would be helpful. Every plan doesn't have to be about destroying the Wraith ... a good defensive plan would be just as valuable."

"You're right," Doctor Weir agreed, "although I'm sure Colonel Sheppard would much prefer something that wipes them out."

"John still hasn't given up hope of finding a really big space gun," I said with a smile. "But he still appreciates the benefits of a great defence."

"What do you need to do next?" Doctor Weir returned the conversation to a serious note.

"I need to finish reading all the files," I answered, "and then I need to find a way to practice using this device to see if it's even possible for us to do so."

"Okay, keep at it," Doctor Weir acknowledged, taking her leave to return back to the Control Room.

John was gone with the Taranans for two days ... during that time I completed my reading and came up with a couple of possible strategies for how we might make use of the device. I pounced on John as soon as he'd stepped through the gate to talk about my ideas.

"I need to talk to you about strategy for the telepathy device," I greeted him as he walked across the Gateroom floor towards me.

"Hello to you too," John replied sarcastically. "Yes my trip was successful - thanks for asking!"

"_Sorry_ - Hello John," I smiled up at him apologetically. "Did you get the Taranan's settled okay?"

"I had to be diplomatic whenever someone wanted something stupid," John complained. "It was tiring."

"Sorry," I knew how much he hated those sorts of missions. "Are you finished with them?"

"_I_ am," John vowed. "Elizabeth can send another team to provide back up support. Now what did you want to tell me?"

"I'll follow you down to the infirmary," I said, "I can talk while Doctor Beckett does your post mission check."

We'd made it to the corridor just outside the infirmary before John turned to me and said simply "I missed you."

"I was much too busy to miss you," I teased, pleased to see some of the tension leave him when he smiled at my usual response. Before I knew it he had me backed into the wall with an intent expression that made me breathless. "What are you doing?" I asked, glancing from side to side to see if anyone was around to notice.

"Making you ... rethink that answer," John replied, crowding me with his heat as much as his physical presence. He leaned in close so that his lips were only a breath from mine and whispered "did you miss me?"

"Did you go somewhere?" I asked coyly, waiting to see what he'd do next.

I didn't have to wait long ... John raised an eyebrow at my provocative response before closing the distance between our lips. Things got heated pretty quickly before John broke away and looked down with a pleased grin at my dazed expression.

"Did that jog your memory?" he asked smugly.

"Uh ... ah yeah, pretty much," I blinked a couple of times and then blushed when I saw Carson standing beside us smiling fondly.

"Unhand the lass Colonel," Carson ordered in amusement. "You're due a post mission check."

"Of course Doc," John let me go reluctantly and followed Carson into the infirmary.

While Carson was doing the usual checks I filled John in on what I'd already told Elizabeth. We moved the conversation to John's office, a room he seldom used which made it a good place to talk uninterrupted.

"Something defensive that doesn't rely on a ZPM would be handy," John agreed. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

"I wanted to talk to you about how the TED can help us," I began.

"Ted?" John queried. "You named the device _Ted_? What kind of name is _that_?!"

"Telepathic Expansion Device - it's what the Ancients called it," I told him. "If you want to name it something else, go ahead."

"Nah," John said nonchalantly. "Ted's good ... sounds friendly."

"The Ancients were looking at using TED to control the Wraith themselves - because they wanted to deliver the biotic weapon to all the ships at once and have it spread to the cruisers and Darts too. We can't do that because we only have one TED and we don't have enough Jumpers."

"So what did you want to do?" John asked curiously.

"I could still work out how to use TED to control a Wraith like they do us," I admitted. "It'd be worth making sure we had that as an option because it could prove useful at some point."

"You wouldn't be able to control a whole Hive though," John pointed out.

"To be honest I don't really know – but TED could also be used to directly control the Wraith technology itself," I pointed out, "because all of it relies on Wraith telepathy too through the neural network. If I can learn how to use it in time, I could conceivably stop the Hive ship - maybe even create enough damage for it to retreat."

"Wouldn't you have to be close to the Hive ship to make that possible?" John frowned as he thought about all the pros and cons of my suggestion.

"Again I don't know – if I did we could take a cloaked Jumper up and they'd never know we were there." I said it quickly, knowing he'd probably not be that keen on the idea.

"Can anyone use the TED?" John asked a question that surprised me.

"Ah ... maybe?" I replied hesitantly. "I was assuming Wraith telepathy was a prerequisite but it doesn't specifically say only an Ancient with the Wraith gene would be able to use the device. I suppose anyone with the potential could be trained ..." I frowned in thought. "I don't see the point in training anyone other than me though," I said heatedly.

"Why?" John made me justify my thinking.

"Because I have the ATA gene which TED requires _and_ I have experience with Wraith telepathy in general. Plus I'm the only person who's actually controlled some Wraith technology," I replied. "And I only worked out what was required because I stole the information from the Wraith Queens mind when she was trying to squash me."

"Couldn't you tell someone else how to do it?" John persisted.

"Is there some reason you don't think I should do it?" I asked, trying to keep my voice sounding reasonable, "a _professional_ reason that is?"

"No," John replied. "I just think we'd be stupid to rely solely on you if we can train someone to be a back up ... just in case."

"I'm not sure whether two and half weeks will be enough time for _me_ to become effective in using TED," I admitted, "let alone train anyone else to be. Besides, I wasn't really thinking of this as the front line plan - there's only one ship and they may just be doing a routine fly by so the cloak might be enough."

"Okay," John agreed. "As a defensive strategy it makes sense."

"Really?" I asked in surprise, pleased that John thought I'd come up with something workable.

"Yes," John replied, "so long as we can work out a way to make sure neither you nor the device can fall into Wraith hands."

"My first problem is how to get skilled in using the device," I admitted. "On the controlling technology front we've got the Dart – if the Daedalus can beam it down here I can practice on that. Although I'm thinking we should pick a spot somewhere on the mainland – just in case the Wraith scan us and somehow pick up a piece of their own technology on the planet."

"Okay," John agreed. "I'll talk with Colonel Caldwell and we'll pick a suitable location. Your team can go over to the mainland together whenever you want to work on the Dart. I'm sure Major Lorne won't mind guard duty."

"I don't think I need a guard," I argued. "Wouldn't Major Lorne be more useful somewhere else?"

"You worry about learning how to control the Dart," John told me, "and I'll worry about security. Anything else?"

"The second bit is the telepathic control angle – the only way I can think of to test that is to actually try and use TED to impose my will on someone else. I'm not sure how comfortable I am even thinking about doing that and I'd only attempt it if I had some willing subjects to help me test it - who's gonna agree to open themselves up that much?"

"Some of my men will volunteer," John assured me. "I'll get back to you with some names so you can organise a few sessions."

"Okay," I said a bit apprehensively.

"What?" John frowned at my obvious nervousness.

"It's just that I'm gonna be starting out blind," I admitted. "I don't want to look like an idiot with your guys."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," John reassured me.

"You say that now," I countered, "but if I look like an idiot then it'll reflect badly on you too - as the partner of an idiot!"

"Relax," John advised, clearly trying not to laugh at my concerns. "Your accomplishments are a bit of a legend on Atlantis - a fact I know you're completely blind to. They'll be lining up to help you out - trust me!"

"_Get out_," I blushed at his words, sincerely hoping he was just joking. I wasn't unfriendly but my nature didn't make me Miss Popularity either - most of my time was either spent obsessing over my current project or being with John and his team, so I really had no idea what people thought of me. "If anyone's a legend it's you Colonel 'I was three seconds from death but somehow I survived' Sheppard!"

"I'll pick someone easy for your first guinea pig," John offered, ignoring what I'd said. "Does that make you feel better?"

"Yes it does thank you," I replied primly.

"All right," John stood up and motioned for me to precede him through his office door. "Before I do anything I need food ... wanna join me?"

"I could eat," I said amicably.

"I know we've got our little 'I missed you' routine going," I told him as we walked to the commissary, "but in all seriousness it's good to have you back. I like talking to you about my projects ... makes me think of stuff I might not have considered."

"Could've been –" John began.

"_Mensa_ – I know!" I cut him off. "Are you ever gonna get sick of that?"

"Probably not," John admitted.


	34. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing!

**Chapter 34: I don't know what the hell I'm doing!**

With the usual military precision and organisation, John had a site picked out for my wraith Dart _and_ a list of volunteers for my telepathy trials within a day. I'd used the time to review all the information I'd copied over on how to actually use TED ... it was all theory though which would only make sense once I actually tried to do something. So far I hadn't even activated TED and I didn't know what to expect. For that reason it made sense to try the technology control angle first, even though TED hadn't actually been designed specifically for that purpose.

"I know you assigned Major Lorne and the team to work with me on the mainland," I told John the next morning when I was ready to proceed, "but for this first trial could you take me over to the mainland instead?"

"Worried about your image?" John teased me.

"No," I protested. "I'm worried about only getting partial control and crashing the Dart into someone."

"So you'd rather put me at risk?" John pretended to be offended. When I opened my mouth to make some kind of response John held his hand up. "Relax, I was just joking. I can take you over if you prefer."

"Thanks," I said gratefully.

"Let's go," John led the way to the Jumper bay, with a brief stop off in my lab to pick up TED, my laptop and some necessary supplies.

Colonel Caldwell had beamed the Wraith Dart down in a wide clearing a safe distance away from the Athosian settlement. John landed the Jumper about a ten minute hike from there – just in case I did actually stuff this up.

I set TED up on the small dais we'd brought with us, connected the laptop and powered up some monitoring programs Rodney had designed. I stepped back, glancing across at John.

"Go on then," he waved a hand in the air like I was about to perform some kind of magic trick. With his dark sunglasses on I couldn't see his eyes to tell what he was thinking.

"Just ... be ready to get out of the way," I advised nervously.

Taking a couple of deep breaths I slowly lowered my hand onto the device ... TED lit up immediately with a faint hum. As with all Ancient technology the mental connection presented me with a range of actions I could perform. With a Jumper you got all the functions available to do with flying and instrumentation – but that connection wasn't going to make you instantly a qualified pilot. You had to understand what was being offered to you before you could control it and make use of it.

TED was the same – I was being presented with a whole host of information, most of which made no sense to me at all. I closed my eyes and concentrated harder, trying to find something, anything, that was familiar.

"Ah ... Sabina?" I heard John's voice as if from a great distance ... it was surprisingly difficult to pull my mind away from TED and back to my surroundings.

"What?" I turned back to John and found him holding a hand to his head as though in pain. "What's wrong?" I ran over and put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm okay," John grumbled, "it's better now."

"What happened?" I asked with dread in my voice.

"Instant headache," John admitted. "I don't know what you were trying to do but the longer you were connected to that thing the worse it got."

"Oh God," I muttered sickly, "I'm so sorry ... I didn't mean to do anything – I wasn't even thinking about you."

"It's okay," John excused. "It wasn't that bad."

"Define _'that bad'_?" I demanded, pacing in front of him. "On the pain scale where was it?"

"I think you're overreacting Sabina," John grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop. "On my pain scale it barely even registered."

"This was a bad idea," I looked down at the ground, tugging at my arm until John reluctantly let me go. I went back to TED and started packing up.

"You're not gonna try again?" John asked, walking over to my position.

"_I don't know what the hell I'm doing!_" I pointed out heatedly. "I mean, who do I think I am ... trying to remote control a Wraith Dart when I can barely even control-"

"Stop it!" John interrupted me harshly. "You are _brilliant_ at what you do, with the Ancient technology and now with all this Wraith stuff," John looked at me intently. "So your first attempt had an unexpected side effect – let's deal with it and use it."

"Are you sure you're all right?" I asked softly.

"_Yes_," John said impatiently. "I think you should try again."

"You know how when you connect to the Jumper you get access to the whole Jumper all at once?" I asked. When John nodded, I continued. "If you didn't know anything at all about flying or navigation or instrumentation would you know what it was you had access to?"

"I guess not," John admitted. "Is that what it was like?"

"Yeah, except I couldn't even tell you that much about what I was getting," I said in disappointed. "All I was doing when you got the headache was looking for something familiar. I don't think there's any point in trying again today – I need to think about what sorts of information an Ancient would consider necessary to expand someone's telepathic ability."

"Talk to Doctor Heightmeyer," John suggested.

"Good idea," I said. "Let's get out of here – I want Doctor Beckett to check you out."

John rolled his eyes in frustration. "That's not –".

"It'll make me feel better," I interrupted.

"Then I guess it'll be worth it," John grumbled, helping me put all the gear back in my pack.

Of course John was right – he was fine and Doctor Beckett didn't think there could possibly be any hidden damage that we didn't know about yet.

I called Doctor Heighmeyer for an appointment as soon as we were done with Doctor Beckett. To be honest I was a bit apprehensive about talking to a psychiatrist, even in a non professional capacity ... all that 'what do _you_ think it means?' stuff really annoyed me. So when it was time to head down to Doctor Heightmeyer's office I had to forcibly suppress my nervousness.

"Thanks for seeing me Doctor Heightmeyer," I said in greeting.

"Kate, please," she replied, gesturing for me to take a seat. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm working on the telepathic expansion device we found on Taranis," I told her. "I can activate it but the mass of information I get presented with is just incomprehensible to me. I need to understand more about how telepathic ability works so I can determine what information the Ancients would have thought useful to expand it."

"Telepathy is an interesting dilemma," Kate admitted. "Scientifically using classic methods like card guessing games, there's really been nothing conclusive to prove it even exists."

"But clearly it _does_ exist," I pointed out. "I'm pretty sure if we could get two Wraith to participate in the card game they'd get a perfect score."

"Certainly what we've seen here in the Pegasus galaxy defies what we know from research back on Earth," Kate agreed. "Although to be fair we don't know how different the Wraith brain is from a human brain – perhaps we should instead be saying human telepathy doesn't exist."

"I've experienced it myself," I said quietly. "Admittedly that's because of the Wraith gene I possess – are you saying that makes my brain less human?"

"Of course not," Kate replied earnestly. "I do know there are a lot of theories to explain telepathy in the non classic sense – via reference to quantum physics actually. I don't know more than that – perhaps Doctor McKay would be able to help you from that side."

"If I wanted to quantify my brain activity in some way," I asked, moving away from the specific topic of telepathy, "how would I do that?"

"The major neuroimaging techniques used back on Earth are PET scans, MRI's and EEGs," Kate said. "The first two even produce pictures of the brain at work so we can understand how the brain processes information or reacts to stimuli."

"Can you link me to something on the database to explain how they all work?" I asked.

"Of course," Kate agreed. "Although you should check with Doctor Beckett too – the Ancients probably had different techniques to ours." She turned to her laptop and after a few moments searching found some useful links to send me.

"Thanks Doctor Heightmeyer," I said, keen to finish off the conversation so I could pursue the avenues she'd suggested.

"I heard about your capture by the Wraith – how are you feeling now that some time has passed?" Kate asked curiously.

"I'm good," I replied, frowning in confusion at why she'd ask the question.

"I ask because it wouldn't be unusual to have lingering effects from such an experience," Kate offered.

"No lingering effects," I said lightly. "I had heard a lot about Wraith captures from Colonel Sheppard before it happened ... maybe that helped."

"Ah yes ... Colonel Sheppard does have a knack for putting himself through difficult experiences," Kate looked at me as if judging my reaction to that.

"He does," I agreed, offering nothing further.

"Does that bother you?" Kate asked. "If I were in that kind of relationship I'd find it hard to continually be faced with the threat of loss."

"It wouldn't say much for my feelings if it didn't bother me," I pointed out in a slightly annoyed tone. "Look I don't know where you're going with all these questions, but if you've got something to say just spit it out instead of dancing around it."

"I'm sorry," Kate said, surprised at my response. "Of course it would bother you ... I really just wanted to offer you a sympathetic ear if you ever feel the need for help in handling those situations."

"I appreciate the offer," I said, rising to my feet, "but I don't think I'll be taking you up on it. If I want to talk about something I talk to John – which is only fair since it's usually something he did that gave me the need. We work it out together."

"That's good," Kate rose to her feet to escort me from the room. "I hope you find what you need from the material I sent you."

"I hope so too," I replied. "Thanks again." Giving a casual wave I headed in the direction of the infirmary.

I had a similar conversation with Doctor Beckett, without the annoying psychological questioning of course. The Ancient techniques _were_ similar to ours but using different processes and displays to deliver the information. With what Kate had given me I thought I had enough to recognise anything in TED that had to do with brain measurement in general but I was still lacking information about telepathy. Kate had mentioned quantum physics – the only place to go on Atlantis for that was Rodney but unfortunately he was on the Orion. In fact anyone who'd know about quantum physics was on the Orion.

Rodney and a large contingent of Atlantis scientists were trying to get her flight worthy before the Hive ship arrived. The first hurdle had been to get the sub light engines on line so they could bring the ship back to Atlantis. The good news for me was that Rodney was now only a short Jumper trip away ... if I could convince John to take me out there.

"Colonel Sheppard," I tapped my headset, "what's your position?"

"I'm about five steps away from a turkey sandwich," John drawled. "Want one?"

"Of course," I laughed. "I'll be there in a few ... don't even think about touching my sandwich!"

"How'd it go?" John asked once we'd finished off our late lunch. I leant back in my chair and looked across at him.

"Have you ever spoken with Doctor Heightmeyer?" I asked curiously.

"Not in a professional capacity," John replied, "why?"

"She said you had a knack for getting yourself into trouble," I told him, "and offered to help me during those 'difficult times'."

"Is she still in one piece?" John joked.

"Hey, I was _nice_," I protested, "even when I said there was no way I'd be talking to her about you."

"She was just trying to help," John pointed out. "It is her job and the people who need that aren't always the ones who voluntarily seek it."

"I guess," I frowned. "I just don't see how it helps talking to some stranger about situations they haven't been in and couldn't possibly understand. I'd much rather just talk to you ... it's usually your fault anyway so you should be the one to cop the flack!"

"Yeah well not everyone is as free with expressing their frustrations as you are," John pointed out. "Did you get anything useful from Kate?"

"Yeah – general stuff about how to measure brain activity," I replied, "which brings me to the reason I called you when I did."

"You mean it wasn't just to enjoy my charming personality?" John put on a disgruntled look.

"That was just a bonus," I laughed. "I wanted to ask you if I could go up to the Orion – apparently quantum physics might explain Wraith telepathy. There's no one who _isn't_ on the Orion who can explain that to me."

"Quantum physics?" John asked. "Isn't that Rodney's favourite subject?"

"One of them," I agreed. "So can we go?"

"I was gonna check in with them later anyway," John said. "You can come along."

"Cool," I smiled happily. "Give me a yell when it's time."


	35. Explain the quantum physics of telepathy

**Chapter 35: I need you to explain the quantum physics of telepathy.**

"I know you're really busy," I interrupted Rodney. We were on the Orion and I'd been standing watching him reconfiguring some crystal control modules for a few minutes before I realised he just wasn't going to stop. Rodney did nothing more than glance briefly up at me.

"I need you to explain the quantum physics of telepathy to me," I told him, hoping that might spark his interest.

"What makes you think the two are related?" Rodney stopped what he was doing and glanced at me curiously.

"Because Doctor Heightmeyer said they were," I replied, "and because the telepathic expansion device showed me some really confusing images that would only make sense if some kind of scientific theory was attached to them."

"Look, reality is made up of two different worlds," Rodney got up and tapped out some instructions on his computer while talking to me. "The classic physical world where things like Newton's laws can accurately and logically predict the behaviour of objects ... and the quantum world where sub-atomic particles behave in bizarre and paradoxical ways that defy those laws."

"How is that related to telepathy?" I asked, intrigued.

"There are a few different theories," Rodney explained, "based around the quantum principles of superposition and nonlocal quantum entanglement." Seeing my blank look Rodney tried to expand on what he was saying. "Experiments have been done to prove that at the sub-atomic level two or more particles can exist in the same place or state simultaneously. The multiverse theory suggests that there's a universe for every possible state and mechanisms so that the states can interact and be influenced by the others. Nonlocal quantum entanglement - "spooky action at a distance" - suggests that particles separated in time and distance are actually intimately connected."

"So what you're saying is that telepathy works because all states exist together, interact, and can be influenced and that they're all intimately connected no matter how far apart they are?" I summarised what I'd understood from his lecture.

"Something like that, although it's much more complex." Rodney thought for a minute and then clicked his fingers as an idea came to him. "Think of a specific Wraith you want to connect to. In the classic world you'd have to find him first and then travel the distance necessary to get to him and when you got there he might already have gone somewhere else or just not be willing to talk to you. Telepathy wouldn't exist because you'd have to pick up the Wraith thoughts over a huge distance, travelling through walls, water, planets – the classic laws of physics say that's just impossible. In the quantum world the two of you exist simultaneously in states that can access each other directly – even separated by distance and time the quantum connection between you would allow you to instantaneously communicate."

"Wouldn't that mean the Wraith telepathy should be more than the short range we know it is?" I asked curiously.

"As a matter of fact it would," Rodney seemed almost pleased that I'd asked something that meant I actually understood what he's told me.

"So why isn't it?" I persisted.

"I don't know," Rodney complained. "Maybe it is and they just don't know it – after all you have to believe the connection is there. Perhaps the Wraith aren't capable of that level of absolute belief."

"If the Ancients were trying to measure or access the quantum connections what would it look like on one of these?" I gestured to the Orion display screens.

"I can show you a few different ways to test for or depict things in quantum physics," Rodney offered.

"Do you have time to do something quick right now?" I looked at him with a pleading look.

"I suppose," Rodney said grudgingly, "but if the Orion isn't finished on time you can tell Elizabeth you wasted some time on quantum mechanics."

"Thanks Rodney," I said gratefully, watching intently as he brought up various displays and explained what they were showing. My brain felt severely taxed by the time he'd shown me what he could and I wearily made contact with John to get a lift back to Atlantis.

It was pretty late in the day but I thought perhaps there'd be enough time to make one more attempt at using TED that day. On the way back to Atlantis I turned to John and asked "Can we go back to the Dart for just a bit?"

"Do you want to try again?" John asked.

"I'm not going to try controlling the Dart," I replied. "I just want to access TED and see if I can record some displays relating to the Dart – I had my laptop hooked up last time but because I didn't know what I was looking at, what I recorded was all garbled and useless. If I can get a good record I can study it and see where I went wrong."

"Okay," John agreed, "but only for a short stay."

When we got close to the Darts location I said "You can just drop me off here."

"You're not gonna hurt me," John protested.

"Better to be safe than sorry," I retorted. "Look, you don't have to abandon me here – can't you hover in this thing?"

John thought for a moment before nodding "Okay."

I set everything up as before, trying to calm my breathing and my mind before putting my hand on the device. This time the displays I was seeing were familiar, especially the ones on brain activity I'd seen already that day with Doctor Beckett. The information was still a bit overwhelming but it wasn't drawing me under like before.

Focussing sharply I thought only about Wraith technology and was rewarded when TED displayed a series of charts and text via the laptop link. There were commands there I could have executed but I decided just getting the information was enough for one day. I stepped back from the device and waved up at John to come and get me.

"No headaches," John announced when he opened the hatch for me.

"That's a relief," I said wearily. "I'm just gonna stretch out back here ... wake me when we get back to Atlantis."

The short rest in the Jumper revived me enough to take what I'd recorded on my laptop back down to my lab and start analysing it. I could see John wanted to protest that it was late but thought better of it when I narrowed my eyes ready to argue.

"I'll just spend a couple of hours looking at this stuff," I promised.

"Make sure it's not more than that," John ordered sternly.

Back in my lab I called up the information I'd gathered and settled in to try and work out what I had. If I was reading the information correctly, the device might actually be easier to operate than I'd originally thought. Sure, there was a lot of information – once activated TED seemed to be monitoring everything it was possible to monitor about the operator. There were also many displays dealing with the quantum mechanics Rodney had briefly explained to me. I wasn't a physicist though, and unlikely to become one any time in the next century ... hopefully what I was reading about the device meant that I didn't have to understand that aspect in order to make use of it.

When a big cracking yawn overtook me I realised I'd been at it well beyond the time I'd promised. Quickly shutting everything off I almost sprinted from the lab heading up to John's quarters.

"Hey," I greeted him breathlessly.

"You're late," John pointed out. From the way he was stretched out on the bed with his book it was clear he'd been there a while.

"True," I agreed, "but compared to my usual performance in that department I'm actually early. So you should be congratulating me." I smiled winningly.

"Sadly, I can't argue with that," John laughed, reaching out to pull me down to him. "Solved the mysteries of existence yet?"

"Almost," I joked. "My brain hurts ... seriously I can feel the stuff I tried to learn today burrowing in like a drill. And before you say it," I held up a hand to hold off the words I knew he was going to say, "I don't need anything from Doctor Beckett – I just need rest."

"I can help with that," John patted the spot next to him.

"I'll just lie here for a few minutes," I agreed, stretching out next to him so that he was spooned behind me. Closing my eyes I sighed – it _was_ relaxing to listen to John breathing as he continued reading his book. I fell asleep before he'd reached his daily page quota.

**Authors Note:**

The idea that telepathy could be explained via quantum physics came from a range of sources including an article by Dr. Stephen Juan in the Canadian National Post; physicsworld dot com; and science dot howstuffworks dot com. My physics knowledge is basic first year uni from some time ago so apologies for any errors/inaccuracies that made it into this chapter.


	36. How hard did you try to resist?

**Chapter 36: How hard did you try to resist?**

"What have you got to report?" I was meeting with Doctor Weir early the next morning to fill her in on my progress. John was sitting in as well since I'd been too tired to tell him much the day before.

"Partially good news I think," I began. "If I'm right then TED might not be as hard to operate as my first attempt yesterday suggested. It's an amazing device – it's literally measuring reality. Trying to present that in a way the human brain can understand is difficult ... that's why it overloaded me yesterday. I don't think I did anything except get bombarded with all that information."

"John mentioned the headache side effect," Doctor Weir said. "How do you explain that?"

"I've got a theory about that," I said hesitantly. "It's no secret that John and I have a ... connection through the ATA gene. I believe that even though he wasn't touching the device directly I provided a link to it for him. John has shown some ability in the past to resist Wraith telepathy which I think is because he probably has the potential in general."

"And here I was thinking it was my charm and good looks that the Wraith queens couldn't resist," John quipped.

"I'm sure that didn't hurt," I smirked and Doctor Weir laughed at John's faintly disgusted expression. The idea that a Wraith had found him attractive really wasn't something to brag about.

"What else can you tell me about the TED?" Doctor Weir got us back on topic.

"The best I can tell," I explained, "TED uses the quantum nature of the universe to create a kind of telepathic pool that exists in all states and times simultaneously. According to Rodney, nonlocal quantum entanglement means that all states are instantaneously accessible regardless of distance. The device created a way for the Ancients to access that directly to expand their telepathic ability – both range and strength."

"Is it safe for a human to use it?" John asked.

"TED monitors everything possible about the operator's brain and then uses that to facilitate connections to as many Wraith in the telepathic pool as it thinks the operator can handle." I said. "So presumably if an Ancient brain was capable of handling more than my human brain, I won't be able to perceive as many connections as they would have. There're some optimising commands which must be about the grid the Ancients were going to create around a specific location. Since we've only got one TED we don't have to worry about that, although the optimizing will ensure the closest physical connections get priority."

"It sounds worth pursuing," Doctor Weir commented. "Do what you can to progress your use of the device and report back to me in a few days."

"I'm already thinking of ways to overcome the information overload," I said. "I'll keep going with that and we'll see what's possible. I was going to follow up controlling the Wraith Dart as the first priority but given what I've since learnt I think it'll be easier if I try direct mind control first because that was the primary purpose of the device."

"Sounds like a plan," Doctor Weir acknowledged, rising from her chair to bring our meeting to a close.

"So you're gonna start testing with my volunteers?" John asked as we walked away from Doctor Weir's office.

"To be honest I don't really want to," I admitted, "but I think TED is complex enough that I need to get something working as intended before I start pushing the limits on what it was designed for."

"Private Baines was my first choice to get you going," John said. "He's keen to learn and pretty easy going."

"Good ... I guess ... could you get him to report to my lab in an hour?" I asked. John nodded and we parted ways, me down to the lab to prepare myself for my first test experiment.

Private Baines reported dead on time and I could see immediately why John had chosen him. Clearly he was military and since he'd been assigned to Atlantis he would be highly skilled at his job. Baines was still young enough though that he hadn't acquired that scary military facade most of John's men had.

"Thanks for volunteering to help," I smiled at Baines and was rewarded with an easy smile in return.

"I was curious to see what goes on down here," Baines admitted, "so when the Colonel asked for volunteers, I thought why not?"

"I have to tell you that you're my first test subject," I informed him. "I've worked out an experimental protocol – initially I'm just going to create a telepathic connection between myself and the device through to you. If that's successful, I'll try to issue an instruction to you – it'll be your job to resist that instruction. Does that sound okay?"

"I'm ready," Baines said confidently.

"Okay then," I took a deep breath, "here goes ..."

Before touching TED I focussed my mind on the single request to access the telepathic pool for a connection between myself and Baines. Keeping that thought central I placed a hand on the device and was rewarded with the usual lights and faint hum. My mind presented the pool to me as a silvery shimmering circle, kind of like an open wormhole in the Stargate. All the information from the day before was kind of hovering around in the background, readily accessible but easily ignored. I dipped into the pool and perceived a multitude of possible connections, presumably for everyone close by in Atlantis and on the mainland. Holding my mind at the edge of the pool I identified a specific frequency that I somehow knew belonged to Private Baines. Grabbing that frequency I was rewarded with a fragile silvery thread leading away from the pool directly to Baines.

"Step one complete," I said faintly, concentrating on maintaining the connection.

I'd thought hard about what instruction to send and decided on something simple that would be obvious to me if I was successful.

"_Raise your right arm_," I send the thought softly along the thread. When Baines remained with hands folded in his lap I repeated the thought, a bit stronger this time. It took three attempts before Baines slowly raised his arm, a slight frown marring his face. Breathing out I carefully returned the thread back into the pool and broke the connection.

"You did it," Baines actually seemed happy that I'd been able to control him telepathically.

"Looks like it," I smiled. "You were a good subject ... how hard did you try to resist?"

"Pretty hard," Baines admitted. "I could actually hear your command in my head – even though I had no reason to raise my arm I was doing it before I could stop."

"Was there any discomfort?" I asked reluctantly, hoping the answer would be no.

"Not really," Baines replied. "Just the slightest sensation of pressure and maybe now just a slight headache."

"Okay, that's good," I stood up and held out a hand. "I really appreciate your help," I said as Private Baines shook my hand amiably.

"It was interesting," Baines said. "I'll make sure and tell the other guys it was all good."

"Thanks," I replied. "But don't tell them what command I'm giving – wouldn't want to prime them too much!"

Baines laughed before exiting the lab.

I kept up a steady pace of trials for the rest of the day, before finally calling it quits just before dinner. All the mental exertion had made me really hunger so my first stop was the commissary. I put in a call to John on the way, hoping he'd be able to join me.

"How'd it go?" John asked, sitting down with a tray of his own.

"Unbelievably good," I replied glumly.

"So you managed to control all your volunteers and that makes you unhappy?" John looked at me in confusion.

"It was _too_ good," I explained. "I didn't even have to push that hard so either your guys are all really weak minded or they were taking it easy on me."

"Or you're a lot stronger mentally than you realise," John pointed out another option I hadn't considered.

"It doesn't really matter which it is," I pointed out, "because the end result is that I can't assess the full capability of TED. I need to find someone really difficult who's willing to let me push hard."

"Any ideas?" John asked curiously.

"I thought of Teyla," I frowned, "but I'd really rather not ask her – given her history with the Wraith ... it just doesn't seem appropriate to experiment on her."

"I'll do it," John offered quietly. I looked at him open mouthed. "What?" he demanded. "Aren't I stubborn enough for you?"

"Oh you're plenty stubborn enough," I replied. "And I did consider asking you, only ..." I broke off, looking intently at him.

"It's a little _too_ personal?" John questioned.

"Don't _you_ think so?" I turned the question back to him.

"So let me get this straight," John said. "You were willing to delve into the minds of strangers but you're hesitating to do the same with me even though you know me intimately and we frequently get as personal as two people can?"

"When you put it like that it sounds really stupid," I complained.

"That's because it _is_ stupid," John said smugly.

"Aren't you worried I'll pick up something from you that you didn't want to share with me?" I asked curiously.

"No," John replied with certainty. "Maybe _you're_ worried that I'll pick up something from you!"

"Ha, in your dreams," I retorted. "You'll be lucky if you can resist me!"

"We both know that on occasion I do find it hard to resist you," John looked me up and down mock suggestively and I couldn't help but laugh. "But I think I'll be able to mount a sufficient defence ... I _have_ held off more than one Wraith Queen you know."

"And that's the only reason I'm agreeing to this," I replied. "First thing tomorrow then?"

"You're on," John accepted my challenge.


	37. No one is indestructible

**Authors Note:**

Thanks for the reviews ... I liked the 'wearing a friends jacket' ref **chevron7** - that was exactly the flavour I was going for - hopefully Sabina wasn't _too_ depressed that John's shirt was a reasonable fit! Glad you liked the physics research **Allie108** - I am amazed at what I find when I go searching for things to use in my story! Welcome to the story **ArafelSedai** - I know it'll be a while before you get to this chapter but I just had to put in a note to agree with your comment re Jack O'Neill being the ultimate but belonging to Carter. There's been so much fanfic about their ship there is no way I could ever come up with anything remotely original! And welcome **CanadianHalliwell** - thanks for your kind review of my season 1 story too ... I appreciate your suggestion re Sabina's friendships - I do have my reasons for the way things are at the moment - if I take this into Season 3 then there will be much more scope for that. Okay ... on with the chapter.

**Chapter 37: ****No one is indestructible**

"Are you ready?" I asked John nervously. We were set up for my first attempt to control John's mind through the TED and I was feeling very apprehensive. We hadn't discussed in any further the previous evening but I'd tossed and turned all night in my quarters worrying about it.

"I know this is bothering you," John commented. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"I could misjudge the strength of the device and punch a quantum hole right through your brain," I said starkly. John looked a bit taken aback by that. "Don't worry though ... I'm pretty sure TED has failsafes I can set to make sure that doesn't happen."

"And what's the best that could happen?" John continued.

"We prove the TED is powerful enough to control as many Wraith Hives as they can send to attack us," I replied.

"Sounds worth the risk to me," John said easily. "I say we do this."

"Okay," I agreed reluctantly, "I'm proceeding to phase one now."

Just like the day before I focussed on accessing the telepathic pool first and then placed my hand on top of the device to activate it. I dipped into the pool of shimmering light and found a specific frequency that was immediately recognisable as John. Instead of a fragile looking thread, when I grabbed for John the connection was more like a thickly wound rope. Once I'd made the connection it felt much stronger than I'd previously experienced.

"Phase one complete," I murmured, maintaining the connection with ease. John said nothing so I quickly moved into phase two – sending a command.

"_Raise your right arm_," I send the thought down the rope to John. I wasn't surprised when John sat without moving. Still feeling reluctant to push too hard for fear of causing pain I pushed a little harder, and then a little harder again.

"You've gotta do better than that," John challenged. "That was barely a tickle!"

Taking a deep breath I doubled the strength of the command. It seemed like the quantum rope connecting us vibrated but still John remained motionless.

"You can push harder," John told me. "I could feel that one but it was nowhere near as hard as that last Wraith Queen pushed me."

"Okay," I muttered, gathering myself to try again. I added a bit more strength to the push without success.

"Break it off," John's voice made that sound a bit like an order. I carefully returned our connection to the pool and deactivated the TED. Not looking at John I made the pretence of checking some of the readings I'd gotten. If I understood the brain activity scans properly both John and I had exhibited much higher levels than in any of my previous attempts.

"You're not trying hard enough," John grabbed my shoulder and swung me back to face him.

"I _was_ trying," I denied, trying to pull away.

"Don't try and tell me that was the best you could throw at me," John accused, "because I know that's not true. It took everything I had to hold off a Wraith Queen – just maintaining my position was the best I could do. You've gotta have more because you didn't just hold off the Queen, you bested her and that was without the aid of the TED."

"I don't know what to tell you," I prevaricated. "Maybe it was because I was really angry with the Queen. Or maybe it was the extra connection the Wraith gene gave me."

"Or maybe you don't think I'm up to the challenge so you thought you'd take it easy," John suggested grimly.

"That's _not_ true!" I denied heatedly. "I know your strength, your stubbornness – I would _never_ underestimate you."

"Then get back on that device and show me what you can do," John ordered angrily, letting me go and returning to his chair.

I stood with my back towards him, clenching my fists as I fought my anger at the situation I found myself in. Although I really didn't want to be doing this with John I knew there were no other choices – the potential for defence that the TED had presented us with was too valuable to give up because I was feeling squeamish about hurting John.

"Okay, _Okay_!" I said, turning back to glare at him. "But if I hurt you I'm gonna be really, really, mad!"

"Noted," John said complacently. "Do it!"

I established the connection within seconds and decided to lighten things up by changing my command. "_Kiss me_," I thought down the line, using less force than at the end of our last attempt.

John got up, grabbed my head, and kissed me breathless before sitting down again. When I raised an eyebrow at him he grinned and said "if you want this to work you've gotta make it something I _want_ to resist!"

"All right," I replied, "let's get serious."

Without pause I sent the command "_Stand_" down the line harder than any previous attempt. I could feel the connection vibrate sharply as John resisted. Instead of sending the command like a pulse this time I made it continuous and steadily upped the force. Keeping a watchful eye on John the whole time I noticed his knees twitching and the pained frown on his face.

"Should I stop?" I asked in concern.

"No ... keep going," John said in a slightly strained voice.

Steeling myself, I continued to hammer the connection with that one thought – _Stand_ – increasing the force until finally John, clearly fighting with himself, slid off the chair and stood up. Dropping the force back to zero, I quickly broke the connection and deactivated the device. As soon as the connection was severed John collapsed back on his chair, putting a hand to his forehead and wincing.

"I wouldn't want to make you angry when you've got access to that thing," John joked, glancing at me with a pained grin to let me know he was all right.

"How's your head?" I knelt in front of his chair and made him look directly into my eyes. His eyes were a little blood shot and he was pale enough that I was pretty sure he had a hell of a headache. "We should visit Doctor Beckett," I said, pushing myself back to my feet.

"Not yet," John pulled me back down to his level. "We should clear the air here first, and then I'll get Carson to give me something for the headache."

"Well at least you're not trying to pretend you don't have one," I acknowledged, "which tells me it's a headache on a mammoth scale."

"You did it though," John pointed out. "My sore head is a small price to pay to find that out."

"It bothers me that I made you do something you didn't want to do," I admitted, looking down at the floor.

"It was an _experiment_ with my full cooperation," John chided me. "The whole point was for you to get me to do something I was supposed to resist."

"I know that," I said, "but it still bothers me. You're indestructible ... undefeated ... I really didn't think I'd succeed in beating you."

"No one is indestructible," John denied.

"I know that on an intellectual level," I admitted, "but when it comes to you I kind of liked having the emotional view that you can't be taken down. Now I know exactly how much force it would take to accomplish that."

"Not exactly," John said reluctantly. "Out in the field I would have resisted until the point that a Queen would have ended up scrambling my brain before I gave in. I didn't think you'd appreciate me applying that much resistance to this experiment."

"Strangely, that makes me feel better," I smiled at him.

"How about you?" John asked curiously. "How are you feeling after exerting all that force?"

"Massive headache," I admitted. "I feel like someone is trying to bore their way out of my brain from the inside."

"Let's get Doctor Beckett to check us both out," John suggested, rising carefully from his seat and pulling me up with him.

"I can't see any signs of damage," Carson reassured us a few minutes later, "although there is definitely evidence of increased brain activity in both of you. I can give you something for the pain and then I'd suggest you both take it easy for a few hours – give the medication time to take effect."

"Thanks Doc," John replied, once we'd both had a shot administered. "Can you let Elizabeth know Sabina and I will both be off radio for the rest of the day?"

"Aye lad," Carson smiled fondly at the two of us. "Enjoy yourselves."

"Where are we going?" I asked as John pulled me quickly towards the nearest transporter.

"The last time we did city exploration I found a nice spot," John replied. "I was saving it for just the right occasion ... now seems like as good a time as any. But first we need supplies."

John literally dragged me from place to place as he loaded us both up with blankets, changes of clothes, and enough food to feed us for days.

"That's enough," I finally protested laughingly. "I can't carry any more – show me this place or I'm dumping this stuff right here."

"Alright grumpy," John replied. He led me back to the transporter, stepping us out into a section of the city I'd never seen before. "It's just down this corridor a ways," he promised. After a brief walk he stopped at a door that looked no more remarkable than any of the others. "Here it is."

He swiped a hand over the door control and walked inside, gesturing for me to follow him.

"These are living quarters," I said with a puzzled frown.

"_This_ is the five star deluxe version of living quarters," John corrected, grinning smugly. "We've got a huge bed," he raised an eyebrow suggestively, "an even bigger bath tub through there, and that's not even the best part." Grabbing my hand he pulled me towards another door like an excited school boy. "Look!" he opened the door and gestured out to the balcony.

That's when I realised the room was only slightly above sea level – the balcony led straight to the ocean like a concrete beach. A cordoned off square on one side even suggested the possibility of swimming. The view was also spectacular – the room was on the hub of one of the arms of the city so that at night the lights of Atlantis would shine down.

"You're right," I said almost reverently, "this really is five star deluxe!"

"I knew you'd like it," John said happily. "What do you want to do first?"

"Try out the bed," I admitted, laughing when he stopped abruptly to look at me. "Sorry, I should have added for sleeping – I'm really tired and I think we'd both enjoy this room more if we had a nap first."

"Way to crush a guys hopes," John complained good naturedly. I went over to him and pulled one of his arms around my shoulders.

"There'll be plenty of time for that," I promised, dragging him back into the sleeping area.

I wasn't content until I had us striped down to the essentials and spooned together under the blankets. "Now _this_ is nice," I stretched my legs out in front of me and smiled happily.

"_Wait a minute_," John growled suspiciously, raising himself to loom above me. "_That's_ why you keep leaving in the middle of the night?"

"Huh?" I pretended ignorance.

"_You don't like my bed?_" John demanded in a heated voice.

"It's not that I don't _like_ it," I denied. "It's just really ... small for two people ... especially when one of them is a bed hog," I spoke defensively, lying flat on my back and looking up at his pained expression. "Most of the time when I get up to leave it's because you've almost pushed me out of the bed."

"Why didn't you _say_ something?" John's tone was long suffering.

"I don't know," I muttered. "Didn't want you to feel bad ... didn't see what you could do about it."

"You could have _asked_ me to get a bigger bed," John pointed out in frustration.

"I really hate asking for things," I admitted. "I always have to psyche myself up before hand and most of the time it just doesn't seem worth the effort."

"But you know how I feel about you," John protested. "Surely that'd make it easier to ask _me_ for something."

"Harder actually," I pointed out. "You've got the power to grant me a lot of leeway here – I don't want to abuse that."

"You've gotta learn to trust me, and yourself more," John pointed out. "You wouldn't ask for something you shouldn't ... but if you ever did I wouldn't give it to you."

"Point taken," I said. "Now can you shut up so I can enjoy this enormous bed?"

**Authors Note:**

It's probably a little silly but after seeing Trinity and noticing that they've got Sheppard sleeping in a _single_ bed (poor guy would have limbs hanging off the bed!!) I just had to work the concept of a too small bed somewhere into my story. I did have another reason which will become clear in time ... apologies if the silliness put anyone off!


	38. Well obviously not deliberately!

**Chapter 38: ****Well obviously not deliberately!**

In the days that followed I expanded my experiments to include control of multiple subjects at once and became proficient in both quickly accessing the telepathic pool and in focusing rapid thoughts down the connections to enact whatever control protocols I'd devised.

Once I'd proven that I could use the TED for multi targeted telepathic control that became the backup defensive plan if the approaching Hive ship wasn't fooled by our cloak. What I'd be required to do would actually be easier than all my trials because I didn't necessarily have to control a specific Wraith which meant I could just take the connections the TED offered. I was still a little uncomfortable with the idea, not because I didn't want to help, but because I'd never controlled an actual Wraith before. The idea of waiting until it was 'do or die' to find out if I could seemed reckless even to me. But in the absence of a small group of Wraith to practice on there was little other choice.

My preference had always been to take telepathic control a step further and use the TED to access the Wraith technology directly. The beauty of that plan was that I _did_ have a piece of Wraith technology I could practice on. We still had a week before the Hive ship arrived and I hadn't given up hope that I'd figure something out in time.

The TED relied on the information it contained about how Wraith brains worked in conjunction with measuring the quantum world to provide a means for telepathy to be used. I wondered, if I could input additional information about Wraith technology, whether the TED would be able to incorporate that into its measurements and therefore include the Wraith ships themselves as part of the telepathic pool. If it could, then conceivably I could dip into that pool for a Wraith ship just as easily as I had for a human test subject. To do that I needed Rodney's help and managed to get on the next Jumper headed up to the Orion.

"Have you got a minute?" I asked Rodney as soon as I'd located him. Typically he was stretched out on the floor under a console switching out control crystals.

"Do I _look_ like I've got a minute?" Rodney looked up at me with an impatient expression.

"Looks like you're ripe for a break," I didn't take offense. I didn't envy the pressure he was under to fix the ship with so little time.

"Let me guess ... you want me to fix something!" Rodney complained, getting tiredly to his feet.

"I'm not joking Rodney," I said, worried about how exhausted he looked. "You really should squeeze in a break because you look like crap."

"Thanks for your concern," Rodney said irritably, "but let's just stick to why you're here."

"I don't want _you_ to fix something," I denied slowly, "but I could use some ideas on how _I_ might ... fix something."

"What?" Rodney gestured for me to hand over the data pad I'd brought with me.

"This is the access port for the TED," I said. "I need to find a way to connect it directly to the Wraith Dart ... since you did something similar on Aiden's planet I thought ..." I trailed off when I noticed Rodney rolling his eyes.

"Yes yes," he agreed impatiently. He looked intently at the data pad before getting that familiar look of discovery in his eyes. "Okay, here's what you need to do."

Ten minutes later, with Rodney's instructions ringing in my head, I went in search of a quick lift back to Atlantis.

"How'd it go? Major Lorne asked curiously. He'd flown me up to the Orion and was currently helping Dr Zelenka with tests of the control chair.

"Got my instructions up here," I tapped my forehead ruefully. "Now I just need to get back to Atlantis asap so I can put them into practice."

"You want a lift back now?" Lorne looked across at Dr Zelenka, who'd started muttering under his breath in Czech at the offer.

"If you can spare the time?" I looked from the Major across to Dr Zelenka with a hopeful smile. Dr Zelenak reluctantly agreed, making Major Lorne promise to come straight back after dropping me off.

"What does Colonel Sheppard thing about this TED thing?" Lorne asked curiously.

"He helped me with the whole 'mind control' aspect," I admitted, looking through the front view screen as we approached the planet. "I did end up getting John to follow one of my commands ... to be honest it was a little ... disturbing."

"You poking around in his head?" Lorne looked across at me with a sly grin. "The Colonel really is as brave as they say!"

"I didn't 'poke around' thank you very much," I protested. "I don't want to see what's going on in anyones head!"

"I don't know," Lorne mused thoughtfully. "The chance to find out what your partner _really_ thinks of you ... that sounds hard to resist."

"I already know what John thinks of me," I glanced at Lorne quickly and just as quickly turned away when I realised he was studying me quite intently. "And he already knows what I think of him ... we don't need a machine to help us there."

"If you say so," Lorne agreed. "Although if you ask me you seem to be protesting just a little _too_ much."

"Just shut up and fly," I ordered grumpily, knowing he wouldn't take offense.

Lorne laughed but did finally drop the subject. He dropped me off in the Jumper Bay before heading straight back up to the Orion. I went in search of Dr Weir to request that she let me take one of the remaining Puddle Jumpers over to the mainland by myself.

"Rodney showed me how to connect the TED directly to the Dart," I informed Dr Weir. "With any luck I'll be able to get the TED to register the Dart as a possible telepathic connection which could prove very useful if that Hive ship sends down an attack."

"So you want to go to the mainland now and try it out?" Dr Weir confirmed.

"Yes," I replied. "The only problem is that Major Lorne's already gone back to help Dr Zelenka on the Orion and John's on the Daedalus going over strategies with Colonel Caldwell. In fact, most of the people with any competence in the ATA gene are up on the Orion or Daedalus – including all the Jumper pilots."

"What about Carson?" Dr Weir suggested.

"No offense to Dr Beckett," I looked at Dr Weir apologetically, "but I'm a much better Jumper pilot than he is, and I'm sure he's got better things to do than play taxi driver to someone perfectly capable of flying themselves." I kept to myself the information that I'd never flown a Puddle Jumper solo before ... my last few lessons with John had all involved me completing all aspects of the trip while he just observed so I was pretty confident I wouldn't have a problem.

"And you need to do this right now?" Dr Weir questioned.

"The time I have left to get TED working on the Wraith technology directly may not be enough as it is," I admitted. "I really can't afford to waste an afternoon or more waiting for John or Evan or one of the other pilots to be available." I waited anxiously while Dr Weir thought about my request.

"Okay," Dr Weir agreed. "You'll check in once you get there, and again on the hour."

"Thanks Dr Weir," I said happily, jumping up and hurrying from the room before she could change her mind.

My excitement at flying solo lasted most of the trip and I was pretty proud of myself when I landed the Jumper a short distance from my Wraith Dart without incident. I reported in to Atlantis that I'd arrived safely and then unloaded my gear from the Jumper.

I was hopeful that the TED would incorporate Wraith technology information once I'd plugged the Dart directly into it. It took me over an hour to implement Rodney's instructions and get an active connection between three pieces of very different technology. That done I jumped into the Dart, powered it up, and took it for a very short looping flight that wouldn't draw the attention of anyone at the Athosian settlement. Hopefully that would be enough information to see if this was going to work.

Dart parked safely back in the clearing I checked my laptop readings to make sure the connection had actually transferred some data to the TED. The only thing left to do was to try to control the Dart remotely through the TED. I was due to report in with the Control Room back on Atlantis and did that first before steeling myself for the next step.

As with all my human trials I focussed my mind on a single objective before activating the TED. The same telepathic pool was made available to me and I dipped into it, waiting to see what the device would present to me. As before there were many connections available within the pool. Looking carefully at each thread I found one that looked more ... mechanical that the others. Grabbing it I followed the thread back to the Dart. "Yes!" I exclaimed at my success.

Okay, so I was connected but could I make the Dart actually do anything? That was trickier because I was back to being presented with too many options. I sifted through them looking for something familiar and finally found the hover command. Punching a strong sharp command at the Dart I could hardly contain my excitement when it slowly rose from the ground and hovered in front of me. The good thing about the technological angle which I'd only just realised was that I didn't have to worry about how strong I was making my commands – it wasn't like I could cause the Dart pain.

Considering that a very positive start, I broke the connection, forgetting that I hadn't actually brought the Dart back to the ground. "_Oops_," I winced as the Dart thumped down hard before settling back into position. I could still see all those other threads leading away from the telepathic pool and my curiosity got the better of me. Selecting one at random I grabbed it and followed it back to the source.

Big mistake! It wasn't an Athosian, it was a Wraith. And I was completely unprepared. I scrambled back to the pool to break the connection but an attack followed me back and hit me just as I was disconnecting.

Ah crap that hurt! The telepathic punch hit me hard ... it was lucky I'd already broken the connection or who knows what would have happened. Waking back to myself I realised I had fallen to the ground beside the now deactivated TED. Trying to get up too quickly was my second mistake – the intense pain in my head was the last thing I knew.

"

"Sabina?" I slowly came back to myself, wondering why I'd fallen asleep on the floor.

"Sabina, report?" John's voice echoed from my earpiece.

"John?" I mumbled, forcing my eyes open. What I saw made me close them again with a groan. I was still on the mainland, lying on the now very cold ground in a darkness broken only slightly by the light from the moon high overhead. Damn! I'd obviously been unconscious for hours.

"Finally!" John said in relief. "Elizabeth got worried when she realised you hadn't checked in after returning from the mainland."

"Where are you?" I asked, still feeling somewhat dazed. Everything that had happened had come back to me and I'd decided staying on the ground was probably the best idea for the time being.

"Still on the Daedalus," John said. "I think the more important question is where are you?"

"Don't get mad, okay?" I begged, already wincing at what I knew his reaction would be.

"Why would I get mad?" John asked suspiciously. "Where the hell are you?"

"Still on the mainland," I admitted softly.

"Its pitch black down there," John said heatedly. "What could you possibly be-" John broke off as he realised the most likely reason I was still on the mainland. "Did something go wrong?"

"I wouldn't say wrong ... exactly ..." I broke off miserably. I waited for his reaction but all I got was silence. Okay that was bad ... when John got all silent it was usually because he was trying not to lose his temper. "John?" I radioed him again.

A millisecond later my eyes were blinded by the brilliant white light of the Asgard transporters beaming someone down to my location. When the bright lights vanished Colonel John Sheppard was left in their place and he did not look happy ... even less so when he shone his torch around and realised I was stretched out on the ground.

"Where are you hurt?" John assessed the situation in a glance, dropping down to my side to get a better look at me.

"It's not as bad as it seems," I tried to gloss over what had happened.

"Do you have any injuries?" John completely ignored my comment, checking me over to look for visible injuries.

"Unless you count a headache as an injury, no," I replied, attempting to sit up.

"Stay there," John gently pressed me back down on the ground.

"_But it's cold_," I complained a bit childishly. "Can't we just go to the Jumper and fly back to Atlantis?"

"Doctor Beckett," John tapped his earpiece, still ignoring me. "I'm having Sabina beamed directly to the infirmary. Stand by."

"John, I really don't think that's necessary," I tried to sit up again but John just put a hand on my shoulder to stop me. "HEY!" I yelled, wincing sharply at the resulting pain. I felt very close to tossing my cookies too and could only imagine how pale I'd gone – hopefully John wouldn't have noticed.

"Not necessary huh?" John commented ... okay so he _had_ noticed.

"Sheppard to Colonel Caldwell," John stood up and looked away as he spoke. "I need Hermiod to lock on to Sabina's signal on the mainland and beam her directly to the infirmary on Atlantis."

"Give us a minute," Caldwell replied.

"Acknowledged," John returned, kneeling back next to me. "I'm gonna fly the Jumper and all your gear back to Atlantis now ... make sure you tell Carson _everything_ that happened so he can work out if ..." John broke off and I realised for the first time that he actually was a little bothered to find me incapacitated like that.

"I'm pretty sure I haven't done any permanent damage," I reassured him, "apart from my ego which may never recover after the added humiliation of being _beamed_ to the infirmary."

"We're ready to transport Sabina," Colonel Caldwell's voice came back from the Daedalus.

John put a gentle hand against my forehead, before stepping back. "See you in an hour," he said before radioing back to Caldwell, "go ahead."

He faded from my view and was replaced by Doctor Beckett looking down at my infirmary bed.

"Hi Doctor Beckett," I smiled innocently.

"What have you done to yourself this time?" Carson asked in concern.

"I took a telepathic blow from a Wraith," I admitted reluctantly. "Got a bitchin' headache and the overwhelming urge to vomit but apart from that I'm great."

"Let me be the judge of that," Carson said, moving quickly into Doctor mode. "We'll do a scan and give you something for the nausea."

Letting myself be subjected to every medical check Doctor Beckett could come up with, eventually he pronounced that I hadn't done any permanent damage. I did however have some swelling not dissimilar to a concussion – hence the nausea. The bad news was that I had to stay in the infirmary overnight for observation.

I was sulking in my infirmary bed about that when John returned from parking the Jumper. He paused to speak with Doctor Beckett before making his way over to me.

"Carson said you were lucky," John sat down and took one of my hands. "Wanna tell me what happened?"

"I'm an idiot," I replied irritably. "That pretty much explains everything that happened."

"Details" John ordered.

"Okay," I grumbled. "But first you have to get me a couple of blankets – I'm really cold."

"It's not that cold in here," John looked at me in concern.

"Yes but you weren't stretched out on the icy ground for hours," I pointed out. I watched as John stole some blankets from one of the unoccupied beds – it gave me a sweet feeling when he brought them back and tucked me in instead of just giving them to me. Of course that feeling went out the window when he turned back to me with an all business look.

"Okay, talk," John ordered again.

"Everything went according to plan," I said. "I was actually finished but I just couldn't resist checking out one of the other telepathic connections I was getting. I thought it would be an Athosian since they were pretty close by."

"But it wasn't?" John encouraged me to keep speaking.

"No," I looked down at my lap as I admitted "it was one of the Wraith on the Hive ship that's on its way here."

"You made a telepathic connection with a _Wraith_?" John asked incredulously.

"Well obviously not _deliberately_," I said sarcastically. "Before I knew it I'd been punched ... telepathically ... my head felt like it was exploding and it was lucky I'd already closed off the connection and deactivated the TED before more hits could get through. It was only when I tried to get up that I passed out."

"Did the Wraith pick up where you were?" John asked the question I'd really been dreading.

"I don't think so," I said. "It's more likely he thought I was a Wraith on a rival Hive ... but in all honesty I can't tell you one hundred percent that I didn't give away our existence."

"There's been no change in the approaching Hive's course or speed," John revealed, "but that doesn't mean anything."

"I'm sorry," I mumbled sickly. "I just keep proving that I don't know what I'm doing, don't I?"

"There's no point in beating yourself up," John pointed out. "And if that Hive ship has been alerted, then we need your skills with the TED even more."

"I guess," I looked at him with a hopeful look. "Think you can convince Carson I don't need to stay overnight?"

"Not even gonna try," John drawled.

"They'll be waking me up every couple of hours," I complained, "and I won't get any real rest."

"Then maybe next time you'll be a little more cautious," John said seriously. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're just gonna _leave_ me here?" I asked in a pitiful voice.

"I'm sure Carson will look after you," John wasn't swayed at all.

"_Fine_," I grumbled, turning away with my arms folded across my chest and mumbling under my breath "and you say _my_ bedside manner sucks!"

John laughed, patting my shoulder bracingly before strolling out of the infirmary.

**Authors Note:**

I'm not sure if it's believable that Sabina could be on the mainland for more than a couple of hours without anyone realising she hadn't checked in ... I was thinking that with many personal off on the Orion and the Daedalus preparing for the Hive ship arrival maybe there'd be enough confusion on Atlantis for someone to slip through the cracks for just a little while.


	39. I come up with good ideas occasionally

**Chapter 39: ****I do come up with good ideas occasionally.**

The next morning, after the restless night I'd predicted I would have, Doctor Beckett released me from the infirmary. My first stop was a visit to Doctor Weir to update her on what had happened the previous day.

"John already filled me in," Doctor Weir told me when I asked to speak with her.

"I'm sorry I put the city at risk," I apologised.

"There's no indication that you did anything of the sort," Doctor Weir countered. "Does the fact that you controlled the Wraith Dart impact on our back up plans?"

"It's really hard to say," I admitted. "By plugging the Dart into the TED I managed to get it into the telepathic pool – but I didn't detect anything else mechanical which means the Hive is either too far away to be part of the optimal connections I'm getting presented with ... or the TED can't recognise it. Since I so convincingly proved the Wraith on that Hive _are_ part of the optimal range it stands to reason the ship itself is too."

"So you need to plug a Hive ship into the TED before you can detect _any_ Hive ships?" Doctor Weir summarised.

"I think so," I responded disappointingly. "Since I don't think Colonel Sheppard will be approving a stealth mission to a Hive ship any time soon I think we're stuck with the original back up plan."

"Still, that's something," Doctor Weir said positively. "Is there anything else you can do with the TED?"

"Not really," I admitted. "Anything I experiment with now runs the risk of alerting the Wraith on that Hive ship."

"Okay," Doctor Weir agreed. "Rodney could use some help on the Orion so why don't you concentrate on that for the next couple of days."

"Thanks Doctor Weir," I looked at her gratefully, happy she'd assigned me something rather than tell me I should be resting.

The next couple of days passed without incident and before we knew it, it was almost time to deploy our defences. Doctor Weir met with Colonel Caldwell, John and Rodney the day before to make sure everyone was clear on the plan of attack. John had decided that when the Wraith Hive ship arrived I should remain on Atlantis despite my protests. Doctor Weir had agreed I could attend the meeting to put forward my case for a different plan.

"The Wraith Dart and the telepathic expansion device should both be on the Daedalus," I proposed.

"Why?" Caldwell asked curiously. Glad that he seemed willing to listen I launched into my explanation, careful not to look at John.

"I'll have a better chance of using the TED to control those Wraith if the need arises," I said, "and if by some strange chance an opportunity to actually get on board the Hive presents itself, having the Dart right there will allow us to take advantage of it."

"Surely you're not suggesting you fly the Dart to the Hive ship?" Caldwell said incredulously.

"Not as the initial plan," I agreed. "But what if there was a chance to get the TED aboard? The tactical advantage we could gain in being able to locate Wraith Hive ships even beyond the long range sensors would make it worth the risk."

"I can't see a problem in you being on the Daedalus," Caldwell said thoughtfully. "Sheppard?"

"If being closer to the Hive means Sabina will have a better chance of using the TED to stop the Wraith from attacking then she should be on the Daedalus," John admitted easily. "As for taking the Dart up there too, I think we're just asking for trouble. If Sabina were captured we could end up handing over a tactical advantage to the Wraith instead of gaining one for ourselves."

"I could remote pilot someone else over to the Hive ship," I suggested. "It would be much more difficult but I think I could control it long enough to get the Dart close enough for the autopilot to engage and take the Dart the rest of the way in."

"Beaming the Dart back up to the Daedalus isn't a problem," Caldwell acknowledged.

"Let's do that then," Doctor Weir decided. "Sabina, have you decided on a method for using the TED?"

"I'm glad you asked," I said with an almost Rodney like smugness. John grinned at how much I was enjoying this – I'd run my ideas past him a couple of days ago and he'd helped me refine them into an actual strategy. "I'm going to try jamming them – telepathically!"

"I thought you were going to try to take control," Doctor Weir frowned.

"I've never controlled a Wraith and after my brief experience on the mainland it seemed even more of a reckless idea to assume I can work out something effective in the heat of the moment," I replied. "I was thinking about how I'd held off that Wraith Queen and the answer just came to me – telepathic noise. She was trying to get me to yield and I threw a huge amount of trivial details in front of her and it _did_ confuse her. The TED gives me a way to access all the Wraith within range at the same time – instead of trying to make actual connections which would limit the number of Wraith I could take out, I'm going to send telepathic noise down all the connections at the same time. The TED can even generate the noise itself – I won't have to bombard the connections with trivial information. Hopefully that will limit their ability to operate their ship almost as well as if I'd actually been able to control the ship itself."

"Jamming of any kind _is_ an accepted military counter measure," Colonel Caldwell actually looked impressed at the strategy I'd come up with.

"That's actually ... that's pretty smart," Rodney complimented me.

"I do come up with good ideas occasionally," I pointed out.

"Have you tested it?" Doctor Weir asked.

"Sabina used the same volunteers from the original tests," John replied. "She jammed the whole group of them at the same time – when I tested them it was very clear they were incapable of doing even minor tasks."

"That's great news," Doctor Weir congratulated me.

"Look, it's still a bit of a long shot," I felt it necessary to point out. 'Sure, I can jam a group of humans with little telepathic ability. It'll be a different story for the Wraith who have access to a neural network and there's really no way to test that."

"Point taken," Doctor Weir acknowledged.

The rest of the discussion centred on who would be where at the time of the Hive ships arrival. John was going to be on the Orion with Rodney, ready to hopefully deploy the drones should they be needed. Colonel Caldwell would have the final decision as to whether we deployed the TED ... it would be a balance between ensuring defeat of the Hive and not giving away all our cards if it wasn't required.

"That went well," I commented to John as we walked together from the meeting.

"Do you really need to be on the Daedalus?" John asked me.

"I really think so," I said earnestly. "There's a large part of personal perception in using the TED ... if I can see that Hive ship and I know its close I think that _will_ help me get a better result."

"Well, remember that you'll be under Colonel Caldwell's command on the Daedalus," John pointed out. "He expects his commands to be followed without question so do what he says."

"I will," I promised. "Are you angry about the Dart being beamed up there too?"

"You knew what my opinion was before you asked Caldwell," John pointed out somewhat irritably. "You asked anyway so clearly whether I'm annoyed about it is immaterial."

"It's not," I denied. "I'd prefer it if you understood why I thought it was necessary."

"I understand what you wanted Colonel Caldwell to think," John pinned me with a sharp glance, "but you're not fooling me. Somewhere at the back of your mind it the vague plan to fly that Dart yourself. You wouldn't let anyone else take the risk."

"If it was the only way to get the information I need, I would," I looked him in the eye openly, trying to show him that I was completely serious.

"Okay, I'll give you that," John relented. "Let's hope the Hive ship just passes us by so we don't have to put that to the test."

"What say we put all this out of our minds for the next few hours?" I looked at him hopefully.

"What did you have in mind?" John raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"That'll do for starters," I laughed, grabbing his hand and dragging him off in the direction of his quarters.

**Authors Note:**

Thanks for reading everyone - Next up is Allies ... creepy Wraith Queen walking freely around Atlantis ... shivers dramatically ... I'll edit and post that one tomorrow.


	40. I just know you can’t trust that Queen

**Chapter 40: ****I just know you can't trust that Queen**

When you know something is going to happen in the near future the passage of time is an elastic concept. Initially time seems to drag so slowly that you just wish you could get to it already. At some point that changes – time speeds up beyond the comfort zone and suddenly there isn't nearly enough time to get everything done. Before you're ready the event is upon you. Such was the case for the arrival of the Hive ship.

I'd taken up position on the Bridge of the Daedalus as we waited to hear from Atlantis that the ship had entered orbit.

"Colonel Caldwell," Doctor Weir radioed in. "Are you in position?"

"Affirmative," Caldwell relied. "We're out of scanning range and ready to jump into position on your go-ahead."

"Excellent," Doctor Weir's tone was professional and didn't hint at the tension she must have been feeling.

"Just for the record," Colonel Caldwell pointed out, "I still think that we should be in orbit around Atlantis, ready to open up on that Hive ship the second it comes out of hyperspace."

"It's one Hive, Colonel, which suggests they might just be checking up on us," Doctor Weir reminded him. "There's no need to confirm our presence if we don't have to. Just stand by."

"Standing by," Caldwell confirmed.

Waiting really sucked ... I'd always hated it and life seemed to be full of too much of it. Doctor Weir checked in with the Orion too. John sounded optimistic and Rodney stressed, pretty much as usual for the two of them. There wasn't much time but I still crossed my fingers that Rodney would still get enough systems operational to make the Orion battle worthy. I'd said my good lucks and be carefuls to John before we'd all gone our separate ways but I still wished I could say something ... even just to fill the tense gap that grew as the seconds went by with no word from Dr Weir.

"Atlantis, report?" Caldwell made contact a few minutes later to find out what the holdup was. The radios enabled us to have a three way conversation between the Daedalus, the Orion and the Control Room in Atlantis.

"It's going into geosynchronous orbit," one of the Control Room technicians reported. "Hasn't armed any of its weapons."

There was a short pause before John's voice came over the radio "You could be a little more chatty, Elizabeth."

"I'm sorry," Doctor Weir said simply. "We're just waiting for them to make the next move."

"Transmitting a signal, audio only," the same technician reported.

"Put it on speaker," Doctor Weir ordered.

"We know you are there," a male Wraith voice echoed through the Daedalus Bridge. "We mean you no harm. Please respond."

"John, are you hearing this?" Doctor Weir questioned with a worried frown.

"We mean you no harm," the Wraith voice repeated. "There is no point in hiding, Doctor Weir. We know you are there. We mean you no harm. Please respond."

"Is that who I think it is?" John asked grimly.

"He's addressing me by name," Doctor Weir pointed out. "I think we can assume its Michael."

The Wraith we'd turned it a human, even if only briefly? The implications of his returning to Atlantis sent shivers down my spine. I knew conducting that experiment had been a bad idea!

"You don't actually intend to _respond_?" Colonel Caldwell asked incredulously.

"Why not?" Doctor Weir asked.

"Where do you want me to start?" Caldwell said mockingly, pacing frustratedly in front of the view screen.

"I think we can safely say our cover is blown," Doctor Weir responded.

"I wouldn't jump to that conclusion," Caldwell cautioned.

"The message is from Michael, Colonel," Doctor Weir said in a tone that said 'what else could it mean?'.

"They know we're here," Ronan rumbled.

"But they don't know exactly where we are," Caldwell pointed out.

"He's right," John spoke up for the first time. "Answer them and we guarantee the first shot won't miss."

"Teyla?" Doctor Weir asked.

"Any attempt on my part to connect with Michael will confirm our location as surely as if you answer by radio," Teyla replied.

"Sabina?" Doctor Weir asked for my opinion.

"Unfortunately I have to agree with Teyla," I replied thoughtfully. "If I attempt to use the TED it will only create suspicion that we're down here somewhere."

"I recommend you open a secure channel to the Hive via the Daedalus," Rodney suggested. "That way they won't be able to pinpoint Atlantis' position."

"And we can always turn the shield on," Doctor Weir reminded us that Atlantis did have that protection available.

"I believe we have enough combined firepower to take out a single Hive if we need to," John offered.

"Have you ever heard of a Wraith behaving this way?" Doctor Weir asked, presumably talking to Teyla and Ronan.

"No," Ronan said shortly.

"Nor have I," Teyla agreed.

"Right," Doctor Weir said briskly. "Let's hear what they have to say."

Once the secured channel had been initiated Doctor Weir contacted Michael. The conversation that followed was an eye opener. There were not enough humans for all the waking Wrath to feed upon and civil war had broken out amongst the Wraith cells. Michael's Hive wanted our help to turn their enemy Wraith into humans using Doctor Beckett's retrovirus. Those human Wraith would then meet their end in the predictable fashion. In return the Wraith had given us their jamming program – if Rodney could crack it then the Daedalus would again be able to beam nukes directly to Hive ships.

Doctor Weir called a meeting in the conference room to discuss our options, necessitating our return to Atlantis. I met up with John briefly before he had to head off for the meeting.

"You don't want to tag along?" John asked in surprise when I told him I wouldn't be attending.

"I thought the experiment on Michael was a bad idea from the start," I reminded him. "Doctor Weir didn't ask for my opinion then and I don't think there's any point in my giving it now."

"Wasn't it your idea to use a virus of some sort to take out the Wraith?" John looked at me in confusion.

"_Yes_ – but I wanted Doctor Beckett to create a biotic virus to attack the Hive ships directly," I retorted, "not something that creates ... _food_ for other Wraith!"

"We were happy when we realised there was in fighting amongst the Wraith," John reminded me. "How is this any different? It's still Wraith killing Wraith."

"Maybe it'll make it easier to do this if we think that," I disagreed, "but the evidence from Michael suggests that initially he _was_ human. His decline could have been as much to do with our treatment of him as it was because of characteristics that might make him inherently Wraith. And I don't think creating a weapon was Doctor Beckett's motivation when he began research on the retrovirus – he's gonna struggle with the morality of this."

"Look," John said impatiently, "I'm not happy with the situation either, but the fact remains that we did ... create Michael and I don't see how we have any choice but to take up this alliance."

"And everyone else will see that too," I said lightly. "Hence I don't need to go to that meeting."

"We'll be cautious," John promised.

"I know you will," I replied seriously. "You're not thinking that we can trust these Wraith?"

"Hell no!" John retorted. "But if we don't take them up on their offer they'll alert every Hive ship in the galaxy to our presence."

"I know," I said, resigned. "Go ... do what you have to do."

A short time later three Wraith were escorted through Atlantis to meet in Doctor Weir's office. I waited with Rodney and Doctor Zelenka ... as they walked past us I caught enough of a glance to realise that one of them was the Hive Queen.

"This is just wrong," Rodney muttered sickly.

"You were excited about the jamming programme," Zelenka pointed out.

"_Intellectually_," Rodney retorted. "Being this close to the Wraith makes my skin crawl."

"Mine too," I admitted. "The Ancients would be turning in their graves, those that didn't ascend, at the sight of their city being violated like this."

"I wonder what they are saying up there," Zelenka said, glancing up at the Control Room that was just visible from our position.

"We'll find out soon enough," Rodney replied. "Let's get back to this jamming programme."

Doctor Weir and the Hive Queen came to an agreement and what followed was the most uncomfortable period I could recall spending on Atlantis. Doctor Beckett and Doctor Zelenka worked with one of the Wraith to find a way to disseminate the retrovirus aerosol gas to a Hive ship. Rodney went to the Daedalus and worked with Hermiod to crack the jamming program so that we could successfully beam something onto the Hive ship. Michael and the Queen seemed to just hover around menacingly.

I did my best to avoid them all completely, sticking mostly to my lab while they were on Atlantis. John thought I was being silly to feel so apprehensive of the Wraith but I had a sick suspicion I didn't want to confirm. Unfortunately I couldn't avoid the Hive Queen forever – I was still pursuing research on my telepathic jamming idea and I needed to ask Doctor Zelenka something. Expecting to find just the Wraith scientist with Radek, I was dismayed to find the Queen was also in attendance.

She turned when I entered the lab, doing that Wraith hiss and head twitch thing they all did.

"Sorry," I mumbled, quickly backing out of the lab again. With a panicky feeling I rushed off down the corridor. I couldn't resist glancing back to the lab – the Queen was standing in the door way watching my retreat.

"Crap, crap, crap," I muttered under my breath, thoughts buzzing in my head as I tried to recall where John was supposed to be that morning. I was almost running by the time I got to Doctor Weir's office, relieved to see John still meeting with Elizabeth.

"It's her," I rushed right in, voice shaking as I started to pace in the small space.

"It's who?" John got to his feet and grabbed my hands to halt my nervous movements. He frowned when he felt my hands trembling and focussed intently on my face as he continued. "What's wrong?"

"_The Hive Queen_! It's the same one I ah ... you know ... when I was captured," I wobbled my way through that explanation.

"Are you sure?" John urged me to sit down, sitting beside me and glancing at Doctor Weir to check her reaction.

"Oh yeah," I replied grimly. "Same tattoos, same superior expression ... same disco outfit."

"Why is this a problem?" Doctor Weir asked me.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I just know you can't trust that Queen – I've seen inside her head and she's vicious even by Wraith standards. Plus she's cunning and intelligent – you don't want to underestimate her."

"Did she recognise you?" John asked the question I'd been trying not to think about.

"She made out like she didn't," I replied, "but I sensed ... something from her ... satisfaction maybe? She knows who I am all right."

"I think it best at this stage if you keep clear of all the Wraith," Doctor Weir instructed. "Do you think there's a risk the Queen might be able to sense things from you too?"

"I have no idea," I said irritably. "Much as I hate to hide from the Wraith, I'm thinking it might not be a bad idea for me to go up to the Daedalus until the Wraith leave. I would hate to give away anything about the TED just by being here and I really have no idea how much a Wraith Queen could pick up in close proximity like this."

"I'm sure Rodney could use your help to work through the jamming program," Doctor Weir said briskly. "Colonel Sheppard, why don't you help Sabina pack up what she'll need?"

"Thanks Doctor Weir," I said, grateful for her giving me a reason to go to the Daedalus without making it seem like a retreat, as well as for giving John and I the chance to talk alone before I left.

"You okay?" John asked once we'd put a bit of distance between us and Doctor Weirs office.

"Maybe Doctor Heightmeyer was right," I said reluctantly, "maybe I do have some lingering effects from what happened on that Hive ship."

"Anyone would be freaked out to come face to face with an enemy like you did," John discounted. "That doesn't make you weak."

"No, it just makes me _feel_ weak," I pointed out, "which is almost as bad!"

We'd arrived at my quarters and I quickly gathered together enough clothes to see me through a few days.

"So I guess I'll see you when the Wraith leave," I looked at John hesitantly.

"I'm sure I can find something on the Daedalus that'll require my personal attention before then," John drawled.

"That'd be nice," I went over and hugged him. "Be careful."


	41. We have to work out what to do with that

**Chapter 41: ****Now we just have to work out what to do with that**

John made it up to the Daedalus once during the two days I stayed up there. Strangely enough we then did a position swap, with John on the Daedalus for a mission to test the retrovirus gas on a real Hive and me back in the labs on Atlantis. I was on edge the whole time John was gone, expecting some kind of subterfuge from the Hive Queen. Colonel Caldwell reported in on the way back to Atlantis that the Wraith delegation had been searched and killed when the retrovirus canisters had been found. Our Hive had sustained damage in the failed attempt and their transport ship had been destroyed.

"This alliance is becoming more like blackmail every day," John complained to me later. "Now it's not enough that we've handed them a weapon to defeat their enemy Hives, they want us to work out how to deliver it effectively too."

"The Hive Queen is deceiving us about something," I told him. "I've been thinking about what I sensed the day I bumped into her and I'm convinced she's hiding something – I just don't know what."

"The good news is that Rodney was given the mother lode on Wraith Hive ships – everything you ever wanted to know about schematics, power distribution, life support configurations, the whole lot," John grinned when I jumped up excitedly. "Maybe _you_ can find some use for the information too."

"Who's got the data?" I hastily gathered up my laptop and the TED and turned to see John grinning at me. "Why is it you're always amused by something I'm doing?" I asked irritably.

"If I knew that it probably wouldn't be so amusing," John teased me. "Radek's working on the data – he's expecting you."

"Cool," I jumped up and ran out the door, stopped and then poked my head back into the room when I realised I hadn't even said goodbye. "Thanks John – I'll see you later."

Doctor Zelenka had designated one of his workstations for my use and I quickly connected the TED, crossing my fingers that some kind of transfer would take place even though the TED wasn't connected to an actual Wraith Hive ship. Lights flashed on the TED and images started scrolling rapidly on the workstation screen.

"It's doing something," I commented to Zelenka. "Hopefully something good. This is gonna take a while – is there anything you want me to work on while I'm waiting?"

"You can assist team A with locating a place to put the gas canister," he suggested.

"Sounds good," I moved to another workstation and started looking at the Hive ship schematics. The organic nature of the Hive ships was a definite weakness, just as the Ancients had supposed. If we had actual samples and scans of the organic components then maybe some time in the future Doctor Beckett could design a biotic virus like I'd suggested months ago.

A couple of hours later the team I was assisting hadn't had any luck finding a spot that would ensure delivery over the entire ship in one go. The TED had finally stopped flashing and I returned to see what I'd got. I put my hand on TED to check out the status of the telepathic pool – if my transfer had been successful I should be able to detect a second mechanical thread.

"Is that safe?" Doctor Zelenka looked across at me, clearly concerned I was activating the device without seeming to even prepare myself.

"Its fine," I reassured him. "I'm not trying to make any connections – I'm just gonna look at the threads TED has available. I should be able to tell if it's picking up the Hive ship now." I put my hand confidently on the device, had a quick look, and then deactivated it.

"And is it?" I turned quickly when John spoke from the doorway.

"It is!" I smiled triumphantly. "Now we just have to work out what to do with that."

"How're the Wraith data files coming?" John turned back to get an update from Doctor Zelenka.

"Ah. Oh, it's-it's phenomenal," Radek stammered excitedly. "It's-it's like being handed a Wraith encyclopaedia. It's hard to know where to start."

"When I was a kid and I got my first encyclopaedia, I started with the letter "S"," John confided with a faint smirk.

"I bet you did," I chided him.

"Yes, well, while I'm sure that Wraith sexuality is interesting," Radek said good naturedly, "we've decided to split into two teams. "Team A over here is trying to find the best place or places to plant the gas canister," Radek gestured to his left, "Team B over there is trying to come up with some fixes for the damage that the Wraith Hive sustained during its last battle."

"And you?" John asked curiously.

"Um, mostly I'm just skimming the index," Radek admitted.

"Anything exciting?" John quizzed.

"Oh, yes," Radek replied with a pleased grin.

"Such as?" John looked hopeful.

"Well, the ships are massive," Radek shoved his chair across the floor to another computer, "but because of their mainly organic design, they have a number of external weaknesses."

"I've got a weakness for external weaknesses," John's tone was light hearted but I could tell he'd registered the implications.

"Any word from Rodney yet?," Radek looked at John with a hopeful expression.

"I'm sure he's fine," John replied, trying to reassure himself as much as Radek and me. "I'll leave you to get back to your searching ... let me know if you find out anything else useful."

"Of course Colonel Sheppard," Radek sat himself back at his computer and squinted at the screen.

"Are you done?" John turned back to me.

"I could stay and help one of Zelenka's teams," I suggested. "As far as my work on TED goes, there's nothing else I can do unless I'm actually gonna use the device for real."

"I'm heading up to Doctor Weir's now so I'll fill her in on your status," John offered. "Rodney and I are gonna talk strategy once he gets back. I'll fill you in on the plan ... once we have a plan."


	42. That double crossing bitch!

**Chapter 42: ****That double crossing bitch!**

"I want to be on the Daedalus when you head out," I told John. It was early evening and we were sitting at our usual table in the commissary. John had just finished explaining the plan he and Rodney had come up with to test the retrovirus gas on another Hive.

"Why did I know you were gonna say that?" John looked away and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Because deep down you can see the advantage having me there could give us," I replied reasonably.

"We need you here on Atlantis, just in case things go pear shaped," John said heatedly.

"No," I retorted. "You _want_ me here on Atlantis so you can go off with one less thing to worry about!"

"That's not," John paused with a grimace, "entirely true ... it _would_ give me less to worry about but it also makes strategic sense. You're the backup plan – you can't be that if you get wiped out with the rest of us if this thing goes really, really, wrong."

"Your mission will have a greater chance of success if I'm there," I said boldly. "If communication is cut off for example I can make a connection and find out what's going on. If the other Hive ship tries to attack I can jam the Wraith inside so they can't even aim properly."

"You said the other day that you weren't even sure you could do any of those things because they haven't been tested," John protested my claims. "Now you're telling me you can do them, no sweat?"

"I don't think Colonel Caldwell will have a problem with me being on _his_ ship," my tone suggested that John's main concern really was just the personal angle.

"So you're gonna go over my head _again_," John looked angry now.

"Not unless you get really stubborn about this," I admitted honestly. "Please don't make me do that because I really hate it."

"I'm just waiting for the one time when we're in this kind of situation and you actually do what I want," John grumbled.

"And I'm waiting for the one time you have faith enough in me to see things exactly the same way I do," I replied in disappointment.

"I _do_ have faith in you," John insisted. "I've seen - hell I've felt – the strength of your mind."

"Then trust me to know the best place to put myself," I almost begged. "Besides, this is supposed to be a routine mission – I'll probably spend the entire time being bored on the Daedalus."

"Why do I get the feeling I'm gonna regret this?" John muttered under his breath.

"I can go?" I asked hopefully.

"You can go," John agreed, still reluctant. "But you follow mine and Colonel Caldwell's orders to the letter!"

The next morning I loaded up my gear and had myself beamed aboard the Daedalus in time to do some work setting up the Wraith Dart, just in case. I'd decided that if things really did go wrong I should have the TED set up somewhere with separate systems and an independent means of surviving in space. That would give me maximum flexibility should I need to call on its functionality. The trip to the planned rendezvous was interminable and I'd exhausted every minor idea for tinkering with the Dart while we were still in hyperspace.

I noticed immediately when the hyperspace engine disengaged and we returned to normal space. Almost immediately the ship shook with what could only be direct hits to the hull.

"_John_," I yelled into the radio. "What's going on out there?"

"The Hive ships are firing on our position," John revealed grimly. "The enemy Hive as well as our friendly."

"_What?!"_ I growled. "I _knew_ that waxy faced Wraith bitch couldn't be trusted!"

"We're making evasive manoeuvres while we give McKay and Ronan a chance to beam back over here," John said. "Stay where you are until you hear back from me."

"Acknowledged," I confirmed.

Once I'd signed off I cleared my gear away from the Dart and then rigged myself into the cock pit. Checking to make sure the TED and my laptop were properly secured, I steeled myself to wait to hear back from John. If he came back telling me Rodney and Ronan were still on that Hive I wasn't waiting for orders – there was no way that Queen was taking my friends anywhere.

"Sabina," John radioed me only a minute or so later. "Hermiod can't beam through their jamming program ... looks like that was bogus too. Can you do anything with TED to help?"

"How much time do I have?" I asked grimly.

"Maybe another couple of minutes, tops," John admitted.

"I don't know," I said hesitantly. "I'll try ... stand by."

I activated TED and perceived all the possible optimal connections in the telepathic pool. Locking in the command to bombard them with mental noise, I radioed back to John. "Get Hermiod to try it now," I said, grimly holding the TED to the target.

"No luck," John replied a few seconds later.

"Hang on," I demanded, closing my eyes to look more closely at the connections TED had perceived. My stomach dropped sickly as I realised there was only one type of mechanical connection available – the Darts. Looking more closely at the reams of information TED had hovering in the background I discovered why.

"That double crossing bitch!" I complained bitterly.

"What?" John demanded impatiently.

"Those files they gave us have self destructed," I revealed angrily. "I can't do anything about the Hive ship itself because TED can't find it anymore."

"This just keeps getting better and better," John drawled, angry too. "What about the Wraith _in_ those Hive ships?"

"Already jamming them," I replied. "It's causing some confusion over there but they've obviously got the ship set on a firing sequence since they're still attacking us. Either that or TED isn't working quite how I'd planned. I'm sorry," I said in disappointment.

"Not your fault," John countered, "and any confusion you can cause is a bonus. I'm taking the F302's out to target their hyperdrives ... stay in contact just in case I need you to try something else."

"Be careful," I whispered, taking a deep calming breath when John cut off the connection.

With the aid of TED I was able to perceive the battle taking place outside the ship. I knew which F302 was Johns – I tried to help him and his squadron by targeting the Darts closest to their positions for extra jamming. I knew the instant John disappeared from the sensors, although I could still pick up his telepathic signal.

Once I worked out why that was I powered up the Dart and flew it out of the hangar and into space. I'd timed my exit perfectly ... John's small squadron of F302s had destroyed most of the Wraith Darts and the remaining few had retreated back to the Hive ship. As soon as I got close to our supposedly friendly Hive ship the automatic pilot took control just as I'd hoped. I sat back and let it take me into the Hive ship along with the other Darts. John was somewhere on that ship and I had the horrible suspicion that without me he wouldn't survive this time.

**Authors Note:**

Thanks for all the reviews guys ... here ends Season 2! Just kidding ... my story is continuing into Season 3 - I'm sure you all know by now that I'm not big on cliffhangers! So next up is No Mans Land ... another edited chapter tomorrow.


	43. This human demanded to speak with you

**Chapter 43: ****This human demanded to speak with you**

It seemed to be my week for idiotic behaviour. I had thought I'd have a chance to exit the Wraith Dart once in the Dart Bay before I was discovered. What I didn't consider was the other Darts also returning to the bay on autopilot. The Hive parked all the Darts in the same part of the Bay so when my canopy opened there were four or five Wraith nearby. Before I could think to activate the TED they drew their stunners and motioned for me to climb down from the Dart.

"Take me to your Queen," I demanded imperiously, hoping they'd think I was part of the betrayal against Atlantis. The Wraith glanced uneasily at each other before motioning me to follow them. My time spent helping Doctor Zelenka proved useful in a way I hadn't expected. I'd spent hours studying the Hive ship schematics, enough to know they actually _were_ taking me in the direction of the Queens chambers. I was cut off from John and I had no idea where on the ship Rodney and Ronan might be ... my mind was racing furiously as I considered and discarded a number of actions I could take to get us all out of this.

"Why do you interrupt me?" the Queen hissed furiously at my Wraith escorts when we arrived at her chambers.

"This human demanded to speak with you," one of them was brave enough to reply.

"You imbecile," the Queen stepped down and backhanded him furiously, sending him careening into the nearest wall. She turned back to the other Wraith, glancing at me for the first time.

"You," she growled menacingly.

"Me," I smiled condescendingly but quaked nervously inside. "I wondered if you recognised me back on Atlantis ... I guess the answer was yes."

"I am Wraith," she hissed and arched her head mockingly. "We do not notice our food ... one human is much the same as another."

"Now that hurts," I deliberated turned my back on her and made a show of looking around the chamber. "Got rid of the disco lights I see ... kind of looks a bit boring now don't you think?"

"Leave us," the Queen commanded the other Wraith, "and take _that_ with you." She gestured towards the Wraith she'd rendered severely unconscious.

"You intrigue me," the Queen mused, stalking towards me. She was almost as tall as Ronan and I couldn't help but feel intimidated as she loomed over me.

"I wish I could say the same about you," I looked her in the eye with a glare, "but we both know I'd be lying."

"There is much that I could offer someone like you," she said in invitation.

"Someone like me?" I queried. "I thought you said one human was just as good as another?"

"I saw you on Atlantis," the Queen admitted, "I know that you possess the gene of the Ancients."

"So you did notice me," I shook my head at her. "You know lying is really not very nice."

"You may think yourself superior," the Queen turned to glare at me, "but you gave away much at our last meeting. I know that you possess Wraith genetic material also ... a rare combination indeed."

"I flew a Dart into your ship," I scoffed in disbelief. "Any idiot could have worked that out!"

"Don't you want to save the lives of your friends?" the Queen went down the blackmail path again.

"We've already had this conversation," I pointed out, as I continued to stroll around her chamber like I owned the place.

"But this time I really do have Doctor McKay and his ... bodyguard," she hissed again, pushing her chin out and looking down her nose at me. "They are waiting in our food storage chambers this very moment."

"If I know Ronan," I taunted her, "he's already escaped with McKay. He'd be insulted if I gave you anything in exchange for his life."

The Queen growled in frustration, stalking back to her throne and throwing herself down on it. She arranged her posture regally, clearly struggling to control her temper.

"Why are you here?" the Queen demanded suddenly.

"You betrayed Atlantis," I said heatedly, "and that pissed me off. I knew we should never have trusted you ... you're evil and a civil war isn't gonna change that."

"It is unfortunate Doctor Weir did not consider your opinion before agreeing to the alliance," the Queen smiled mockingly. "If she had listened to you we would not be heading for Earth and our new feeding group."

"You're going to Earth?" I asked sickly, thoughts whirling as I tried to decide if she was bluffing. "The data you send ... you used it to mine our database for information."

"That is correct," the Queen hissed in pleasure, rising again and striding arrogantly towards me. "With the information we stole we were able to modify our engines. Within days we will arrive at your planet and then ... we will feed."

"_I don't think so_," I yelled, slamming a mental blow at her before she could raise her defences.

The strength of my mental attack along with the element of surprise caught her off guard. I succeeded in bringing her to her knees briefly, before she rallied and slowly struggled to her feet. Even though I didn't have TED to expand my abilities I still had my Wraith gene. And I had the burning anger I felt towards her – for her initial treatment of me months ago, her deliberate betrayal of the alliance with Atlantis, and most especially for her plan to spread the plague of her race on Earth.

Just hitting her mentally wasn't enough – I badly wanted to beat the crap out of her too and in her weakened and distracted condition I thought I'd even have a chance against her far superior strength. Taking advantage of the small window presented to me while the Queen regained her composure from my first mental blow, I slammed a second one her way, accompanying it with a spinning roundhouse hit of my right arm across her chest. She staggered backwards as I spun again, slamming my left elbow into her spine, all the while bombarding her mind with telepathic daggers.

It wasn't going to be that easy of course. Roused by the sounds of battle from the Queen's chamber, the guard stationed in the corridor nearby came to investigate. Sensing his presence through the mind of the Queen I let go my attack on her briefly to turn and deal with the guard. His mind was weak in comparison to the Queen and it took only seconds for me to render him unconscious without having to lay a finger on him. Whirling back to face the Queen I discovered those few seconds were enough for her to recover some of her equilibrium.

My head rocked back as her fist connected with my jaw. It was my turn to stagger back as she followed her first hit with a kick to the gut. Gasping for breath I looked up to see her raising her hands to either side of my head. I felt the force of her mind against my own ... bracing myself I pushed back. The physical combat ceased as we each slowly straightened until we were facing each other in the centre of the room only a few steps apart. She pushed and I pushed back so that neither of us made any ground in bringing the other down.

"Listen, Wraith bitch," I growled. "You are not gonna bring me down. I held you off last time we met and I've been practising since then."

"We shall see," she hissed, narrowing her eyes as she renewed her attempt to squash my mind.

"Is that the best you can do?" I taunted her, hoping to distract her enough that I could get another sharp mental dagger through her defences.

The Queen did a hissing kind of roar and increased her attack on my mind. I was convinced at that point that she was giving me everything she had ... but somehow I was holding her off. I'd been taunting her when I said I'd been practising but clearly I actually had improved in mental strength. My experiments and research with the TED must have had the added bonus of enhancing my use of the Wraith genes in general.

I let her push against my mind for a few moments, hoping to wear her out. There came a point at which I felt if I held her off any longer my final strike wouldn't be as strong as I could possibly make it. Again I felt the need to make the defeating blow both physical and mental. I did a spinning kick into her midsection at the same time as I sent the sharpest, fastest telepathic dagger I could construct at her mind.

The kick knocked her on her arse and the mental blow made her eyes roll back in her head. As if in slow motion the Queen fell sideways and lay motionless on the floor. Not waiting to see if I'd actually killed her I ran from the chamber and made my way into the depths of the ship. My plan was to get back to the Dart Bay but first I had to find Rodney and Ronan because there was no way I was leaving without them.

Sometime during my fight with the Queen the Hive ship had dropped out of hyperspace - I knew it was a weakness in their technology because they had to stop and give the organic components time to recover. As I ran down the first corridor the ship shook with the force of an explosion on the hull. Someone was firing on us ... John! Wishing I had some way to contact him, I sent up a silent pray that he'd managed to disable the hyperspace engines to give us more time to stop the threat to Earth for good.

Wraith were running around the corridors in far greater numbers than the last time I'd toured a Hive ship. I was forced to duck into corners and behind pillars repeatedly, making for a much longer journey to the food storage chambers than I would have liked. I was heartened after visiting three different chamber locations to find two individual units that had clearly held captives now escaped. Of course Ronan would have had his knife – that's where John had gotten the idea before giving me my knives!

Now what did I do? John was outside the ship in an F302. Rodney and Ronan were running around somewhere inside the ship. And none of us had any way to contact each other. Could there possibly be anything more frustrating about this situation? Leaving the food storage section I headed back towards the Dart Bay. I wasn't going to fly out of the Hive without doing something for the others but maybe with TED I would be able to communicate with everyone.

I hadn't even made it half way to the Darts when the ship started shaking again with external weapons fire. This time I didn't think it possible that John was inflicting the damage – I could sense the ship listing slightly at what must have been severe systems failures. Doctor Weir must have sent the Daedalus, and maybe even the Orion to stop the Hive ships before they were out of range of Atlantis. The ship shook and I had trouble steadying myself as I tried to increase my pace.

Wishing Wraith ships had windows so I could at least look outside to see what was happening, I briefly considered tapping into the system to get an update. The risk that I'd alert the Wraith to my location and maybe in the process mess up whatever plan John and the others were enacting was too great so in the end I decided against it.

My luck at avoiding the Wraith soldiers running all over the ship had to run out sometime. I rounded a corner only a few metres away from the Dart Bay entrance and slammed into a two man Wraith guard detail. They'd obviously been warned about my mental prowess because they stunned me before I had a chance to do anything.

"

Waking up hours later in the Wraith cell was just a little too recognisable to be comfortable. I opened my eyes to that familiar ceiling and groaned at the stunner headache I'd acquired. A guard appeared at my door almost immediately, glancing at the door control to retract the door.

"The Queen wants to see you," he hissed, urging me to follow him from the cell.

"Are you sure?" I asked nonchalantly, "because the last time I saw her she was lying unconscious and bleeding on the floor."

"If you attempt anything I will stun you again," the Wraith ignored my comment, pushing his stunner into the middle of my back and poking me every time he thought I was moving too slow. The bombardment of the ship had stopped and from what I could tell as we walked towards the Queens chamber, the Hive was in dismal shape. Praying that meant the Daedalus had won the fight I allowed myself to be taken before the Queen again.

"We've got to stop meeting like this," I uttered the cliché with a nasty smile, feeling a sense of pride when I realised the Queen was much the worse for wear after her encounter with me.

"The only reason you have not been drained of life," the Queen hissed, "is because of your Ancient gene. You will serve the Wraith as we plan our next attack against Atlantis."

"What makes you think I'd ever serve you," I looked her up and down distastefully.

"You may have been able to resist the will of one Queen," she replied, "but it will be a different story when my sister Queens join me in controlling you."

"That might look like a good plan from your side," I counselled her, "but it won't work. When Atlantis discovers I've been held captive by you they won't let me anywhere near anything Ancient."

"You are valuable to the Lanteans," the Queen countered. "They will try to rescue you."

"No one is –" I broke off when the sounds of Wraith screams of pain began echoing from the corridors. The Queen hissed in fury. Glancing a command at the Wraith who'd escorted me to the chamber and remained to stand guard, she strode towards the door.

I looked at the guard just in time to see the flash of stunning blue shooting towards me.

**Authors Note: **

From Sabina's point of view that's pretty much the end of No Man's Land so apologies for the sort of cliffhanger (especially after I said I didn't like them!). The next two chapters take place between the end of No Man's Land and the beginning of Misbegotten. I'll edit and post them tomorrow.

Thanks to **Allie108** and **CanadianHalliwell** for your reviews of the last chapters ... Sabina did sort of get herself in trouble but she caused a bit too so it's all good! Thanks for joining the story **Daedaim** - that must have been a mammoth reading effort!

Just as another aside, this episode had another favourite Rodney line - "I suppose I'd rather die as a hero than as a meal." with a close second "I would prefer to dedicate my last breath of air to getting more air."


	44. You’re mad aren’t you?

**Chapter 44: ****You're mad aren't you?**

"It didn't work on her," a voice somewhere off to my right partially roused me from unconsciousness. Frowning in puzzlement at why I'd be hearing Major Lorne's voice, I shifted slightly and tried to open my eyes and sit up only to find to my great concern that I couldn't - in fact when I tried instead to call out I realised that I didn't have any motor control whatsoever. Being Wraith stunned twice in such a short time frame was clearly not a good thing. "_Don't panic_," I thought. "_They'll search the room – they'll find you._"

"Oh. Beckett wondered if the females would be immune," Rodney mused.

"Yeah," Major Lorne replied. "Something you might have mentioned _before_ she almost killed me, Rodney." That sounded like something Major Lorne would say, reassuring me that I wasn't dreaming.

"I only thought of it now," Rodney's voice took on his classic complaining tone.

"Colonel Sheppard," a disembodied voice called. "So far we haven't run into a single Wraith, sir."

"Understood," John was close by! "_Please look over here_" I yelled in my head. "Sheppard to Daedalus."

"Go ahead," Colonel Caldwell replied.

"You can start sending people over, sir," John reported. "They're all human and the air is good. I think we're out of the woods."

I suspected the Daedalus had followed through on the original plan and beamed over the retrovirus canister. It was the only thing that could have explained the pain filled cries I'd heard and the fury on the Queens face before she'd left her chamber. Lucky for me that Doctor Beckett had perfected the retrovirus so that it had no effect on humans!

Hearing footsteps nearby I strained to move something, finally managing to scrape my boot against the floor. After a short pause rustling sounds issued nearby and I felt someone standing beside me.

"Ah ... Sir?" Major Lorne called out in a dazed voice.

"What is it Major?" John's footsteps echoed through the floor to my ear.

"There's something over here that you need to see." Major Lorne reported reluctantly.

There was a short pause and then the sound of confident boot steps striding towards me. I cringed internally, not really looking forward to John's reaction when he realised I was on the Wraith Hive ship instead of being back on Atlantis.

"_Sabina?_" John whispered, dropping down near my head. I felt his hand at my throat and heard his sigh of relief on feeling my heart beating strongly. "She's alive," he said in relief. More steps issued from around me.

"She's been stunned," Ronan said.

Straining with everything I had I slowly opened my eyes to the sight of John Sheppard kneeling near my side. Ronan, Major Lorne and Rodney all stood behind him wearing expressions of concern mixed with surprise. Shifting my head from side to side I realised that I was lying on the floor, squeezed against the wall behind a large shape I could only assume was the Queen's throne.

"Hi guys," I slurred, relieved to finally feel sensation returning throughout my body. "What're you all doing here?"

"What are _we_ doing here," John asked incredulously. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"You mean no one noticed I wasn't on the Daedalus?" I pretended to look hurt, which wasn't hard because with the return to full wakefulness the pain from all the hits I'd taken from the Wraith Queen was starting to register.

"Of course I noticed," John growled. "The Wraith Dart was gone too and I _assumed_ that you were back on Atlantis."

"I guess Colonel Caldwell didn't have time to tell you I'd disappeared," I let him off. "Can someone help me up?"

Ronan reached down and pulled me easily to my feet. I staggered a bit before finding my balance. Spotting the Wraith Queen starring up at me with dead eyes immediately, I glanced at Ronan with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah I shot her," Ronan admitted easily.

"Thank you," I hugged him quickly, stepping back before I got all teary. "I really hated that bitch."

"Are you injured?" John pulled me back towards him. He touched a hand lightly to my face, tracing the bruises the Queen had left on me.

"Minor injuries," I dismissed. "You?"

"No," John's voice was still bordering on anger at finding me where I shouldn't have been. "Can you give us a run down on what happened?"

"Okay," I said reluctantly, telling them everything that had happened as succinctly as possible. I was careful not to look at any of them because I really didn't want to see their reactions until I'd finished.

"Is that it?" John asked in a neutral voice. I shot a look up at him and spotted the clenched jaw and grinding teeth – he was seriously pissed off at me.

"You're mad aren't you?" I whispered.

"Let's see," John's voice moved from neutral to heated in a heartbeat. "You disobeyed my order to stay where you were, flew the Wraith Dart without permission – giving them the TED device in the process, and provoked the Wraith Queen into a fight. And then when you had the chance to escape you decided to play the hero and go looking for us instead of getting out of here like you should have," John paused. "So _yes_ I am mad!"

"That's a little harsh, Sir" Major Lorne tried to defend me.

"Shut up Major," John growled before turning back to me. "Don't you have anything to say?"

"I didn't disobey you," I offered lightly. "You told me to stay in contact so technically I had to go with the Hive ships to do what you said."

John turned away with a frustrated look ... it was the maddest he'd ever been towards me and I could feel my more girly emotions starting to rise to the surface.

"Aren't you the least bit glad to see me?" I asked miserably.

"Since I'd prefer to be seeing you safely ensconced on Atlantis I have to say no!" John replied irritably.

"Okay," I said meekly, really struggling to hold in my emotions. "I think I'll just ... ah ... I should check on TED." Before anyone could protest I turned and strode through the Queens chamber towards the corridor.

"I'll go with you," Major Lorne announced in his 'team leader do what I say' voice.

I just kept walking, knowing he would catch up with me before I'd gone very far. Major Lorne said nothing as I led him silently through the ship to the Dart Bay.

"It's this one," I finally spoke, stopping beside my Dart. 'My Dart' – how strange did that sound!

"You okay?" Lorne asked me, watching as I laboriously dragged myself up and into the Dart cockpit. I went through the motions of checking my laptop and the TED readouts.

"Everything looks fine," I reported, ignoring his last question. "The ship got jostled pretty good in the battle but the Dart seems to be unharmed." I sat motionless, making no attempt to get out of the Dart.

"Need a hand getting out of there?" Major Lorne correctly guessed that I was hurting a little bit more than I'd let on with John.

"I'm just tired," I excused my exhaustion as nothing more than a long day. I did let him help me out of the Dart though, looking around the Dart Bay as I tried to work out what I should do next.

"You gonna cry now?" he asked curiously, like it wouldn't matter to him one way or the other.

"What would be the point?" I looked up at him with an almost harsh look. "I wouldn't take back anything I did and neither would Colonel Sheppard."

"That doesn't mean you're not upset about it," Evan pointed out.

"True," I smiled ruefully. "He was really angry ... I've never seen him like that."

"You can't have strong feelings and expect to limit them only to the good ones," Evan glanced at me when I shook my head.

"Strong feelings about keeping me 'safe'," I said bitterly. "That's not a true partnership."

My head was throbbing and the pain in my stomach from where the Queen had kicked me had notched up a level since I'd manoeuvred myself into the Dart. Realising I would need to sit down soon before I collapsed I turned and walked quickly out of the Dart Bay. Stopping in the corridor with a hand to my aching head I realised there really wasn't anywhere on a Hive ship to sit – what did these guys do when they weren't hibernating or culling innocent humans for food?

"You okay?" Major Lorne frowned when I slid down the wall where I stood and sat on the floor.

"Exhausted," I mumbled, putting my head back against the wall and closing my eyes. Major Lorne sat down next to me, close enough to feel me trembling slightly. He said nothing though, letting me rest in silence.

"Major Lorne, what's your situation?" John's voice jerked me from the sleepy state I'd been drifting in.

"I'm just outside the Dart Bay, Sir," Lorne's voice rumbled close to my ear and I realised I was leaning against his shoulder. Sitting up straight I looked at Evan to find him watching me carefully.

"Where's Sabina?" John demanded harshly.

"Here, Sir" Major Lorne said shortly.

"Put her on," John ordered. Lorne unhooked his earpiece and handed it to me, ignoring my frantic head shaking.

"John?" my voice shook as I steeled myself to find out if he was still angry.

"The Daedalus medical staff have set up a makeshift infirmary in the Queens chamber," John's voice was all military professionalism – I could feel my anger resurfacing as I realised he _was_ still angry.

"Thanks for the update _Colonel_," I said harshly. "If I run into anyone requiring a Doctor I'll point them your way."

"Report in with Doctor Anders to get checked out," John ordered, ignoring my smart arse remark.

Yes Sir," I would have saluted if we'd been in the same room.

"Just in case you were thinking about taking your time, Major Lorne's gonna hang around to make sure you get there," John informed me grimly.

"Whatever," I said, suddenly weary of maintaining my composure. Without another word I threw the earpiece back to Lorne and slowly got myself back on my feet. I started walking, knowing he'd catch up with me eventually.

"You're pushing her too hard Sir!" I heard Major Lorne almost growl into the radio. John's reply was indistinct but I was sure he was telling Lorne to shut up and follow orders.

Major Lorne escorted me all the way back to the Queens chamber and hung around in the background while the doctors checked me out. A fractured cheekbone, two cracked ribs, and some internal bruising coupled with the lingering effects of two stun blasts certainly explained why I had been feeling so ordinary. I submitted without protest to being treated, and then curled up miserably in one of the beds they'd beamed over from the Daedalus. It was a relief when I finally fell asleep a short time later.


	45. I get that you’re angry with me

**Chapter 45: ****I get that you're angry with me.**

It was going to take a few days to get back to Atlantis on the Hive ship. The Wraith, Michael, was piloting the ship – the Daedalus would remain crewless and in tow until the final approach to Atlantis to conserve what little resources both ships had. Life support on the Daedalus would be reinstated only enough for landing in the usual spot.

I slept for ten hours straight at the start of our journey home, snapping awake instantly when a nightmare convinced me the Hive Queen was near. The temporary infirmary was in near darkness to simulate night time – as my eyes adjusted to the gloom my heart rate returned to normal when I remembered that Ronan had killed the Queen.

It was the first time I could recall waking in the infirmary and not finding John beside my bed. My breath hitched at the wrongness of that ... I needed to make things right and I didn't think I could wait until John finally came to seek me out.

"Doctor Anders?" I called out.

"Yes Ms Scott?" the Doctor from the Daedalus approached my bedside.

"Is there any chance I can get out of here?" I asked hopefully.

"Your injuries are all minor in and of themselves," Doctor Anders admitted. "I _would_ prefer to keep you here under observation."

"How about I just check in with you on a regular basis?" I offered that compromise.

"Well ... yes I suppose that would be sufficient," he agreed. "But make sure you let me know immediately if any new symptoms present themselves."

"Thanks Doctor," I replied, keen to get moving. Doctor Anders set me up with a spare uniform and radio from the Daedalus crew and set me loose on the Hive ship.

"Ronan?" I radioed, "Are you awake?"

"I am now," he grumbled. "What do you want?"

"Do you know where John is?" I asked hopefully.

"Try the Bridge," Ronan advised. "Sheppard was still up there keeping an eye on Michael when I left."

"I'm surprised you're not up there intimidating Michael yourself," I commented.

"Sheppard ordered me to get some rest," Ronan admitted.

"Probably for the best," I said lightly. "Thanks Ronan,"

Okay ... Bridge. Nerves were zinging in my system as I walked briskly through the ship. I was actually scared of how John might behave towards me because of what that would tell me about the damage to our relationship. And I was apprehensive about being confronted with a Wraith so soon after being slammed by the Hive Queen.

"Colonel Sheppard," I greeted him formally in front of Michael, not wanting a Wraith to know anything personal about either of us. "Do you have a moment?"

John glanced at one of the Marine guards stationed in the room, nodding towards Michael at the ships controls, before making his way silently across to me. Once out of earshot I turned and looked at John, trying to judge his current mood towards me. He didn't seem overly welcoming but he wasn't yelling or actively telling me to go away either.

"I get that you're angry with me," I began. "I'm just not sure I understand why."

"Do you think now is really a good time to be talking about this?" John questioned in a neutral tone.

"Probably not," I admitted. "But I don't think I can continue all the way back to Atlantis with this ... black cloud hanging over us. I need to know how much damage I did to our relationship ... to your opinion of me," I said, my voice shaking with unshed tears at that last bit.

"Sabina," John softened a little. "You didn't damage our relationship! Yes I'm angry at your flagrant disregard for your own safety ... and _frustrated_ at my inability to keep you out of trouble."

"It's not your fault I ended up here," I refuted. "My plan was only to remain close by in case I could help out with the TED ... everything just went wrong ... somehow."

"But," John's tone went all serious again, "if you'd done what I asked, the spirit and not just the letter of it, then you could have avoided _all_ of this."

"I don't think I'm ever going to be able to do that if it means I leave you in a life threatening situation when there's a chance I could do something to help," I admitted starkly. "Who knows what might have happened if I hadn't distracted the Queen while the rest of you were escaping?"

"I don't know," John replied reluctantly, looking away. "I was thinking about it after you left the Queens chamber ... and I realised this sort of thing is just gonna keep happening because of who we both are."

"Is that why you stayed away from the infirmary?" I asked hesitantly.

"I _did_ come and see you a few hours after we found you," John admitted apologetically. "I just needed some time to think and I didn't expect you to be up and about so soon."

"Doctor Anders released me on the condition that I check in regularly," I confided, wanting to make it clear that this wasn't another one of my episodes of disregarding authority.

We looked at each other for a few moments, neither of us sure of what to do next. John turned away, running a hand through his hair angrily.

"I don't know what to tell you," John looked back at me in frustration. "What do you want from me?"

"I want you to not be angry with me anymore," I said simply. "I want you to understand why I had to take that Dart out, why I had to try to protect you if I could. I want you to see that me doing that is no different from you doing the same thing for me!" I was almost panting with emotion by the time I got to the end of that.

"I don't know if I can," John admitted sadly.

"You said, after your last run in with the Genii, that me loving you was enough," I reminded him in a quiet serious voice. "Did you mean that?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't, "John replied in a slightly grumpy tone.

"You can't put conditions on that John," I said earnestly. "If anyone does, _I_ know how hard it is to love someone who's always getting into trouble! But I see you, John Sheppard – your irreverence, your smart arse bravery, your intense loyalty, your tendency to put the really hard things you've done to the back of your mind rather than deal with them. I see _you_ and that's the John Sheppard that I love, _because_ of all those things rather than in spite of them."

"Sabina, I ..." John broke off, clearly not knowing what to say to me in return.

"You can't just have the parts of me that are easy ... you have to accept the parts that make me difficult and stubborn and sometimes rebellious too. They're all part of the person that I am – the person you say you love. If you can't do that then the person you love is just a figment of your imagination ... because sure as hell it isn't me."

"It -" John broke off when I held up a hand to stop him from just reacting without thinking about it.

"Don't say anything now," I told him in a tormented voice. "You need to think about this ... think hard ... because I'm not going to continue this relationship unless I'm convinced that you really see me as I am ... that it's the imperfect, stubborn, pain in the arse person I am that you love. The next more is yours." With that I turned and almost ran from the room.

**Authors Note:**

I made up Dr Anders ... I'm assuming a ship as big as the Daedalus would have at least one permanent member of medical staff ... I didn't give him any physical characteristics so you can imagine him any way you like really.

Next up is Misbegotten ... there are only FOUR chapters left!! I can't believe it ... probably another three days I think.

Thanks for the review **Allie108** - hope the conclusion to No Mans Land worked. Nice to see you back **EmSyd** - mammoth effort catching up! Welcome to the story **Secrets of the Roman empire** - glad you liked the cliffhanger (I think the first real one I've done!). And to everyone else wading their way through this epic ... thanks for sticking around!


	46. It’s a huge drain on power

**Chapter 46: ****It's a huge drain on power.**

The trip back to Atlantis was difficult and draining on all the crew. Finally though the ship broke out of hyperspace to the welcome sight of the Ancient's home planet. I stood with John and Rodney on the Bridge as we made orbit. John and I had come to an unspoken agreement to leave our problems on the back burner for the remainder of the trip home. Even Rodney seemed aware that things were strained between us but no one said anything to bring it out into the open. I hadn't become any more comfortable in the presence of Michael either ... I kept a strong block around myself but even so imagined his mind as a slimy touch against the edges of mine.

"Atlantis, this is Sheppard, come in."

"John?!" Teyla's voice was both happy and incredulous.

"They made it?!" Doctor Weir exclaimed.

"We're out of food and water and we haven't slept in days but, yeah, we made it," John reported tiredly. "So now would not be a good time to fire on us ... after all, wouldn't wanna damage our new Hive ship."

We all smiled at the surprise that comment would have evoked back on Atlantis.

"What now?" I asked, once a stable orbit had been established.

"Rodney needs time to analyse the ship, work out what we need to do to get it to fly," John said. "I need to get Carson up here so we can work out what to do with all those Wraith we'd got stored in stasis."

"Should I leave the Dart here?" I asked. "I've got everything I could for the TED when I plugged it in yesterday – fixed all the corrupted data from before."

"Leave it all here," John instructed after thinking for a minute. "We might need it if Rodney can't think of any other way to get the Hive operational."

"So ah ..." I paused, looking at John, reluctant to just leave without anything else being said. "I guess ... ah I guess I'll see you back on Atlantis ... sometime." God, could that have sounded any lamer? Even Rodney looked at me sympathetically and we all knew how disjointed and stuttery _he_ got when he was nervous.

Passing Ronan on my way out I muttered "Please shoot me now ... put me out of my misery." Ronan just laughed.

Even though the Daedalus still required a vast array of repairs, the beaming technology was working perfectly, which proved useful in relocating everyone where they needed to be. I was beamed into the usual spot in front of the Stargate and Teyla came down from the Control Room to greet me.

"Sabina," she said with a gracious smile. "It is good to have you back ... we feared the worst when the Daedalus could find no trace of you."

"Thanks Teyla," I replied gratefully. "It's been a difficult week."

"I can see that," Teyla gestured to my face, still clearly advertising the battle I'd fought with the Queen.

"You should see the other guy," I joked, happy when she rewarded me with a faint smile. "I wondered ... if you have time later ... maybe I could talk to you about it?" Teyla would understand better than anyone else the baggage I carried after facing the Wraith Queen again – having seen into the evil core of her, doubting whether I'd actually be strong enough mentally to resist her, feeling that horrible almost connection to the Wraith simply because I had the Wraith gene.

"Of course Sabina," Teyla agreed readily. "I will come and see you later."

"Thanks," I smiled gratefully. "I'm gonna head down to my lab ... let me know if you need help with anything, especially with Doctor Weir still being en route back to Atlantis."

Teyla nodded before making her way back up the steps to the Control Room.

I went through the motions of analysing the data I'd collected from the TED but I was beginning to doubt its usefulness. I had been right there on a Hive ship and yet had still been unable to find a way to use it. I would have needed the device physically on my person when things went downhill for it to have helped me. The original plan of the Ancients had required many of the devices to be permanently mounted in the Puddle Jumpers. And they'd never intended the device to be the weapon itself – the biotic virus was supposed to be the actual weapon, TED was just part of the method of delivery.

Given the very small number of scenarios in which having a telepathic expansion device would be useful, I decided to shelve my project and go back to assisting Rodney and Radek with theirs.

A few days after our return to Atlantis John called a meeting and included me as a required attendee. I'd deliberately kept a low profile since I'd been back, content to find out what was going on in the city and on the Hive ship from the gossip that still freely travelled through the city. Doctor Weir was still on the way back to Atlantis, meaning that John had command responsibility for both military and civilians.

"In the course of my investigations on the Hive ship I've discovered that more than half of the ship's power generating capacity is gone," Rodney informed us. "We can't fix it and if we want to have any hope of flying the Hive with weapons capability we need to cut back on our current power consumption."

"The Hive is parked in orbit," Colonel Caldwell pointed out. "Where's the big drain in power coming from?"

"The stasis pods," Rodney replied. "There are two hundred prisoners being maintained by the Hive and it's a huge drain on power."

"We can't keep them in there forever," John summarised it for us. "That being the case there's no point in keeping them in stasis any longer. We need to work out what we're gonna do with those men."

"Dump them on a deserted planet," Ronan suggested. "Let the other Wraith find them."

"_They are human_," Teyla protested. "We would be no better than the Wraith if we abandoned them defenceless."

"Teyla's right," Doctor Beckett said. "I created the retrovirus to free the Wraith from what I saw as an unnatural side effect of the Iratus bug feeding process. I don't think we can ethically abandon these men to die horribly at the hands of the Wraith."

"Would anyone accept them freely into society, knowing what they used to be?" I asked quietly. "Did any of you _truly_ accept Michael while he was here?"

"They're _Wraith_," Ronan's voice was heated. "You can make them look human, but their Wraith instincts will play out over time."

"I've made refinements to the retrovirus since Michael," Doctor Beckett insisted. "We don't have any proof that the Wraith instincts will return as they did with him."

"What do you suggest then," John directed the question at the room in general.

"Can we not set them up as a settlement, give them supplies, teach them how to defend against the Wraith?" Teyla asked.

"We'd need to teach them how to administer the daily drugs they'd need to prevent the Wraith characteristics from returning," Carson pointed out. "If we're to have any hope of finding a permanent solution I'd need to study their progress over time."

"Colonel?" John turned to Caldwell, seeking his opinion.

"A POW camp on a deserted planet is a workable solution," Caldwell allowed, "assuming of course there's no Stargate and no means for them to send subspace communications."

John looked around the room to see if anyone had a differing view. "All right – we'll search out a suitable planet as soon as possible."

"We still need the Hive ship to be operational to take them anywhere," Rodney pointed out impatiently. "All the essential systems like navigation and sub light engines respond only to the Wraith neural interface. It's a similar failsafe to the Ancient ships only being controlled by people with the ATA genes.

"We need a _Wraith_ to fly it?" Caldwell asked incredulously.

"I'm working on a manual override," Rodney admitted somewhat wearily. "Look, it took me days to crack a Wraith Dart which is like a paper plane in comparison to this Hive ship. I haven't had much luck and I'm not likely to in the time we have left before the power reserves reach critical levels."

"Sabina will fly it," John stated like it was a done deal.

"What?" I said in surprise.

"You have the Wraith gene," John pointed out the obvious.

"So does Teyla," I replied, "and she's been actively using it for a lot longer than I have."

"Teyla has no experience with operating Wraith technology," John said impatiently. "You've shown with the Dart that you can use the neural interface to fly something ... we can rig up the TED to the Hive ship to give you extra support so the mental task doesn't overtax you."

"Yes," Rodney said excitedly. "That would work. Sabina, I need you to come back to the Hive with me – we'll need to run a few tests first just to make sure this'll work like we want."

"Okay," I replied somewhat dazed. John was volunteering me for a mission? When had that ever happened in the past? I was caught off guard – I looked across at John to find him looking back at me with an expectant look on his face. I nodded slightly, even though I wasn't completely sure what I was agreeing to.

"What about Michael?" Teyla asked reluctantly. "He wishes to make his way on his own – he said he would rather be killed than be subjected to the retrovirus a second time."

"I know he saved all our lives by giving us the jamming codes and by flying us back here,' Caldwell acknowledged. "As much as I'd like to reward that assistance, we can't allow him to leave Atlantis in possession of the intelligence he's gained about us."

"I agree - he goes with the others," John said, leaving no room for argument.

**Authors Note:**

It's unclear how much time goes by between Dr Weir leaving and then coming back to Atlantis so I've just assumed the usual 18 days - I have no idea how she even gets there because the Daedalus is damaged and clearly still back on Atlantis and we know from a late season three episode that the Apollo is a new ship at that time ... I've never heard mention of any other ships and can only assume the Prometheus was available to take her.


	47. What if we leave now in the Hive ship?

**Chapter 47: ****What if we leave right now in the Hive ship****?**

"Sabina?" John stopped me before I could leave the conference room with the others. He waited until we were alone before continuing. "Are you okay with flying the Hive ship? I know I didn't check with you before the meeting."

"I'm fine with it," I reassured him. "I was just a bit surprised that you were volunteering me to do it."

"No matter what our personal issues might be," John looked at me intently, "I have no doubts about your skills or that you're the best person for this particular job."

"Oh ... okay," I said hesitantly. We looked at each other silently for a few moments ... being that close to him and feeling so much distance between us was torture. And standing there lost for words when our conversations usually flowed with ease saddened me. I looked away despondently, suddenly feeling close to tears as I realised how much we'd lost so quickly.

"I should ..." I made a move towards the door.

"Don't," John said urgently.

I glanced back at him questioningly, feeling my pulse quicken when I realised he was intending to move our conversation into the personal right there and then.

"I took the time you said I needed, thought about everything you said," John told me intently. "From the first day I met you I _knew_ you were gonna be trouble ... nothing that happened after that changed my mind and yet I still let myself get involved with you," John paused, "no not _'let'_ myself, I pursued it, I _wanted_ to get involved with you. I never put on rose coloured glasses to look at you – I have always been fully aware of what I was getting in to –"

I opened my mouth to speak but John held up a hand "No – it's my turn now and you'll listen to what I have to say."

My mouth closed with a snap. John waited a second to see if I was going to try to interrupt again before continuing.

"You _are_ stubborn – in fact you give a whole new meaning to the word; you have strong opinions and you fight for what you believe in; you're a contradiction because you're loyal and supportive and friendly without reservation but at the same time you hold everyone at a distance; even with me you hold something of yourself back because you're afraid that if you let yourself rely on me too much you'll lose me. I do see you Sabina and I know exactly who it is that I love." John stopped talking and I waited to see if he'd say anything else.

"Can I speak now?" I asked hesitantly.

"If you're just going to refute everything I said, then no," John replied. When I said nothing he gave a wry smile. "It seems I'm not the only one who needs time - you need to do some thinking too," John told me. "You need to look back over the last few months and then ask yourself which one of us is taking only the easy parts and ignoring the difficult ones."

"Do I have to?" I asked in a tone that suggested I couldn't think of anything I'd like to do less.

"If you genuinely want to fix this," he gestured vaguely between the two of us, "then yeah, you do."

I looked down at the ground, nodding dejectedly.

"Let's get this mission done," John put an arm around me and pulled me into his side companionably. "When we get back we can talk some more."

"'Kay," I said, still dispirited. Enjoying John's closeness after so many days without it I couldn't resist resting my head against his shoulder for a moment before pulling away. "Rodney's waiting for me ... I'll ah .. I'll see you on the Hive ship." Feeling that even the slightest kind word from him would send me into tears I turned and quickly left the room.

I felt depressed and troubled after talking to John and I had to struggle to get my mind to focus on the task ahead.

"Come on Sabina!" Rodney said impatiently. "I just want you to access navigational control ... it isn't exactly rocket science."

"Sorry Rodney," I apologised, rubbing tiredly at my head. "I've been a little vague since my fight with the Queen."

"You mean since your fight with Sheppard," Rodney muttered under his breath.

"And since my fight with John," I admitted openly. Rodney looked taken aback that I was actually admitting my performance wasn't up to scratch because of a personal relationship. "You're right – I'll try harder."

"Um ... okay," Rodney said uncertainly. "Do you want to ... ah if you want to ... talk ..." Rodney broke off awkwardly.

"That's really nice of you Rodney," I said sincerely, touched that he'd offer when it clearly made him uncomfortable. "Lucky for you I'm not gonna take you up on that offer. We're working things out so ..." I trailed off.

"That's ... good," Rodney said relieved, probably because he wasn't going to have to be subjected to a personal conversation. "Sheppard's been a pain since ... since the Hive ship – I think we'd all appreciate it if you two ... you know."

I smiled – I was actually happy that John hadn't been going about his business with his usual ease. It was petty but it did make me feel better. "Okay, let's try this again," I suggested, turning back to the Wraith console with renewed concentration.

Within a few hours I had demonstrated sufficient control of the neural interface for Rodney to be confident we could get the ship where it needed to go. The mental pressure was familiar and not as uncomfortable as my initial trip in the Wraith Dart had been, in part because I had recovered from the mental blows inflicted by the Queen during our first encounter and because I had become much more skilled at the type of control needed for Wraith technology.

The trip to the planet we'd chosen for the POW camp passed without incident. I remained on the Hive ship resting for the return journey while everyone else set up camp and then transferred all two hundred human Wraith to the planet's surface. Within a few days John was ready to pull out all the troops and leave the POW colony to fend for itself.

"Where's Doctor Beckett?" I asked Rodney when they'd returned from the planet without him.

"He insisted on staying," Rodney admitted. "Said he wasn't convinced they wouldn't revert into Wraith and that he wasn't ready to abandon them."

"And John _agreed_ to that?" I frowned in confusion.

"Left a security team down there to guard Carson," Rodney reassured me. "Sheppard will insist he come back after the first resupply mission. Now, can you get sublight engines on line so we can head back to Atlantis?"

"

Our return to Atlantis was met with the welcome sight of Doctor Weir finally returned from Earth. She'd called a meeting of team Sheppard in the conference room and this time I was happy to have been included.

"We've all logged more than a few miles these past few weeks," Doctor Weir acknowledged. "I'd just like to say that seeing you now, sitting across from me, looking at your faces ..." Elizabeth paused, gazing at each of us in turn. "... it makes me feel very ... " Elizabeth paused again, this time seeming on the brink of tears. The last she had known only Teyla had been safe and accounted for.

"You don't have to say it," John tried to let her off the hook.

"We feel the same way you do," Teyla added with a gentle smile.

"Oh, she feels hungry too, hmm?" Rodney quipped, smiling in pleasure when Doctor Weir grinned.

"Sabina, you were able to operate the neural interface with no ill effects?" Doctor Weir asked me in concern.

"I won't deny that the effort of controlling the Hive ship for so many hours was draining," I admitted.

"And that was just flying in a straight line," Rodney pointed out. "We didn't even attempt to pull off anything complex, like combat manoeuvrability, weapons control ..."

"How many manoeuvres can you pull off with your manual interface?" John asked pointedly.

"Well, does, um, standing still count as a manoeuvre?" Rodney asked hopefully.

"No," John replied sternly. Doctor Weir smiled at their familiar banter. She was about to move on when the doors to the Conference Room opened and a familiar man came hurrying in, carrying a briefcase. I watched in horror as he headed to Doctor Weir's side of the table – it was that weasel of a man I'd overhead talking to Doctor Weir back at the SCG.

"Sorry I'm late," he said. "My interviews are running a little longer than expected." He set down his case and looked around the table.

"And ... you are?" John asked with pointed curiosity.

"Richard Woolsey,' Doctor Weir announced. "He's chief liaison to the international committee that oversees the Atlantis expedition. He will be conducting individual interviews with each of you." The smile she wore at the end of that statement made it clear that none of us should look forward to that.

"As well as observing all senior staff meetings," Woolsey added. He took some files out of his case, sat down and then deliberately moved his chair into a position that forced Doctor Weir to make room for him at her part of the table.

"Right!," Doctor Weir said with a forced smile.

"So - what did I miss?" Woolsey looked in interest across at the members of team Sheppard.

"Rodney was about to run down all the progress he's made adapting the Hive controls," John happily dobbed Rodney in to put Woolsey off.

"Excellent," Woolsey looked expectantly at Rodney. "Please continue."

"Hmm!," Rodney said, glancing at John before muttering a snide "Thanks!"

I sat through the rest of the meeting without uttering a single word, which was unusual enough that John called me up on it as we were leaving the conference room.

"You were pretty quiet in there," he commented. "Something you want to tell me?"

"I don't like that guy," I replied. "I didn't want to give him anything he could use against Doctor Weir ... or you."

"You _know_ him?" John frowned at my attitude.

"Not exactly," I admitted. "I overheard him talking to Doctor Weir the last night we were at the SCG – he was overly judgemental about you and especially about your decisions regarding me."

"Which you're only mentioning now?" John asked with a bit of heat in his voice.

"There was no point," I defended my decision to keep quiet. "You'd just taken command officially – with an active ZPM the military were gonna be looking over your shoulder every five minutes. I didn't think you needed to know that some weasel attached to the IOA might be doing the same."

"Doctor Weir will handle him," John let the matter drop without further comment. "Don't worry about it."

He was singing a different tune a day or so later after having a personal interview with Richard Woolsey.

"You were right," he said angrily. "Richard Woolsey _is_ a weasel. I had the overwhelming desire to knock him stupid only a few minutes into the interview."

"What'd he say?" I asked curiously ... I had managed to avoid so far the _pleasure_ of speaking with Woolsey myself.

"Only questioned every decision Elizabeth ever made ... and me for agreeing with them," John said, still angry.

"It's his job," I pointed out. "Remember, you said Doctor Weir would handle him."

"She will," John reiterated. "Just ... be careful if he asks to speak to you."

"Of course," I agreed.

"

"Ms Scott?" I groaned at the sound of Richard Woolsey's voice behind me before reluctantly turning to face him.

"What can I do for you Mr Woolsey?" I tried to make my voice friendly but realised I'd failed miserably when I heard his next question.

"You don't like me do you Ms Scott?" Woolsey didn't appear to be overly bothered by the prospect.

"Is it a requirement?" I raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"Of course not," Woolsey replied. "I've been trying to catch you for the last three days to arrange an interview."

"I know," I said abruptly. When I offered no further explanation Woolsey nodded ruefully.

"Perhaps you have a few minutes now," he suggested. I looked at him silently, waiting for whatever questions he might want to ask me. "You have the Wraith gene as well as the ATA gene?"

"I'm sure you've read enough reports to know the full story," I replied, not willing to get into a conversation where he had me confirming facts he already knew. "Why don't you do us both a favour and get to the point?"

"The IOA are concerned that someone with a ... connection to the enemy also has such a close ... connection to the leadership of this expedition," Woolsey laid it out in black and white.

"The IOA?" I replied. "Don't you mean _you_?"

"I'm here as a representative of the IOA," Woolsey said somewhat irritably. "Just answer the question."

"I will as soon as you actually ask one," I said in a smart arse tone. "Make it quick though 'cause Doctor McKay is waiting for me back at the lab."

"Is it possible for the Wraith to gain intelligence about this base through a connection with you?" Woolsey asked.

"No," I replied. "Anything else?"

"Even when you're connected to this telepathic device?" Woolsey persisted in disbelief.

"Look, if you've read the reports like you said then you'll understand how the TED works ... unless I activate it and choose to draw out a connection from it no form of communication is possible." I ran a hand tiredly across my face, waiting to see what else he'd say.

"Do you think it's appropriate for the military leader to be involved so closely with someone like you?" Woolsey changed tact to the subject I suspected he really wanted to talk about.

"_Someone like me?_" I took a step forward and grinned evilly when he actually flinched. "You know ... I think my feelings might actually be hurt by that," I paused and put a hand over my heart, "... no wait, they're fine."

"You may very well joke Ms Scott," Woolsey said piously, "but the IOA have the power to affect the placement of staff on Atlantis."

"Colonel Sheppard has the full support of Dr Weir _and_ the leadership back at the SGC," I pointed out. "I think I'll take my chances. Now if there's nothing else I've got _important_ things to attend to."

Without waiting for his reply I turned and headed off down the corridor. I'd intended to tell John straight away what Woolsey had been implying with his comments but before I could a situation emerged that required all of our attention. We met in the conference room, once again in the presence of Richard Woolsey.

"As you all know," Doctor Weir began, "there's a Wraith Hive ship headed straight for the planet where we left Beckett and the prisoners."

"There is no reason for the Wraith to be interested in that planet," Rodney complained, like Wraith behaviour had to be somehow logical. "It doesn't have a Stargate, and there's no indication that it ever supported a human population. It is completely off the grid."

"I think we have to consider the possibility that we have a leak," Woolsey interjected.

"You mean a spy," Ronan stated.

"Not necessarily in the city itself," Woolsey qualified. "Without ruling anything out, I would begin by focussing on our contacts within the various indigenous populations, including ..."

"If you believe any Athosians ..." Teyla interrupted heatedly.

"Let's not jump to any conclusions here," Doctor Weir cautioned both of them. I was kind of surprised that he wasn't trying to imply that I'd somehow given the location of the POW camp away.

"Isn't it true that there are humans in this galaxy who serve the Wraith, even worship them? How hard would it be for them to infiltrate one of our allied groups?" Woolsey asked.

"Mr Woolsey," Doctor Weir said impatiently. "Do you think we post this kind of information on the city bulletin board?"

"If the Wraith had that level of inside information," John went even further in showing Woolsey how idiotic his assertions had been, "they'd be on their way to Atlantis, not some nameless planet with a couple of hundred people on it."

"For the time being, we need to focus on getting those people out of there, because if the Wraith find them and figure out what they are ..." Doctor Weir let our imaginations fill in the rest.

"We've got a problem. Again." John drawled.

"How much time do we have?" Ronan asked.

"Two days," Rodney said grimy. "Well, we could ... oh, you could beat them there in the Daedalus."

"Their hyperdrive is still offline," Doctor Weir scotched that idea. "Hermiod needs at least another twenty-four hours."

"We should light a fire under his bony little ..." John threatened.

"That still might not be quite good enough," Doctor Weir pointed out.

"What if we leave right now in the Hive ship ...?" John turned to Rodney with an expectant look.

"Oh," Rodney thought for a second, "it'd be cutting it close."

"What are our chances of surviving a ship-to-ship encounter?" Doctor Weir asked him.

"If I link the TED straight into the Hive controls," I jumped into the conversation, "we may be able to hold them off for long enough."

"There are still systems that are untested," Rodney pointed out. "Weapons, manoeuvrability, ... the chances are still less than slim."

I watched as John and Elizabeth exchanged a long look before Elizabeth came to a decision.

"Do what you can on the way," she told Rodney.

We all got up, Woolsey's presence completely forgotten, and quickly left the room.

"I'm surprised you didn't try to tell me you didn't need me on the mission," I commented to John as we headed off to get prepared.

"That would have been ridiculous since clearly you're the only person who can pilot the Hive ship," John refuted. "Now stop talking and go get your stuff!"

"Yes Sir" I replied with a cheeky grin.

**Authors Note:**

Hope the 'sort of' make up between John and Sabina has reassured you **Allie108**. Thanks for the cool review by the way ... glad to know I surprised you! Thanks for the heads up re it being IOA instead of IOC - this chapter has been corrected to fix that mistake.

TWO chapters to go ... maybe I'll do both tomorrow or maybe just one ... not sure at this stage ... hope you're all still enjoying this.


	48. You did what I ordered you to do

**Chapter 48: ****You did what I ordered you to do****.**

The journey back to the POW planet was as difficult as it had been last time. Although it wasn't painful it did take most of my mental capacity to maintain control of the various systems while the ship was in hyperspace. That left Rodney alone trying to make the necessary repairs to give me some chance of operating the weapons should we need them.

When the ship broke clear of hyperspace I established a stable orbit before relaxing my control of the ship.

"Nice work," John complimented before turning to Rodney. "Any sign of the other Hive ship?"

"No. We're clear." Rodney reported.

"Alright. Patch me through to the camp," John requested.

"Just give me a second," Rodney turned back to his laptop to tap out a few commands. "Wait a second ..." he muttered as a series of screeches went off. "A bunch of secondary systems just came on line."

I put my hands back on the controls and then groaned.

"What?" John turned to me in concern.

"The ships sensors have been activated automatically," I replied grimly. "There are Wraith down on that planet."

"How many?" John demanded.

"Between twenty and thirty," I replied, "along with over a hundred humans."

"Some of them reverted," John frowned.

"They'll be feeding on each other," Ronan pointed out grimly.

"What about Doctor Beckett and Lieutenant Morrison's team?" Teyla asked in concern.

"They could be amongst the human life signs," I looked across at her, grim faced with worry. "I have no way of telling." Picking up something else from the systems I groaned in frustration.

"Sabina?" he looked at me questioningly.

"This just gets better and better," I complained. "They've broadcast a distress call ... a Hive ship is on it's way here." Rodney started muttering as he punched in commands on his laptop interface.

"How long?" John demanded.

"Hours, minutes," Rodney looked up with a sick expression. "They could be here any time."

"Teyla, Ronan, you're with me," John ordered, "Rodney, Sabina – get me weapons."

"How could they contact the ship so far out?" John kept Rodney and I in the radio loop as they made their way to the Puddle Jumper.

"It is possible that a group of them acting together _could_ communicate over much larger distances." Teyla admitted.

"Should I try jamming them with the TED?" I asked John, kicking myself that I hadn't thought of it sooner.

"The Hive ship's already on the way but I guess it couldn't hurt," John replied. "Do it."

I activated the Ancient telepathic device and quickly tapped into the nearest Wraith signals – selecting the commands to send a constant stream of noise down those connections I left the device to continue until it was time to deactivate it.

"What about the failsafe device?" John asked Rodney. "What kind of kill zone are we looking at?"

"Everything in a three mile radius is toast," Rodney said grimly.

"You sure about that?" John demanded. "We've got no margin for error."

"The blast radius doesn't just stop at three miles," Rodney pointed out.

"What about the ones that are still human?" Teyla asked the question I'd been thinking myself.

"There's nothing we can do for them," Ronan admitted.

"If Michael got his memory back, they could all know about Atlantis by now, and how to find Earth," John explained the necessity. "We can't take that chance. Once we get our people out, we'll give you the signal, you set off the nuke."

Rodney looked at me with sick horror.

"I hate this too," I told him. "If there was another way ..."

"There isn't," Rodney said grimly. "Let's get to work on those weapons."

We worked in silence for some time, not really expecting to hear back for at least half an hour. When that time had elapsed Rodney started pacing the Bridge in agitation.

"Oh, come on!," he said nervously.

"Rodney, come in," John finally reported in.

"What's happening?" Rodney demanded.

"We've got Carson," John replied. "Morrison and his team are dead. We're headin' back." We waited a few moments and then John reported in again. "We're clear. Light it up."

"Understood," Rodney said grimly. He moved over to a different console and activated the controls. "Failsafe detonation in three ... two ... one."

When nothing obvious happened I knew immediately that something was very wrong.

"Rodney?" John demanded.

"I don't understand it," Rodney said sickly.

"What happened?" John asked.

"You mean what didn't happen?" Rodney corrected grimly.

"Are you telling me the bomb didn't go off?" John's voice had taken on an angry edge.

"They got to it," Ronan said without emotion.

"We cannot leave the Wraith here to be found by the Hive," Teyla pointed out.

"Get back to work on those weapons," John ordered Rodney and me. "We're not goin' anywhere."

"This is so bad," Rodney complained as he rushed hurriedly between consoles, trying to get the weapons systems back on line. I tried to help through the neural interface but my control of the systems was not the problem. Rodney finally managed to get power flowing where it was needed, just in time for the rest of team Sheppard to arrive back on the Bridge, Doctor Beckett in tow. Teyla moved to assist Carson to a spot where he could rest while Ronan and John approached the main console.

"How are we doing with weapons," John asked, looking from me back to Rodney.

"Sabina has control of the weapons," Rodney reported, "but it won't do us much good because the targeting system isn't functioning. We can fire but it'd be blind luck if we actually hit anything."

"I have an idea," I dropped that into the silence that followed Rodney's announcement.

"Let's hear it," John said, the look on his face telling me he had a vague idea of what I was going to say.

"I already have TED sending noise down to everyone on that planet," I said. "I could make that more aggressive – render them all unconscious. We could pick up the human survivors and then I could ... ah I could use TED to make it more ... permanent."

"We don't have time to make enough trips down to the planet to save even a fraction of those humans," John told me grimly. "That Hive ship will be here any minute and we need to make sure there's no one there for them to find."

"There's still over a hundred men down there that believe that we are their saviours," Doctor Beckett said desperately.

"Can TED send a killing blow to everyone down there at once?" John asked me.

"You mean can _I_ kill everyone down there at once," I returned. "It's just the same as that old adage – guns don't kill people ... people kill people."

"Can you do it?" John demanded.

"I honestly don't know," I replied. "It depends on the strength of the mind ... clearly some of them are stronger than the others." I thought for a moment before continuing. "The ones who are still human? Definitely. The ones who've reverted? Maybe most of them. But Michael? He's strong and I'll only get one shot at it."

"Okay," John came over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "This is my call ... and I'm sorry Sabina but I'm gonna have to order you to use TED to send down the strongest killing blow you can manage. Take out as many as you can. Then we'll switch to the Hive weapons – you'll need to bombard the surface with as many hits as the ship can produce before we lose power."

I looked at him sickly, tears welling into my eyes, before turning away.

"_Sabina!_" John pulled me around and got up right into my face. "Can you do this?!"

"_Yes_," I pulled away and stalked grimly over to the telepathic device. "Accessing the telepathic pool now ... sending killing blow ...," I reported emotionlessly. I slammed the device with as much mental force as I could muster, TED expanded it and shot it down all the Wraith connections I'd perceived. As soon as it was done I carefully deactivating TED before stepping away. I staggered slightly ... John was there in an instant but I shrugged away from any kind of human contact. Putting my hands on the Wraith Hive ship controls I tried as best I could to target the camp site and then sent down as many hits as the ship could produce. We were still firing when our own Hive ship shook with the force of external blows.

"It's the other Hive! We're taking multiple hits!" Rodney reported with a sick look.

"What about the target?" John demanded.

"It's hard to say for sure how accurate our fire has been," Rodney admitted. "The interference from weapons fire means I can't tell whether there are life signs still on the planet."

"Sabina - blanket the entire area," John ordered. "We can't afford a mistake."

I kept the Hive ship firing down on the planet as the Bridge shook violently again.

"Engines are offline!" Rodney yelled. "We're venting atmosphere! Power's about to fail."

I staggered back as the Hive controls went dead under my hands. John grabbed my arm and hauled me against him.

"Get to the Dart Bay," he yelled to his team, pulling me with him as the others preceded us from the Bridge.

"NO!" I tried to pull away from John. "We have to get the TED!"

"There's no time," John shouted.

I pulled against his hold a second time. "_I can make it_! It's too valuable to let it be destroyed."

"_It's not worth your life!_" John shouted, dragging me away from the Bridge. I glanced back despairingly and realised that he was right. The Hive ship was shaking violently, the noise of multiple explosions roaring all around us. I clung to John's hand as we sprinted after the others. We got to the Jumper and threw ourselves inside just as the ship started listing to one side.

"Hold on" John instructed grimly. "This is gonna be close."

He activated the Jumpers cloak and sent us powering out of the Dart Bay ... the roar of explosions chased us from the Hive ship and we watched in horror as only seconds later the whole ship blew apart, spreading debris over a huge area. Silence reigned as we watched the other Hive ship do a brief sweep of the planet before opening a hyperspace window and disappearing from sight.

"That was close," Rodney muttered, staring in sick fascination as pieces of our Hive ship floated past the Jumpers forward window.

"Too close," John glared at me. "What were you _thinking_, trying to go back for that device?"

"About the future of Atlantis," I said expressionlessly, "and how much better it would have been if we still had the TED."

John glanced over at me and turned quickly back to Rodney. "Take the controls," he said. For once Rodney did what he was told without questioning why.

"Sabina?" John squatted in front of my chair and looked at me closely. Doctor Beckett appeared at my other side, putting a finger to my throat and checking my pulse.

"Mmm?" I said dazedly. I watched with little interest as Carson shone his little penlight into my eyes. He felt my hands and asked me if I was having any trouble breathing. When I shook my head Carson turned to John.

"Pulse is slightly weak, but not of concern," he said in a quiet voice. "Pupils responded well and she's not cold so I don't think it's shock. Perhaps the amount of mental effort she expended –"

"Did I kill all those people?" I interrupted their whispered conversation. "I did, didn't I?"

"You did what I ordered you to do," John tried to reassure me. "It wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't yours either," I pointed out. "Who's fault was it? What would Doctor Weir say? Or Colonel Caldwell? Or _Woolsey_ – I can just imagine what he'll have to say," I laughed mirthlessly.

"Don't do this to yourself," John pleaded with me. "What you did saved everyone on Atlantis – if that Hive had captured those men every Hive ship in this sector would have come bearing down on the city."

"Should that make me feel better?" I asked curiously. "Because it's ... not."

"We couldn't have done anything else," John reiterated.

"Maybe," I replied emotionlessly. "Did I ever tell you what my names means? Sabina – it means peace maker ... isn't that the biggest joke right now!"

I lost some of the emotional armour my detached state had been lending me when I looked into John's eyes and saw the guilt and anguish he was feeling. That was enough to break the dam – huge tears started pouring from my eyes as my breath hitched erratically.

I tried to turn away from everyone watching me unravel but John wouldn't let me. Without a word he stood and picked me up, taking me to the back section of the Jumper, and sitting down with me on his lap. Everyone else made the pretence of going about their business but since we were floating in space none of them really had any business.

I cried and cried until my throat felt raw and my eyes were swollen so much that I could hardly see out of them. John continued to hold me as Doctor Beckett came back to scan me with his portable scanner.

"It's going to be a long trip back to Atlantis," Carson said softly. "Let's get her stretched out back here so she can get some sleep – recover some of the energy she used up on the Hive ship."

I was stretched out and tucked into blankets, drifting in a haze but not asleep when the Daedalus arrived.

"Daedalus, this is Sheppard, come in."

"Sheppard," Colonel Caldwell replied with what sounded like relief. "Where the hell are you?"

There was a pause before John responded "Oh! Right. Sorry," as he realised he'd left the Jumper cloaked. "You got here in good time, Colonel," John continued. "We were looking at a long ride home."

**Authors Note: **

I chose Sabina as a name because it's the feminine form of Sabinus, a Roman cognomen meaning "Sabine" in Latin. The Sabines were an ancient people who lived in central Italy, their lands eventually taken over by the Romans after several wars. According to legend, the Romans abducted several Sabine women during a raid, and when the men came to rescue them, the women were able to make peace between the two groups. The source for this was behindthename dot com.

Only ONE chapter to go ... wow!


	49. No time like the present

**Authors Note:**

Here it is ... the FINAL chapter ... full of fluff _of course_ so if you don't like that you might want to skim ...

**Chapter 49: ****No time like the present****.**

Instead of a long Jumper ride we ended up with a short hyperspace jump. Once I was transferred to the Daedalus infirmary I let myself switch off and slept practically the whole way home.

Doctor Beckett let me go to my quarters instead of the infirmary when we arrived back in the city. It was cowardly but I begged off the debriefing with Doctor Weir and Woolsey on the pretext of needing to recover from the effects of operating the TED and the Wraith weapons. I don't think I fooled anyone but I didn't have to attend the meeting so ... mission accomplished.

"Sabina, you awake?" John called me on the radio. I hadn't been sleeping but I was still feeling grouchy enough to not let John off the hook too easily.

"Well if I wasn't I am now," I pointed out, glancing tiredly at the clock. It was only mid afternoon in a day that had seemed endless.

"Good," John said. "Meet me at the five star room."

"John?" I tried to respond but he'd closed off the channel.

Grumbling about arrogant Colonels I dragged myself up and dressed haphazardly in whatever I could lay my hands on. I walked down to the nearest transporter slowly, still feeling a little like my mind was disconnected from the rest of me. Within minutes I was standing outside the door of the room John had shown me a lifetime ago.

"You're here," John appeared suddenly at the door and pulled me quickly inside.

"Are you gonna start yelling at me?" I asked tiredly. "Because if you are, I have to tell you I'm really not in the mood."

"I wasn't planning on doing any yelling," John told me, "so unless you do something deliberately to provoke me you should be right."

"Good to know," I strolled around the room aimlessly, touching things here and there. "Why are we here then?"

"I thought you might want to talk about what happened," John admitted. "This place is far enough away that people won't hear you yelling at _me_."

"Why would I yell at you?" I asked, genuinely puzzled.

"Because I gave you the order to kill over one hundred civilians," John replied, not pulling any punches.

"You had to, I understand that," I excused him. "When it comes down to it I have to believe that none of them were civilians – it's not the first time I singlehandedly took out a Hive ship and when I did it before it didn't bother me that I'd killed thousands of Wraith." I turned away, glancing sightlessly out the window. "I won't lie and say I'm not upset that in the end it _was_ me who killed all those Wraith, human or otherwise, but I'll accept it eventually and I _will_ get over it."

"You had me worried when we were in the Jumper," John admitted.

"I had me worried too," I admitted. "I used up everything I had when I activated the device, put more into it than any other time I've used the mental stuff to do something," I glanced over at John before turning back to the window. "I don't know where I got the reserves to follow that up with the Hive weapons ... I wasn't myself."

"I want you to talk to someone else about this when you feel ready," John requested in a firm tone that told me it wasn't an idle suggestion.

"I'll talk to Teyla," I promised him. "I usually do when I tangle with the Wraith in some way ... she understands on a level no one else can."

"You have the Wraith gene in common," John commented, seemingly happy with that as the plan. I nodded wordlessly and the room descended into silence for a few moments.

"I know I almost threw my life away trying to go back for that device," I finally broke the silence to say. "But I'm glad we don't have it anymore. All that power shouldn't be in one person's hands ... if I could do what I did with just a thought ... and I suspect I could have worked out how to do a lot more ...," I broke off with a troubled sigh. "It wasn't what the Ancients intended when they designed it."

"I would have carried you out of there if I had to," John admitted.

"I don't know what I was thinking," I admitted. "Well obviously I _wasn't_ thinking." I looked at him curiously – he's stretched out on the bed and was watching me pace around the room. "Speaking of thinking, can we agree I've done enough so we can talk about us?"

"You want to talk about that now?" John asked in surprise.

"No time like the present," I pointed out. "You said you weren't sure you'd ever understand why I followed you to the Hive ship in the Dart – is that still true?"

"I was angry when I said that," John admitted. "I did think about it after and I realised you were right – it shouldn't have been any different because it was you trying to save me instead of the other way around."

"I thought about what you said," I walked to the window and stood looking out at the ocean. "You were right too – I do hold people at a distance, even you. You know what my biggest fear is?"

"Losing someone you love?" John guessed correctly.

"Losing you," I returned. "If something bad was gonna happen to you I would rather just be there and have it happen to me too so I wouldn't have to go through the pain of still being here without you."

"I wish I could promise you nothing bad was ever gonna happen," John said softly.

"I know you can't do that," I smiled sadly. "I realised something during the time we've been apart lately ... even if someone came and told me right now that something would happen to take you away from me I would still want to be here."

"And yet you're keeping something back." John smiled when I turned back to him in surprise.

"Since I was ten," I told him softly, 'I never had anyone who loved me. I never had anyone _to_ love. I tried when I was first in foster care but they didn't seem to want that from me. Now I'm here and you want that love, and not just that but so much more from me ... I never learned how to give that much."

"You never learned how to accept it either," John pointed out sadly. "It bothers me when you talk about your past because I want to fix it and yet I know nothing ever can."

"You've gone a long way to fixing it" I countered, "but I still find myself looking for reasons outside of myself for why we're together. When you look for reasons you can always find something that seems to support your argument." I moved back to where I'd left my jacket, slowly removed the scroll I'd found in Otho's Tower office and wordlessly handed it to him.

"What's this?" John asked curiously, unrolling the scroll slowly. "This is in Ancient," he said, frowning in confusion.

"I found it in Otho's office," I admitted. "It documents how the Ancients seeded the families that would become the royal court with the ATA gene so they'd be able to use the city to protect their people."

"What does that have to do with us?" John frowned as he looked at some of the family tree diagrams that were easily recognisable.

"The Ancients seeded those people with the gene," I reiterated, "and then they made sure the gene would be carried down -"

"By arranging advantageous marriages," John completed my sentence. "I know – I was there too."

"The arranged marriages only began when the ATA gene started to become diluted,'" I corrected. "Before that, they didn't _need_ to arrange the best matches because the gene did it for them."

"Are you trying to tell me you think our ATA genes are somehow making us want to be together?" John looked at me with an incredulous expression. "I thought we discounted that theory _months_ ago!"

"Otho measured both of us," I reminded him. "Our genes were stronger than they'd seen in twenty generations. I checked - that puts us back in the times when they didn't need to arrange the matches."

"So what?" John almost scoffed. "An Ancient gene isn't gonna explain all the reasons why I find myself so attracted to you! I love your beautiful brown eyes – should I discount that because it's genetics that gave them to you? I love that you're smart enough to keep me on my toes. Oh wait, that's just genetics too!" John ran a hand through his hair, almost glaring at me in frustration. "What is there about any of us that can't be traced back to the unique combination of genes that makes us who we are?"

"I hope you love that I can take a whole bunch of random facts and turn them into an irrational picture" I quipped, sitting down on the bed beside him, "because I do that all the time ... and I'm pretty sure there aren't any genes I can blame for that."

"It amazes me how you did something like put together all the clues that pointed to there being a telepathic device and then actually found it, but at the same time miss other bigger pictures that are just staring you in the face," John said , looking at me with a baffled expression. He stood and went to the windows, looking out at the ocean, I guess waiting for me to say something.

"Did you mean it?" I asked out of the blue.

"Did I mean what?" John frowned at my apparent chance of topic.

"'The Passionate Shepherd to His Love' – did you mean it?" I reiterated.

"Ah," John replied with a smile. "I guess that's your way of telling me you didn't miss a thing." John turned from the window and glanced towards me. "Yeah I meant it – I want you to 'come live with me and be my love'."

"Before that day you just threw a remark in here and there – usually flippantly – I wasn't sure if you were serious," I explained. "After that day I couldn't pretend anymore and I got scared. You were right – I was trying not to rely on you too much just in case someone took it away. If we were living together I wouldn't be able to pretend that this isn't the most important thing in my life."

"And now?" John asked hopefully.

"Now I'm thinking living together would be kind of nice," I admitted, getting up and joining him at the window. "Not to mention convenient!"

"I'll take that as a compliment," John laughed.

"We need to find new accommodation though," I reminded him. "If I'm sleeping in the same bed as you every night then I'm gonna need that bigger bed we talked about."

"I already asked Elizabeth if I could have this room," John admitted. "Not that I was presuming anything ... just that I didn't think I should ask you unless I had somewhere for us to actually live."

"I _love_ this place," I threw my arms around him exuberantly. "This is so cool!"

"I love _you_," John held me close, running his hands down my back before pulling me into him. I put my hands behind his neck and pulled him down to me, kissing him passionately as I tried to press myself closer.

"We should really try out this bed again first," I said between kisses. "Just to make sure it's ... big enough."

"I completely agree" John lifted me into his arms, turned and dropped me onto the bed. I laughed as he dropped down beside me and stretched himself out. "So far so good," he pronounced. "Are there any other tests you think we should do?"

"I can think of a few," I rolled over on top of him, pulling at his shirt, desperate for some skin to skin contact especially after so many days apart. "The mattress has to be ... firm enough," I rocked against him, smiling when I discovered that at least something in the room certainly was.

John rolled us both over, aligning us in exactly the right spots. He kissed his way down my neck, grabbing my shirt and rolling is slowly up my body. "It's gotta have a good view too," John said, leaning up to admire the view of me that he'd acquired for himself.

Things progressed at a frenetic pace until the moment when we finally got back together in every sense of the word. We paused, smiling at each other in welcome.

"We need to check out the ... noise too," I shifted slightly, smiling as John reciprocated with a move of his own. We did everything possible to shake that bed, moving hard and fast against each other, until we'd given everything we had.

"Did it pass?" John muttered a few minutes later, after our heartbeats had returned to normal.

"I think so," I replied. "Although I was kind of ... distracted at the end there. We might have to repeat the tests a few times just so I can be sure."

"I'd be more than happy to help," John pulled me closer and I felt his smile before he pressed a kiss into my shoulder. "First though I think we should retest the bed for sleeping in."

"I could sleep," I rested my head on his chest, yawing deeply as though to prove the point.

I drifted for a time, thinking about how we'd started out at the beginning of the road, taken a few scary detours along the way, even turned around and headed back the wrong way. Despite all that I felt we'd made some real progress on our journey together. It was enough for me right then, and more than I'd ever thought possible.

"Stop thinking," John grumbled. "You're keeping me awake."

"Sleeping ... right," I yawned again and finally relaxed enough to drop off. I didn't know it but John smiled at me fondly before doing the same.

**The End.**

**Authors Note:**

It's done ... sniffs dramatically ...

Thank you to everyone who reviewed - posting something is more stressful than I would have thought and the comments of a loyal few kept me going when I was doubting that this thing was even any good ... and now for the predictable question ... should I take this into Season 3? I hate being held for review ransom when I'm reading a story which is why I stick to my posting schedule even when I don't get reviews ... having said that though it's be nice to hear, now that the story is finished, whether people enjoyed it ... and whether you can be bothered to continue reading if I _do_ go on with Season 3.

The one issue I have is that the series for me is stuck at the point where they're stranded in space with 24 hours of power left and Dr Weir unconscious in the infirmary ... I really need to know how that gets resolved to plan out my whole season 3. We are still being subjected to Season 3 reruns (I think - could be first runs actually) and even though I tried to buy the episode from Amazon they wouldn't let me because only people in the US can purchase them at the moment ... (grumbles after deleting a number of curses from the end of that sentence). September 3rd is the date for season 4 release here so I might have to 'spoil' the first episode by reading the transcript on Gateworld unless someone has another solution.

I have a couple of light stories already written that are set after Season 2 but before Season 3 continuing Shep and Sabina's journey. I'll post the first one in a week or so.

That's all I've got (I know - shut up already!) ... until next time ...


End file.
